Boring Diary

Staying awake at 2 am in the morning, drowned in homework and stuff. Tired, and want to sleep, but just can''t...
Tomorrow is another day, isn''t it KC?
I do hope that you''ll be happy by that someone, even though I had to admit the deep sorrow that the person is not me...

I don''t know why it''s always my friend who receives the care from the one I love.
Not me.
Definitely not me.
I want to hate her. But I can''t.
I think I''m getting envious of other''s happiness. I picked a fight with him for no reason. I dare not say it was because I was jealous of my friend. He gave her the things I was never given. He offered her the help and the care I was longing for... in vain.
Am I bad to act like that? Am I bad? Am I just a fool?
But I do think... I''m acting like a stupid moron.
Getting mad over him just doesn''t help. Maybe he will hate me for that.
I''m just pushing him a little bit closer to her...
I wished I was her just one day.... to have his care...
But....
I''m a bad girl, I''m very selfish, I''m childish as well...
Maybe.... no one would like me for such a personality...
I''m bad. Just bad.

All his care seems to flow to her.
And I was left alone.
This hurts. Badly. Since I''ve been used to thinking I knew him first, and I was closer to him than everyone else in the group. But now this proves to be wrong. I''m wrong. All wrong.
He gets closer to her while avoiding me. He stands by her while putting blame on me. Sometimes I feel I can see her disappointment when I''m between them. And at times I feel like he wants to push me farther away from him. He doesn''t want to stay near me. Meanwhile, he came to her house so often.
My rights were restricted. My role was lessened. I am no longer the person I used to be... to him.
It''s bitter, and it hurts.
Maybe I''ve been disturbing them too much. Maybe...

Maybe I''''ve been disturbing him and him too much. Maybe...
so sorrow last so long time
i''m stupid, silly or mad????
love òf my life, don''t leave me, you''ve taken my heart and now you desert me. Love of my live can''t you see, bring it back, bring it back to me because you don''t know what it means to me....................................
I try my best but you not recognize.........................
i can''t share my haert to you, because you far and furhter away from me........................

Love.
It''s love, for I know what it is
Love.
It''s desperate, it''s hopeless. But I can''t help it.
Love.
And I fear I''m losing you beneath my skin.