Any comments or ideas on my presentation, plz ! ( Topic:How to manage conflicts and express feelings

attention plz
Im gonna deliver a presentation next Monday. What it s abt is as follow, plz read on if u have some time n any kind of comment is welcome by kat. thnx anyway!
I will hav to handle it within 10 mins, am thinkin of which way to cover the whole content in brief n go in details a couple of parts only.
( eii 6sense , i hav gone thru the latest topic u ve posted, many points in common and many great ideas which i can add *****pport my presentation but i dont cuz it would be too long then uhmm )

Presentation:

Topic: How to manage conflicts and express feelings efficiently in relationship​

Introduction:

Conflicts are something you must have been and will be, faced with all your life. Observing your own conflicts and giving more thought to them can be a positive exprerience. We can say that conflict tests each relationship we share with another person and in so doing helps us assess the health or effectiveness of the relationship. Handled well, conflict can help each participant develop a clearer picture of the other, and thus it can strenghthen and cement a relationship.



Part I: How to manage conflicts:


1. How conflict arises:

Let?Ts begin by saying that conflict is likely to occur wherever human differences meet. Conflict is a clash of opposing beliefs, opinions, values, assumptions and goals. It can result from honest differences, from misunderstandings, from anger or from expecting either too much or too little from people and situations. Note that conflict does not always require two or more people; you can sometimes be in conflict with yourself. Self-conflict occurs when we find ourselves having to choose between two or more mutually exclusive options - two cars, two classes, two potential spouses, two activities, internal struggle in such a situation is called intrapersonal conflict. In contrast, interpersonal conflict refers to the same type of struggle between two or more people. Interpersonal conflict can be prompted by differences in perceptions and interests; by a scarcity of resources or rewards such as money, time and position, or by rivalry-situations in which we find ourselves competing with someone else. Those involved in an interpersonal or interpersonal conflict usually feel "pulled" in different directions at the same time.

Have you heard about "Tied in Knots". How did this experience feel? Of course, when engaged in conflict you do not have real ropes tugging at you, but we are certain that you sometimes feel as if you did. When you are able to handle a conflict, the "ropes" do not get in the way. At other times, however, a conflict escalates out of control . Before you know it, you are "tied up in knots" and unable to extricate yourself. In any case, the exercise probably demonstrated that those who see themselves in conflict with each other are interdependent and have the power to reward or punish one another. Thus, whenever two or more people get together, conflicts serious enough to damage their relationship may develop..

We can categorize conflict in different ways. First, we can classify the goal or objective about which a conflict revolves. Goals or objectives can be non-shareable (for example, two teams cannot win the same basketball) or shareable (your team can win some games and the other team can win some). Or they can be fully claimed and possessed by each party to the conflict. (You can each win everything-members of the rival Teamsters and Independent Truckers unions both get a raise)

Second, conflicts can be categorized according to their level of intensity. In low-intensity conflicts the interactants do not want to destroy each other, they devise an acceptable procedure to help control their communications and permit them to discover a solution that is beneficial to each. In medium-intensity conflicts each, interactant feels committed to win, but winning is seen as sufficient. No one feels that the opposition must be destroyed. In high-intensity conflicts, one interactant intends to destroy or at least seriously hurt the other. In high-intensity conflicts, winning as such is not necessarily sufficient, to mean anything, victory must be total.

Some of us perceive ourselves to be involved in a conflict if we are deprived of a need, others do not. Some of us perceive ourselves to be involved in a conflict if someone impinges on our territory or disagrees with us about the way we define a role, others do not. Take some time to discover your own personal sources of conflict. Making such observations will help you understand the types of issues that draw you into disharmony with yourself and others. It will also let you see how you tend to respond when faced with a conflict situation. We will now examine constructive and destructive ways of handling conflict in greater detail.


2. Resolving conflicts: Styles of expression

As a matter of fact, your emotions and how you handle them can "make or break" the relationships you enter into. In other words, you can make your feelings work for or against you. There are three basic ways of handling emotionally charged or conflict-producing situations: nonassertively, aggressively and assertively. Let?Ts examine the characteristics of each approach.


