Articles on Relationship

7. They give each other gifts
Couples who are deeply connected often give each other presents or write little notes, says Thomas Moore, Ph.D., best-selling author of Care of the Soul. What they''re doing is preserving the rituals, and the magic, of their courtship.
The gift should carry no strings. Sarah sometimes comes home from work to find that her husband has prepared a candlelight dinner. "But it''s not set up to be a prelude to ***," Sarah says laughingly. "John does it because he wants me to feel loved."

8. They never lose their sense of humor
Humor, as many psychotherapists have observed, is the Krazy Glue that keeps a couple together. When a couple can no longer laugh together, Dr. Moore says, it''s a signal that the soul has gone out of their marriage and they are headed for trouble.
But Dr. Moore is quick to point out that lighthearted couples never mock each other. They instinctively know what is -- and isn''t -- fair game. "Sam would never dream of making fun of my big butt," notes Catherine.

9. They take "for better or for worse" seriously
Contented couples encounter their share of life''s miseries -- whether it''s the car breaking down, a nasty cold, or a missed promotion -- but they help each other get through. You don''t, for example, hear them say, "How could you let that happen?" when a spouse loses a job. "Couples who do well together tend not to do anything that increases their partner''s suffering, like become resentful or criticize," notes Dr. Young-Eisendrath. In good marriages, people feel safe from the outside world. Each spouse, stresses Dr. Greer, has the feeling, "I can count on you, our world is all right."

Why Bold Statements Attract Women
By Eric Freilich

Have you ever wondered why it seems like everyone but you is getting the girl? What do they have that you don''t? A Porsche 911 Turbo? A condo on the beach? You can''t think of a single difference between you and the guy with the blonde at his side at the table across the way; except the fact that HE has the blonde. What''s his secret?
The fact is, there is no secret. We''re all capable of getting any woman we want. In fact, you can have any woman, even those you aren''t interested in. How? Through your choice of words. 99.9% of the time, we shoot ourselves in the foot with the words that come out of our mouths. If you stop doing that, then success will follow.


Here''s an example: Let''s say you meet an attractive woman and hit it off with her. The night ends with you getting her number and a promising kiss on the cheek.
Two days later, you''re talking with her on the phone. If you''re like most guys, the following sentence (or a similar one), finds its way out of your mouth and into the receiver:
"Would you like to go out this weekend?"
If she says "yes," Saturday night rolls around and she stands you up; or if you''re lucky enough to go on the date, it''s a one-shot deal. If she says "no," you''re left wondering what happened. It''s simple; the very words you chose killed the deal.
As you''ve heard before, confidence is the key to everything. But the way in which you posed your statement undermined it. By breaking down the sentence, the problems become clear.
"Would you like to go out this weekend?"
Here''s what''s wrong.
Like: Here, you''re giving her a choice, and at this early stage of the game, choices are bad. She wants a man who is decisive, and by using "like," you''re doing the opposite. You''re allowing her to second-guess herself. How can she know if she likes going out with you if the date hasn''t taken place? Don''t get her thinking about the date before it happens.
Out: This is the most destructive word of all. Think about it; if something is on its way out, it''s no longer a part of your life. You take out the trash. You take out money to pay for something. When applied to this situation, it automatically implies that this fling is over before it begins. You''ll go out all right, with no hope of a second date.
Weekend: It''s no so much the fact that you suggest plans for the weekend vs. a weekday; it''s that you''re not specific enough. Again, women want confidence. Pick a day and stick with it.
Here''s what you should have said

"Let''s go to the movies Saturday night, I''ll be at your place at 8."
Nothing less, nothing more. This statement radiates confidence. You''re telling her where you''re taking her, when, and at what time she needs to be ready. There''s no room for doubt and no opportunity for her to think about what will be.
Now, I''m not saying to be rude when you do this. It''s like defensive driving. You''re not looking to run the car next to you off the road. You''re keeping both hands on the wheel, ready for whatever comes your way.
The same mindset applies to everything else that awaits you in the relationship. Think before you speak.
Now that you have the basic idea, let''s look at two more examples and break them down. These are likely to come up amid a typical dating experience, so study them carefully.
Use her number


