Articles on Relationship

Keep Him Connected to Friends and Family
64. Remind his closest guy friends when his birthday is so they''ll remember to wish him well.
65. Frame a picture of him as a kid with his best friend or favorite pet.
66. Send him a lunchtime pizza at work to share with his office buddies.
67. Point out which of his good qualities you see in your children.
68. Find out when his family members celebrate birthdays and anniversaries and keep the dates posted on your fridge so he won''t forget them.
69. Be the first *****ggest that his friends from out of town stay with you -- even if you''re already in tight quarters.
70. Help him research his family tree.
71. Send his mom flowers and sign his name on the card.
72. Learn some of his mom''s best recipes.
73. Suggest a family vacation you can take with his parents.

Indulge in Pure Romance
74. Plant a tree or bush in your yard as a symbol of your growing relationship.
75. Let him find you asleep wearing one of his favorite T-shirts.
76. Save up to buy yourself a piece of jewelry with his birthstone in it.
77. Save all the cards he gives you.
78. Let him catch you looking at him from across a room.
79. Keep a token of your last romantic getaway by the spot where you always pay the bills.
80. Write his name next to "love" in your household dictionary and thesaurus.
81. Go to a bookstore, hit the library or hop online to learn how to say "I love you" in different languages.
82. Ask him if he''ll be your boyfriend -- even if he already is or if you''ve been married for years.
83. Make him something simple that he can wear -- even if it''s just embroidering a teeny red heart on the corner of the red bandanna he wears when he works out.
84. Put rose petals around his stack of pancakes in the morning.
85. Maintain a photo album that''s exclusively for pictures of the two of you together.
86. Coax him to tell you his version of how you met.
87. Write your initials plus his in a heart on top of a frosted cake, in the wet cement on your new front walkway or on the grocery list you''re giving him.
88. Jazz up a take-out dinner by throwing on your little black dress.
89. Play a recording of your song and ask him to slow dance with you.

Cut Him Some Slack (and More)
90. Allow him to skip your niece''s or nephew''s kiddie-oriented birthday party.
91. Let him change diapers and dress the kids his way even if that means they leave the house looking like ragamuffins.
92. Let him sleep in on a Saturday.
93. Let him enjoy a plan-free, chore-free, relaxing weekend.
94. Make him one "Get out of the doghouse free" card -- and honor it.
95. Let him grow a goatee or major scruff on vacation, even if it irritates your skin when he kisses you.
96. Don''t wash, toss out or complain about his disgusting old baseball hat.
97. Let him dominate the remote when he''s feeling sick.
98. Stop telling him how gross certain things about him are (foot fungus, gas problems) -- he knows.
99. Don''t make fun of him for losing his hair, gaining a large belly or having a frilly middle name.

