[English] BACKSTAGE PASS (Vượt Qua Qua Khứ)

Backstage Pass
Page 100



He lifted his head to look at her, his eyes wide with surprise. “You’re not?”

“No. It’s fine. It’s al in the past. Right?”

“Yeah, of course. I don’t even like to think about it.” He stared into her eyes for a long moment and then pressed his lips to hers. “I can’t believe you’re cool with this. You’re too good to be true.”

He showed his appreciation with deep, al -encompassing kisses and questing hands. She encouraged his attention, knowing that even though Brian was wel over his brief attraction to Trey, Trey was in no way ready to give up on Brian.

Chapter 33

Myrna set her stack of data on the coffee table between her laptop and cup of chamomile tea and answered her cel phone. Didn’t he realize it was 11 o’clock at night in her time zone?

“Hel o?”

“I miss you,” Brian murmured. “Did I wake you?”

She smiled. She missed him, too, but had been getting a lot of work done since she’d returned home. She was almost caught up. Her guilt trip for abandoning her work to enjoy Brian was starting to wane. Just a little. Maybe she could return to him sooner than she’d imagined. “No, I’m stil working. How did the music video shoot go today?”

“I’m in al of five shots. Sed’s a total camera hog. The rest of us were bored.” She heard the slur in his voice.

“And so you drank al day,” she guessed.

“We were bored.”

“I’m going to let you go.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m working.” And I can’t stand the sound of your voice when you’re drunk.

“Is that real y why?”

“Cal me back tomorrow,” she said. “When you’re sober.”

“Myrna?”

She hung up. She sighed and picked up her data. She’d only typed in one number when the phone rang again. She considered not answering, but final y picked up.

“Brian, I don’t want to talk to you right now.”

“Who’s Brian?”

Myrna’s blood turned cold. Her throat closed off.

Jeremy.

She couldn’t breathe, much less speak. How had he gotten her phone number? She’d been careful to keep it unlisted and had given it to very few people.

“Who’s Brian?” he repeated.

Her only reply was a gasp. Paralyzed with fear, she couldn’t move. Or think.

“Is he the reason you’ve been away from your apartment for over three weeks?”

How did he know she’d been away? Was he watching her again?

“Are you f**king him?”

“How did you get this number?” she asked around the lump in her throat.

“Are you f**king him? I’l kil him. No one touches you but me. Do you understand? You’re my wife. You belong to me.”

“Jeremy, we’re divorced. And in case you forgot, I stil have that restraining order.”

“Are you going to cal the cops? Go ahead. They don’t know where I am, but I’l see you real soon, sugar.” He disconnected. Myrna tossed the cel phone across the couch as if it had transformed into a snake. She jumped to her feet, lowered the blinds at al the windows and jerked the drapes closed. She checked to make sure the front door was locked. Bolted. Chained. She looked in the closets. Checked under the bed and behind doors. In the kitchen cabinets. The refrigerator. She was alone. Too alone for comfort. She picked up her cel phone and locked herself in the bathroom.

When she closed the door, the shower curtain bil owed. Myrna dialed 911 and held her thumb over Send as she approached the bathtub. Heart thudding, she grabbed the curtain and jerked it back.

Empty.

Her shoulders sagged with relief. She sat on the edge of the bathtub with her back against the cold, tile wal so she could see the entire room. Jeremy might have learned to teleport since she’d last seen him.

She cal ed Brian.

He answered on the second ring. “Oh, so now you want to talk to me.”

She could hear a lot of noise in the background. Loud music. Conversation. Laughter. Clinking glasses. She was scared out of her wits and he was partying like, wel , a rock star. The jerk.

“J-Jeremy cal ed,” she whispered.

“What? I can’t hear you,” he shouted.

The noises in the background changed rapidly. He must be on the move toward an exit, or some place a little more quiet.

“Say it again,” he said.

“J-Jeremy cal ed.” She wiped at an annoying tear with the back of her hand. What did tears get you? Nothing. They sure didn’t make a drunk stop accusing you of being a filthy whore.

“Your ex-husband? I thought you had no contact with him. Why did he cal you?”

“He wanted to know where I’ve been for the last three weeks,” she whispered. She couldn’t seem to talk any louder. As if Jeremy might overhear her.

“He’s stalking you again,” Brian said with a certainty. “Do you have someone who can stay with you until I get there?”

“No, I didn’t cal you to get you to come here. He said he was going to kil you.”

“He said that? How does he even know about me?”

“Don’t come here.”

“Then you come here. Immediately.”

There was a thump in the apartment next door and Myrna jumped.

It was bad enough that she had to live in fear, but she refused to put Brian at risk. If she went to him, or he came to her, she knew Jeremy would hurt him. She swal owed and took a deep breath, hoping she sounded confident when she said, “Don’t be ridiculous. I have a ton of work to do. He’s just being a jerk. I’l be fine. I know he won’t bother me again. I reminded him that I have a restraining order. If he comes near me, al I have to do is cal the police and they’l arrest him.”

Backstage Pass
Page 101



“Yeah, okay. I’l just sit around here for a week and hope your psychotic stalker of an ex-husband leaves you alone.”

“Brian—”

“I’l be there as soon as I can. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?”

“That’s not real y necessar… For a little while.”

“Tel me about your day,” he said. She could hear the bar noises in the background again. “Hey, Phil,” he cal ed to someone, “cal me a cab, wil you?”

“You’re leaving already, Brian?” some annoyed-sounding woman said. “We just got this party started.”

“You’re not tel ing me about your day,” Brian said to Myrna.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything. Start from the moment you opened your eyes.”

“Shouldn’t I start from the moment I rol ed over in bed and tried to find you, but you weren’t there?”

“Yeah, start with that.” She could hear the smile in his voice.