"Can I call you sometime?"
Ouch! If you ask her this one, I can almost guarantee the answer will be "no."
Can: This word hurts for two reasons. One, you''re perfectly capable of picking up a phone and dialing her number; don''t make her doubt something that basic. However, don''t use "may" either. It implies that you''re asking for permission.
Sometime: Monday? Wednesday? How about never? Chances are your intended beauty has dozens of men who are interested in her. Odds are potential boyfriend number two is sitting next to you, waiting to make his move. He knows how to use a phone, and he''s going to call her.
So what''s the right thing to say?
"I''ll call you."
This can follow any number of friendly words such as, "it was nice meeting you," but end the conversation definitively. As an added bonus, she''ll be left wondering when you''re going to call, and you can use the anticipation to your advantage.
Make up your mind


"I don''t know, what would you like to do?"
Her answer will likely be, "Nothing with you."
I don''t know: Never admit to a woman that you don''t know something. Period. You''ll find yourself alone on the couch with a bag of chips and a six-pack of beer. Of course, if this is your ideal evening, feel free to admit knowing nothing.
Would: Dude, she wants to do something, otherwise she wouldn''t have asked you. Don''t make her question her decision because she''s likely to change her mind so quickly you''ll feel the gust of wind.
What: You''re giving her too many choices, and as we know, choices are bad. Don''t give her one.
So how do you avoid a night of cable TV and Cheez Whiz? You say:
"Let''s have dinner at our favorite restaurant."
She''ll be impressed at your decision-making skills and you''ll score points in the romance department. Just be sure you know what that favorite restaurant is.
what have we learned?


With any situation, especially with women, confidence is the key *****ccess. If you ever forget that, remember these three key points:
1- Think it
2- Believe it
3- Sell it
So the next time you spot the cute blonde at the bar, start off with a smile. Approach her with confidence from the start and it will be your shoulder her head is resting on, and the other guys who will go home alone, clueless.

What''s Your Love Style -- and Who''s Your Best Match?
by Sherry Amatenstein
When looking at the man in your life, do you ever grumble to yourself, "What''s wrong with him? He never brings flowers or does anything romantic"? Or "He drives me crazy with all the hearts and flowers stuff"? Believe it or not, the problem may not be your guy at all. Really! If you''re unsatisfied with your main man, it could be as simple as this: Your guy is a great guy but he may not be the right great guy for you.
The first step toward finding the best kind of lover for you figuring out what kind of lover you are. To get in touch with yourself, list everything from your fantasies (Brad Pitt at the door) to the qualities you prefer in a partner (someone who calls twice a day, not once a week) to the sort of relationship you''re looking for (casual, marriage, etc.).
And just for fun, take a look at my dating guide. Sure, I''m basically kidding here, but it just might help you figure out what your love style is -- and find your best match after all.
Drama Queen
She''s the one wearing the most revealing outfit and saying the most outrageous things. She thrives on, well, drama and is turned on by the roller-coaster love style of fighting and making up. Instead of expressing her feelings, she acts out. It''s hard for her to stop the drama long enough to express anger, sadness and disappointment.
Best matchup: Mr. Laid Back. He''s the one wearing a three-piece suit while his wife is garbed in a halter-top and mascara up to her hairline. Mr. Laid Back lives vicariously through his mate. He has trouble letting go, so the drama queen lets loose for him. And he won''t grab the spotlight from her.
Potential pitfall: He might become fed up with her constant performing; she might find it difficult to meet his ever-growing expectations of her performances. This pair must learn to communicate directly instead of covertly, to really listen and speak to each other.
Ms. Joined-at-the-Hip
The only time she leaves her man is when she visits the little girls'' room. She''s trained to stand by her guy even if she has to sit on him to do it. Ms. Joined-at-the-Hip wants affection, flowers, candy -- all the time. She hasn''t begun to form her own sense of self.
Best matchup: Mr. Protective. He''s big. He''s strong. He''s the perfect port in a storm. If he gives his honey bunny her requisite doses of romance she''ll play Priscilla to his Elvis.
Potential pitfall: His partner''s chronic neediness can become tedious, causing Mr. Protective to pull away. Or she might drop the helpless-without-you act, which seems threatening to an insecure mate. This couple needs to grow supportive of each other''s changes.
The Woman Who Doesn''t Need People (Much)
She''s the type who likes time alone to seek out her own interests and hang out with friends. To someone enmeshed in this love style, romance has a place, an important one, but it''s not the be-all and end-all of human existence.

