Articles on Relationship

Very nice article on marriage, 6s, 5 stars for yo

Thanks Damark for the *
For Men: How to Attract a Woman
1. You Don''''t Have To Look Like A Movie Star
Sure, a woman will fall for a man because she likes his looks. But for a woman, liking a man''''s looks often means she likes the look in his eye when he looks at her.
And what''''s that look? Not dumb adoration, but total focus - - total attention to what she''''s saying, sensitivity to her moods, awareness of her needs. Most women are fed up with hot-shot guys who spend the whole evening talking about themselves and scanning the room for other attractive women.
Every woman wants to be the center of attention. If that''''s her experience with you -- a man who remains totally engaged in conversation with her, unaffected by the gorgeous girl at the next table, she''''ll find it irresistable. She''''ll want to see you again, and she won''''t care if you''''re not the most attractive guy around.
Really paying attention covers everything from putting her orgasm before yours to putting the toilet seat back down. It means thinking of her and making sure she''''s comfortable. It means taking out the trash and being gallant enough to lift anything that looks heavy -- even if she''''s perfectly capable of lifting it herself. That''''s not the point. The point is that you care enough to do it.

2. You Don''''t Have To Be Rich
Men often complain because they think women want only rich and powerful men. It''''s true that women are instinctively attracted to these kind of men .But many women are enlightened enough to ignore this instinct and secure enough to look for a man who will bring attributes other than financial security to a relationship.
If you''''re not rich or powerful, you can provide the other things a modern woman wants -- companionship, communication, sensitivity, compassion, affection and suppport. By providing those, and being quick to recognize other things that your woman might need in her life, you can make her happier than she''''d be with a rich man.

3. You Do Need To Be Happy
A woman is attracted to a man because she perceives that her life will be better with him in it than without him. So, if you want to attract your ideal woman, look like you''''re having fun. If a woman thinks you''''re enjoying life, she''''ll be drawn to you, because she thinks her life will be more enjoyable with you in it.
When women talk about the kind of man they''''d love to be with, they often describe qualities like a "good personality and a great sense of humor." What they really mean is that they want a happy man. A woman wants a man who likes himself and his life, not a man who hates his job, his life, his ex, his parents, his looks or the world in general.
If you''''re unhappy with your life, keep it to yourself and work on solving the problem. Women are drawn to men who are enjoying their lives. Your lover is not your therapist or your lawyer.