She told him al about her day. Every moment, including what Jeremy had said to her on the phone. Brian kept her talking on his cab ride to the airport, while he booked a flight at the ticket counter, and the entire time he waited for his flight. She felt safer just having him on the other end of the line. She eventual y let herself out of the bathroom and crawled into bed with her phone. She left al the lights in the apartment on, however. She didn’t think she could handle darkness.

“My battery is going dead,” he said. “I’l keep talking as long as I can. My plane is boarding soon.”

“I’m sorry to be a pest, Brian.”

“You’re not a pest.”

She didn’t realize she was on the verge of tears until they started to fal . “I shouldn’t have cal ed you. And I shouldn’t let you come here,” she whispered, and sniffed her nose. “Jeremy might hurt you.”

“I can take care of that stupid prick. Don’t worry about me. Keep yourself safe until I get there. You know, if you go to sleep now, I’l be there when you wake up.”

She nodded as if he could see her. She was exhausted. Mental y drained. “Thank you for being there for me.”

“Think nothing of it. You know I lo—”

The phone disconnected. His battery must’ve died. Not wanting Jeremy to have the opportunity to cal her again, she shut off her phone. Tomorrow she’d get the number changed.

But how? How had Jeremy found her? She’d been so careful.

Chapter 34

The sound of the door buzzer pul ed Myrna from a listless sleep. It took her a moment to remember she was home, not on the tour bus.

The buzzer sounded again. A few stray rays of sunshine filtered around the edges of her bedroom curtains. Morning already?

Myrna stumbled from bed, stil in the clothes she’d worn the day before.

The buzzer sounded again. Several times in a row. Loud knocking fol owed.

Brian! He’d made it.

“I’m coming,” she cal ed as she hurried toward the door.

She unlocked it and pul ed it open, a bright smile on her face. It faded instantly.

“Good morning, darling,” Jeremy greeted. His bright blue eyes raked over her body from head to toe. “Did you sleep in your clothes last night, sweetheart? You’re a mess.”

He wasn’t. Deeply tanned, blond, tal , athletic, and handsome, he looked like a walking advertisement for a country club. Her mouth worked at producing words but nothing came out. Her entire body had gone numb. She couldn’t move.

“Here, I brought you flowers. I know how you like the frivolous things.” He shoved a huge bouquet of mixed flowers into her chest. She caught them automatical y. He edged his tal , lithe body into her apartment and closed the door. “I told you I’d see you soon. Why do you look so stunned?”

“Leave!” she managed to bel ow.

“You’re not happy to see me?”

“Of course I’m not happy to see you. Get out of my apartment!”

He lifted his hand to touch her check and she whimpered in fear.

He dropped his hand, his blond brows drawn together with concern. “I’m not going to hurt you, darling. I don’t drink anymore. See?

Smel my breath.”

The minty scent of his mouthwash bathed her face. She flinched. She couldn’t help it. She was terrified of him. “That’s not the point, Jeremy. You aren’t supposed to come within three hundred yards of me. If you don’t leave by the count of three, I’m cal ing the cops.”

“Myrna, just hear me out.”

“One.”

“I realize what a jerk I was and I’ve come to ask for your forgiveness.”

“Two.”

“I’ve been through treatment, Myrna. The thought that we can be together again is al the reason I need to stay sober for the rest of my life.”

“Three.” Myrna tossed the flowers on the floor and turned to search for her phone. She remembered that she’d fal en asleep with it against her chest the night before. She hurried toward her bedroom to retrieve it.

“Wait.” Jeremy fol owed her into the living room. The sound of his footsteps behind her made her heart race. She covered the back of her head with one hand and walked sideways so she could keep an eye on him. She wouldn’t put it past him to clobber her over the head the second she turned her back.

“Just give me a chance. Please, Myrna. Listen to me.” His strong fingers gripped her arm. She froze, trembling uncontrol ably. She couldn’t catch her breath. “How did you find me, Jeremy?” she said, gasping. “How? I did everything right.”

Backstage Pass
Page 102



He chuckled. “That part was easy. There aren’t many ’57 Thunderbirds registered in this state.”

Of course. Her car. How could she have been so stupid?

“Why are you shaking? I said I wouldn’t hurt you. Don’t be afraid.”

“Don’t be afraid? Don’t be afraid! ” She turned and shoved him with both hands. “You put me in the hospital, you crazy son-of-abitch. You almost kil ed me.”

“That wasn’t me, baby. It wasn’t. I was drunk and you were cheating on me with that gas station attendant. I lost control. But I won’t slip again. I promise. I’l never hurt you again. Never.”

Gas station attendant? What the f**k was he talking about? She’d never dated a gas station attendant. She didn’t even know a gas station attendant.

“I’m not that man anymore. Remember that charming man you fel in love with?” He smiled and she could almost remember the man she’d married, but she remembered a face twisted in rage and a pair of hard fists much more vividly.

“He’s back. I,” he continued, pressing a hand to his chest, “I’m back and we can go back, Myrna. Back to the way things were at the beginning. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? I never meant to hurt you, sweetheart. You have to believe me. I’m better now. I’ve changed. I love you. So much. I do. I love you. You believe that, don’t you?”

Her stomach churned at the sound of those three little words slithering from between his lying lips. Nothing had changed. This was exactly like every other time he’d talked her into taking him back. Wel , one thing had changed. She had. She knew real love with a good man. Brian had showed her the difference. She shook her head at Jeremy. “Even if I did believe you, and I don’t, it wouldn’t matter. I don’t love you. I have a new boyfriend. One who respects me and treats me wel . He doesn’t think I’m a whore or falsely accuse me of cheating on him.”

Jeremy’s eyes hardened and his upper lip curled. A thril of fear raced down her spine. As she suspected, the darkness in him was careful y veiled behind his lies and attempted manipulations.

After several seconds, Jeremy relaxed and smiled. “Oh, yes. Brian.”

“Do I know you?” Brian asked from the open front door.

Chapter 35

Brian was stil groggy from the long flight, but he didn’t think he was hal ucinating. There was something intimate between Myrna and this guy who had his hand wrapped around her arm.

