Cuộc sống: Những định nghĩa và những triết lý sống khác nhau

Tội anh chàng này ghê, gặp phải...một cô gái điển hình.
À, mà cô gái này còn tốt, còn biết mua hàng để mong trúng thưởng. Angie thì cứ nhằm hàng vừa đắt vừa chẳng bao giờ có khuyến mãi mà mua!

http://www.ptypes.com/masochisticpd.html
Masochistic Personality Disorder

Self-Sacrificing Personality Type
The Disease Perspective:
The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Third E***ion, Revised (American Psychiatric Association, 1987, pp. 373-374), for research purposes, described Self-defeating Personality Disorder as a pervasive pattern of self-defeating behavior, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. The person may often avoid or undermine pleasurable experiences, be drawn to situations or relationships in which he or she will suffer, and prevent others from helping him or her, as indicated by at least five of the following:
-chooses people and situations that lead to disappointment, failure, or mistreatment even when better options are clearly available;
-rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him of her;
-following positive personal events (e.g., new achievement), responds with depression, guilt, or a behavior that produces pain ( e.g., an accident);
-incites angry or rejecting responses from others and then feels hurt, defeated, or humiliated (e.g., makes fun of spouse in public, provoking an angry retort, then feels devastated);
-rejects opportunities for pleasure, or is reluctant to acknowledge enjoying himself or herself (despite having adequate social skills and the capacity for pleasure);
-fails to accomplish tasks crucial to his or her personal ob.jectives despite demonstrated ability to do so, e.g., helps fellow students write papers , but is unable to write his or her own;
-is uninterested in or rejects people who consistently treat him or her well, e.g., is unattracted to caring ***ual partners;
-engages in excessive self-sacrifice that is unsolicited by the intended recipients of the sacrifice;
The behaviors do not occur exclusively in response to, or in anticipation of , being physically, ***ually, or psychologically abused.
The behaviors do not occur only when the person is depressed.
The Dimensional Perspective
Here is a hypothetical profile, in terms of the five-factor model of personality, for Masochistic Personality Disorder (speculatively constructed from McCrae, 1994, pg. 306):
High Neuroticism
Chronic negative affects, including anxiety, fearfulness, tension, irritability, anger, dejection, hopelessness, guilt, shame; difficulty in inhibiting impulses: for example, to eat, drink, or spend money; irrational beliefs: for example, unrealistic expectations, perfectionistic demands on self, unwarranted pessimism; unfounded somatic concerns; helplessness and dependence on others for emotional support and decision making.
High Extraversion
Excessive talking, leading to inappropriate self-disclosure and social friction; inability to spend time alone; attention seeking and overly dramatic expression of emotions; reckless excitement seeking; inappropriate attempts to dominate and control others.
Low Openness
Difficulty adapting to social or personal change; low tolerance or understanding of different points of view or lifestyles; emotional blandness and inability to understand and verbalize own feelings; alexythymia; constricted range of interests; insensitivity to art and beauty; excessive conformity to authority.
High Agreeableness
Gullibility: indiscriminate trust of others; excessive candor and generosity, to detriment of self-interest; inability to stand up to others and fight back; easily taken advantage of.
High Conscientiousness
Overachievement: workaholic absorption in job or cause to the exclusion of family, social, and personal interests; compulsiveness, including excessive cleanliness, tidiness, and attention to detail; rigid self-discipline and an inability to set tasks aside and relax; lack of spontaneity; overscrupulousness in moral behavior.
Specific Affects
Fear, guilt, shame (Ferenczi qtd. in Masson, 290).
Character Weaknesses and Vices
overly self-sacrificing
rejecting of those who treat one well
fails to finish important tasks
rejects opportunities for pleasure
incites rejecting responses from others
rejects help from others
makes self-defeating choices of people and situations

(cont)
The Behavior Perspective
Motivations
Suffers from a need to be accepted and loved. Because of this need, personal relationships are more important than one''s own independent thinking (Roazen, 398).
Wants to be loved, to express his or her feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to coerce others into responding to him, to vindicate his claims about himself (Riso, ch. 4).
Behaviors
Taking the way of submission, shrinking from or flowing round difficulty and violence rather than fronting up to it (French, 43).
Believing that real love ''is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter'' (Dickens qtd. in French, 47).
Average: Emotionally demonstrative, gushy, friendly, full of good intentions about everything. Gets overly intimate, enveloping, and possessive: the self-sacrificial, mothering person who cannot do enough for others. Self-important: feels he or she is indispensable, but overrates his efforts in others'' behalf. Overbearing, patronizing.
Unhealthy: Can be manipulative and self-serving, instilling guilt, putting others in his debt. Self-deceptive about his own motives and behavior. Domineering and coercive: feels entitled to get anything he wants from others. The ''victim and martyr'': feels abused, bitterly resentful and angry, resulting in hypochondria and psychosomatic problems (Riso, ch. 4).
Insensible to the greater themes of the human imagination--religion, science, politics, art (Santayana, 166).
Associated Disorders
Dysthymia, Major Depressive episodes; suicidal ideation or behavior (American Psychiatric Association, 372).
The Life Story Perspective
Childhood
Traumatic factors (Ferenczi qtd. in Masson, 283-95).
Identification with the aggressor (290).
The still not well developed personality of the child responds *****dden unpleasure, not with defense, but with identification and introjection of the menacing person or aggressor, and identification based on fear (291).
Cherishes a profound conviction that his or her upbringing was abusive and neglectful and accounts for his of her being morally timid and very sensitive (from Dickens in French, 43).
A Christian Approach to Character Disorder
Masochistic character disorder is a type of ''solution'' to the problem of anxiety; that is, it is a strategy to alleviate anxiety. The ob.jects of desire and pleasure listed below (derived mostly from Oldham, pp. 319-29) are limited goods pridefully turned to for security when we fail to trust God. They are analogous to Karen Horney''s ''neurotic needs.''
Karen Horney: Intrapsychic Strategies of Defense
The Self-Effacing Solution
''Even when we deeply value ourselves, the anxiety built into finitude will tempt us to find our source of security in some strategy rather than a trust in God'' (Cooper, pg. 163).
Cognitive Effects
Basic Belief: I need others to need me.
Strategy: Submission.
The "idealized self is made up of beliefs about how we should feel, think, or act" (Tamney, pg. 32).
Compulsive beliefs and attitudes are idols, too.