4. If You''''re In A Depressing Relationship, Get Out Of It
If you''''re not attracting women because you''''re depressed, and the reason you''''re depressed is because you''''re in an unsatisfying relationship, get out of it.
Don''''t stay in a go-nowhere relationship, waiting for Ms. Right to inspire you to leave it. When you''''re half-in, half-out of an unfullfilling relationship, you are not really available for a wonderful woman if she does come along. She senses your inability to be totally available, and you remain stuck with the previous unfullfilling woman.
5. Project The Right Image
Are you sane, balanced, settled, with both feet on the ground and your head on your shoulders? Do you know who you are? Do you like who you are? Or are you still searching? Women like men who seem substantial, not flakey.
Are you dependable? Can you always be found, or are you the type who suddenly disappears, can''''t be relied on and is difficult to reach? Are you simply without any stability in your life? Would a woman feel safe marrying you, allowing you to use her cre*** cards, write checks from her checkbook, and most importantly making you the father of her children? Would she feel safe leaving her children with you?
If you''''re the wild and crazy type, that''''s probably the kind of woman you''''ll attract. Sane women who are attracted to crazy men are just having a lark. When a woman wants a life partner or a long term relationship, she wants a sane man. She wants someone she can take home to her parents without being disowned. She wants someone she can take around her business associates without being embarrassed and losing business. She wants someone she can rely on.
When you''''re ready to get serious, tone down your outrageous behaviors. Let a woman see that you''''re the type of man she can make a home with. Show her that she can depend on you to do what you say you''''re going to do, be there if she needs you, and be the life partner she needs.
6. Are You Lovable Or Just Looking To Get Laid?
Do you just want to get laid without getting emotionally involved? Women are turned off by men who aren''''t lovable, who just want *** without communication, affection, and foreplay. Actually, women report that they think being affectionate is more important for a man than being handsome.
Do you have frequent opportunities to be affectionate with your family or kids? Or are you so tied up with your career, getting ahead, and fighting *****cceed that you''''ve lost touch with your affectionate side?
If you feel too inhibited to be affectionate with a woman, or you''''ve been hurt so much by past relationships that you''''re afraid of being open and affectionate, or you''''re simply out of practice, you need to reopen your affectionate side. Getting a pet often helps. Then, when a woman comes into your life, it may feel more natural to feed her, pet her, and be openly affectionate with her. She''''ll appreciate that more than a perfect body or a handsome face.
7. Affection Is Important, But You Must Do More
Women want to be loved for their souls, their intelligence, their personalities, sense of humor, depth and ability to please you. They need reassurance that *** isn''''t the only reason you want them.
So if you want a woman for ***, you''''ll actually do better if you set *** aside at first and look for other things to like about her. Let her know that you think she''''s smart, that you appreciate her mind. Ask her opinion about things. Talk to her. Let her know that what she thinks is important to you.
Show respect for her abilities outside of the bedroom. Does she work for a cause? If so, act interested. Is she a passionate ecologist? Is she into health foods, or new age philosophy? Whatever she''''s into, it''''s important that you don''''t put down her beliefs, no matter what you think. You don''''t have to agree with everything she thinks, but if you belittle her, you''''ll totally alienate her.
8. Learn The Art Of Seduction
Of course, you want ***. Women know that and they expect it. But many men never get close to women because they don''''t know how to ask. They make a small, timid move and expect the woman to respond with instant passion. If a woman doesn''''t react, they think that means "no." It doesn''''t necessarily.
Lots of women wait for the man to make all the moves. They''''ve been taught that nice girls don''''t want ***. So even if they do, they''''re not going to grab you and tear your clothes off. If you''''re afraid of rejection, you may be acting too tentatively.
Here''''s a simple rule to follow. If you haven''''t been pushed away or she hasn''''t said "No," she may be waiting for you to make another move. However, if she does push you away or says "No," stop immediately. If you persist for one moment beyond that, it''''s ***ual harrassment or worse.
There''''s always a next time. And in the meantime, perhaps you should review your romancing style.
A particularly successful seducer once told me, "I never pick the fruit until it''''s ripe. If you pick it too soon, it''''s hard and bitter, but if you wait until it''''s ripe, if falls off in your hand, and it''''s oh so very sweet."
Getting a woman "ripe" requires the dance of seduction, a courtship ritual. Courtship rituals take place in every species. There are moves the male makes, moves the female makes. In our species and in our society, the man makes the moves by taking the woman out, wining and dining her, giving her gifts, perhaps, but certainly lots of time and attention. He is then expected to be the aggressor ***ually.
Do you want to be successful with women? Follow the ritual, even if you think it''''s bull****. Love her for her mind and her good qualities. Always precede seduction with wining and dining. If she seems happy, proceed. Show her affection, and if she returns the affection, proceed some more. Much later, after you''''ve mastered the dance, you can try to change it (if you still want to).

Được 5plus1sense sửa chữa / chuyển vào 11:50 ngày 01/05/2004

5 Ego Boosts Every Man Needs
By Francesca Di Meglio
Men are full of surprises, and bedroom behavior is no exception. While we can''t explain all male behavior, here are five *** secrets that may help you understand -- and get even closer to -- your guy.
1. He''s afraid he''ll let you down -- literally.
Men feel tremendous pressure to perform ***ually. "In the past, men weren''t evaluating their ***ual performance because women weren''t supposed to judge them," says Weinberg. But times have changed. Women aren''t waiting for marriage to have *** anymore, and that means they have more experience in the bedroom. ***ually satisfied role models, including Madonna and the sirens of *** and the City, encourage women to be open about their ***ual desires and complaints. Suddenly, the pressure to perform is on, and he can''t help but feel like he has to please you. Even though you might forgive him for a few poor performances, he has a hard time forgiving himself.
Warning: If your man has a recurring problem getting aroused or maintaining his erection, he may start to blame you to protect his ego.
What you can do: Dr. Weinberg suggests something simple. Just relax and try to enjoy ***, which will help to alleviate some of the pressure. In other words, don''t take it personally or, worse, insult him. And never point and laugh!
2. Men need validation to get their groove on.
*** is a source of power, and it gives proof that one is masculine. "To a man, having *** means that he can move a woman, that he''s an athlete, a provider and a lover," says Weinberg. Basically, your guy wants to be a superhero, and he certainly wants you to see him in that light. When he satisfies you ***ually, he feels like Superman. If you are enjoying yourself, your best bet is to let him know that Lois Lane is happy, adds Weinberg.
Warning: No encouragement means no mojo.
What you can do: It''s simple. Say, "That feels good," or let out a moan or heavy breath when you feel like it. A good rule of thumb: Don''t fake it, but don''t fight it.
3. Men don''t like waiting too long to have *** with a new partner.
Unlike some dating experts, Weinberg believes that women should never hold out to have *** simply because of the so-called "rules of dating." He is more likely to commit if there is a ***ual component to the relationship, and it is important for him to know that you find him ***ually desirable. "A man goes through a lifetime hoping to find a woman who can''t keep her hands off him," says Weinberg.
Warning: "Frankly, if your guy is offended when you initiate ***, get rid of him."
What you can do: We''re all sensual beings; we might as well be who we are. So don''t be afraid to make a move when the mood strikes.