To my man,
I used to post these articles to improve my English and to become a better communicator. Now that I have YOU, I have another, and also the only reason to post these: to love you and make you feel loved. For all that you''ve done for me, by reading these, I am hoping to be able to do something back.
Get Closer to Your Guy: 6 Simple Steps to Increasing Intimacy
by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
Forget sending flowers and candy to the one you love for Valentine''s Day. The best gift -- and the heart and soul of romance, for that matter -- is good communication. Everyone wants to be understood, heard and accepted. But few know how to find the right way to express what is inside, and even fewer know how to listen.
The greatest barrier to emotional intimacy is the feeling that you have to be someone different than who you are. Once you change that attitude, you will be on the road to better communication. The next step is learning how to talk and listen in ways that can help you get closer to your partner -- more and more each day. By following six simple steps, you can increase intimacy and open the proverbial emotional doors that might be standing between you:
1. Accept your partner as he is -- and do the same for yourself. Stop telling your partner what is wrong with him. When a person feels judged or criticized, he can never open up and become close to you. Drop the desire to change him, and say to yourself, I will let this person be as he is and let go of my wish to control him.
2. Focus on what''s right about your partner -- and tell him about it. Realize that you fell in love with your partner for a reason. Focus on whatever it was that drew you to him in the first place. Was it that wacky sense of humor? His potential to be a great father? That sweet smile? Then, remind him of all the things he does to make you happy. So often, we communicate the complaints but keep silent about the compliments. Instead, make a point of letting your partner know whenever he does something to please you, or when there is something about him that you genuinely like and respect. The rewards are twofold: First, you are giving your partner a confidence boost, and second, your praise clues him in to what qualities are meaningful to you.
3. Listen with love. Want to know a secret? When a person feels as though he is really being heard, he feels loved. Listening means turning off our own inner monologue and drama and really being there for another person. The person should feel free to say whatever is on his mind. You do not correct, interrupt or bring up another instance when you thought that he was wrong. Instead, by really listening you create an environment where the other feels and is "heard."
To practice this exercise, clear your mind and focus only on your partner and what he is saying to you. Offer no response. Listen carefully and then paraphrase what he said to you, so he knows you are following him. For example, you could say, "I heard you say that you feel you need more space." Stop yourself from commenting or analyzing the statement. Just let him know that you heard him -- and that you''re not thinking of ways to criticize or change what he had to say.
4. Smart talk. Many people keep things to themselves -- minor grievances, disappointments, wishes. They believe that if they are really in love, their partners should automatically know what''s going on, much like a child''s expectations of her parents. As an adult who is communicating to achieve intimacy, you should do the reverse. Let the person know how you are truly feeling, what you need, what hopes you harbor. In this way, you are sharing your true self. But don''t blame your partner if something hurts or disappoints you. Instead, take responsibility for your own feelings.
5. Ask and ye shall receive. Some people seem to think that if they ask their partner for something -- a hug, more help around the house, better *** -- they will be rejected or shamed. Confessing your true wants and needs requires the willingness to be open and vulnerable -- but the rewards will make it all worth it.
Once you ask for what you want, allow yourself to receive it and offer thanks. When you forget to express gratitude, you leave the giver feeling a bit like a failure. Make sure you let your partner know how much his gifts mean to you. Of course, this goes both ways. Find out what your partner truly desires, and see if you can fulfill his wishes. If either of you has trouble meeting the other''s wants and needs, openly discuss what is preventing you from doing so -- and how you might be able to compromise.
6. Become your own best friend. You will never get close to a partner unless you like and respect yourself. Self-rejection is one of the major stumbling blocks in a relationship. Often, people blame their partners for the things they dislike about themselves.
The first step in overcoming this: Make a list of things you like and respect about yourself and the things you have to offer in a relationship. What exactly do you want from your partner? Can you give it to yourself? After you answer these questions, decide to focus on the good you have to offer and to slowly eliminate the bad. Treat yourself with kindness and patience. This is wonderful preparation for intimate relationships. When you come to your partner feeling good about yourself, he will feel good about you as well.

12 Things Men Really Find Romantic
Men aren''t supposed to like romance, right? Well, that''s the theory, anyway. In practice, men may not always like to
call it romance (and hence identify ourselves as sissies), but we feel the same yearning to connect that you do, to give and receive physical expressions of love and to continue the rituals of courtship long after our commitment''s been cemented. In short, we want to romance you ... and we secretly want you to romance us. But as you''re probably well aware, it''s within the finer points of love that gender differences rear their ugly heads. "When men are asked to define romance, they typically use these words: mystery, intrigue, sensuality, lingerie, passion, and neverending ***," says Doug Fields, author of Creative Romance. A half dozen words -- "I''m looking forward to making love" -- will get his heart racing. The flowery stuff, the roses and candlelight, just isn''t a guy thing. So skip the sweet little trappings and go for what''s guaranteed to work.

1.Dress up for him
A long, long time ago, your husband bought you some lingerie. Remember? You wore it once or twice, then stuffed it deep in the back of a drawer. Well, the time has come to dig it out. "Consider dressing for his tastes and not just yours once in a while," says Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know. "Take him shopping, and have him choose outfits he would like to see you in, or some lingerie he finds ***y."
If the idea of donning a Victoria''s Secret number for your husband seems somehow tawdry, don''t sweat it: Remember, you''re doing this for him, not for you. And, as psychologist Ronald Goldstein, Ph.D., a marriage counselor in Newtown, Pa., explains: "Women should keep in mind that men are visually oriented." Trust me, men find it very romantic when you step wholeheartedly into our debauched little fantasy worlds. If we''re hard-wired to be turned on by visual cues, why not indulge us -- and use it to your advantage?

