Australian jokes

He was the first Asian to play basketball for the Sydney Kings, and one of the overseas imports in an attempted putdown said:
-What are you? Japanese, Chinese or Vietnamese?
With a smile he replied:
-Vietnamese, and what Kee are you - Monkee, Donkee or Yankee?


He was a basketball nut, but on the most important game of the year he had to work. No amount of pleading, praying or bribery could gethim out of it. And the video was broken. So he needed grandad to watch the game and get the result. He left work, broke records getting home and his grandad was at the door:
- I watched the game for you son - he said - Great game
-What was the final score
Eh, 107 to 106
-Oh Grandad. it was that close; who won?
His grandad said: - Eh, um um I think it was the 107.

He was a middleweight who beefed up to challengethe heavyweight champion. But the fight once again proved the old adage. The good big man will always beat the good little man. He copped a terrible beating, the fight was stopped and he was taken to hospital.
When he awoke days later the doctor said:
- I have some very bad news for you: You are dying and don't have much time left
-How much time do I have? - asked the shocked middleweight.
-Ten- said the doctor sadly
-Ten what? ten days, ten years, ten what?
-Nine - said the doctor.

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man of beast over land, through the air, under the sea. The American were incredulous.
Then, later in the day, the tour round a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine. He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air. The tour stpped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine
-Jacky-said the tour guide- what are you tracking and what are you listening for?
The Aborigine replied:
Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant ute. It's red. the left front tyre is bald. The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel. There are nine black fellows in the back, all dringking warm sherry. There are three kangaros on the roof rack and six dogs on the front seat.
The American tourists moved forward, astuonded by this precise and detailed knowledge.
"Goddammit man, how do you know all that?" asked one.
The Aborigine replied," I fell out of the bloody thing about hafl an hour ago."

An Aborigine walks into a bar with one thong on. The bar man asks, "Did ya lose a thong , mate?"
"Nah, I found one".

A doctor was doing his hospital rounds with an Irish nurse. When he came to one bed he pronounced, "Nurse, this patient has died."
The old fellow in the bed said, "I am all right. I am not dead."
The nurse responded, " Wil you be quiet. The doctor knows best."

"Where did I come from, Mum?" asked a six-year-old.
Mum had been dreading the question but decided agaist euphemism. She gave the little boy a very fank, candid description beginning with the *** act and concluding with dramas of the delivery room. Se then waited his reaction.
"I just wonder,"said the child. "The boy who sit in front of me came from New Zealand"
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[side=5]Knight[/side=5]

Được sửa chữa bởi - despi on 02/12/2001 05:35