[English] BACKSTAGE PASS (Vượt Qua Qua Khứ)

Backstage Pass
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The crowd cheered and laughed.

“If you wanna hear this thing for real, you’re gonna have to yel louder than that.”

The crowd yel ed so loud that Myrna covered her ears with her hands. When they quieted, she pul ed her hands away. She didn’t want to miss a word of what Brian was saying.

“Myr, this is for you.”

Darlene and Joyce shoved her excitedly, but stopped as soon as Brian started his solo. The entire stadium fel silent, stunned by the skil and speed of his fingers. He executed the notes in perfect succession. When he reached the end, Trey appeared at his side.

“Was that f**king awesome or what?” Trey said into the microphone.

The crowd cheered.

“We’ve got a new riff, too. Brian’s been consumed by his muse.” Trey shoved him in the back, a huge grin on his face. Brian stumbled sideways and laughed. “What do you say, Chicago? Do you want to hear it?” Trey asked. More cheering. The two guitarists segued into the riff they’d practiced in the dining room that morning. Myrna no longer felt like she was standing in a jam-packed stadium. Brian was making love to her and recording notes on her body with a pen. On stage, Brian had his eyes closed while he played. He leaned heavily against Trey’s back. Myrna felt a connection between herself and the man on stage. She wondered if he was thinking of her while he played for al these people. Sed stepped back onto the stage. “Are these mother f**kers talented, or what?”

Eric drummed. Jace strummed. The crowd cheered.

“I guess I’l need to come up with some good lyrics now. I can’t take the pressure!” He gripped both sides of his head in distress. Myrna chuckled.

Sinners moved into the next song. By the time the show ended, every person in the room was drenched in sweat. A fog of condensation hung over the crowd. When the band left the stage, they looked both pumped up and fatigued. Eric, the last to leave the stage and by far the sweatiest person in the room, tossed drumsticks into the crowd like one-way boomerangs. The crowd chanted, “Sinners, Sinners, Sinners,” for several minutes until the stadium lights came up. Myrna made a beeline to the backstage area. She spotted Brian going through the door behind the stage area that led to the dressing rooms. She flashed her backstage pass at a security guard and dashed after him.

“Brian.”

He paused and turned in her direction. His smile, meant only for her, dazzled. She ran to him and wrapped him in an enthusiastic embrace. Her ears were numb from the loud music, but every other sense was heightened. The scent of his sweat made her tremble.

“You are amazing,” she sputtered.

He popped the earplugs out of his ears. “Don’t get al fan girl on me now.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and walked her past the dressing room. As they passed, Myrna caught a glimpse of Sed, minus his shirt, surrounded by several girls.

“Where are we going?” Myrna asked.

“Trust me, you don’t want to go anywhere near Sed for a while. He’s in one of his moods. We’re going to the bus. Is that okay?”

She nodded. If he asked her to walk on hot coals, she would have eagerly complied. And why was that? She didn’t understand her own psychology at the moment.

He kissed her temple. “Did you like your solo?”

“How could I not? Al I could think about was you making love to me when you wrote it.”

He chuckled. “I was thinking the same thing.”

“You were?”

“What else would I be thinking about?”

“Five thousand girls screaming your name?”

“There were five thousand dudes screaming my name, too. Not exactly a turn on. Besides, I only care about one woman screaming my name.”

Her heart warmed as he squeezed her closer. They exited the building to a crowd mil ing outside the tour buses. The fans cheered when they recognized Brian, but the security guards kept them at bay until he could get Myrna safely up the steps and on the tour bus.

“I need a shower,” he said. “But I think I’l lie down for a bit first.”

Her body thrummed, pumped ful of adrenaline. She didn’t know why he needed to lie down. Unless…

“Yeah, I think you should lie down. Can I join you?”

“What do you think?’ He looked down at her. “I’m getting sweat al over your dry-clean-only suit.”

“It’s disposable as far as I’m concerned.”

