Fun fun fun

Addicted to the net:
You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
You kiss your girlfriend''''s home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you''''ve never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don''''t have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else''''s links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You can''''t call your mother...she doesn''''t have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don''''t know the *** of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
Your husband tells you he''''s had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the kids they can''''t use the computer because "Daddy''''s got work to do" and you don''''t even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01or higher."
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
Được britneybritney sửa chữa / chuyển vào 12:55 ngày 06/11/2003

hehe I thought there is no question I''m an Internet addict but after reading your funny post, I realize I''m still not that crazy for the Internet. You know what, I was so proud of myself for not chatting for nearly 1 week when my computer broke down Anyway, the telephone bill is once again coming home soon.... just in a couple of days God please save me... I still wanna live... mom just asked me to give her the bill this time. I used to pay it by my own money for the last few months... what I''m gonna do this time??? Anyone help me???
So close no matter how far... I have you in my heart and nothing else matters...

STUPID QUESTIONS WITH THE SMART ANSWERS:
BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL : No thanks, it isn''t heavy.
GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...
GIRL : If we become engaged will you give me a ring??
BOY : Sure, what''s your phone number??
GIRL : I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we''ll be the happiest couple
GIRL : Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don''t you ever want to improve??
BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL : How soon??
BOY : I would go to the end of the world for you!
GIRL : Yes, but would you stay there??
SHARON : Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss??
TRACY : I did once. He''d forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.
MAN : You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN : Because I''m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN : NO, because you make me sick.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I''m pretty. Andy says I''m ugly.What do u think,
Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you''re pretty ugly.
1) Girlfriend : "...And are you sure you love me and no one else ?"
Boyfriend : "Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday".
2) Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don''t need it".
3) Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher".
4) Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colors do you have?"
5) My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.
6) Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It''s a family tra***ion".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She''s a woman".
7) Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I''ve failed?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year''s performance repeated".
8) Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
9) Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don''t have to, my mom is a good cook".
10) Patient : "What are the chances of my recovering doctor?"
Doctor : "One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I''ve treated. The others all died".
11) Teacher : " Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
One Student : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time."
12) Teacher : " George Washington not only chopped down his father''s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn''t punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."

fun fun fun thế

Ass "Emoticons"
(_E=3Dmc2_) A smart ass
(_13_) An unlucky ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_!_) A regular "nice" ass
(__!__) A large ass
(!) A tight ass
(_._) A flat ass
(_^_) A bubbly ass
(_*_) A sore ass
(_!__) A lop-sided ass
{_!_} A squishy ass
(_o_) An ass that''s been around
(_O_) And more....
(_x_) Kiss my ass
(_X_) "Get off my ass"
(_zzz_) A tired ass
(_o^o_) A wise ass
(_?_) Dumb ass
Tips on Love by Kids- Age 5-10
WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?

"Once I''m done with kindergarten, I''m going to find me awife." (Tom, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, cause she''ll want to havevideos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE:

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That''s why perfume and deoderantare so popular." (Jan, 9)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE:

"Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life."
(Roger, 9)

"If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don''t want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE:

"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn''t already in your family, it doesn''t hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)

"It isn''t always just how you look. Look at me, I''m handsome like anything and I haven''t got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)

"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time." (Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS:

"They want to make sure their rings don''t fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE:

"I''m in favor of love as long as it doesn''t happen when ''The Simpsons'' is on television." (Anita, 6)

"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me." (Bobby, 8)

"I''m not rushing into being in love. I''m finding fourth grade hard enough." (Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER:

"One of you should know how to write a check. Because even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills." (Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU:

"Don''t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain''t the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)

"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it''s something she likes to eat. French fries usually work for me." (Bart, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"

"The person is thinking, Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (michelle,9)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE:

"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)

"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy,8)

Hey!!! Wanna know the difference between a FRESHMAN and a SENIOR??? Have a look!!!
Freshmen: Are never in bed past noon.
Seniors: Are never out of bed before noon
Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can
cut
Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they
need to attend.
Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mt. Dew into a recitation class.
Freshman: Calls the professor "Professor."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."
Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it''s further than three blocks away.
Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor''s habits to get a good grade.
Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.
Freshmen: Use the campus buses to go everywhere.
Seniors: Use the campus buses to run block while crossing the
street.
Freshmen: Worry about the last freshman composition essay.
Seniors: Worry about the last GRE essay.
Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first
week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October...
....maybe.
Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm.
Senior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis
midterm.
Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including
optional questions
Senior: Offers to ''tutor'' conscientious frosh of opposite
***...
Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits
him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance
to expand one''s horizons and really make a contribution to
society
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room
Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class
So close no matter how far... I have you in my heart and nothing else matters...

WHAT IS MARRIAGE
1. Marriage is not a word. It''''s a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor''''s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
4. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens . In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens . In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBORS listen.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don''''t know son, I''''m still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn''''t know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman''''s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.
14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.
15. Confucius (Khổng Tử) says: man who sinks into woman''''s arm soon have arms in woman''''s sink.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can''''t face each other, but still they stay together.
19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss Right, I just didn''''t know her first name was Always.
22. It''''s not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL- MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.
25. WIFE: Let''''s go out and have some fun tonight.
HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.
26. At a ****tail party, one woman said to another: AREN''''T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.
28. It doesn''''t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred letters and they all said the same thing-YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.
So close no matter how far... I have you in my heart and nothing else matters...

