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Want to just rip my brain off and leave in out in the garden so i don''''t have to think anymore. There''''s just so much responsibility in this life, for myself, my folk, my other half, friends - old and new, ... i''''m overwhelmed by it all. I''''m so tired...
Well i think i''''m lapsing into a destructive phase, one in which i see no self-worthiness, i don''''trust my ability, i''''m overwhelmed by my responsibility, by people''s expectation of me, i want to shake it all off and start it anew. In short, i want to do (and have to do)so many things i don''''t know where to start...
Call it a mid-life crisis? more like early-life crisis... Comes tomorrow.
Give up fighting? No, Never
Được axlrose_guy sửa chữa / chuyển vào 23:36 ngày 06/07/2005

There are only 2 days left until that day. I am worn out now. You will never know, never understand me. Wish that we hadnt chatted on that day. But how could that wish become true?
So labyrinthine is my mood now
Having just got sick... Feeling the cold, from the bottom of my heart.
At the moment I want to think a lot... about me, you, and our love... It is a pity, everything is getting blurred in my mind. Uhm, I can forget everything now, but I cant forgive you. It''s enough. You are enough.
Let me alone. It''s better.
Fortunately, there is still a person left. Thanks for being there when I needed you (and you will be always there, I know). Thanks so much..... Despite my nonchalant reply, you always tried to make me smile... Thanks! Hadn''t I met you before...

What''s that feeling?-I asked to myself many times...An empty feeling...Whenever I saw him,I just want ro ran away.
I hear the wind flowing outside,and the sky is so blue.But there is something that happened to me,as I lost an important thing.
I felt tired and I just want to hide from this feeling...
I told DVD.And he said that it''s no need to hide from this feeling.It''s a common thought.But I can''t stand it if it''s the feeling like DVD told me.I know I''ll hurt myself...
Even my formal smile can''t fool myself when he said to me cruel words.And then i wrote my story...with sad words...I can''t stand it anymore.I wish someone could tell me what''s wrong ro right...

Man of honor? I was.Then go hunt and hunted.Then, then realized that i had started making mistake.Life aint treat me right! No, life treated me well for a while but i got into the wrong lane,to be exact.They gave me candy and poison all at the same time.Pick candy without thinking.Yeah,ppl would do the same thing if they were me.Who give a damn abt poison,rite rite??Who stupid that much! But if i could turn back,i would rather pick poison.And ofcuz,without thinking, again! Too late to get up to have the same old breakfast.The sweet and the bitter of life.How match, how lovely! And how stupid!
Jus feel like a patient who needs (needs needs needs) medicate.They ( how polite!) just dont give a ****.Why should they eh?Cuz me, myself dont give a damn too.They do whatever that brings benefit.Dont really know how to define this "they"! "they:against me" "they: care me" "they: stupid" "they: mental ill" "they: full of ****""they this.." "they that.." Have tried so many ways to make this clear but i jus couldnt.Because they are something you jus couldnt go through.Something that scares the hell out of me.The card is not in my hand.They got it and they are playing it wrong/rite, rite/wrong.Their ass jiggle like they want more.Wtf ya want more ****ty 1,****ty 2,****ty 3..****ty xyz???C''mon,me ready to get naughty!
So so complicated! Day in, day out...silent and keep on waitting.What the **** is going on??How the **** could that happen??Ice cream?? Hell no.I want more candy candy.Even candy aint good.2 eyez, 1 brain, 1 mouth....not enuff to deal!To make bubble soup, you need more more spices.Tell ya wot?I wont make that move.Dream on,you "them".Never and ever.Me sick of this life, really sick of this...

You coward! what s this **** all bout?
Fine. I''''m no more than a passerby. But who gave you the right to scream, huh, huh?
Even if you let it out, damn that *feelings vomit*, you keep being coward. Why not be the popular that everybody knows? why hide behind a ugly cheap mask?
Me tell ya that, ain''''t no man better than you. hah, wish i were big enuff to throw ya to the corner, feel the pain. Yeah so so easy to stay there, warm place, well covered, then stare out and cry ridiculously "i hate it" ''''n "why why why"
Trust me. real pain will fade. wanna scream? find ur place, stand by your own feet, depend on no one. Stop crying ''''n blaming uself, it only makes other worried and sad.
Every thing takes a long time to be sharpenned, you 2 man.
Be brave
Be wise
And think.
Được jaah sửa chữa / chuyển vào 21:36 ngày 07/07/2005

To someone...
You''re always a quiet lake in my mind...I like to remember how we used to chat and talk.Those things always make me feel pleasant.
You know...Lan and you always told ''bout a same person with deffirent voice.And...frankly,after what I have faced,i just think that both of you are right...
Ume is pretending to be loved,but just because she wants to be loved.
Those guy are really fake,but they still care for everybody if they need.And...each of them has a secret to act like that.
In the end,I just want to thank you ''cause you gave me a very pleasant time.I still belive in good people,even if i''m just a fool acting like that.
And...i have a crazy intention to fly to America...
Hey!When we meet again,i''ll tell you a lot of things.Just wait for me.

