Essay #1

Do you think girls are more intelligent than boys? It is a tough question, isn?Tt it? If you are a girl, you will say: ?oof course, we arê?. But if you are a boy, you will not agree with this statement. So who is right and who is wrong?
I think every children are the same when they have just been born. However, the parents and society are the most important factors that influence the way the child growing up. I believe that there is no such thing as stupid people. There are only types of people who don?Tt want to learn and improve themselves. Talking about who are more intelligent, I think both are intelligent if they want to. The fact is boys are attracted and seduced easier than girls. They want to be cool so they do such stupid things like racing, using drugs, drinking? The reason that girls don?Tt do that as much as boys is because they think about the consequences of their actions before they decide to do it. However, I have to agree that there are girls who do those stupid things too and there are also a lot of guys who know their goals to strive so that they can control themselves very well. To be equitable, there are a lot of smart boys and girls, but there are also dump boys and girls. It will be very hard to answer the question that I mentioned because I think there will be no answer for it. An intelligent person is the one who knows what he or she has to do and how to defend allures from outside. So either boys or girls who understand that can be smart people.
To be an intelligent person seems very simple but it?Ts really not easy to make it come true. You need to have stable fortitude to forbid allures all around you. However, when you can get over it, you will be able to do whatever you want. Isn?Tt it great?





rr@

Great essay!!! RR writes in English fluently without any hesitation. We should learn this good point from her. She also argues for both sides, meaning being a "neutral", and has the right ideas of girls and boys nowadays.
But there are some mistakes listed here:
1. Grammar.
2. Need more details really related to the topic to approach what you want to speak out (not just mostly mention the dumb way they act)
3. The form of the essay is not formal because of the lack of body paragraphs. Moreover, if readers read only the introduction and conclusion, not the body paragraph, they can find them 2 separate topics. The reason is the conclusion doesn't stay on the goal of the topic.
4. Writing skills and rules.
I will show some grammatical errors Red-River made, but not all, because we'd better concentrate on the common ones first. And then, we will find the others later.
1. "Every children are the same when they have just been born"
-> "Every child is the same when he/she has just been born.
2. "The way the child growing up" -> "The way the child grow up"
3. "Such thing as stupid people" -> "Thing" and ??opeoplê?? are different, native writers don??Tt use these two words as an equivalency.
4. "Boys are attracted and seduced easier than girl"
-> "Boy are attracted and seduced more easily than girls"
5. "Dump" -> "Dumb"
6. "From outside" -> "From the outside"
...
Your English is really good! It's pretty easy for you to fix those grammar problems.
Most of our writing problems are of writing in Vietnamese style, which is not similar to English. All we need to do is read a lot to acknowledge English style. Red-River has an advantage is that she lives in the US, so she reads English every day. That's why Red-River has a big amount of vocabularies.
Meanwhile, I'll load some English writing rules collected from a book onto TTVN for us to read.


E***ed by - nhµquª on 11/04/2001 23:18:24

One of my weak points is thinking the sentence in Vietnamese then translate it into English. I can not think directedly in E so my essays' re always written in Vietnamese way. I' ve never been taught officially how to write essay in English so I want to learn from all of you. My teacher said that to be good at writing we have to read much. If we read 10 or even 100 we may be absorb only 1.
I want to thank Nha que for his good advice and his help. He make me remember a guy in HCM. His nickname is Skydunk. Have anybody know him? He is very very good at writing. I wish to have him in our club.

Thanks about your comments. I appreciate that. Well, I know that my writing skill is not good enough but that's why I want to be in this club. I have been in America for only about 7 months but my English is being improved a lot. Well, I dont want to show off but through what I have learn, I think the best way to practice English is communicate with foreigners. You can learn a lot by talking to them. But oh well, it doesn't mean that we can't improve our English. We can also learn from each other essay, right? I will try to find some great essays and give it to you guys.
I really want to thank nhaque again. I wasn't sure about about those mistakes that you listed but now I am so thanks.
Well, if you dont mind, nhaque, I also want to send some of my old essays so that everybody can correct and tell me what I missed in them.
I have some writing English rule but I dont know how to send because ttvn doesn't seem having attachment. So if summer-rain want to, I can send to you by email.
rr@
rr@

Let's fish out some old stuff

http://www.doonesbury.com/strip/dailydose/index.htm
​

I have some questions to ask ( Im bad in grammar)
"The way the child growing up" -> "The way the child grow up"
The way the child grows up or grow ???I just ask you to improve my bad English! Thanks !
4. "Boys are attracted and seduced easier than girl"
-> "Boy are attracted and seduced more easily than girls
Why don't we use boys( pl.) or girls and why boy " are" ????
Please explain for me !Thanks for ur help !
BN
You can't control the length of your life but you can control the width and depth.

The way the child is growing up
or
the way a child (don't know which child to use "the", your child, my friend's child?) grows up ( "grow" in single third person has to have an "s")
I, you, we, they grow up. S/he, it grows up.
"Boy" is one person.
"Boys" are young males of the human race.

Despair is not Hopeless!​

hic ! chu depsi ui ! chac chau ghi cau hoi ko ro huh chu ? hic ! chu giang the hic mi cai day la can ban muh chac chau cung fai biet so so chu ! cai o day chau can hoi la vay ne :
thu nhat :The way the child growing up" -> "The way the child grow up"<-- day la fan ai do sua day !chau hoi la tai sao "child "o day la so it muh lai dung grow ko co "s"????
Theo nhu loi cua depsi noi thi le ra o day dung dung rui ! "Boys"ko fai la "Boy" nhu nhaque da sua !cai thu 2 tai sao nha que dung : "boy"( sing) muh la dung "are"???
Hay la Boy ( sing) la dung chi cho tong the con trai noi chung ?? the ra Nhaque hay depsi dung ? hic ! confuse wa ! hic ! nhung boy thi fai dung "is "chu ! hic ! tum lai la sao a ? Gor cha muon lam cho roi len dau chi vi roi wa cha hiu cai nao dung ca nen fai hoi cho chac a ! hihi !
BN
You can't control the length of your life but you can control the width and depth.

However, the parents and society are the most important factors that influence the way the child growing up.
This is a poorly written sentence. In this case, it should be "children growing up." "Children" in general can be used in this phrase.
His parents influence the way the child growing up.
I am sure Nhaque is wrong in "Boy are" in this case.

Despair is not Hopeless!​

Sorry, I mistyped it! The word ending "s" should be added to the word "boys". Plus, if you use "a/the smb/smt", "s" should be used after the verbs too. What I was pointing out is that Red-river should have written: "grow(s)" instead of growing.
It's a good thing that Milou re-checked these essays!
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