THE EVOLUTION OF MUM
Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

Your Clothes
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
The Baby''s Name
1st baby: You pour over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points.
Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don''t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn''t do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.
The Layette
1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn''s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby''s little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can''t they?
Worries
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Pacifier
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby''s bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering
1st baby: You change your baby''s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn''t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
One Step Closer

Vợ chồng cãi nhau -
Wife Husband Salad Together ​

Một cặp vợ chồng giận nhau đòi chia tay, anh chàng ấm ức bấy lâu bị đì bèn nói:
"Sugar you you go, sugar me me go"
"Đường em em đi, đường anh anh đi. "
Nàng la lên:
You think you delicious ?
Anh ta suy đi nghĩ lại thì mới hiểu ra nàng muốn nói: "Anh nghĩ anh ngon hả ? ". Cho nên anh ta bèn đáp:
"I love toilet you go go"
"Tôi yêu cầu em đi đi. "
Nàng liền nói:
"You think you are belly button of dance pole?"
"Anh tưởng anh là cái rốn của vũ trụ hả ? "
Nàng bồi tiếp:
"You live place monkey cough flamingo crows, clothes house country"
"Anh ở chỗ khỉ ho cò gáy, đồ nhà quê. "
Anh chàng cười nói:
"Child salad father mother hundred sugar child spoil, you onion summer me 3 down 7 up."
"Con cãi cha mẹ trăm đường con hư, em hành hạ tôi 3 chìm bảy nổi. "
Nàng không chịu thua ai:
"You poor torn spinach two table hand white"
"Anh nghèo rách mồng tơi hai bàn tay trắng."
Chàng trả lời:
"You eat criminal very, no star where, we do beg from first"
"Em ăn gian quá, không sao đâu mình làm lại từ đầu."
Nàng nói:
"I no want salad again"
"Em không muốn cãi nữa !!!"
Còn cái này nữa này: "Pen fall, chicken die" <--- Bút sa gà chết

Don't be afraid to open up your heartEverybody cries...

How to Write Good
Các nhà văn phạm (grammaticians) dạy chúng ta cách viết luận tốt như thế này. Nhớ kỹ nhé.
1. Avoid alliteration. Always.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They''re old hat.)
4. Employ the vernacular.
5. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
6. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
7. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
8. Contractions aren''t necessary.
9. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
10. One should never generalize.
11. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
12. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
13. Don''t be redundant; don''t more use words than necessary; it''s highly superfluous.
14. Profanity sucks.
15. Be more or less specific.
16. Understatement is always best.
17. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be avoided.
21. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
22. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
23. Who needs rhetorical questions?
---------------------------

 

Ai chảnh hơn ai ?????
A Letter From MIT
April 18, 1994
Mr. John T. Mongan
123 Main Street
Smalltown, California 94123-4567
Dear John:
You''ve got the grades. You''ve certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you''ve got a letter from MIT. Maybe you''re surprised. Most students would be.
But you''re not most students. And that''s exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.
The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!
Engineering''s not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from architecture to brain and cognitive sciences, from economics (perhaps the best program in the country) to writing.
What? Of course, you don''t want to be bored. Who does? Life here *is* tough *and* demanding, but it''s also *fun*. MIT students are imaginative and creative - inside and outside the classroom.
You''re interested in athletics? Great! MIT has more varsity teams - 39 - than almost any other university, and a tremendous intramural program so everybody can participate.
You think we''re too expensive? Don''t be too sure. We''ve got surprises for you there, too.
Why not send the enclosed Information Request to find out more about this unique institution? Why not do it right now?
Sincerely,
Michael C. Benhke Director of Admissions
P.S. If you''d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "Insight," just check the appropriate box on the form.
And the reply letter .............................................................................
May 5, 1994
Michael C. Behnke
MIT Director of Admissions
Office of Admissions, Room 3-108
Cambridge MA 02139-4307
Dear Michael:
You''ve got the reputation. You''ve certainly got the pomposity. And now you''ve got a letter from John Mongan. Maybe you''re surprised. Most universities would be.
But you''re not most universities. And that''s exactly why I urge you to carefully consider one of the most selective students in America, so selective that he will choose only *one* of the thousands of accre***ed universities in the country.
The level of pomposity and lack of tact reflected in your letter is a powerful indicator that your august institution might well be a possibility for John Mongan''s future education. It certainly got my attention!
Don''t want Bio-Chem students? No problem. It may surprise you to learn that my interests cover over 400 fields of study, from semantics to limnology, from object-oriented programming (perhaps one of the youngest professionals in the country) to classical piano.
What? Of course you don''t want egotistical jerks. Who does? I *am* self indulgent *and* over confident, but I''m also amusing. John Mongan is funny and amusing - whether you''re laughing with him or at him.
You''re interested in athletes? Great! John Mongan has played more sports - 47 - than almost any other student, including oddball favorites such as Orienteering.
You think I can pay for your school? Don''t be too sure. I''ve got surprises for you there, too.
Why not send a guaranteed admission and full scholarship to increase your chance of being selected by John Mongan? Why not do it right now?
Sincerely,
John Mongan
P.S. If you''d like a copy of a fun-filled, fact-filled brochure, "John Mongan: What a Guy!" just ask.
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