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Now I''m looking at the card I chose to send you. I''m listening to the music. Don''t know why tears are running down on my cheeks.
Suddenly I''m looking back and thinking about all my relationship in the past.
I''m thinking about TH, my first love. While I was in the relationship, many times I suggested we should part. Now when I look back, I wondered why I had started the relationship, when I had foreseen the end.
Of all, I don''t know why Hải stayed so long in my mind, even though we hadn''t been close or intimate. Now I guess maybe it was the first time I really cared for someone, and the first time I felt someone really cared.
Even though everything was so long ago, and I had started relationship after that. I was many times torn between presence and Hải. I think my relationship with Q failed, partly because we couldn''t get along, but mostly because of Hải. I didn''t think I could ever get over Hải, and actually I had planned someday to see him again.
When i met a. Châu, I felt his care. I felt he was so real, and so gentle. I remember when I cried with him, then later when we got home, he looked into my teary eyes. Then suddely, he held me. He said, "Don''t worry, baby. We''ll keep in touch". His voice was soft and gentle.
Then now, I saw myself doing things for him. I saw myself motivated by him the way I used to be motivated by Hải.
I still don''t know if I love him. I still don''t know what love really means. Of all the feelings I had in the past, the one feeling that stands out, that I had with Hải, cannot develop further.
(I still don''t know why I don''t want to go back, and build that relationship one more time. I guess I''m too weary of it. Even though some time ago, Hải called and asked me if I would be back to VN next summer, so he could plan to come back. And we''ll see if it can work out. But I think maybe it''s fate. I''m just too weary of it).
Now I don''t want to question what love really means. I believe if I really love someone, and if he really loves me, then finally everything will fall into place.

Now I''m looking at the card I chose to send you. I''m listening to the music. Don''t know why tears are running down on my cheeks.
Suddenly I''m looking back and thinking about all my relationship in the past.
I''m thinking about TH, my first love. While I was in the relationship, many times I suggested we should part. Now when I look back, I wondered why I had started the relationship, when I had foreseen the end.
Of all, I don''t know why Hải stayed so long in my mind, even though we hadn''t been close or intimate. Now I guess maybe it was the first time I really cared for someone, and the first time I felt someone really cared.
Even though everything was so long ago, and I had started relationship after that. I was many times torn between presence and Hải. I think my relationship with Q failed, partly because we couldn''t get along, but mostly because of Hải. I didn''t think I could ever get over Hải, and actually I had planned someday to see him again.
When i met a. Châu, I felt his care. I felt he was so real, and so gentle. I remember when I cried with him, then later when we got home, he looked into my teary eyes. Then suddely, he held me. He said, "Don''t worry, baby. We''ll keep in touch". His voice was soft and gentle.
Then now, I saw myself doing things for him. I saw myself motivated by him the way I used to be motivated by Hải.
I still don''t know if I love him. I still don''t know what love really means. Of all the feelings I had in the past, the one feeling that stands out, that I had with Hải, cannot develop further.
(I still don''t know why I don''t want to go back, and build that relationship one more time. I guess I''m too weary of it. Even though some time ago, Hải called and asked me if I would be back to VN next summer, so he could plan to come back. And we''ll see if it can work out. But I think maybe it''s fate. I''m just too weary of it).
Now I don''t want to question what love really means. I believe if I really love someone, and if he really loves me, then finally everything will fall into place.

Now you are keeping silent. And I know you are not the type of person who likes to test others with the "silence treatment".
I know I''ve been mean. I know I''ve been unfair to you. I often drew into my silence, and expected you to greet me when I was back. And when you drew into your silence, I got mad, and acted mean.
But I''ve sent you a birthday card, with my warm wishes. If you can''t forgive me this time, I think it''s gonna be real difficult when later we have to face more problems.
I don''t know if I should write you an email telling you that "I know I''ve been unfair to you by drawing into my silence. And now when you are doing the same thing, I am acting mean to you. I think now I understand what you''ve been going through. And I hope you''ll be able to forgive, and we can keep communicating".
Should I write you an email like that?
Should I or I should not?
I''ve known you for two months. I don''t know enough about you. I don''t know if I will love you or not. So should I send you this mail?
I''ve been treated bad by some men, and in turn have treated some of them bad.
But now I realize only respect and fair treating will give me a satisfying relationship.
Anyway, if my relationship with you cannot turn out good, I at least learn a lesson. So that I''ll treat my right man right and expect him to treat me right.