2.1. Nonassertiveness:

Have there been moments in your life when you believed you had *****ppress your feelings to avoid rejection or conflict or when you felt unable to state your feelings clearly? Are you ever afraid to let others know how you feel? If you have ever felt hesitant to express your feelings to others, threatened by another person, or reluctant to speak up when you believed you were being treated unfairly, then you know what it is to be nonassertive. When you behave nonassertively, you force yourself to keep your real feelings inside. Frequently, you function like a weather vane or "change colors like a chameleon" in order to fit the situation in which you find yourself. In other words, you become an echo of the feelings around you. Unfortunately, nonassertive people rarely take the steps needed to improve a relationship that is causing problems, and as a result they frequently end up with something they don?Tt really want. With so much at stake, why do people refrain from asserting themselves?

Experience shows that we hesitate to assert ourselves in our relationships for a number of reasons. Sometimes, laziness is a factor: the easiest response is simply no response at all. (After all, assertion can be hard work). At other times, lack of interest leads us to be nonassertive, we simply do not care enough to become actively involved. Frequently, fear can lead to nonassertiveness. In particular, we may fear that rejection might result from active-assertion (We become convinced that speaking up may make someone angry). Or we simply feel we lack the interpersonal skills needed for assertiveness.

Another important cause of nonassertiveness is shyness. Each of us feels inadequate from time to time. We may feel exploited, stifled or imposed upon. These feelings manifest themselves in a variety of ways-as depression, as weakness, as loneliness-but most of all, according to the psychologist Philip G.Zimbardo, as shyness. In a survey reported in Psychology Today Mag., more than 80 percent of the American high school and college students interviewed said that they had been disturbingly shy for a great portion of their lives.

Few shy people consider their shyness a positive trait, they see it as evidence that something is wrong with them. The unpleasant feelings of shyness come from having low self-esteem and worrying about what other people will think of you.

There are many degrees of shyness. For example, shyness can take the form of timi***y, or it can simply cause you to increase the distance you like to keep between yourself and others. Unfortunately, extreme shyness can make you fear all social relationships and can prevent you from expressing or even acknowledging your emotions.

The polar opposite of the shy, nonassertive person is the aggressor, whom we examine next.


2.2. Aggressiveness:

Unlike nonassertive people, who often permit others to victimize them and are reluctant to express their feelings, aggressive people insist on standing up for their own rights to the point where they ignore and violate the rights of others. Although some people deliberately defy pushy people, in general, aggressive people manage to have more of their needs met than nonassertive people do. Unfortunately, they usually accomplish this at someone elsê?Ts expense. The aggressor always aims to dominate and "win" in a relationship; breaking even is not enough. The message of the aggressive person is selfish: "This is the way I feel. You are stupid if you feel differently. This is what I want. What you want doesn?Tt count and is of no consequence to me." In contrast to the nonassertive person, who ventures forth in communication hesitantly, the aggressive person begins by attacking, thereby precipitating conflict. It is therefore not surprising that a conversation with an aggressive person will often escalate out of control. The target of the aggressor frequently feels a need to retaliate. In such situations no one really wins, and the end result is a stalemated relationship.

People feel a need to act aggressively for a number of different reasons. First, we tend to lash out when we feel ourselves becoming vulnerable; we attempt to protect ourselves from the perceived threat of powerlessness. Second, emotionally volatile experiences that remain unresolved may cause us to overreact when faced with a difficulty in a relationship. Third, we may firmly believe that aggression is the only way to get our ideas and feelings across to the other person. For some reason, we may think that people will neither listen to ore react to what we say if we take a mild mannered-approach. Fourth, we may simply never have learned to channel or handle our aggressive impulse (in other words, we may not have mastered a number of necessary interpersonal skills). Fifth, aggression may be related to a pattern of repeated nonassertion in the past; the hurt, disappointment, bewilderment, and sense of personal violation that resulted from nonassertion may have mounted to the boiling point. No longer able to keep these feelings inside, we abruptly went them as aggressiveness.

