DISTANT LOVE - possible or impossible ?

Some people say that we shouldn't love a person who live far away from us 'cause the distances of space, time are actually big problems which are extremely difficult to solve. The others think that it's hard to keep "distance love" but true loves can overcome all and true loves usually have happy end.

So, what do you think about this?

In fact, lovers need time together in order to understand , to share sadness , hardships, and joys. To know clearly about someone is not a simple task. How can we control a relationship that we don't have opportunity to see, touch, and feel ? What is a half of us doing? How can we know? Do they tell us the truths or lies ?
Many friends of mine said goodbye to each other when they have to be apart . Most of those have somewhat similar reasons : the changes in environment, people, way of living, .and so many other things influence in their thinking, concepts of life and of the way of choosing partners, and many differences in values, morals ,etc....

(to be continue....)


Dirosemimi






Được dirosemimi sửa chữa / chuyển vào 02/10/2002 ngày 23:29

Hi Di
I think the distances of space is a test for your love.
It will demontrate for your love, that is true love or another love
It's very hard to overtake
But, If you win in that test I think no people or no things can defeat your love.

NTA

On the other hand ,some people think that modern communication inventions can shorten space like email, chat and voice-chat, telephone, webcam,etc. Couples absolutely share all thinking, sadness, happiness....If only they have true love and belief , everything is possible.
Is it true ?

Dirosemimi

I don't think so.
mess with the best,
die with the rest

I think it??Ts possible to love a person who live far away from us. However, it??Ts not easy to keep the relationship. Diroremimi is right : ??o Lovers need time together in order to understand , to share sadness , hardships, and joys. To know clearly about someone is not a simple task. How can we control a relationship that we don't have opportunity to see, touch, and feel ? What is a half of us doing? How can we know? Do they tell us the truths or lies ? ??o. We have to remember that the person who is chatting with us on the net will be a different person in real life. It??Ts the truth. On the net, we can not see each other, so we can say something which we can not say in real life. Ex: Some guys can court girl on the net although they can not court anyone in real life because they??Tre seft-confident since the girl can not see them.

Sometime, we feel that he (she) is the only one person who can make your heart warming. However, it??Ts the unreal feeling. It??Ts my experience. I had to spend time to think about what happened. I will tell you about my ??odistance lovê??
Shê?Ts living so far away from me. I met her on the net. She often called me. she called me everyday. She did not care about amount of money she would have to pay for the phone bill. She wanted to know what I was doing at that time. She worried that I already have girl friend in Viet Nam. That thing obsessed her. When I did not have time to chat with her, she though that I went out with other girl. It made her nervous. Day by day, I was tired and she she was tired, too. Caressing manner is very important with lovers. Unfortunately, we did not have chance. It was also a big problem. I knew that we needed time in oder to understand, to share sadness???. as what Dirosemini wrote. However, the distance is the foe of ??odistance lovê??.
Most of people change when they come to other country. They ??~re tired from the bored life in US and they feel lonely. They will change if the they meet a person who can make them happy.
Finally, I want to tell you that most of love will broke if the lovers can not live in same city. Vietnamese has a famous sentence ??oXa mat cach long???. I don??Tt know how to translate into English
Thanks for reading.

Nguyen_cao@yahoo.com

Hi everybody,
Thank you for your interesting topic and ideas.I have relaxed after reading them and wanted to join with you at the moment "too late to sleep but too early to wake up".
The experience simoncao shared above about online friends has been interesting.Sometimes we meet lovely persons on the net.We have felt free to chat hour by hour,day by day to them,shared with them about what we experienced and encountered as well as how we felt.We could tell them about everything which we never did with our "real friend" (the one in reality).Maybe we tell them somehow we loved the person in "one way love" and never be afraid that they would tell someone else.We could tell them about all secrets of ours freely.To be with the person, we felt safe and never scared of hurting.In this case,inability for seeing,feeling,touching become advandtages and helpful.We are happy to live with "imaging feeling" in "an immaging world" rather than "the real harsh wolrd".Do not know is better than know harshly.
But ...."email,chat and voice chat,telephone,webcam ect" or any high technology audiovisual devices can not replace "attractive eyes,sweet voice" in reality.Voice chat with the noisy electronic voice through internet or tellephone can not replace the sweet voice when we are side by side and talk to.The best quality webcam can not be better just eyes in love.And "glance and talk " at the same time side by side is much ...much better than "look and talk" to "the monitor".In ad***ion,touch feeling is very ..very important.Imaging that during the course we get the extremly emotions what can we do?Hehehe....Do not dote on and kiss (sorry everybody)... monitor.They are just three in six.If the six ones combine together,everybody can "feel'" natural the difference.How different!
I think the hi-tech does not improve the situation of distances but make it worse.Let talk about email ,for example.It is very fast and convinent that nobody can deny.But i always prefer "letter".Some years ago when i lived far away from my friends we just contacted by post.We wrote once a half month or whenever we felt sad and wanted to confide.Sometimes i wrote through the night with full emotion.Then went to the post office to send the letter.And wait.Wait for the letler from my friend....I checked whether i got a letter everytime the postman came to my dormitory.If i got the a letter,i would devoured it all that day and think about it in order to response.But for now that feeling has not been with me any more.The email is so fast.Fast for me to think,to read,to wait,to go the the post office.Mail is not mail any more.I miss the feeling of writing,reading,wating.