2. Touch him all over, all the time
I''m not talking about ***, and I''m not talking about massage -- just plain old run-of-the-mill touching. Whether you''re playing footsie under the table or placing a hand on our shoulders while scooting behind our chairs, men find the touch of the woman they love unbelievably reassuring. In our treasured nonverbal language, it translates as: "I accept you ... I love you ... We''re a team."
Again, this doesn''t have to lead to anything but if it does, so much the better. "Learn to love and appreciate all of your man''s body," says De Angelis. "This will give you time to become more aroused, and make him feel like you love every part of him." In other words, let your fingers do the talking.

5 stars for you and 5 stars for your great topic, old pal! I really enjoy reading your articles. I never thought that this topic is that impressive. Good job!
longarm
Have a nice day!

Thanks for the stars, Longarm . I''m glad you enjoy reading these.
3. Give him a night out with the boys -- no strings attached
It may seem odd to you that a romantic gesture might not involve you at all. But dogs run with dogs, wolves run with wolves, and every so often, guys just have to break away and run with the guys (drooling and howling optional). All the married men I know miss those carefree nights out with the guys -- a fact many of the married women I know find unnecessarily threatening. When I look back on my single days, it''s the male companionship I miss, not the cornucopia of gorgeous single gals (okay, okay -- the handful of pretty good-looking single gals). Honestly.
Now, maybe you have no problem with our stepping out occasionally for some beers with the pals. But -- and this is the hard part -- how can we possibly ask? At some earlier point in our relationship, remember, you accused us of choosing our friends over you, and now we''re gun-shy about confessing a need to shoot pool with Bill or see a ball game with Fred.
Make it easy for us, just once in awhile, and we''ll love you for it. Suggest we call up Fred for the ball game next Saturday and watch our eyes light up. As an over-the-top bonus, tell us we don''t have to call at midnight to check in. It demonstrates trust, and it shows you''re truly trying to make your husband happy, not just making an empty romantic gesture. Your gift won''t be soon forgotten. After all, when your wife demonstrates new-girlfriend coolness, what could be more romantic than that?

4. Tell him what a big, strong guy he is
We men are famously incompetent at expressing ourselves verbally ... but that doesn''t mean we don''t appreciate hearing a little praise now and then. In particular, we draw a lot of our identity from our maleness. Nurturing our big-ape fantasies -- me Tarzan, you Jane -- lets us know you value us as males, which is somehow important to the continued production of testosterone. So tell your husband he makes you feel safe, thank him for working so hard (even if you''re working just as hard), tell him you pity friends who don''t have husbands like him.
A quick insight into men: We all want to be heroes. Remembering to compliment your spouse on being a great husband and father isn''t always easy in the middle of a busy day, but it''s a quick shortcut to making him feel wanted, needed, and loved, which is of course the ultimate point of any romantic gesture. And this positive reinforcement of your husband''s good behavior will yield big dividends later, as he subconsciously tries to live up to your glowing appraisal.
Here''s another secret: A solid pampering after a rough day at work is tough to beat in the area of tenderness. Yes, your days are nuts, too, but the key to romantic gestures is to put the other person''s needs 100 percent before your own. So if you know his day has been hell, why not give your husband a massage, set up a hot bath, a cold beer, and that novel he''s been trying to read? What makes such royal treatment so romantic to a man is the way it reassures him you appreciate his hard work, and that you''re proud of him. Married men often feel guilty about the energy they devote to work. The post-hell-day back rub reassures us that everything''s okay.