Needless to say, damaged or destroyed relationships are a frequent result of aggression. In fact, neither the nonassertive nor the aggressive person has many meaningful relationships. For this reason we need to find a middle ground or "golden mean" between the extremes of nonassertion and aggression, that is assertiveness.


2.3. Assertiveness:

The intent of nonassertive behavior is to avoid conflict of any kind; the intent of aggressive behavior is to dominate. By contrast, the intent of assertive behavior is to communicate honestly, clearly and directly and *****pport your beliefs and ideas without either harming others or allowing yourself to be harmed.

When you assert yourself, you protect yourself from being victimized; you meet more of your interpersonal needs, make more decisions about your own life, think and say what you believe, and establish closer interpersonal relationships without infringing on the rights of others. To be assertive is to recognize that all people have the same fundamental rights and that neither titles nor roles alter this fact. We all have a right to influence the way others behave toward us; we all have a right to protect ourselves from mistreatment. Furthermore, we all have the right to accomplish these objectives without guilt.

Assertive people have learned how to stop themselves form sending inappropriate nonassertive or aggressive messages. Thus assertive people announce what they think and feel without apologizing but without dominating. This involves learning to say "No", "Yes", "I like" and "I think". In this way neither oneself nor the other person is demeaned; both are respected.

The focus of assertiveness is negotiation. Assertive people try to balance social power in order to equalize the relationships they share. Whereas aggressive people often hurt others and nonassertive people often hurt themselves, assertive people protect themselves as well as those with whom they interact. This means attending to feelings and using specific verbal and nonverbal skills to helps solve interpersonal problems.

Remember that being assertive does not mean being insensitive, selfish, stubborn or pushy. It does mean being willing to defend your rights and communicate your needs, and it does mean being willing to attempt to find mutually satisfactory solutions to interpersonal problems and conflicts.

You may, of course, encounter difficulties as you attempt, through assertiveness, to promote more successful and open communication with others.

It is pointed out that most "assertion situation" fall into at least one of four categories:

-an interaction with a stranger where you are requesting something
-an interaction with a friend or intimate where you are requesting something
-an interaction with a stranger where you are refusing something
-an interaction with a friend or intimate where you are refusing something.

For example, some people may find it easy to refuse a stranger?Ts request but difficult to deny that of a friend. For others, refusing close friends or strangers alike may pose few problem, instead, they may experience great anxiety when making requests of others. Where do you experience the most difficulty?

It is important to realize that at one time or another we will all have some difficulty in at least one of the quadrants. Once you have identified your own problem areas, however, you can begin to examine your behavior more closely. You can begin to recognize when you feel a need to fight, when you feel a need to flee, and when you feel a need to assert yourself.

In order for any relationship to grow, the participants need to demonstrate at least a minimal level of assertiveness in their communication with each other. The important thing is to try to let your actions be dictated by the circumstances and the people. There is no single "right" way to act in every interpersonal encounter, and the choice of how you act should be your own. In general, however, we can all increase our feelings of self-worth by learning to be more assertive.




-kat-
UTurnAwayWhenICaptureUrGlance

Part II: How to express feelings effectively in relationships:
1. Guidelines of communicating feelings in positive ways:
As we have seen, many of us have trouble expressing our feelings. Either we behave nonassertively and keep our emotions too much in check, or we behave aggressively and become excessively demanding or belligerent. The result is that our emotion prevent the development of healthy relationships and foster the development of unhealthy relationships.
It is sad that we are rarely taught to reveal our emotions in ways that will help our relationships. The key to using our feelings to promote effective relationships is learning to express them effectively. The following guidelines should help you communicate feelings in positive ways and thereby enrich the quality of your interpersonal encounters and relationships.
1.1. Work on feelings you have difficulty expressing or handling:
By now you should have a good idea of what feelings you have trouble expressing or responding to. Now concentrate on expressing or responding to these feelings when they arise. A first step is to let others know what feeling cause problems for you.