My purpose in life is not different to that of many other men out there. I want to be a good man who brings happiness to my folk. With the intention of learning more about who I am, I set goals and try to achieve them.
It is simple, but is not easy to achieve. Everyone can say that easily, but because their levels of experiences and perceptions of life vary from each other, so will their outcomes.
It is never to too late to realise what the problem is or who you are because if you are not ready and prepared for life, obstacles will appear and they might destroy and take away everything you have including the people around you.
Tonight, I lost my love. It''s frightening when all I know
falls apart.
Được axlrose_guy sửa chữa / chuyển vào 08:16 ngày 14/07/2005

Donõ?Tt look at me like thatõ?ƯIt probably means nothing to you.But to meõ?ƯI couldnõ?Tt stand this sight.
I seeõ?Ưyou had girlfriend already.
And K surely likes you that much.Today I saw her sit next to you,really close...Butõ?ƯI didnõ?Tt envy.Because I know that K is such a poor girl.
Itõ?Ts difficult for me to be that close to you.õ?TCause youõ?Tre in another world to me.Youõ?Tre not like meõ?ƯYouõ?Tre too different.And I know thereõ?Ts anything that I can do.Hopelessõ?Ư õ?ƯI know thereõ?Tre many girls who are just like meõ?ƯSuch fool girlsõ?Ư.
Youõ?Tre not online at this momentõ?ƯI wonder whyõ?ƯMaybe you quitted this job,or today you arenõ?Tt on duty.Anywayõ?ƯI canõ?Tt understand why I always waited for you to be online although I knew that you rarely chatted with me.Such a fool,eh?
I donõ?Tt like you in such jeans and shirt and with this damn motor-bike .It made you become so strange.I like you in this And1 basketball clothes,and with this kinda yellow bicycle.
You told me that now you donõ?Tt like your old friends anymore.You told me that because theyõ?Tre too childish.And Iõ?Tm just wondering what kind of girl your girl friend isõ?ƯIs she a gentle girl?Noõ?Ưa smart girl and surely a hot girl.I know you like this type,right?
At lastõ?ƯIõ?Tm such a moron talking to you though you will never read those lines .I just wish I could have a chance to talk to youõ?Ưbut itõ?Tll never happen.But the happiest thing I have now is that youõ?Tll never know what Iõ?Tm feeling õ?~bout youõ?ƯAnd I will never be careless like before.Youõ?Tll never know the factõ?Ưand no oneõ?Tll know.
And Iõ?Tm so happy because you had girl friend already.If notõ?ƯI will surely show you what Iõ?Tm feeling õ?~bout youõ?ƯAnd thenõ?ƯA very bad thing will happenõ?Ư .Really really really bad.Now, this is the best way for me,Iõ?Tm sastified with this factõ?Ư
It seems like Iõ?Tm talking to someone,not you õ?ƯI bet youõ?Tll never want to listen to those things,right?Theyõ?Tre all bull**** to you.And I never want you to know those bull****s.Youõ?Tre now in your happy world,and thereõ?Ts no need for you to care those things.Go on living,another world guy .
Youõ?Tre always like that.Never talk to me only just one word.But itõ?Ts ok to me .I donõ?Tt care.Besidesõ?Ưif I were you,I surely would act like that .You have the right to act like thatõ?ƯAnd so do I .Soõ?ƯWhy the f*ck should I talk to you like that? .Forget itõ?ƯMaybe I acted as if I wanted to chat with you so much.Oh manõ?ƯI was so wrong .Thanks god for saving me .I just want to delete all those things Iõ?Tve just writen.Butõ?ƯI also want to save even my bitter memories .So Iõ?Tll leave them here.Someday if you can be my best friend(this thing will never happen ),Iõ?Tll let you read it.I promise to God õ?Ư
Friday, July 15, 2005
Todayõ?ƯYou went to the basketball ground.
When you came,I was playing badminton with Y.And you asked her to play with me.
I played like a sh*t!Of course,Iõ?Tm really bad at it.I got 5 marks for the exam term .But besidesõ?Ưbecause I played with you.And I canõ?Tt even concentrate õ?Ư
I wondered why you asked Y,but didnõ?Tt ask me.Actually I imagined that you wanted to play with me .But the fact is that you didnõ?Tt want to play with Y,right?
We didnõ?Tt talk much todayõ?ƯI said that thereõ?Ts a distance between us and itõ?Ts always improved .And you left with H.After that I still just looked forward to you like a fool .Next timeõ?Ưif you leave,donõ?Tt ask H to go with .At least I want to go home with him .
Youõ?Tre the type of telling-little guy,eh ?And Iõ?Tm a little envious with your girl friend õ?~cause sheõ?Ts the ony one who can make you laugh all day .
I donõ?Tt exactly remember why I decide to write those things although I know that youõ?Tll never read it.I know you,you donõ?Tt find interseting in reading those mess things of mine,huh? .I donõ?Tt need you to read them ,Iõ?Tll find out someone else .
I donõ?Tt have any sweet memory of you .All I have are bitter memories,and those memories even didnõ?Tt have a connection with you.Youõ?Ưjust brought to me .I decided to give you and Van and Ly my hand-made cards.And..not like before,I wonõ?Tt give you any more special .õ?TCause this one-dide feelings are my secret.A very important secret that I must hide,even with my best friends.You see,I must set up the security of my computerõ?Ưto hide this document .
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Youõ?Tre too different to me.Today I was thinking that while looked at the mirror.Thereõ?Ts a saying:
Many women have more power than they recognize, and they''''re very hesitant to use it, for they fear they won''''t be loved.
--Patricia Schroeder õ?"
Ahõ?ƯItõ?Ts maybe true.Butõ?Ư
I just wanted to give you a nickname.But I think itõ?Ts a close action.So I decide not to it.Iõ?Td better not to do it.Youõ?Tre something that I just see,can never reach to.
Youõ?Tre online,now.So funny that you say hello to me first.But I felt that you didnõ?Tt want to do it.Nowõ?Ưyou donõ?Tt even answer my question.Your status isõ?You made me love youõ?,I wonder if youõ?Tre chatting with your girl-friend.And if you didnõ?Tt want to chat with meõ?Ưwhy the f*ck that you chatted?I donõ?T need it!