The tal man turned and his eyes widened. “This has to be a joke, Myrna. Your new boyfriend is a thug?”

“He’s not a thug,” she whispered. “He’s perfect.”

“Am I interrupting something?” Brian asked, his brows raised in question.

Myrna’s hands clenched into fists. Her entire body was shaking. He could see it from halfway across the room. Something wasn’t right here. Who was this guy? And why was he touching Myrna with such familiarity? Had she actual y been in such a hurry to return to Kansas City so she could rendezvous with some secret lover of hers? She’d known he was on his way. Surely she wasn’t stupid enough to get caught this easily.

“You can leave, thug. My wife and I are getting back together.” The man wrapped an arm around Myrna’s shoulders and tucked her against his side. His lips brushed her temple.

Brian’s heart slammed into his chest. “Wife?” Brian sputtered.

This was Jeremy? This handsome, clean-cut man was the evil son-of-a-bitch who had damaged Myrna so severely she couldn’t stand the sound of the word love? It couldn’t be. Brian was certain Jeremy had curved horns, thick red skin, glowing eyes, and cloven hooves. This guy, who belonged on a Christmas card dressed in a reindeer sweater surrounded by his doting wife, 2.5 kids, and his faithful golden retriever, could not be Jeremy. Not possible. Besides, weren’t they divorced?

Myrna shook her head and opened her mouth, but didn’t produce a sound. Brian had never seen her look so pale. He decided she wasn’t freaked out because he’d caught her in the act with some good-looking man. She was terrified. But Brian was here now. He wouldn’t let this ass**le hurt her again. Not physical y. Not emotional y. Not psychological y. Brian wouldn’t give him the chance.

“So you’re Jeremy,” Brian said, easing further into the apartment. No sudden movements. There was no tel ing what this crazy bastard was capable of.

Jeremy smiled and tossed his blond head with a self-satisfied grin on his perfect face. “She told you about me, did she?”

“Oh yeah, she told me al about you.” Brian’s rage simmered beneath the surface, but he knew he had to keep it restrained. His first instinct was to pound the **** out of this guy, but he didn’t want to scare Myrna. Brian didn’t want her to think he was anything like this prick.

Jeremy trailed his fingers up and down Myrna’s upper arm as he waited for Brian to make his move. Myrna stood frozen at his side, looking nauseous with anxiety. When Jeremy eased her closer, she whimpered. Brian’s rage erupted. “Get your f**king hands off her.” He crossed the room in three strides, his fisted hands raised in threat.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!” Jeremy said, bike-pedaling backwards and shifting Myrna in front of his body for protection. “I know you thugs settle your differences with violence, but civilized men—”

“You’re about to find out how violent this thug can get, you piece-of-**** pansy. I told you to get your f**king hands off Myrna. I mean now.”

Backstage Pass
Page 103



Jeremy dropped his hands from Myrna’s shoulders.

Emitting a gasp of relief, she took a step toward Brian. He opened his arms to draw her near, but Jeremy grabbed her again. She flinched as if he’d struck her.

Brian’s heart thudded faster. His eyes narrowed. “I warned you, ass**le,” he said. “Now I’m going to kick your ass.”

Brian advanced on Jeremy, but before he could land a blow, Myrna stepped between them and lifted her hands to stop him. “No, Brian. Don’t hit him.”

Brian’s eyes widened. She was defending him? How could she defend him? Maybe what Jeremy had said about them getting back together had been the truth. He certainly looked the part of her husband—attractive , clean-cut, wealthy, and wel -educated. Perfect manners. Perfect face. Perfect body. Everything Myrna deserved in a husband. Certainly a more practical choice than Brian. Even he couldn’t deny that reality.

Brian shook his head at his thoughts. No. Jeremy didn’t deserve her. He had hurt her in every way imaginable. She didn’t need someone who looked proper standing beside her. She needed someone who supported her and let her be herself. She needed Brian, dammit, even if she wouldn’t admit it.

“I’m not just going to hit him,” Brian said. “I’m going to beat the **** out of him.”

“No, please don’t.”

Brian could not believe that she was still trying to protect the jerk. Was she mental? “Why not? He deserves it.”

“Because,” she said, looking up at him with concern in her pretty, hazel eyes, “you’l hurt your hands.” She grabbed a tal , crystal vase off a nearby end table and shoved it into his chest. “Use this instead.”

Brian grinned and lifted the vase in one hand, testing its weight. “You sure? This is a real y nice vase. It’s also heavy. Potential y lethal.” He glanced at Jeremy, satisfied to see fear in his eyes. Brian shifted his gaze to the flowers littering the floor by the door. “And you have some nice flowers over there that someone—not me, once again—delivered personal y…”

Myrna careened into Brian as Jeremy shoved her out of the way. Jeremy sprinted toward the front door, but Brian grabbed him by the col ar of his baby blue polo shirt before he could get out into the corridor. “Where do you think you’re going?” Brian shut the door with his foot.

“Let me go!”

“I don’t think you understand. I have a serious beef with you, dude. And I very much want to cause you permanent harm.”

“I’m going to go cal the police,” Myrna said. “He’s not supposed to be anywhere near me.”

Brian was glad to see her confidence returning. He’d scarcely recognized her when he first arrived. “Great idea. I’l keep this guy occupied until they get here.”

As soon as she disappeared into a room at the back of her apartment, Jeremy took a wild swing at Brian. Brian ducked. In his youth, he had been in more fights than he could count and it was obvious that this wuss had never squared off with a man. No, he was the type of coward who hit women and kicked puppies.

Jeremy struggled against Brian’s hold on the back of his col ar. “Get your hands off me, you filthy thug. If you so much as scratch me, my father wil have you put away for the rest of your life.”

“You’re going to tel your daddy on me? You’re even more pathetic than I realized.” Brian jerked him away from the door and shoved him into a wingback chair. “Have a seat while we wait for your handcuffs to be delivered.”

When Jeremy tried to get up, Brian put a fist in his face.