Now you are keeping silent. And I know you are not the type of person who likes to test others with the "silence treatment".
I know I''ve been mean. I know I''ve been unfair to you. I often drew into my silence, and expected you to greet me when I was back. And when you drew into your silence, I got mad, and acted mean.
But I''ve sent you a birthday card, with my warm wishes. If you can''t forgive me this time, I think it''s gonna be real difficult when later we have to face more problems.
I don''t know if I should write you an email telling you that "I know I''ve been unfair to you by drawing into my silence. And now when you are doing the same thing, I am acting mean to you. I think now I understand what you''ve been going through. And I hope you''ll be able to forgive, and we can keep communicating".
Should I write you an email like that?
Should I or I should not?
I''ve known you for two months. I don''t know enough about you. I don''t know if I will love you or not. So should I send you this mail?
I''ve been treated bad by some men, and in turn have treated some of them bad.
But now I realize only respect and fair treating will give me a satisfying relationship.
Anyway, if my relationship with you cannot turn out good, I at least learn a lesson. So that I''ll treat my right man right and expect him to treat me right.

Now I think I''m being ridiculous. I''ve promised myself that I should go slow in everything, but sometimes my spontaneity overrides. Spontaneity is good but
"too much of a good thing is not good."
Btw, last night I talked to a friend, and he was using the word "pervert". So today I want to use this word again to lock it in my memory.
This afternoon, when I was on the bus home, one man handed me a paper with his phone number. Lord, there were so many perverts around here. That''s why I always brought my "Body Alarm" with me whenever I went, especially this season when it''s getting dark early.

Now I think I''m being ridiculous. I''ve promised myself that I should go slow in everything, but sometimes my spontaneity overrides. Spontaneity is good but
"too much of a good thing is not good."
Btw, last night I talked to a friend, and he was using the word "pervert". So today I want to use this word again to lock it in my memory.
This afternoon, when I was on the bus home, one man handed me a paper with his phone number. Lord, there were so many perverts around here. That''s why I always brought my "Body Alarm" with me whenever I went, especially this season when it''s getting dark early.

Sis 6sense, I''m sorry to say this, I''m terribly to say this... I probably should not say this at all but this is truly what I think. If a. Chau didn''t reply to you after you''d sent him a birthday card, it was... very impolite of him. Oh please, don''t yell at me, just my thought deep down inside. You know, if someone sends you a card or just a wish, it means they do care for you and you should definitely treasure their feelings. Even if you don''t like them, a reply is absolutely neccessary to show your appreciation or simly courtesy. Yes, it''s not about being cold or mean, whatever, it''s about politeness. Once again, I''m sorry to say this, sisõ?Ư you must have felt so painful for his silence....
...., you know how you made me feel when you didn''t reply to me? You know everytime I log in YM, just wanna read sth from you? But there was nothing, nothing at all.... It did hurt me and you know, I just hate you more and more each day. I hate you means I hate you, not I love you ok? I shouldnõ?Tt have talked to you, I shouldnõ?Tt haveõ?Ư. I shouldnõ?Tt haveõ?Ư I shouldnõ?Tt haveõ?Ư.
So close no matter how far... I have you in my heart and nothing else matters...

Sis 6sense, I''m sorry to say this, I''m terribly to say this... I probably should not say this at all but this is truly what I think. If a. Chau didn''t reply to you after you''d sent him a birthday card, it was... very impolite of him. Oh please, don''t yell at me, just my thought deep down inside. You know, if someone sends you a card or just a wish, it means they do care for you and you should definitely treasure their feelings. Even if you don''t like them, a reply is absolutely neccessary to show your appreciation or simly courtesy. Yes, it''s not about being cold or mean, whatever, it''s about politeness. Once again, I''m sorry to say this, sisõ?Ư you must have felt so painful for his silence....
...., you know how you made me feel when you didn''t reply to me? You know everytime I log in YM, just wanna read sth from you? But there was nothing, nothing at all.... It did hurt me and you know, I just hate you more and more each day. I hate you means I hate you, not I love you ok? I shouldnõ?Tt have talked to you, I shouldnõ?Tt haveõ?Ư. I shouldnõ?Tt haveõ?Ư I shouldnõ?Tt haveõ?Ư.
So close no matter how far... I have you in my heart and nothing else matters...

Oh, Britney, thanks for sharing. Don''t worry ! He replied to me already. That guy works in finance field, honey. He sure knows business etiquette.
But Britney, you know what. Sometimes when he''s polite, and corteous, I''m scared, honey. I feel like he treats me as one of his customers... nothing special, you know.
Btw, who is that friend that didn''t write to you? Seems like she''s a real close friend of yours? Anything happened? Why did you feel so sad and down like that?
Anyway, now I think of a. Châu as a friend. We need time and efforts to make it work (if possible). I still have a lot of things to do, and life is waving me. If two people are meant to be, finally they will.

Oh, Britney, thanks for sharing. Don''t worry ! He replied to me already. That guy works in finance field, honey. He sure knows business etiquette.
But Britney, you know what. Sometimes when he''s polite, and corteous, I''m scared, honey. I feel like he treats me as one of his customers... nothing special, you know.
Btw, who is that friend that didn''t write to you? Seems like she''s a real close friend of yours? Anything happened? Why did you feel so sad and down like that?
Anyway, now I think of a. Châu as a friend. We need time and efforts to make it work (if possible). I still have a lot of things to do, and life is waving me. If two people are meant to be, finally they will.