Tao_lao
Được tao_lao sửa chữa / chuyển vào 00:12 ngày 28/09/2002

Once i met a friend on the net through chatting.We met in a poetry room.We chatted, made frog poems,discussed about poetry.I had not loved poetry as i did until i met the person.I could make the very first frog poem.Living alone without family and friends has made me care more and more about literature.I started reading short stories,poems and novels.And i felt better in literature world.After the very first meeting,we chatted everyday in a long time.We talked about music,movie,our ex-loves....talked about our hobby,our belief....about everything that we could mention about...We accually became heart-to-heart partners.
As time went pass we wrote and chatted less and less.Eventhough we trusted each other and tried keeping in touch we could not.We tried finding something new to talk about,some joke to tell about to bride the gap,shorten the space.We felt that the gap was bigger and bigger but we could not stop it.We must stand to witness the death of our friendship day by day.
We can not resist the God and fate.And i experienced and accepted that "online friend can not replace real friend".
It is just "distance friendship "(or love i am not very sure) and difficult enough. With the litle knowledge and experience i do not dare to discuss about "distance love"(possible or not).Even if i can i do not want to talk about it. I hate using brain so much to think about love,talk about love.Determine wrong and right in love is not applicable.Love is voice of heart and wisedom of brain.Using brain so much to love is not love as it should be.
Love make up "soul and body". "Soul" i mean when we love we think about the person all the time.We have the sweet memory,good impession about each other.Such things make the "soul" part of the love."Body" i mean what we have got when we are side by side or in the physical distance near enough.Going out hand in hand,talk directly or....do "something else" ect make the "body" part of love.The love exist and get stronger and stronger in the good enviroment of "soul and body" of love.The principle is the same as us.
The love can not survive without the body as we can not survive without body.When two love partners are far away the "body" part is attacked seriously.Missing the feeling of touchness or "doing something esle" make the body very weak.If a "strong body" is available, why we do not tranfer the "soul" to that "body". And the battle in the soul will explode.A lot of sweet memory and loyal mind (if any) tend and help the "old body" while the attractive feeling of imaging try to flirt the "soul"and help the "new body". Who will win in the battle is up to their strength.If the "soul" is equiped with a lot of weapons of full memory,sweet unforgetive time and strong loyality especially ,she will win the agreesive enemy.
I remember a famous sentence (i do not remember whose it is): "Love is a fire while distance is a wind".If the fire is so weak,the wind will stamp out it.But if the fire is strong enough,the wind just help it stronger".That remind me another sentence: "Love is a strange monster which will die with feeding up and live well in hungry".However the monster also die if it is very...very hungry (the soul can not survive if the body is too hungry).
Somebody believe in the "pure love".It mean they beieve that the love can live without "body".Just the soul itself.I do not know whether it is correct or not.But i accept to be amused that i am "an indifferent lover",wordly rather than such pure lover.Love without "body",without feeling of touchness,seeing and ...
" ...Em trở về đúng nghĩa trái tim em
Là máu thịt đời thường ai cũng có..."
Even if "máu thịt đời thường"(do not want to translate,i prefer this Vietnamese phrase) does not exist anymore,the love is still forever (contrast to what i try to say above,is not it?)
"Vẫn biết yêu khi cuộc đời không còn nữa
Và yêu anh cả khi chết đi rồi.."
(I do not remember this poem by Lady Xuan Quynh exactly,forgive for my lousy memory)
Tao_lao
Được tao_lao sửa chữa / chuyển vào 02:08 ngày 28/09/2002
Được tao_lao sửa chữa / chuyển vào 14:51 ngày 28/09/2002

