Amazing story!

There was a young boy who lived about 30 miles from Houston, Texas. He decided he wanted to take a trip into the city by himself so he saved all his money. When he had enough money he asked his mom if he could go. The day he left she packed him a lunch and off he rode on his bike. He had been pedaling for about 30 minutes when a guy in a Corvette drove alongside him.

guy: Where you going?
boy: I'm going to Houston.
guy: That's a long way to have to ride your bike, you want a ride?
boy: YEA, but what about my bike.
guy: Oh, hmm... I know, I have a tow rope in my trunk. I'll tie one end to your handle bars and the other to my bumper. If while I'm driving I go too fast, just ring the bell on your bike and I'll slow down.
boy: Hey, great. Let's go.
So off they go. The driver finally levels off at about 40 mph and everyone's happy. A few minutes later another guy in this BMW pulls up alongside the Corvette. He reves the engine, pulls ahead, drops back, pulls ahead again and starts yelling at the guy in the Corvette about his high preformance 'vette only can do 40! Before you know both cars are gone in a cloud of dust. About 5 miles down the road they pass a speed trap.
Cop radioing ahead to his partner: "Larry, you're not going to believe this. A Corvette and BMW just passed me going 170 mph. They're heading your way, so be ready. And you want to hear the amazing part of it ... there's this little kid on a bike, ringing his bell for all its worth, trying to pass 'em."

In deep dark cannibal Africa, a man and his child were walking along one day... The man says to his son,
"Son today you're gonna eat your first woman!",
The son replies:
"Great dad, what do I do?".
The man says,
"Go to the village and bring a nice and juicy woman and I'll see if she's good enough"
The son goes and an hour later he brings back this skinny lady. The man say,
"No No, she's way too skinny, there's no meat to eat!, Go get us another"
The son goes and gets a fat ugly woman.
The man says,
"No son, she's too fat, too much fat is bad for the heart" So the son disappears for 3 hours and comes back with this amazing looking lady with big breasts and a nice butt!.
"What do you think of her?" the son asks...
The man replies with his mouth wide open,
"She's great, son you did good.... Now let's take her home, we'll eat your mother!"

Mechanic to customer :
I'm afraid you have more of a problem than I anticipated Your battery needs a new car.

"For how long have you been working at that office?"
"Ever since they threatened to fire me."
How do you spell boss backwards?
Double S.O.B.

Clinton is returning to Washington after a trip, and as he walks down the steps of Air Force One, he is leading a small dog on a leash. The Marine at the bottom of the steps snaps a smart salute.
Marine: "Welcome back home, Mr. President."
Clinton: "Thank you. It's good to be back."
Marine: "Nice dog, sir."
Clinton: "Thanks. I got it for Hillary."
Marine: "Good trade, sir."

A Chinese Christian just died and went up to the Heaven. After an angel greeted him, the angel said, "Let me take you down to the Hell before we go inside the Heaven." Once they were there, the Chinese saw a huge table full of a big feast. However, everybody around the table looked real sad and starving. He asked the angel why. The angel said, "They only get a pair of 4-foot chopsticks and thus each one of them cannot feed oneself because the chopsticks are too long." Then, they went back to the Heaven and went inside. Again, the Chinese saw a huge table full of a big feast just like that in the Hell and each person has a pair of 4-foot chopsticks too. However, strangely, everybody around the table looked happy and satisfied. The angel explained, "Simple, here in Heaven each one feeds another with the chopsticks, unlike those selfish ones down there."

At one point, the council of cardinals decided that they wanted to make Rome an all-Catholic city. Since the Jews were one of the smallest populations, they decided to try throwing them out as a test case. The head rabbi was summoned and told of this decision. The rabbi protested, saying that the Jews had been there longer than the Christians, and that such an arbitrary decision should not be made without some debate. Thus, it was agreed that the Pope would debate one of the rabbi's. If the rabbi won, the Jews could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would have to leave.
The head rabbi went back to the rabbinical council and said that a champion must be chosen. No one was too eager, as the Pope was well known as an intellectual and religious heavyweight. Finally, a Basque rabbi was chosen. As Basque was one of the few languages that the Pope didn't speak (this was before Hebrew was revived), the debate was to be carried out in sign language.
The Pope starts off the debate by making a sweeping gesture.
[Hands and arms in at chest; hands move up and out until arms in scarecrow position; could be mistaken as symbolism for a rising sun.]
The rabbi responds by pointing adamantly at the ground.
The Pope thinks a bit, then holds up three fingers.
The rabbi holds up one finger.
The Pope begins to take communion.
The rabbi pulls out an apple and begins eating it.
At this point, the Pope concedes the debate.
The Pope returns to the council of cardinals, who ask what happened.
[Begin repeating gestures.]
"Well, I said, 'God is everywhere', and he said, 'and God is right here'. I then said 'God is a trinity', and he said, 'no, God is just one'. As an act of good faith, I began to take the body of Christ in communion. Then he pulled out an apple to show the sin in us all. He'd knocked me down point for point, so I decided to conceded the debate."
The rabbi returns to his fellows, who ask what happened.
[Repeat gestures again.]
"Well, he said, 'you all gotta leave', and I said, 'no, we're staying right here'. Then he said 'you have three days', and I said, 'not one of us is leaving'. Then he broke for lunch, so I started eating mine."