He grinned. “Seeing me on stage real y worked you up, didn’t it?”

“What do you think?”

She unfastened the buttons of her suit jacket and shrugged it off her shoulders. She tossed it on a random pile of jeans and black clothes before working on the smal buttons of her silver, satin blouse.

Brian took her hand. “Come on. No tel ing when a roadie or Eric wil show up.”

He led her to the back of the bus and through a door at the end of a narrow passage. They entered a smal bedroom, its space dominated by a queen-sized bed.

“I’m not sure how clean the sheets are,” he murmured, helping her with her buttons now. “We’re slobs.”

“Wonderful. Al of you.”

He paused, looking into her eyes in the dim interior of the room. The only light came from the streetlamps outside, filtering through the metal blinds. “Oh God, you aren’t lusting after Sed now, are you?” he asked. “I lose more women that way. They see him on stage and—”

She covered his lips with her fingers. “I’m lusting after you, Master Sinclair.”

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“Don’t cal me that here,” he said against her fingers.

“Brian.” She replaced her fingers with her lips, kissing him hungrily.

Her shirt fluttered to the floor. His fingers moved to the fastening of her skirt. He unzipped it and it dropped to the floor around her feet. He glanced down her body with a ***y smile on his lips. “I’m glad you decided I was worthy to see what was under that suit. Very nice.” Col apsing face down on the bed, he bel y-crawled to the pil ows and sighed in exhaustion. “I need a nap.”

She climbed up on the bed with him and straddled his body. She tugged his shirt off and sat back on his thighs, massaging his shoulders and back.

Brian sighed contentedly. “Exactly what I need, Myr. Thank you.”

She leaned forward to kiss the skin along his shoulders, her tongue darting out to col ect the salt of his sweat.

“I can use some of that, too,” he murmured drowsily.

“Do you want me to leave you alone? I can tel you’re tired.”

“No, I like your company. This is nice. I don’t have the energy to devour you. You’re probably disappointed in me.”

“Never.” She took his hand in hers and massaged the base of his fingers and his palm.

“Mmmmmm.”

She lowered her head to kiss his fingers. “These are magical.”

“We both know there’s only one magical body part in this bed. I think the fans liked your solo, Myr.”

“Your solo.”

“That’s al you, baby. I just play it.”

She smiled. She knew she didn’t deserve any cre***. “You’re sweet.”

“Shhhhh. Don’t tel anyone…”

He slept. So much for an hour of amazing *** before they had to go their separate ways. Myrna stretched out beside him, her hand tracing lazy paths up and down his back. Was she real y here? This had undoubtedly been the most amazing day of her life. And even if she never saw this remarkable man again, she’d never forget him.

A short time later, there was a commotion outside the bus. Loud chattering and laughter moved closer—a mix of masculine and feminine voices.

Myrna climbed from the bed, separated the metal blinds with her fingers and looked through the smal window facing the stadium. The rest of the band had emerged from the building. They moved toward the periphery of the blocked-off lane and mingled with their excited fans. Separated from the crowd by the metal barrier, band members passed out hugs and autographs and posed for photographs with enthusiastic admirers.

Myrna glanced over her shoulder at Brian, lost in dreamland. She wondered if he always kept to himself or if he indulged the fans on occasion. She returned her attention to outside. Sed lifted a scantily clad young woman over the barrier and added her to his entourage of females. When his attention turned to signing an autograph, the girl did a happy dance behind him and then pul ed her skirt down to cover the tops of her thighs.

Myrna wondered about the girl. Myrna doubted she knew Sed. Doubted Sed knew her. Would she sleep with him without hesitation? Myrna was pretty sure the answer to that question was yes, but did the young woman hop into bed with any guy, or was it Sed’s fame that seduced her? Myrna had to ask herself the same question. Why was she so wil ing to sleep with Brian? Typical y, she felt the need to get to know a man personal y before she got to know him physical y. And honestly, she hadn’t known many men wel enough to sleep with them. So why did she act differently with Brian?