Best matchup: Man of Many Interests. You''re ice skating with the girls; he''s fly fishing with the guys. He doesn''t need total togetherness, but the time you spend together is high quality.
Potential pitfall: Trouble can brew if you start taking each other for granted. Keep time together loving and fun. And once in a while, pull out all the stops for romance.
Before you rush off to find the man who matches your love style, here are a few provisos.
-Uncover his true personality. Initially, any guy will be on his best behavior, but you''ll both act differently once you''ve been dating for a while.
-Pick a partner who''s not exactly like you but who can balance you out a little.
-And be flexible. You''ve got to give a little to get a little -- no matter how great a match you make.

Your posts are so nice, 6 sense. Keep going. Btw, i wish you all the best thing u can handle. Be happy , 6sense.
Im not 'bout lose my freedo' over no female
/uploaded/evilshadow/a40.gif

Thanks Dj_voodool for your support !

"I can''t communicate with my husband!"

Q: I have a problem communicating all my feelings to my husband. We fight about it all the time. To him it seems like I don''t want to improve our marriage, but in fact, I really do.

A: Perhaps you are making the following common mistake. Most people begin discussing issues with their partners by using the words, "I feel ..." but then proceed to tell their partner what he or she is doing wrong. For example, if you''re feeling ignored and lonely, you may communicate your feelings by telling your husband he is not thoughtful enough or that he does not care about you, which will put your partner on the defensive.
Instead, follow this tried-and-true formula:
Focus on what you are feeling, describe the behavior that is hurting you, and explain how that behavior is hurting you. Say something like, "When I''m talking to you and you''re watching TV, I feel like you''re not really listening, and that hurts my feelings and discourages me from sharing more with you."
Then try, "What would make me feel great is if you could give me complete attention when I''m talking, rather than looking at the TV. Then I would feel cared about."
If he starts to get angry or argue with you when you begin this discussion, stop him and calmly ask, "What are you getting upset about?" Then really listen to what he says. Perhaps you are still communicating your feelings in a blaming way.
Be careful to address only one issue at a time and avoid generalizations, such as "You always do this," or "You never do that." Instead, when something happens that you are upset about, lead with a question. For example, if your husband said he''d call you, and didn''t do it, try, "You said you were going to call, but didn''t. What happened?" Let him explain, but also let him know how you feel by saying, "I was really disappointed when I didn''t hear from you." This leads to an open conversation because it lets him know the impact of his actions, and also allows him to respond to you in a caring way.
Jane Greer, Ph.D.