John M. Oldham has defined the Self-Sacrificing Personality Style in The New Personality Self-Portrait. I have rephrased many of his ideas in terms of extreme, rigid, and imperative beliefs and attitudes. According to my view, the beliefs and attitudes rationalize and reinforce the idealized image and the compulsive attachments and aversions. They are analogous to Karen Horney''s "shoulds" and "neurotic claims." These are the typical beliefs that I associate with Masochistic Personality Disorder:
The purpose of life is to serve others (Oldham, 319).
My needs can always wait until others are well served (319).
To love is to give (319).
I must help others even if they haven''t asked me to (319).
Being ambitious and competing with others is wrong (319).
I cannot tolerate being the center of attention (320).
I should always anticipate the desires of those I love (320).
I must do for and give to everyone I come in contact with (321).
Laboring to make others'' lives better is what gives meaning to life (321).
I cannot tolerate success or pleasure (341).
The only way that I can gain inner tranquility is by losing sight of myself in helpfulness to others (321).
It''s better to avoid receiving rewards, getting attention, and taking cre*** for good deeds (321).
I hate to appear prideful or pushy (322).
I work so hard to make others happy, but no one seems to notice or care (322).
I feel guilty when receiving special attention (322).
I don''t want others to do things for me; it makes me uncomfortable (323).
Only through giving to others will I be accepted (324).
Parents should sacrifice everything for their children (324).
I can relax and indulge myself only when I am alone (325).
The world is a hard, tough place and my mission is to make things better for other people (326).
I will never be able to fulfill my obligations to others (326).
I am unworthy and undeserving of love, attention, and pleasure (327).
I must always be respectful of those in authority (327).
Advancing in my career is not important to me (328).
I hate to ask for favors (328).
I should avoid positions where I would be responsible for overseeing other people''s work and behavior (329).

Self-Sacrificing Personality Type
The Masochistic Idealized Image
Idols
Compulsive attachment: being needed
Compulsive aversion: being unappreciated
Strategy
Strategy: submission
I now see Dr. Oldham''s Self-Sacrificing Personality Style construct from a Christian perspective, whereby it represents an attempt to find our source of security in a strategy rather than a trust in God (Cooper); or, in Karen Horney''s terms, it represents a search for glory.
Dr. John M. Oldham has defined the Self-Sacrificing personality style. The following seven characteristic traits and behaviors are listed in his The New Personality Self-Portrait.
Generosity. Individuals with the Self-Sacrificing personality style will give you the shirts off their backs if you need them. They do not wait to be asked.
Service. Their "prime directive" is to be helpful to others. Out of deference to others, they are noncompetitive and unambitious, comfortable coming second, even last.
Consideration. Self-Sacrificing people are always considerate in their dealings with others. They are ethical, honest, and trustworthy.
Acceptance. They are nonjudgmental, tolerant of others'' foibles, and never harshly reproving. They''ll stick with you through thick and thin.
Humility. They are neither boastful nor proud, and they''re uncomfortable being fussed over. Self-Sacrificing men and women do not like being the center of attention; they are uneasy in the limelight.
Endurance. They are long-suffering. They prefer to shoulder their own burdens in life. They have much patience and a high tolerance for discomfort.
Artlessness. Self-Sacrificing individuals are rather naive and innocent. They are unaware of the often deep impact they make on other people''s lives, and they tend never *****spect deviousness or underhanded motives in the people to whom they give so much of themselves.
Idealized Image
I did conceive of "character strengths and virtues" in a positive way as Martin Seligman does in his Positive Psychology, but now see them as images of perfection that inflate the idealized self theorized by Karen Horney.
Character Strengths and Virtues (what the Masochistic type is proud of)
The "Character Strengths and Virtues" are attributes of the idealized self, or ego ideal. As "con***ions of worth" they are idols.