“Now listen to me, you son-of-a-bitch, the only thing preventing me from tearing your head off and pissing down your neck hole is realizing what a mess your blood would make on Myrna’s carpet. So you just sit there calmly or I might do something you won’t live long enough to regret.” Talking trash usual y did the trick with this type of coward, but Brian would be more than happy to turn his threats into reality. He would take great pleasure in rearranging this guy’s overly handsome face.

“I real y don’t understand why you have it out for me. If it’s because I cal ed you a thug, then I apologize for that.”

Jeremy oozed charm from every pore, but Brian wasn’t buying it. “I don’t care what you think of me, you arrogant ass. You hit a woman. My woman. You are on the top of my **** list.”

“I don’t know where you got your information. I would never hit a woman. Especial y not Myrna. I love her.” He closed his eyes and shuddered with tormented ecstasy. “Oh God, I love you, Myrna. I love you so much.”

Brian’s nose wrinkled and the skin on the back of his neck crawled. This guy was five brewskies short of a six pack. “No wonder she hates that word.”

Jeremy opened his eyes, a cold grin spreading across his face. Creepy. Make that six brewskies short.

“She’s never said it to you, has she?” Jeremy chuckled with an odd merriment. “And she never wil . She won’t tel you she loves you, because she stil loves me. I own her heart forever. I made sure of it. She’l always be mine. Eternal y. I ruined her for al other men. And I did it on purpose.” Jeremy lowered his chin, and stared up at Brian with icy blue eyes. “Thug.”

Myrna came back into the room with her cel phone in her hand. “They’re on their way.”

Jeremy launched himself out of his chair and shoved Brian backward with both hands. Brian stumbled, regained his footing, and headed after him. He should never have let his guard down. Jeremy yanked the door open. Brian thrust his arm in front of him to stop his progress. Sneering maliciously, Jeremy slammed the door. On Brian’s hand.

Backstage Pass
Page 104



“Ow! ****.” Brian cradled his crushed hand against his chest.

“You idiot,” Myrna yel ed and jumped on Jeremy’s back.

Her knees digging into Jeremy’s sides to keep herself clinging to his body, she repeatedly slapped him on the head with both hands. “You stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid—”

“Ow, Myrna, that hurts. Stop it,” Jeremy complained.

She continued to slap him, punctuating her blows with, “Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.”

Brian watched, strangely amused by her tirade. Jeremy tried to dislodge her from his back, but she had him in a leg lock he had no hope of escaping.

Brian’s left hand was already so swol en that he couldn’t make a proper fist. He hoped to God it wasn’t broken. But seeing Myrna slap the **** out of Jeremy in retaliation? Total y worth it.

Jeremy covered his head with his arms to try to block her continued flat-palmed slaps.

“I hate you,” she bel owed. “I hate you. I hate you.” When the tears started flowing, Brian couldn’t stand there and watch anymore. He touched the center of her back and she hesitated. She turned her head to look at him, tears streaming down her face and dripping off her jaw.

“It’s okay, baby,” he murmured. “Come here.”

She fel into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. She sobbed against his shoulder, drenching his shirt in seconds. He stroked her back and rubbed his lips against her hair. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you. Shh.”

Final y free, Jeremy yanked the door open and found two police officers standing on the threshold.

“Are you Jeremy Condaroy?” one of the officers asked.

“No, but thank God you’re here. You arrived just in time,” Jeremy said. “That’s him. Right there.” He pointed at Brian.

Chapter 36

Myrna didn’t understand what was happening. Why was she being pul ed from Brian’s steady and comforting embrace? Why were two police officers wrestling Brian to the floor and handcuffing him? Why had they let Jeremy walk casual y out of the apartment?

“What is going on?” she screamed.

“It’s okay, ma’am. We’ve got him,” one of the police officers said, and then he started to recite Miranda rights to Brian.

“Why are you arresting my boyfriend?”

The two cops looked at her in confusion.

“I’m not the guy you’re looking for,” Brian said, stil face-down on the floor. “You let him get away.”

The officers looked at Myrna as if they didn’t believe what Brian was saying and needed her verification to proceed.

“That’s Brian Sinclair, not Jeremy Condaroy,” Myrna said. “Jeremy is a tal , prudish, blond man.”

“****!” said one of the officers and he took off out of the apartment and down the corridor. “Freeze,” he yel ed, his footsteps carrying down the hal . “I said freeze. I’m going to taser you if you don’t stop.”

The younger of the two officers hesitated, looking down at Brian with a giddy sort of expression. “Brian Sinclair. The lead guitarist of Sinners?”

“Be a fan boy later,” Myrna said. “That dickhead you let escape broke Brian’s hand. Are you just going to let him get away?”

The officer’s eyebrows drew together. “I’l take him down,” he said and headed after his partner. The sound of electrical crackling carried down the hal way, fol owed by a yelp of pain.

“Heh, I think they got him.” Brian smiled. “I hope it f**king hurts, you ass**le!” he cal ed. Myrna helped Brian sit up, but there wasn’t anything she could do about the cuffs holding his hands together behind his back.

“I’m so sorry about al this.” She knelt in front of him and touched his face.

“No big deal. I’ve been arrested before.”

Her heart skipped a beat. “You have? For what?”

“Fighting. I used to be a hotheaded little snot.”

She chuckled. “Somehow I total y believe that.” She circled around his body and leaned close to examine his hand. It was horribly bruised and swol en. She couldn’t tel if it was broken and didn’t want to hurt him by examining it too rigorously. “How’s your hand? Do you think it’s broken?”

“I can’t tel . But it doesn’t matter. What’s important is that you’re safe.”

He was so sweet. If Jeremy had caused permanent damage to Brian’s hand, Myrna would never forgive herself. “I’l go get you some ice.” She started to rise from the floor but he leaned against her.

“No, stay with me.”

She stared unseeingly at his shoulder. “I should never have cal ed you.”