I Regret That I Said "I Love You"

Q: I''ve been seeing this guy for about two months. Way back on our sixth date, we said "I love you" to each other. It seemed like the right thing to say at the time, but now I regret it. Every time he says it to me, I can''t bring myself to say it back. Should I tell him that my feelings have changed or just keep quiet?
A: There are no words that we are as madly wild to say and to hear as I love you. We all thirst for love so deeply, and sometimes so desperately, that the irrepressible hope of finding it can conjure up a mirage that falsely tantalizes us to utter those important words prematurely. That is not to say you did not, do not, or cannot love this man. It''s just that "I love you" means commitment, and you both spoke too eagerly, too soon. It''s an all-too-human mistake. You have now come to your senses. Unfortunately, he has not. (Or perhaps he has, and by repeating the words, he hopes to make them true?) If you know in your heart of hearts that you do not and never will love this man as he says he loves you, then the only kind thing to do is to cut off the relationship neatly and quickly before he gets in deeper. However, if you are unsure of your feelings or what they might become, next time he says "I love you," tell him the truth: You were hasty with words before, and you need to wait before you speak them again.

No woman is worth it


Dear Renee,
I am a 29-year-old, healthy man who was in a very serious relationship for over five years when I was younger. It was so serious that she and I went to the same university and also lived together.
Ever since I broke up with her and moved out, however, I have been single and absolutely loving it. It has been a few years now, and although I''m still very much content with being single, I am worried that I will keep on feeling this way for the next few years.
I flirt with women, of course, but none of them really "float my boat," and I don''t get very excited when a woman gives me attention. Basically, women have lost that loving feeling, since I know deep down inside that I could never be really happy with a woman. What I mean is that I need more from a relationship than just *** and companionship -- I need some sacrifice and some indication that she is giving up as much as I am to be together. The best relationships exercise some level of compromise and it doesn''t seem that any women are willing to compromise nowadays.
So what I want to know is, am I going through a phase, or will I feel this way for years to come? The way I feel and act now with women compared to when I was a teenager is just so different -- I used to do anything I could back then so that a woman would notice me.
Nowadays, I couldn''t care less if Claudia Schiffer was eyeing me. And for the record, I am not gay, I just feel that women don''t deserve to be a priority anymore.
Help,
Patrick
Dear Patrick,
There is nothing wrong with you. Just the fact that you are aware that you''re going through a phase shows me how insightful you are. This will also help you understand "timing" and make you more open to the phases other people are currently experiencing in their lives.
Everyone goes through phases in life and you''re currently in "The Comfortable Ride" phase.
In other words, you''ve finally let go of your last relationship and you''re a happy, free agent who gets to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, with no residual pain from the past. Most singles come to this place once they heal from old relationships and resolve past issues. You''ve shifted gears to a new level regarding what you deserve, and you''re feeling good about it. Congratulations.
You''re finally aware of what you don''t want in a woman and have more of an understanding regarding your lifestyle at the moment. You''re dating new people, but you''re not looking for a long-term ride at this time and there''s nothing wrong with that.
So relax, have fun, drop unrealistic expectations, and explore new friends. Stay focused; keep working on yourself during this time and you will consistently create new opportunities and connections with interesting prospects. When the time is right and you are ready, your instincts won''t let you down! Enjoy the freedom and explore with joy! And believe me, there are plenty of women out there who are willing to compromise for a deserving, respectful man.
Renee

10 Ways Happy Couples Get Closer
You''ve seen these couples around: They''re the ones who always seem to be sharing a private joke, who can be
found gazing into each other''s eyes even after 15 years of marriage, who just seem so darned in synch. How do happy couples do it?
1. Communicate
Happy couples are emphatic about the importance of frank exchanges with their spouses. But they''re all quick to admit that keeping the lines open is hard work. "When my husband was working long hours," recalls Maria Kost, 38, of San Jose, Calif., "it felt like we lost touch and were acting like strangers. To avoid that, we always recap our activities during the day, during dinner, or late at night." Communication''s not all talk either -- you''ve also got to listen. Cindy Brehm, 38, from Eureka, Calif., explains: "After 13 years, communication was becoming increasingly difficult. We finally began marital counseling. Almost immediately, I discovered that I hadn''t been allowing my husband to express himself verbally to me without stopping him in the middle and picking apart everything he said. Once we began to hear each other out, communication improved, and so did our marriage."