A smart snake

Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait. Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm. The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm. Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.
An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down, he saw the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...

Chân đSt mắt sáng

After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas. A passer-by told me there was a service station a half-mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun.
The attendant filled my two-gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was my car; I had filled a stranger's gas tank.
Wearily I walked back to the station. "You know," the attendant suggested helpfully, "instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here."

English Club vắng như chùa bà đanh, tôi post lên một số truyện cười cho nó đỡ hoang vắng.
The Amazing Invention
An American who finds himself in Moscow wants to know the time. He sees a man approaching him carrying two heavy suitcases and asks the fellow if he knows the correct time.
"Certainly," says the Russian, setting down the two bags and looking at his wrist.
"It is 11:43 and 17 seconds. The date is Feb. 13, the moon is nearing its full phase and the atmospheric pressure stands at 992 hectopascals and is rising."
The visitor is dumbfounded but manages to ask if the watch that provides all this information is Japanese. No, he is told, it is "our own, a product of Soviet Technology."
"Well, that is wonderful, you are to be congratulated."
"Yes," the Russian answers, straining to pick up the suitcases, "but these batteries are still a little heavy."

Lesson Learned
A lecturer teaching medicine was giving a class on observation. He took out a jar of yellow liquid.
"This," he explained, "is urine. To be a doctor, you have to be observant of color, smell, sight, and taste."
After saying so, he dipped his finger into the jar and put it into his mouth. His class watched in amazement, most in disgust. But being the good students that they were, the jar was passed, and one by one, they dipped their finger into the jar and put it into their mouths.
After the last student was done, the lecturer shook his head. "If any of you had been observant, you would have noticed that I put my second finger into the jar
and my third finger into my mouth."

One Dark Secret
At school Little Tommy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Tommy decided to go home and try it out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his mother he said, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father to get home from work, and greeted him with, "I know the whole truth." Tommy's father promptly handed him $50 and said, "Please don't say a word to your mother!"
Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school the next day when he saw the mailman at his front door. Little Tommy greeted him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened his arms saying, "Then come give your daddy a big hug."

Chemistry Class
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of
water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about
painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

it is urs ?? username ? u make them or u just take them from site ?if its urs , i really .. u ! !
BN
When u receive a kindness; remember it, when u do a kindnes, forget it.

Oh! if only I could creat these interesting jokes! You must have guessed that it is not the case. I am not inteligent enough to invent such funny things, moreover my English is not so good. I subscribe to a mailing list which sends me jokes daily. I just want to keep this club alive and share these jokes with everybody. It is really difficult to select funny and decent jokes from those I receive, because many of them may be vulgar to many people.
I also post some jokes in the French Club, please have a glance at them.
Though I am not the author of these jokes, I hope you still... me. Merci quand même!!

Oh! If only I could create these interesting jokes! You must have guessed that it is not the case. (Not very natural.) I am not inteligent (creative) enough to invent ( make up) such funny things (stories), moreover my English is not so (that) good. I subscribe to a mailing list which sends me jokes daily. I just want to keep this club alive and share these jokes with everybody. It is really (very)difficult to select funny and decent jokes from those I receive, because many of them may be vulgar to many people.
I also post some jokes in the French Club, please have a glance (look) at them.
Though I am not the author of these jokes, I hope you still... me. Merci quand même!!
I would revise this a little :
Oh! If only I were creative enough to write these jokes! You must have guessed these are not mine. I am not funny enough to make up such humourous tales, moreover my English is not that good. I subscribe to a mailing list which sends me jokes daily. I just want to keep this club alive and share these jokes with everybody. It is very difficult to select decent jokes from those I received, because many of them may be too vulgar. I also post some jokes in the French Club, please have a look at them. Though I am not the author of these jokes, I hope you still like me. Merci quand même!!
(Don't need to add "funny" to joke)

Despair is not Hopeless!​

Thanks Despi for your corrections, please keep on correcting my mistakes. Reading is always easier than writing ! I can't write naturally. I think everything in Vietnamese first, then translate into English, so errors are always inevitable.