4. Men wish they had better bodies, too.
Let''s face it: Men might not worry about weight nearly as much as women do, but they do have their own image issues.
Warning: Most men are quite concerned about their ***** size, general physical con***ion, height and baldness, says Weinberg. In other words, they are hoping for mood lighting in the bedroom just as much as women are.
What you can do: Help your man by telling him that you find him attractive and showing him affection.

5. Most men will not forgive a cheating girlfriend.
Men who have been betrayed, especially in the bedroom, are far less likely to forgive their partners than women would be in the same situation, says Weinberg.
Warning: Men are looking for a woman who will stick with them.
What you can do: Show your loyalty not only by remaining faithful when in a committed relationship, but also by supporting your man in front of colleagues and friends and defending him when necessary, says Weinberg. This allegiance will make your man more secure and will give him the motivation to let loose in the bedroom with you. Men want commitment just as much as women do; they just want it packaged differently.

3 Ways to Get More Satisfaction from Your Relationships
by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna
Is an unrealistic attitude about love -- and what love should feel like -- keeping you from feeling satisfied? In her new book, Dr. Brenda Shoshannah says, "When we are ready to wake up from fantasies, we find love and joy everywhere.
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"Something is always missing," Karla said. "In the beginning of the relationship I never suspect it''s going to turn out this
way again. He always seems like the perfect one, finally. We''re happy, excited, deeply in love, and then - reality sets in. Little traits of his start to annoy me. He forgets to call when he says he will. I start wondering who he really is? Our time together becomes run-of-the- mill, and the thrill of seeing him disappears. I look at him and wonder what I loved. Suddenly he''s a stranger, and I''m a stranger to myself as well. I don''t feel beautiful anymore. The light has gone from my eyes."
Of course the light can never leave Karla, but her experience is that something vital has disappeared. This happened because she was living in the grip of counterfeit love, responding to an illusion. Karla initially saw her boyfriend as perfect. She most likely knew little about him, only about her dream of him. Was she ever able to actually see or touch the real him? Did she see the part of him that is perfect, his true self?
Falling In Love With Our Fantasies
What Karla loved was her fantasy about her boyfriend, not him. All fantasies fade, they have to - that is the nature of dreams. In the beginning the fantasy felt wonderful, though, and the beauty of it reflected upon her. She must also be perfect, she thought -- if someone like him could love her. Then reality set in.
To Karla, reality could never be perfect - only fantasy. Reality was an enemy. Daily life is an opponent of fantasy, it always forces us to be who we are and see what is before us, whether we like it or not. Karla did not like reality, and blamed it upon her boyfriend, not upon her own unwillingness to be with life as it is.
Like Karla, a young student was shocked when she learned things about a senior student she had not known before. In a state of anxiety, she talked to a friend. "I loved him so much," she said. "I thought he as so beautiful, so perfect. Now my dreams are smashed."
The friend looked at her slowly. "You didn''t love him at all," she said. "You loved your fantasies about him. If you can know the whole truth, and still love him, then that is really love."
Karla was unable to love the truth of life, to see the real beauty surrounding her. When we are ready to wake up from fantasies, we find love and joy everywhere.
"Kabir says this - just throw away all thoughts of imaginary things and stand firm in that which you are."
Throw Away Thoughts Of Imaginary Things
We have little idea how to throw away imaginary thoughts and false expectations. We go to relationships with many demands and expectations. When these expectations are not met, the so-called love we have been feeling turns to hate, resentment, or feeling we have been made a fool of. Living in this manner, it is difficult to encounter real love.
When this pattern repeats too many times, some become unable to be in a relationship and live protecting themselves from failure and pain. These individuals may not be aware of the deeper problem -- that they have been caught in the grip of counterfeit love, which grabs its victims and leave them emptier than before.