Brian sighed in his sleep, his hand stretching across the bed to the location she’d been when he’d drifted off. He took a deep, startled breath as he regained consciousness and lifted his head. When he saw her standing near the window, he smiled and dropped his head back to the bed, stretching his arms above his head, then out to the sides.

“That was a quick nap,” Myrna said.

“I was dreaming about you.”

“Was it a good dream?” She stepped away from the window and sat on the edge of the bed next to him.

“Not real y. I was chasing you and you wouldn’t stop running from me.”

“I’m not running now.”

His hand moved to squeeze her thigh. “I guess you’re not.”

She wiped at a black smudge under his eye. “Your eyeliner is running, however.”

“I fel asleep on my face again.”

There was a sharp knock on the door. Brian groaned. He climbed from the bed and opened the door. “Yeah?”

One of the roadies said, “We’re heading out in an hour.”

“Al right. Thanks for the heads up.” He closed the door and turned to look at Myrna. “An hour.”

“I’ve got to go anyway.” Why did she suddenly feel so lonely? “I have to drive back to Kansas City and I need to get a head start tonight so I can make it home tomorrow.”

He glanced at the ceiling, his expression thoughtful. “How far is it from Des Moines to Kansas City?”

“Des Moines? We’re in Chicago, sweetie.” She smiled. “Have you lost track of where you are?”

“No, tonight we’re driving to Des Moines for tomorrow’s show. Maybe you’d like to stay the night with me on the bus and leave from Des Moines in the morning.”

Her heart thudded with excitement. In three short hours, she could drive from Des Moines to Kansas City. When she realized it wasn’t actual y feasible, her heart sank. “I can’t. I need my car.”

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“One of the roadies can fol ow the buses with your car. They’re used to driving al night.”

“I suppose that would work.” She smiled, her loneliness evaporating instantly. “I’d very much like to stay the night with you, Brian.”

He moved toward her, where she sat on the edge of the bed, and eased her to her feet. He drew her body against his and kissed her deeply. She shuddered, stil excited by his stage performance.

There was another knock at the door. Brian stiffened and broke the contact between his lips and Myrna’s.

“Sheezus,” Brian muttered under his breath. “What?” he yel ed at the door.

The door opened and Sed ducked his head in. “You busy?”

“I was about to get that way.”

“I think you’ve hogged the bedroom for long enough.”

“The other bus—”

“Trey’s occupied over there. Besides, you promised.”

“Yeah, I know.” He looked down at Myrna. “Let’s go get your car.”

She nodded, positioning her partial y naked body behind Brian so that he blocked her from Sed’s view. “Just let me get dressed.”

“Two minutes.” Brian held up two fingers in Sed’s direction.

Sed closed the door. Brian pecked her on the cheek and retrieved her blouse from the floor.

“Sorry about that,” he said. “I promised him he could have the bedroom tonight. Of course, that was before I knew you’d be staying. Ah…. ****.”

“It’s okay. We can just hang out. I’m fine with that.”

He smiled broadly. “Real y? That sounds nice, actual y.”

She slid into her blouse and skirt, buttoning and tucking as fast as she could. Brian pul ed his T-shirt over his head. He reached for her hand and led her to the door. Exiting the room, they continued down the narrow hal , flanked on either side by bunks concealed behind curtains, and into the main room. Myrna counted eight people. Sed, three girls, Eric, and a few roadies.

“Al yours, Sed,” Brian said.

Sed picked up the nearest girl, tossed her over his shoulder and headed down the hal toward the bedroom. The attractive young woman squealed in delight as he burst through the door and tossed her on the bed. The other two girls and Eric fol owed in their wake, excitement emanating from their bodies.

Myrna must have looked as stunned as she felt. Brian laughed at her expression.