1.2. Stand up for your emotional rights:
When we sacrifice our rights, we teach others to take advantage of us. When we demand rights that are not ours, we take advantages of others. Not revealing your feelings and thoughts to others can be just as damaging as disregarding the feelings and thoughts of others. Here is what we consider a "bill of rights" for every person:
-The right to be treated with respect
-The right to make your own choices or decisions
-The right to make mistakes and to change your mind
-The right to have needs and have your needs considered as important as the needs of others.
-The right to express your feelings and options.
-The right to judge your own behavior.
-The right to set your own priorities.
-The right to say no without feeling guilty
-The right not to make choices for others.
-The right not to assert yourself.
These rights provide a structure on which you can build effective relationships. Internalizing them will enable you to learn new habits and formulate new expectation. Accepting your personal rights and personal rights of others is an important first step.
1.3. Check your perceptions:
So far wê?Tve spoken about your feelings, but what about other person?Ts feelings? Sometimes our interpretations of another person?Ts feelings are determined by our own. "Checking your perceptions" require requires that you express your assessment of the other?Ts feelings in a tentative fashion. You want to communicate to other people that you would like to understand their feelings and that you would like to refrain from acting on the basis of false assumptions that you might later regret. Sample "perception checks" include the following"
"Were you surprised at what Jim said to you?"
"Am I right in thinking that you feel angry because no one paid attention to your ideas?"
"I get the feeling that what I said annoyed you. Am I right?"
"I?Tm not certain if your behavior means you?Tre confused or embarrassed."

1.4. Show respect for feelings:
Don?Tt try to persuade yourself or others to deny honest feelings. Comments like "Don?Tt feel that way", "Calm down", and "Don?Tt cry over spilt milk" communicate that you believe the other person has no right to feel that way. (You should avoid advising yourself or others to repress or ignore feelings). Feelings are potentially constructive and should not be treated as destructive.

1.5. Describing other?Ts behavior or disclosing feelings tactfully
Use simple, concrete, specific and unbiased terms to describe the other?T actions. For example, instead of saying. "You?Tre always overcharging me, you dirty cheat!" try "You told me the repairs would cost $50, and now you?Tre charging me $110". Instead of saying, "You?Tre ignoring me, you don?Tt care about me," say, "You avoid looking at me when we speak". Or it would be more effective to say, "Please stop playing the drums after 11p.m" than to yell, "Stop being so damn noisy!"

2. Practice four basic assertive behaviors:
2.1. Stop automatically asking permission to speak, think, or behave. Instead of saying. "Do you mind if I ask to have this point clarified?"say, "I''d like to know if...".
2.2. Establish eye contact with people with whom you interact. Instead of looking
down or to the side (cues that imply uncertainty or insecurity), look into the eyes of the person you are speaking to. This lets people know you have the confidence to relate to them honestly and directly.
2.3. Eliminate hesitations and fillers ("uh", "you know", "hmms") from your speech. It?Ts better to talk more slowly and deliberately than to broadcast the impression that you are unprepared or lack of self-assurance
2.4. Say No calmly, firmly and quietly, say Yes sincerely and honestly, say "I want" without fear or guilt.
Conclusion:
It is our feelings that make us human. It is our feelings that color our relationships by adding warmth, vitality and spirit. It is our feelings that cause us to move or to be moved. In fact, feelings are at the heart of our relationships. It is necessary to communicate feelings to createliking, build trust, engage in self-disclosure and especially resolve conflicts. A conflict-free relationship is a sign that you really have no relationship at all, not that you have a good relationship. If a relationship is healthy, conflicts will occur regularly and once we are able to handle conflicts assertively and effectively, our relationship will be built up better.