Counterfeit Love
Let us stop and look more deeply at this source of pain in relationships. Counterfeit love includes the idea that love is a feeling, not a way of life. It is confusion between excitement, dependence, attachment, and love. Real love does not fluctuate. There is no rejection of another person if they do not meet our needs. The nature of our relationship with them may change, but we do not hate or become bitter.
In counterfeit love, when we have strong feelings towards someone, we immediately assume that we are in love. As all feelings change most people are convinced that love cannot last. They do not realize that it is the nature of feelings to change, and also the nature of counterfeit love. Real love never discards anybody; it knows and accepts that true relationship is based upon something deeper than feelings that come and go.
Exercise: Unmasking Counterfeit Love
Describe what love means to you and how a person has to be for you to love him. Describe some situations in which you felt you had love, only to be disappointed. What did you take to be love that might have merely been infatuation, need, or fantasy? In your present relationship, for a week, give up one expectation a day. Let the person and relationship be just as they are. Do the same for yourself. See how you and your partner begin to feel. Keep a diary about this. You''ll be amazed.

Q:
I have a big crush on this guy in a grade higher than me. We don''t have any classes together but we are both in band and on the school paper. I know I love him because I just can''t get him off of my mind. At a party I confessed my true feelings and he told me he liked me too - as a friend. He said he just wanted us to be friends right now. I really, really want to be with him, how do I make him love me?
A:
You are suffering from a killer one-sided crush, also known as "unrequited love", and there really isn''t much you can do to change it into a relationship. I''ll be blunt. You can not make somebody love you. You can''t even make them like you. There are no magic spells or secret tricks that will make a person suddenly feel for you the way you feel for them. Love doesn''t work like that (and thank the sweet stars above that it doesn''t!). Love, when it is real and returned, is one of the most amazing feelings you will ever experience. Although it is hard to accept that this person doesn''t return your feelings, it may help you to know that the pain you now feel will be erased from your heart when you find someone who does love you back.
Now back to the issue at hand, coping with your current crush. Since he has made his feelings for you clear, namely that he wants to be friends, you really only have one choice. You have to honor his feelings and wishes. You do however have options as to exactly how you handle the "friendship situation". You can swallow your feelings, move on and work on having "just a friendship" with this guy or, you can harbour your feelings and hope that the future will see your friendship turn romantic. Either way, the one thing you should do is actively take him up on his offer of friendship in spite of your deeper feelings.
Take heart, all is not lost! Friendship is always a good place to start. Right now he only knows a "one dimensional" you, as your friendship progresses he will come to see your many sides. With time, his feelings may even deepen into romatic interest. You say that the two of you are not in any classes together so it is entirely possible that his "Let''s be friends!" comment is not a mere brush off, but a bonafide offer. He may want to start as friends because he doesn''t know you well enough to have any deeper feelings (a sign that he is a good guy BTW), or he may be using the "friendship line" as a brush off (a sign that he is NOT a good guy BTW). You can''t be certain which of these is true until you make a go of the friendship. Work from the premise that he really wants a friendship with you until he indicates otherwise.
By becoming his friend you get the opportunity let him see a new side of you, and you get to see a new side of him. In getting closer you may even fall into a relationship. Of course, the opposite is also true. As you get to know him better your crush, which is built on a fantasy not a reality, may disappear and you may lose interest in him. There are no guarantees that your feelings will stay the same through your burgeoning friendship. There are also no guarantees that his current feelings will change into love. After you become friends you may end up exactly where you are right now, in a one-sided love affair. But at this point in time, what have you got to lose? At the very least you gain a closer acquaintance and at the most you''ll get your man!

"Fighting is destroying our marriage!"

My husband and I work different shifts, and this creates tremendous stress. We say the meanest things to each other -- sometimes I feel we''re out to destroy our relationship! Our three girls are starting to react to the way we talk to each other, and I''m worried about the long-term effects. We''ve started counseling, but I still don''t know how to stop fighting. Help!
A: The first step to stopping an argument is to call for a time-out. Say "Honey, I''m upset right now. I need to think my feelings through. Let''s discuss this later." Then leave the room. Stay away from the issue for a couple of hours or overnight. During this time, write down the things that made you angry or hurt. Then write how each thing made you feel about yourself, and about him. Next, write down the outcome you desire. This process should defuse your anger and help you feel more forgiving. Finally, make an appointment with your partner so you can both reassess the issue with cooler heads and warmer hearts. Discuss your fears and concerns without assigning blame. If you''ve had time to consider a resolution, offer it. He''ll probably have suggestions of his own. The outcome you want is one that works for both of you, so compromise will be key.