hey everybody
I''m new here
but I love this topic
i''ve read all the pages
this is really a warm house 4 those who want to express their deep feelings and an interesting place to improve english
so
from now on, i will join this house
i''m just a little girl so sometimes i need your help, your advice
please share n with me
thank you
4 me ,I''ll do all a true friend can
b friends ?

So long a time i didn?Tt touch diary
8pm, about to leave office. Standing at the veranda of the staircase, looking out at the company?Ts campus, so dark the sky, so dark the space, almost no motorbikes left, only one or two cars, feeling tired and lonely, wanting a shoulder to lean on, but nothing. I drove my way home but didn?Tt feel like going home where the will be me in my room only, just like i am now.
My job, it?Ts not bad, the manager s pretty nice and appreciates me but i don?Tt like the field on which i work, all about IT products like notebook, desktop, printer, camera, pocket pc and the like. Still i think if i work on consumer or indoor decoration goods or something else, my passion and creativity would be much more. What?Ts else, my job can be such a breeze this time but turn out to be more than busy other time which can make me exhausted. And what s going on! ppl are appointing me to be an MC for the coming event of the company?Ts closing ceremony for the first half of the year which will includes speeches, awards, entertainment and eating, sure. Gosh, thinking about this makes my heart skip a beat, i don?Tt know if this task is too much for me, i never spoke in front of such audience before, would i be awkward and run out of words when im on the stage? I just don?Tt want to think about this. man, why am i assigned this task when so much enough jobs to do at this time, i am tied up enough at work without the extra task of being an MC, I just wanna run away..
What it is when you feel lonely but you don?Tt want to see people. I told my old mates that im busy sothat i don?Tt have to go out with them. I said that i had sth to do rite away sothat i didn?Tt have to talk to my friend on the phone for long. What do i like so far? Nothing, so it seems, no music, no clothes, no painting. I was sad when my two close friends talking abt my fave food in a way as if it?Ts something disgusting to taste and it s no hygienic at all to eat out, i hate the way they make fun of me, i do. I was sad when another friend scored so much higher than me on a test though my score is supposed to be high enough to many others because it made me question about my ability. I was sad when Misaki got my present but didn?Tt say anything about it until i asked. I was sad when the Australian ambassy didn?Tt response to my application for job at all. I was sad when last time i saw Bon at the kids?Tarea but he ignored and ran to the children?Ts slide instead of running to me, hê?Ts only 3 years old and a half and hê?Ts naughty but i want him to love me in a special way like the way i miss him if i don?Tt see him, don?Tt draw pictures for him and don?Tt talk with him for a week. I can be sad easily.
I was almost calling you this evening but my mind was able to lead my heart, I was almost crying when i went out of office and stood on the staircase, I looked around searching.. I know what is going on. Love is like a soap bubble, beautiful and fragile, flying and broken.
when all is said and done, here it goes