“He’s always like that,” Brian said. “I’m surprised he didn’t just burst in on us earlier. It’s not like Sed to knock.”

“Sed’s reputation precedes him for a reason,” one of the roadies said. He could have passed as a member of the band himself. Tattooed. Dark hair. Sunglasses at night. Chains, piercings, and muscular.

“Who’s driving tonight, Travis?” Brian asked.

“I’ve got the truck. Matt the other bus. I think Dave’s driving this one.” He nodded at the normal looking blond guy to his left. Dave gave a curt nod.

Brian turned toward a third roadie, who was without a driving assignment. “Jake, would you do me a favor?”

“Anything,” he said without batting an eyelash.

“Myrna needs someone to drive her car to Des Moines.”

Jake smiled slyly. “I see. Sure, no problem.” Tal and slim, sporting a short mohawk hairstyle, he looked down at Myrna. “Where’s your car?”

“It’s out in the parking lot. I’l go get it,” she said. “Should I just park it outside the bus and give you the keys?”

“That would be perfect. It isn’t some lame minivan, is it?”

“Erm… ’57 Ford Thunderbird convertible. I just had her restored to mint. You’l be gentle, won’t you? I’m sort of protective of her.”

“Sweet,” Dave said. “I’l trade you, Jake. You can drive the bus. I’l take the Thunderbird!”

“Hel , no,” Jake said. “Brian asked me.”

“I must warn you that it’s pink,” Myrna interrupted.

“Pink? Aw, how could you do that to a classic car?” Jake said, running a hand over his forehead and mohawk. She laughed. “I am a girl, you know.”

“I’m pretty sure everyone here recognizes that,” Brian said into her ear. Her entire body throbbed in response to his low voice.

“I’ve got no problem with pink,” Dave said, his blue eyes wide with eagerness. Dave looked like a clean-cut kid. Myrna wondered how long he’d been working with the band. Jake, on the other hand, looked wild. Based on looks alone, Myrna would prefer Dave drove her car, but she knew that wasn’t fair. The roadies al worked hard, and the band trusted them with expensive equipment and their lives. “Trade me, Jake. Come on, dude. You like to drive the bus and you know I hate it.”

“You two fight this out,” Brian said. “We need to go get the car before it’s time to leave. Is the truck loaded?”

“I suppose we should get to work,” Dave said.

“Whoever gets their equipment loaded first gets to drive the T-bird,” Jake said. He pushed open the bus door and headed down the stairs.

“Hey, that’s no fair,” Dave cal ed after him. “I’m in charge of the drums! There are, like, a mil ion of them!”

Jake’s voice grew more distant as he walked away from the bus, cal ing over his shoulder, “Yeah, but I’ve got amps in ad***ion to Trey’s guitars. Quit complaining.”

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“Let’s go,” Brian said.

“Wait,” she said. “I need my suit jacket. My keys are in it.”

He waited for her to put on her jacket, then took her hand in his and helped her climb down the steep steps to the pavement. The crowd outside the barriers was thinner than earlier, but when Brian stepped off the bus, they emitted a loud cheer.

“****,” Brian said. “Um… Hold on a minute, okay?”

He kissed her on the temple. Several camera flashes went off. She wished people would stop snapping pictures of her with Sinners’ band members without her consent.

Brian headed for the crowd, starting at one end of the barrier fence and working his way down. He signed autographs, shook hands, offered the occasional hug, al owed his picture to be taken dozens of times and put up with a heck of a lot of groping from female fans. Myrna waited patiently, trying to curtail her jealousy. She knew this was important. His fans made his entire career possible. Stil , she didn’t like al the touchy-feely young women rubbing up against him while he was distracted with signing an autograph or answering a question.

After about fifteen minutes, he offered a salute to the crowd and returned to Myrna’s side.

“I’l have to go around the front of the bus and then sneak along the back side. Otherwise, they’l see me again and we’l never catch a break. You go between the buses and meet me on the other side. Pretend like we’re saying good-bye now.”