Generosity
Service, helpfulness, deference, non-competitiveness, non-ambitiousness
Considerateness, ethics, honesty, trustworthiness
Acceptance, nonjudgmental-ness, tolerance, never harshly reproving, loyalty, faithfulness
Humility, modesty, self-effacement
Endurance, long-suffering, responsibility, patience, stoicism
Artlessness, naivety, innocence, trustfulness
Đọc vào, scan từng chữ, mệt cả người.
Cái này áp lên mình thì hơi quá. Nhưng mà với Stranger thì có vẻ hợp. Mà việc gì Stranger lại làm như thể mình cũng thuộc dạng này? Thực tình, có bao giờ ở bên cạnh nhau nhiều đâu mà có thể nói như thể hai người giống y chang nhau?
Anyway, keyword anxiety xuất hiện khác nhiều cũng là một điều đáng suy nghĩ.
Để đây tạm vậy. Suy nghĩ sau. Có nhiều thời gian mà. Có gì ngoài thời gian đâu?
Angelika Angst

Nhận xét
Stranger không là nick lấy theo L''étranger.

Định nghĩa
Phụ nữ chuyển từ giai đoạn trẻ sang già khi họ khác hẳn sau khi trang điểm nhẹ.
Angie già, hị hị hị...
Được Angelika sửa chữa / chuyển vào 06:20 ngày 22/12/2006

Định nghĩa
Điều này Angie nhận ra từ cách đây chừng 5 năm...
Nếu ai đó là người phương xa đến TP HCM, và hỏi Angie đâu là những điểm đặc biệt của TP này, Angie sẽ không nhắc đến Nhà thờ Đức bà, Chùa Xá Lợi, etc. đâu...
Đối với Angie, chất TP HCM chính là thể hiện ra ở Những ca khúc bất hủ của Trí Quyền. Angie có may mắn tình cờ nghe được chương trình này ngày đầu tiên luôn. Angie vốn không có cảm tình với các chương trình trên sóng FM 99,9 MHz từ khi sóng này bị Đài Truyền hình TP HCM chuyển giao cho Đài Tiếng nói Nhân dân TP HCM. Nhưng mà Trí Quyền giữ Angie lại với sóng 99,9 MHz.
Mặc dù Angie thấy tên Những ca khúc bất hủ quả có là hơi to tát quá. Nhưng thôi, đâu phải điều gì cũng hoàn hảo cỡ...Angie được?
Nghe Trí Quyền, là nghe được những kỷ niệm xưa cũ, ví như ngày xưa tivi đặc biệt phát thêm 1 chương trình lúc 2pm ngày Chủ nhật. Bây giờ TV phát 24/24 nhỉ? Gần gần vậy. Có còn ai còn nhớ đến ngày xưa? Ngày mà mọi người ráng thu xếp công việc để 2 giờ trưa CN cùng xem tv?
TP HCM, Trí Quyền của Những ca khúc bất hủ.

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Hoài Cảm
Hoài Cảm
Cung Tiến
Chiều buồn len lén tâm tư
Mơ hồ nghe lá thu mưa
Dạt dào tựa những âm xưa
Thiết tha ngân lên lời xưa
Quạnh hiu về thấm không gian
Âm thầm như lấn vào hồn
Buổi chiều chợt nhớ cố nhân
Sương buồn lắng qua hoàng hôn
Lòng cuồng điên vì nhớ
Ôi đâu người, đâu ân tình cũ?
Chờ hoài nhau trong mơ
Nhưng có bao giờ, thấy nhau lần nữa
Một mùa thu xa vắng
Như mơ hồ về trong đêm tối
Cố nhân xa rồi, có ai về lối xưa?
Chờ nhau hoài cố nhân ơi!
Sương buồn che kín nguồn đời
Hẹn nhau một kiếp xa xôi,
nhớ nhau muôn đời mà thôi!
Thời gian tựa cánh chim bay,
Qua dần những tháng cùng ngày
Còn đâu mùa cũ êm vui?
Nhớ thương biết bao giờ nguôi?
Sàigòn 1953
Thanh Long Bass lên chỗ Lòng cuồng điên vì nhớ và Một mùa thu xa vắng vẫn còn chưa đẹp đối với mình. Sao mà mình lại vẫn có cảm giác giọng hát chưa thể hiện hết tình cảm của bài hát, diễn chưa đạt...
Được Angelika sửa chữa / chuyển vào 09:35 ngày 31/12/2006
Được Angelika sửa chữa / chuyển vào 09:35 ngày 31/12/2006

Định nghĩa
Nhà là nơi mình phải tự nấu lấy đồ ăn, tự dọn dẹp, tự rửa chén, chứ không được có cái trò chỉ tay năm ngón hay cầu cạnh, năn nỉ ai làm dùm cái gì.
Hờ hờ, nhà ơi là nhà...

Triết lý sống
(Trích từ một cuộc đối thoại)
Angie[tính chơi đòn phủ đầu để moi tin tức,]: Bao giờ mày đẻ?
T: Không biết. Không đẻ. Đẻ con giống tao, tao chịu sao nổi?

Được Angelika sửa chữa / chuyển vào 02:09 ngày 09/01/2007