What is the right age to get married?
I read this article, and found it very accurate. I''ve been living in the US for almost four years now. What I say might surprise you, but I find that even though American couples may not be "romantic" as VNese couples, they are highly compatible. I have a chance to study with many professors, and when I heard them talk about their spouse, I can see they are able to "share" with their partners on many levels (intellectual, mental and physical). I think one of the reasons is there are many courses offered countrywide such as psychology, communications, and also, Americans have a variety of choice in what they want to study, what career they will pursue, etc...
You may argue with me that the divorce rate is so high in this country, but I bet if our culture (Vietnamese) is more "open", and people don''t frown upon divorce like we still do today, many Vietnamese couples will be willing to end their "hidden" unsatisfactory relationship....
Just some of my ideas when reading this article,
Enjoy, everyone.
By Dr. Neil Clark Warren ( April 20, 2004 )
Not long ago, a young couple named David and Cassandra came to see me for premarital counseling. As these fresh-faced lovers sat down on the couch at our first session, they gazed at each other with puppy eyes and sat so close I thought one might end up on the other''s lap. "Dr. Warren," David said, "we''re here because we''ve announced our engagement -and our parents think we''re too young to get married." They gave each other syrupy smiles and squeezed each other tightly. "Well, how old are you?" I asked. "I''m twenty," he said, "and Cassandra is eighteen." "But why does age really matter anyway?" Cassandra chimed in. "We love each other, and we''re right for each other. Everything in our hearts tells us we should be together."
We talked a while, and I remained as open-minded as possible. After all, occasionally even eighteen-year-olds can be surprisingly mature. But the truth became clear when I asked some specific questions, such as how David envisioned his life in ten years. "I''ve always been good at art," he replied, "so I''ll probably end up in the art field somewhere. But I''m not really sure what I''ll choose to do for a career or where we might live or any of that. All I know is that if Cassandra and I are together, we''ll be fine. We can make it through anything."
I was beginning *****spect this relationship was long on fantasy and short on reality. So I asked them both to describe themselves, their strengths and weakness, their personalities, their style of communication, and I received more vague responses. They fumbled for answers and always returned to their "love-will-see-us-through" theme. Finally I said to them, "Look, as a psychologist I try to tell the truth as clearly as I know how, and the truth is this: All those warm, tender feelings you have for each other are important and necessary for marriage. But it''s even more important for you to know who you are as individuals, to be clear about where you want to go in life before you make a commitment as critical and all-encompassing as marriage."
Naturally, my truth-telling didn''t sit well with these starry-eyed lovers. But I had to give it to them straight. The fact is, whenever a couple in their early twenties or younger comes to me and declares their plans to marry, a neon sign in my mind flashes Danger! I know the divorce rate for couples under twenty is incredibly high (between 80 and 85%). Social scientists have found that people who marry young are seldom prepared for marital roles.
So how old should two people be when they marry? That depends on many factors-maturity level, ability to earn a living, progress in education, and so on. But we can say for sure that, statistically, marriages seem to be much more stable when they begin no earlier than the mid-twenties. As a matter of fact, a recent study indicates that the most stable marriages of all have a "starting date" of twenty-eight years of age. In their book, Marriage and the Family, researchers Marcia and Tom Lasswell conclude: "Divorce rates are lowest for men and women who marry for the first time at age 28 or later. The chances for a stable marriage increase as both partners reach the age of 30 and then the rates level off."
At the heart of the issue is this: Young people can''t select a marriage partner effectively if they don''t know themselves well. Until they can identify themselves in a precise and detailed way, they are in no position to identify the person to move through life with them. In our culture, the identifying process usually requires most of the first twenty-five to twenty-eight years of life. Identity formation is incomplete until individuals have emotionally separated from their parents and discovered the details of their own uniqueness. Prior to their mid-twenties, most young adults haven''t defined their goals and needs. They haven''t had time to learn to be independent. They haven''t yet "grown into themselves." They simply need more life experience.
The statistic that never fails to hit me with a jolt is this: The divorce rate for those who marry at twenty-one or twenty-two is exactly double the divorce rate for those who marry at twenty-four or twenty-five. Self-identity has to be the reason. Sometimes the self-identifying task takes even longer than twenty-five years. It''s not uncommon for two middle-aged persons to marry with little understanding of who they are as individuals. When your identity process is well developed-when you are clearly in touch with the person you truly are-the task of selecting the right marriage partner becomes significantly easier.
Some couples seem intent on convincing me they''re ready for marriage at a young age, that people have married young for eons, and it worked out fine for them. I''m sure that was true in some eras, probably when the general population wasn''t expected to live past forty or fifty. But consider: In 1890, the average age of American males at first marriage was slightly over twenty-six years. The median age for females in 1890 was 22 years. Through the years, the average gradually declined to 22.8 for males and 20.3 for females after the Second World War in 1950. But by 1988 the average age for men at first marriage was back up to 25.9, and the average age for women had reached an all-time high of 23.6. The average age at marriage for females is higher now than at any time in our history, and there is a slow, upward trend.
The bottom line is this: If you want to avoid becoming a divorce statistic or living for years in an unhappy marriage, take seriously the need to wait until you have personally developed your identity and life goals. If you do, your selection of a mate will be based on the "totally grown up you" and prove to be as good twenty or thirty years from now as it is today.