Reference books:
-Commuication Works by Teri Kwai Gamble and Michael Gamble
-Social Psychology by David G. Myers
-Why am I afraid to tell you who I am by Argus, Niles, IL, 1969.
-kat-
UTurnAwayWhenICaptureUrGlance

Thế này có bị dài quá ko chị? Nếu 1 mình chị present thì mỏi mồm lắm nói xong lấy đâu ra sức để trả lời ạ? Hì em cũng chưa đọc hết, nhưng mà có lẽ phần 1 nên rút ngắn lại 1 chút nhỉ, ko thì cả bài mất đến >= 15'' trình bày.
Chẳng hạn như đoạn này có thể tóm tắt lại ạ. Em thấy thật sự nó ko cần thiết phải chi tiết đến thế.

Các cái style of expressions với cả phân loại coflict cũng rút lại được đấy chị ạ, hì em thấy làm presentation thì có phải chữ nào cũng lọt vào tai audiences đâu, mình ko cần nói quá chi tiết. Khi nói về mỗi mức độ thì có lẽ chỉ cần 1 câu để thấy sự khác nhau lớn nhất chứ ko cần dài như câu của chị và quá ti? mi? đâu. Đấy chỉ là em thấy thế, em dốt khoản này lắm :">
Hì hì với cả chị ơi, em cũng chuẩn bị phải làm presentation ở lớp mà chưa thấy cái chủ đề nào hay ho cả, chị cho em mượn cái topic của chị nhé, và 1 phần essay của chị nữa, có sao ko ạ
So close no matter how far... I have you in my heart and nothing else matters...

kat_kat, your topic is very exciting.  I like it and want to learn about it right away.  I know you have well prepared and put a lot of time and efforts in this presentation.  Taking a glance over your paper, I have some opinions.  The body part is important and is one of thing to do (research, outline...) at the beginning.  But remember, even thogh the introduction is, usually, short and is the last thing to think about,  it''s not less important.  It catchts attention and gives the audiences a brief of what going to say in the body.  About your introduction, I think, it seems like you are going to talk about benefits of managing of conflict feelings, but not how to.   Also, the body may be too long, can not make it in 7 minutes (3 minutes for introduction and conclusion).  Your introduction gets high score for getting attention, but less score for directing audience.  You may need some more work on that part.  Anyway, thanks for sharing.  I will read more in detail, get a lesson help improving my life.
Thanks   

Các cái style of expressions với cả phân loại coflict cũng rút lại được đấy chị ạ, hì em thấy làm presentation thì có phải chữ nào cũng lọt vào tai audiences đâu, mình ko cần nói quá chi tiết. Khi nói về mỗi mức độ thì có lẽ chỉ cần 1 câu để thấy sự khác nhau lớn nhất chứ ko cần dài như câu của chị và quá ti? mi? đâu. Đấy chỉ là em thấy thế, em dốt khoản này lắm :">
Hì hì với cả chị ơi, em cũng chuẩn bị phải làm presentation ở lớp mà chưa thấy cái chủ đề nào hay ho cả, chị cho em mượn cái topic của chị nhé, và 1 phần essay của chị nữa, có sao ko ạ
<P><FONT face="Comic Sans MS" color=cornflowerblue size=3 colorred>So close no matter how far... I have you in my heart and nothing else matters... </FONT></P>
[/QUOTE]
em N khôn lỏi quá nhỉ hi hi hi , copyright copyright ,
Hi kat_kat ,
Your oral presentation is quite impressive (hardly can i find any mistakes hic hic hic , the structure is beautiful , ... )
But there are a few things that might interest you a little :
- Time limit is within 10 min only --> i beg that you can''t "sing your song" within 10 min . (1)
- The language used in this presentation should be more plain (you try to talk to " listener" and try to " open up their mind and throw in every single word in , that is , try to make them understand what you want to ) (2)
- (1) +(2) ==> try "compact style" ( see mr britneysphere''s example for more , hi hi anh chao em roi nhe'' )
- The core value of Part I is : when you''ve already refered to the reasons of rising conflict and "There are three basic ways of handling emotionally charged or conflict-producing situations " --> you''d better link it ( we both understand when reading this , but what will happen if listening is the case , catch my point ! ) : for instance :"There are three basic ways of handling emotionally charged or conflict-producing situations " base on...blah blah blah ....
- In part II, "2.2. Establish eye contact with people with whom you interact. Instead of looking down or to the side (cues that imply uncertainty or insecurity), look into the eyes of the person you are speaking to. This lets people know you have the confidence to relate to them honestly and directly" , the limitation of this norm is cultural diffrence , i.e , In our own country , normally , when you look directly in the eyes of the other , you may be not welcome(d) ( i remember that , my friend try this stuff with others for the first time and he is said to offended others )
- in brief , yours is fine and the mark should be nine and square root of five .
life is beautiful