“What? You can’t be serious, Myrna. I don’t even want to think of what could have happened if you’d been here alone with that guy. He’s a total nutcase. How is he out on the streets?”

“Parole. His father has friends in high places.”

“Maybe this time they’l keep him locked up. He obviously hasn’t learned his lesson.”

Myrna rubbed her forehead, a feeling of helplessness washing over her. “I guess I need to change my name again. Move to a new city. Start over. God, I’m sick of this. I’m sick of him control ing my life.”

“**** him, Myrna.”

Myrna stiffened, the very idea fil ing her with dread. And nausea.

Backstage Pass
Page 105



“I don’t mean literal y.” Brian shook his head at her. “He’s the one with issues. You shouldn’t have to hide in fear because someone beat him with a crazy stick.”

“Sometimes it’s easier to hide.”

“Since when are you the kind of person who takes the easy way out?”

She knew she wouldn’t be able to explain it in a way that he’d understand. She didn’t real y understand it herself. Jeremy knew her every button and he pushed them al repeatedly, without hesitation. “There’s just something about him, Brian. He gets to me.”

“I know, sweetheart. You do whatever you need to do to feel safe.” He shifted so his shoulder pressed against hers. “I’d real y like to hug you right now, but I’m sort of stuck.”

She wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. “I do like you restrained from time to time, but not like this.”

“You’re going to let me stay here with you in Kansas City until we go back on tour, aren’t you? I obviously can’t record with my hand al jacked up.”

“I’d rather go back to L.A. with you. I don’t know if I can stomach being in this apartment right now.” She glanced around. Yeah, Jeremy’s presence was fouling up the entire place. Forget finding the focus to work on her research. She’d never be able to sleep, much less concentrate.

“If you’re real y set on changing your name, you’re more than welcome to mine.”

She covered his mouth with one hand. “Don’t you dare suggest Vegas again.”

The younger of the police officers entered the front door. “Wel , we have him in custody,” he said. “Let me get you out of those handcuffs, Master Sinclair.”

Myrna moved aside and the officer squatted behind Brian to unlock his cuffs. As soon as he was free, Brian cradled his left hand against his chest. He tried to disguise his wince of pain with a smile of gratitude, but he wasn’t fooling Myrna. His fingers were already black and blue. She needed to get him to the emergency room and have his hand X-rayed.

“I hope there was some police brutality involved in that arrest,” Brian said.

The officer winked. “Maybe a little. I feel stupid asking this, but I’m a huge fan of yours. Can I have your autograph?”

“Yeah, no problem.” Brian climbed to his feet.

While Brian signed an autograph with his uninjured right hand, the officer talked to Myrna. “We probably have enough to keep your ex-husband incarcerated until he goes back to court—the idiot removed his house arrest ankle bracelet, is hundreds of miles outside his perimeter, and violated a restraining order—but I suggest you press ad***ional charges against him. The more we have against this guy, the easier it wil be to keep him locked up.”

She glanced at Brian, who was pushing on the knuckles of his injured hand and scowling. “I need to take Brian to the hospital and get his hand checked out. Can I press charges later?”

“Um, yeah. Just go downtown and file a complaint as soon as possible. Sinclair should press charges, too.”

“I wil definitely press charges,” Brian said. “I’m even considering making some **** up.”

Chapter 37

A week later, sitting amongst a pile of dirty laundry and empty beer cans on the pigsty bus, Brian entered into a pentatonic scale progression and Trey echoed him two notes behind.

When they reached the end of the riff, Sed said, “Yeah, I like that. Eric, what do you have?”

“It’s hard to compose when your drum kit is locked in a truck, dude.” He tapped his sticks on the side of the refrigerator beside him. “That’s the beat I hear, but without my cymbals and my bass drums and…” He sighed and shook his head.

“We real y need to find some studio time,” Brian said. “When’s our next break?” Because of Brian’s injured hand, their last break had been a complete bust. His hand hadn’t been broken, but the swel ing had kept him from playing for almost a week. Al the recording they’d planned to do in the studio had been a complete wash. They hadn’t been forced to cancel tour dates, but Brian knew last night’s performance had been less than stel ar on his part.

“We’ve got another week on the road, and then two weeks off at the end of June,” Sed said. “We’l get some recording done then. For now, we’l just keep writing so we’re ready when the time comes.”

“As often as Sinclair gets laid, we’l have enough guitar music for ten albums,” Trey said around his sucker. Jace thumped Brian on the back. “You need to start composing bass riffs, too. I can’t keep up.”

Brian glanced at Jace over his shoulder and smiled. “I’l give it a try.”

“Where’s your lady love, anyway?” Sed asked.

“She’s on the other bus working on her research stuff,” Brian said. “She said we’re too distracting and she’s never going to get it done if she doesn’t hide from us for a couple of hours.”

“So that’s why we’re having a session on the pigsty bus. That woman knows how to get exactly what she wants, doesn’t she?”

Trey chuckled. “No wonder Brian’s in love.”

Jace thumped Brian on the back again.

“Too bad the feeling isn’t mutual,” Brian muttered under his breath. He reached for a sheet of music from the stack on the table. This one had splatters of chocolate syrup al over it. Recal ing what he’d been doing when this gem had come to him, he grinned to himself.

Backstage Pass
Page 106



“What do you mean, it isn’t mutual?” Trey asked. “You stormed the castle and saved her from the evil dragon. And no woman would put up with five slobs for five weeks for the sake of research. She loves you, man. She wouldn’t be here if she didn’t love you.”

Brian snorted. “Try convincing her of that. She’s just here to work.”

“Who cares if she loves him?” Eric said. “She f**ks him wel , keeps the bus clean, and cooks us meals. As far as I’m concerned, no one loses in this game.”

Sed shoved Eric off the counter onto the floor. “Don’t talk about Myrna like that, you prick.”