Distance love - Why not?
I don't mean to disagree with u guys about "distance love is really hard to keep". But to my love, distance is nothing
Actually, my love ,like any other loves, also has sadness and happiness( sadness is even twice of happiness . However, once we realized that we were the rest of the other, we have tried so much to hold our love. So that, distance is just a small problem.
We knew each other and got in touch via a net named Tri Tue Viet Nam of FPT company. Chatting on net (and on phone), dating and attending some clubs of TTVN lead us to love. Till now, we have had more than 3 years for loving but there was 2 years we had to live apart. Even now, when I have put my step on the US land, we still live at different part of CA I dun know why we always have to live far from each other but I do know that the real love help us hold our mind.
I wanna tell you that "just love and trust. Then your love will be lasted for long time ( may be longer than your distance)".
~Cho một con cá, sống một ngày; cho một cần câu, sống cả đời~

Xa cách
Xuân Diệu
Có một bận, em ngồi xa anh quá,
Anh bảo em ngồi xích lại gần hơn.
Em xích gần thêm một chút; anh hờn.
Em ngoan ngoãn xích gần thêm chút nữa
Anh sắp giận, em mỉm cười, vội vã
Đến kề anh, và mơn trớn: "Em đây !"
Anh vui liền; nhưng bỗng lại buồn ngaỵ
Vì anh nghĩ: thế vẫn còn xa lắm.
Đôi mắt của người yêu, ôi vực thẳm!
Ôi trời xa, vừng trán của của người yêu !
Ta thấy gì đâu sau sắc yêu kiều
Mà ta riết giữa đôi tay thất-vọng.
Dầu tin tưởng: chung một đời, một mộng.
Em là em; anh vẫn cứ là anh.
Có thể nào qua Vạn lý trường thành
Của hai vũ-trụ chứa đầy bí-mật.
Thương nhớcũ trôi theo ngày tháng mất,
Quá khứ anh; anh không nhắc cùng em.
- Linh hồn ta còn u ẩn hơn đêm,
Ta chưa thấu, nữa là ai thấu rõ.
Kiếm mãi, nghi hoài, hay ghen bóng gió,
Anh muốn vào dò xét giấc em mợ
Nhưng anh giấu em những mộng không ngờ,
Cũng như em giấu những điều quá thực...
Hãy sát đôi đầu! Hãy kề đôi ngực!
Hãy trộn nhau đôi mái tóc ngắn dài!
Những cánh tay! Hãy quấn riết đôi vai!
Hãy dâng cả tình yêu lên sóng mắt!
Hãy khắng khít những cặp môi gắn chặt
Cho anh nghe đôi hàm ngọc của răng;
Trong say sưa, anh sẽ bảo em rằng:
"Gần thêm nữa! Thế vẫn còn xa lắm!"
The love do not obey the laws of physics which seem natural correct in common senses.Now let 's look closer and examine the "distance in love" which is corresponding to length in physics.To begin with, i introduced the love poem Xa Cách by Xuân Diệu above.
I hate to repeat what i did.But this case is exception .The poem is so wonderful and valuable that i write it again:
Có một bận, em ngồi xa anh quá,
Anh bảo em ngồi xích lại gần hơn.
Em xích gần thêm một chút; anh hờn.
Em ngoan ngoãn xích gần thêm chút nữa
Anh sắp giận, em mỉm cười, vội vã
Đến kề anh, và mơn trớn: "Em đây !"
Anh vui liền; nhưng bỗng lại buồn ngaỵ
Vì anh nghĩ: thế vẫn còn xa lắm.

The closer we get (em xích lại gần thêm một chút),the further we feel(vì anh nghĩ :thế vẫn còn xa lắm).The physics laws about distance is unenforceable to explain in this case.But the mathemmatic analysis can save the physics buddy. If we consider distance=y and the closer=x (the feeling) and the relation between them is hyperbolic (y=1/x) ,we can explain the paradox.
Accually the distance in physics and maths is quite different from that in common sense (in space).In modern physics (let say Eistein 's specified relative theory ),the coordinate system should be modified with the time axis (the four-dimentions Minskosky space-time).If we use Lorentz transformation,we obtain the distances as function of space and time (not just space as we susposed in the classical physics).
Therefore when we discuss about the distance we should include the time variable (how long).If two lovers must live in distance (far away) in short time (some days or months),everything will go well. With the same distance but much ...longer of time (maybe some years),the effect is different.And the distance is not "nothing" (in the manner sister CU TÍ told above) but considerable.
In ad***ion, the distance in love is much..much more complicated with the modifying of infinite factors or axises in the Minskosky space.Loyality,memory,belief toward each other axises will make the analysis impossible.Solving the problem in infinite-dimentions space is much ..much more difficult than 13-dimentions space of current science levels (i think next thousands of year people have still faced this problem and gave up... ).
In conlusion,the physics and maths view (caculation) of distance in love give out a insolvable problem.
I am waiting for the solution from psychologist in our club.
Tao_lao
Được tao_lao sửa chữa / chuyển vào 17:38 ngày 28/09/2002

Noi chung la:

Nothing's Impossible