Hi kat_kat, same name huh??? I think ur presentation is quite good, but it is too long for ten mins one; dun u think so?? I''ve done one similar with this one be4 for one of my course which is named Behavior in Organisation, mine was 10 mins as well. In ad***ion, urs one has not covered enough the info about conflict. If u need one for reference just contact me through my icq, then i can send to u mine. But... hehe... i did it last semester so just keep my power point one not the speech. Anyway, good luck to ur presentation.

xin hỏi có phải behavior in org của mcgrawhill publisher không ,
nếu không phiền thì bạn post lên đây cho mọi người cũng xem có được không
life is beautiful

hehe
uhmm,okie,I think your essay is nice.......nice words,well-structured and wonderful grammar....but can I ask you what''s your subject you prepare this long long presentation for??? is the subject like Organisational Behavior ??? If yes,for intro part,you should define conflict concept in professional term,you can take it strait from the text book or you can use you own nice vocab to express this term...
and is it for 10min -presentation??? I might think that you can ask you tutors attend your prestation performance more than 1 time ,each time 10 min so you''d be finish a well-prepared speech such like that...
have fun

Đây thể theo yêu cầu của bác tôi post lên đây, nhưng mà ko được bác ah hic... power point ko tải nổi

geez! cool, seems that you guys r interested in my topic eh, and actually your comments r so much constructive, helping me visualise more of what the audience would expect from my presentation, how i should direct the audience and what to focus on.
absolutely rite, txnghia, i will have to e*** a lil bit abt the introduction, it should cover main points, givin audience the overview content of the talk rite.
kat125, if i hav more time 4 preparation I would love to borrow urs as reference but too bad, only 1 day left, I cannot handle it. thnx 4 ur good-will thou. too bad u cannot post it up here or else we both can sing the conflict song! eii how abt u split the ppt file into 2 and attach 2 times, is it possible??
alrite, everyone ponders if i can handle it in 10 mins. The fact is that i have to hand in this presentation in written form to the teacher as one kind of assignment, so what i pasted up there is not the whole of what im gonna sing. I will trim it down when i present it and the language in which i perform must be spoken lang., not written and so much formal. I will be able to draw my audience to get what im crowing abt, will try to . I even have the ambition to bring a funny story (v. short, sure) at the end of my talk. Also I draw the pictures to illustrate it, hope it will bring some laugh n spice up my talk.
okay, britney, go ahead, u can take it, giv me 10,000 bucks only, . Know what, it took me time to write the outline myself in large sized papers(A2) sothat it s easy for the audience to keep track of w/ what im sayin, my classmates often print it out but i prefer my handwring and artwork . And if u like that sound, I will giv it to u when im done w/ my talk k, all free of charge sure, i dont bother, even love it, and any help u need just tell me k, ur welcome.
always i look straight into the other person''s eyes n never b4 i caused offense, uhmm vietnamese ppl like the idea too, i think, so still i will keep that point, northernlights. And dear Sir, why dont u grade it 9 and 3 quarters, then round it off and say 10 which i prefer
akatcat, the subject is english, yeah that s it, students can pick up any topic they feel like, most of my friends choose to talk abt economics cuz it s our major but I want to make it different, besides i can find very nice books n docs on it at the library, that s why i make it. uaapps, how come so many kat""s gather in here, awwgh i thought that kat is the one n only uhmmzz
okay, thanx all you for yr support, any more comments will sill be welcome.
wish me luck n hope that i will finish my talk w/ flying colors. kat (me) rocks big time
-kat-
UTurnAwayWhenICaptureUrGlance