Eric climbed to his feet and shoved Sed, before retreating to the other side of the bus and sitting next to Trey at the dining room table. “I don’t mean any disrespect. She’s a great woman. I just mean, if she doesn’t want to admit that she loves Brian, what’s the big deal?”

“It’s nice to hear it,” Sed murmured to the floor. He glanced up at Brian and smiled. “You’d like to hear her say it, wouldn’t you?”

Brian shrugged. “Neither one of us has said it.”

“You haven’t told her?” Trey asked. “Dummy. She’s probably one of those chicks who refuses to say it first.”

Brian shook his head. “She forbids it. You’ve heard her. When anyone asks her about us, she just laughs and says it’s nothing serious. We’re just having a good time.”

“No one believes that, Brian,” Trey said. “You don’t believe it, do you?”

Maybe. “Just drop it, okay?”

“That woman has got you by the bal s, Brian,” Jace said.

Brian glanced up at him and laughed. “Yeah, but the way she grips them—hard enough to get my attention, but not so hard that I want to get away—feels so good.”

Eric commenced to banging his head on the table.

Maybe he did need to tel her how he felt and to hel with her barriers. What’s the worst that could happen?

She could leave.

His stomach plummeted.

He’d wait a while longer.

Brian shook the chocolate splattered sheet music at Trey. “I think this solo fits wel with that last riff.”

Trey offered him a sad little smile. “Okay, then. Let’s hear it.”

Chapter 38

Myrna entered more numbers into the spreadsheet on her computer. Her survey gave consistent, reliable data and showed two strong behavioral trends among the groupies. She had no doubt that this research was going to save her entire career. And if it didn’t, it wasn’t the end of the world. She’d started working on a proposal for a nonfiction book guaranteed to be a bestsel er.

“I hope you’re smiling like that because you’re thinking about me,” Brian said.

She glanced up from the computer screen. She hadn’t heard him enter the bus. He kissed her cheek and slid into the booth across from her.

Her smile brightened. “I’m always thinking about you.”

There was a clatter near the front of the bus as Trey entered. “Myrna,” he said, “look what I’ve got.”

“Cherry suckers?” she guessed.

“Fresh shrimp. One of the roadies bought them. Wil you make some shrimp scampi?” He set the bag on the table and gave her his puppy dog look. The one he knew she couldn’t resist. “Pwease.”

She smiled at him and nodded. “After I finish entering this data.” She started typing in the next row of numbers.

“You mean, after I finish entering you,” Brian said.

She glanced up from her computer screen. Brian gave her that other look she couldn’t resist. That “get naked immediately” look. She saved her file and closed the laptop, stuffing the stack of papers under the computer. “Sorry, Trey. Brian wins.”

“But I’m starv ing.”

“We’l be finished in an hour or two,” Brian said.

“Or four,” Myrna said.

“Or four.” Brian slid out of the booth and extended his hand toward Myrna.

“Four hours? I’l die by then.” He took Brian’s vacated seat and peered into the fishy-smel ing bag.

“I’m sure you can find something to eat in the fridge.” Myrna slid from the booth, took Brian’s hand and glanced back at Trey.

“What did you guys do with yourselves before I joined the tour?”

“We were barely alive,” Trey said. “Drowning in our own filth. Malnourished. Scrawny. Anemic. On our last limb.” He stretched out a hand toward her, his head col apsing on the table as he played dead.

She chuckled. “You poor babies.”

Brian tugged her toward the bedroom. “You’re too good to us.”

“I like taking care of you guys. You’ve al become important to me over the past month.”

“Even Eric?”

She laughed. “Yes, even Eric.”

“You’re important to al of us, too,” he said. “I can’t remember the last time we felt so… settled.”

Settled? Ugh. “I’m a drag, aren’t I?”

Brian tugged her through the bedroom door and pul ed her against his body, kissing her hungrily. He kicked the door closed.

“Not a drag,” he murmured. “You’re wonderful. Like I said, too good for the likes of us.”

She kissed the corner of his mouth. “Your lies are good for my ego.”

Backstage Pass
Page 107



“I’d never lie to you,” he whispered, his lips trailing lightly over the skin of her cheek to her ear. He drew her earlobe into his mouth, pressing it against his upper teeth with his tongue. Her breath caught. She forgot about everything but him. His hands moved to the buttons of her shirt, releasing them one at a time as his tongue rubbed the sensitive spot behind her ear. Her fingers curled into his hard chest as she swayed against him.

He brushed her shirt off her shoulders and moved his mouth to her col arbone, kissing her skin gently. So gently it made her want to cry.

“Brian?” she whispered.

He lifted his head to look at her. “Hmm?”

“You’re being tender.”

“You don’t like it?”

“I didn’t say that. I just wondered what brought it on al of a sudden.”

He grinned. “Jace needs bass music. I have to slow it down a little.”

She placed her hands on his face and rose on tiptoes to kiss his lips. “Is that al ? I thought maybe you had something to tel me.”

His brows drew together. He swal owed hard and fixed his gaze on her forehead. “Like what?”

“You’ve thought up something kinky and figured you’d better soften me up before springing your trap.”

“You think I have a one track mind.” He sighed and shook his head slightly. “Sometimes I think this is hopeless.”

Her heart thudded painful y in her chest. Ever since they’d returned from Kansas City, he’d been acting strangely. Like he wanted to break up with her or something. And after being so rudely introduced to Myrna’s past baggage, who could blame him? But it wasn’t something she could change. Jeremy had left a big impact on her life whether Brian liked it or not. “I don’t know what you want from me, Brian.”

“Yes, you do. That’s why it scares you when I’m tender with you.”

So this wasn’t about her past. This was about their future. “I’m not scared.” But she was. Terrified. Mostly because she couldn’t picture a future without him in it.

“Can you let me be tender without making it into a joke?”

“I’m not making it into a joke.”

He quirked an eyebrow at her. “You’re not?”

“I’l be quiet.”

“Just stop thinking so much and feel,” he said. “And I don’t mean your body. I know you feel me with your body. I mean here.” He placed three fingertips on her chest over her heart. “I don’t think you ever listen to what’s going on in here.”

“I lis—”

He covered her mouth with his fingertips. “Shhh.”

Something had changed in him. She could see it in his eyes. He looked… desperate.

“Bri—”

“Shhh.”

“But—”

“Shhh.”

She nodded. He removed his fingers from her mouth. She bit her lip. He stared down at her, obviously struggling with words. She waited for him to say something, but he lowered his head and kissed her instead. His feelings of desperation came through in his kiss as wel .

“Just love me, Myrna,” he whispered against her lips. “Please.”

She turned her head to break his kiss. “What did you say?”

He stared over her head, swal owing several times. “Make love to me, Myrna. Please.”

That’s not what he’d said, but she could accept his amended words. She couldn’t accept his original plea. The look on his face as he struggled to conceal his emotions made her heart ache. She touched his face and his gaze shifted to hers. “Tenderly. That’s what you need, right?”

He nodded slightly. She nodded, too, tears prickling her eyes. She would have given anything to have met Brian before Jeremy. Then it wouldn’t be so goddamned hard to uncover what she concealed in her heart and accept what was in his. They undressed each other slowly until they stood before each other naked, both excited and soothed. Her hands slid over the warm skin of his chest. Her lips fol owed in their wake.

“This is when you sweep me up into your arms and carry me to bed,” he said.

She laughed. “Hey, I’m trying to be serious.”

“Who said I wasn’t being serious?” He grinned down at her, and then gasped as she wrapped her arms around his waist and lifted his feet several inches off the floor. She took a couple of steps and dumped him on the bed. He laughed, covering his eyes with his hands. His laughter warmed her heart. It was one of the many things she loved, erm, liked about this man.

“Sorry, I kind of flubbed that one. I need to work out more. Puny biceps.” She climbed onto the bed beside him, urging him to scoot up toward the headboard. “And this is the part where I rub rose petals over your skin, right?”

“I think we’re fresh out of rose petals.”

“Close your eyes.” She loosened her hair from the clip holding it in place at the back of her head. He closed his eyes. She leaned over him and trailed her long, thick hair over his bel y. “Imagine this is rose petals.”

“I like knowing what it real y is better. Wrap it around my ****.”

“We’re being tender, Brian, remember?”

“That’s not tender?”

“Tenderness doesn’t involve your c**k at al and especial y not wrapping my hair around it.”

His eyes flipped open. “You’re kidding!”

Backstage Pass
Page 108



She covered his lips with her fingers. “Shhh. Close your eyes.”

He hesitated for a moment and then obeyed.

“I’m going to touch every inch of you,” she whispered. “Kiss every inch.”

He grabbed his half-hard c**k and stroked it from base to tip. “Al ten? Give me a minute. He’s not quite ready yet.”

She laughed. “Now who’s making jokes?”

He winked at her. “Sorry. I’l behave.”

Her feather light touches began with his left hand. The bruises had faded and the swel ing had gone down, but she would never forget that terrifying wait for his X-ray results. She’d been convinced that he’d never play guitar again and it would have been al her fault.

She trailed her fingers over the palm of his hand, the thick cal uses on his fingertips, and back to his palm. His fingers curled involuntarily.

Involving her lips now, she kissed his palm while moving her tender touch to his wrist and up his forearm. She sucked his ring finger into her mouth and he groaned. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his c**k twitch in response. She withdrew his finger from her mouth and kissed her way to the inside of his wrist.

Extending her arm, she continued to stroke his skin as she kissed her way up the inside of his forearm to the inner surface of his elbow. Her questing fingers found the crisp hairs surrounding his nipple. She teased the hairs, her middle finger brushing against his nipple as she sucked on the inside of his elbow.

She loved touching him, experiencing his body in slow motion, but soon she was craving his intoxicating touch. She shifted her body so her breast was positioned in his hand. He squeezed gently.

Her nipple strained against his palm, desiring more rigorous attention.

When he relaxed his hold, she moved up his arm again, kissing a trail over his hard biceps toward his shoulder, dragging her hardened nipple over the inside of his forearm. Her bel y clenched with need. Being tender with him was real y turning her on. Her hand slid across his chest as her mouth found his throat.

“Brian,” she murmured, her kisses becoming less tender, more excited as she worked her way up the side of his neck to his ear. She plunged her tongue into his ear and his body jerked.

He chuckled. “Are you getting worked up already, baby?”

“You do this to me, Brian. Only you.” She kissed a trail along the hard angle of his cheekbone and found his mouth. She shifted her body so that his hand was between her thighs. He didn’t move his fingers to touch her though he must feel her heat, her moisture, her need.

“Touch me,” she panted into his mouth.

When he didn’t comply, she tugged her mouth away from his and reached between her legs, guiding his fingers into her body. She rocked her hips against his hand, burying his fingers deeper.

“You’re just not very good at this tenderness stuff, are you?”

She looked down at him and cringed. She’d lost her intent in her own excitement. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not going to pretend I don’t like that I turn you on so much you shove my fingers inside your body. It’s hot.” He twisted his hand slightly and she shuddered. He pul ed his hand away. “Finish what you were doing. I’l f**k you good and hard when you’re finished. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“Yes, hard. And fast. Gentle. Slow. I want it al as long as it involves your neglected ****.”

But she couldn’t neglect it any longer. She turned and slid down the length of his body, bel y-to-bel y but upside down. She took his shaft in her hand and licked its head.

“Mmmmm,” he murmured.

He grabbed her hips and lifted his head to rub his chin against her clit. She gasped and sucked him into her mouth. His tongue traced the emptiness at her core, drawing her attention to the vacant feeling inside until she couldn’t concentrate on anything else. She had to have him. Needed what he gave her. What she could never get enough of. Him. She released his c**k from her mouth and slid down his body, straddling his hips. She didn’t turn to face him, but guided his c**k into her body backwards and sank down, driving him deep.

Whore, Jeremy’s voice whispered through her thoughts.

She hesitated. Brian gasped and tilted his hips to drive himself deeper stil . His fingers ran down the center of her back and she arched backward, her long hair trailing over his chest.

You like that, don’t you, whore?

“Yeah,” she whispered. “Feels good.”

Brian shifted beneath her and she glanced over her shoulder to find him propped up on his elbows, gazing down where their bodies were joined. She smiled and reached down to massage his bal s gently. She rode him slowly, trying to remember he wanted tenderness from her.

He slid a finger up her ass and she gasped, pausing as he plunged it in and out of her several times. “Oh,” she gasped.

“Do you like that?”

“Yeah.”

Filthy whore.

She rubbed her ear against her shoulder, hoping to silence Jeremy’s ever-present criticism. Brian pul ed his finger out and she heard the side table drawer open, fol owed by the hum of a vibrator. He placed a hand on her back to ease her upward and then careful y slid a slender vibrator up her ass. She shuddered.

“Ah,” he gasped, his head dropping back to the bed. “I can feel it inside you, vibrating against my ****.”

She glanced at him over her shoulder. He was biting his lip, his head tilted back in sensual abandon. “Does it feel good?”

Backstage Pass
Page 109



“Oh yeah,” he gasped. His bel y clenched as his back arched in ecstasy. “Ride me, sweetheart. Oh God, don’t sit stil .”

“I want to watch your face.”

His c**k fel free of her body as she turned to face him. He grabbed her hips eagerly as she took him inside again. The vibrator drove her crazy. She rode him fast, rubbing his c**k up and down the vibration with each penetration. It felt amazing, but watching his response was far more stimulating. He gripped the bedclothes beneath him, writhing in time to her movement. He grabbed her hips to stil her. “God, baby. We have to take that out or I’m going to explode. Like, immediately.”

She took his wrists and pinned them to either side of his head. She began to rise and fal over him again, moving fast to drive him over the brink. She cried out as an orgasm shook her unexpectedly.

“Oh wow,” she gasped.

She released Brian’s wrist and pressed her fingers against her clit to try to calm herself so she could finish him. She rode him even faster, until he was cal ing her name each time their bodies came together. A muscle in his cheek began to twitch. It always twitched when he was close. Almost, baby. Just let go. There was nothing ***ier than watching this man come, and though she’d seen it dozens of times, she never tired of it.

He’s a whore, too, Jeremy’s voice said.

Yeah, he was. And she wouldn’t want him any other way.

Brian’s head tilted back, eyes squeezed shut, lips parted. He gasped. His face contorted with ecstasy and then his entire body went rigid. He shuddered, crying out hoarsely, as his fingers gripped the covers beneath him. Perfect. The man was perfect. Perfect for her. And she loved him.

She loved him.

She did.

How could she not?

She needed to tel him.

Needed to say it. I love you, Brian. Her heart stuttered and then raced. Perhaps she’d find the courage to tel him tomorrow. Or next year.

Brian’s body relaxed, but he began to twitch uncontrol ably. He lifted her away by her hips. “That’s a bit much,” he whispered. “I can’t stand it.”

She giggled and removed the vibrator from her body. “I think you liked it.”

“I liked it too much.” He reached for a score sheet and jotted down a single line of chords. “Jace wil be pleased with our naughtiness.” He tossed the music aside and drew her against his body.

“Not as pleased as I am.”

“God, that was f**king fantastic, wasn’t it?”

She nodded in agreement.

He kissed her tenderly, stroking her bare arm. “Now I’m sleepy,” he murmured.

“Take a nap. I’l be here when you wake up. We’l try that tenderness thing again.” She smiled. “I’l get it right eventual y, though it might take me a few hundred attempts.”

He chuckled sleepily and tucked her body against his. “Practice makes perfect, baby.”

She lay there listening to him breathe as she blinked languidly.

“I love you, Myrna,” he whispered, just before he drifted off to sleep. “I real y do… love… you…”

Her breath caught. He loved her? Somehow, she knew he did, but until he’d said the words, it hadn’t felt real. Her heart lodged in her throat, Myrna watched Brian sleep for several minutes. She touched his face tenderly and kissed his cheek. Maybe she could say it while he was asleep. Just to try out the words for the first time. “I love you, too,” she whispered. His eyes flipped open.

He was awake? ****. ****! Now there was no taking it back.

His smile spread ear-to-ear. He looked as giddy as one of his fan girls. “Did you just say that you love me?”

She opened her mouth to deny it, but nodded instead. “I think I’ve been waiting for you to tel me,” she whispered, “and I was too afraid to say it first.”

“You’ve been waiting for me to say it?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. I just realized…”

He laughed and kissed her gently with tears in his eyes. “I was afraid I’d chase you away by tel ing you.”

“Ten minutes ago, you probably would have. But that was then. This is now.”

He hugged her against him. “Ah Myrna, I think I’ve loved you since I took my first breath.” He rubbed his lips against her forehead. She tried swal owing her emotion, but it did no good. Her throat closed off. “I’m sorry it took me so long to recognize it,” she said breathlessly. “To say it.”

“If you were real y sorry, you’d say it again.” He cupped her cheek and leaned back to look her in the eyes. His thumb brushed across her lower lip.

She took a deep breath. “I love you, Brian. Master Sinclair. Brian… I love you.” She squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them again, her heart thudding in her chest. “I love you so much it terrifies me.”

He leaned forward and kissed her deeply. “Don’t be afraid, Myr. I love you more than I could ever put into words, but I won’t fail you. I promise. This love, our love, is forever.”

Forever with Brian? Yeah, she might be able to handle that.

She smiled, her fears dissipating. She trusted this man with her heart. Completely.

“You know,” he said, “we’l be in Nevada for a show next week. Wanna go to Vegas and get married?”

Staring into her future’s eyes, she grinned at him. Butterfly wings fluttered around her buoyant heart. “I thought you’d never ask.”