“Okay.”

He hugged her with the same kind detachment he hugged enthusiastic fans, and waved at her slightly before turning in the opposite direction. She walked along the side of the bus facing the venue, watching the roadies pushing equipment out a door toward the large moving van parked next to the second tour bus. She glanced over her shoulder and then slipped between the two buses. Shouts of passion and pleasure came from the bedroom at the back of the bus as she walked behind it. She paused, glancing up at the window above her. Sed must be real y working one of those girls over. She screamed Sed’s name at the top of her lungs. Myrna flushed, wondering how much of her earlier vocalizations had been overheard. A hard body pressed her against the back of the bus. A hand groped her breast in the darkness. Her heart hammered in her chest. She struggled against the man, trying to twist away.

Jeremy. Oh God, he’s found me. How?

The man grabbed her wrist before she could connect a blow, and slammed the back of her hand against the bus next to her head. She opened her mouth to scream, but found a tongue shoved in her mouth. She knew this taste. Brian?

He’d scared her. Real y scared her.

She shoved him away.

“What are you doing?” she said. “I thought I was being attacked.”

“You are,” he growled and crushed her body between his and the back of the bus.

When he tried to kiss her, she punched him in the stomach. “Stop it.”

“Ow. No one can see us.” Shadows completely obscured them.

He held her up against the bus with his body and released her wrist so he could push her skirt up around her waist. Though she knew he wouldn’t hurt her, her heart drummed faster and harder in her chest. She hit him as hard as she could in the arm. He paused. She couldn’t see his expression in the darkness, so didn’t know if he was getting the message.

“Do you real y want me to stop, Myrna? I thought we could get in a quickie back here, since Sed has seized the bedroom.”

“Don’t sneak up on me like that. You scared the hel out of me.”

He pressed his fingertips to the center of her chest. “Your heart is real y pounding, sweetheart. You knew it was me, didn’t you?”

“No,” she whispered. “I thought… I thought he…” She fought tears, feeling stupid. “It doesn’t matter what I thought. Just don’t ever do it again.”

He hugged her gently. “I’m real y sorry, Myr. Forgive me?”

How could she stay mad at him? She knew she’d overreacted. Jeremy was out of her life for good. Sure, he was out of prison now, but he didn’t know where she was. Hel , he didn’t even know her name anymore. And this… this was Brian, not Jeremy. She liked Brian. Perhaps a bit too much, considering their short acquaintance.

Once she tackled her fear, she sought Brian’s mouth in the darkness and kissed him gently, a soft smile on her lips. “You’re wasting time. The buses wil be leaving soon.”

“You’re game for this?” he asked incredulously.

“You promise not to sneak up on me, again, right?”

“Yeah, I promise.” He drew her closer and whispered in her ear, “Take your panties off.”

Her hand moved to his crotch to find his c**k hard as granite. He drew a pained breath through his teeth. She pushed her panties down her thighs and al owed them to fal to her ankles. She stepped out of them with one foot. Cold air bathed the hot flesh between her thighs as Brian forced his knee between her legs to part them.

“That’s good,” he murmured. “Don’t move now. I’ve got to warn you, I never last long after a show.” He pinned her against the bus with his body.

She heard his pants unzip. He leaned his hips away from hers as he applied a condom. His hard c**k brushed against the inside of her thigh as he relaxed against her, sighing in anticipation. He grabbed her thigh in his hand and lifted her leg to his hip. As he fil ed her body with his, he gasped brokenly as if he were already near orgasm.

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Her head fel back in ecstasy. “That feels so good, Brian.”

“Yeah,” he said, resting his head against the side of her face. “Uh, God.” He thrust into her gently, rotating his hips to intensify their pleasure. “Feels fantastic.”

Several people walked past the side of the bus, talking amongst themselves about packing the truck. Roadies, she assumed. They kept right on walking though, and Brian didn’t even pause in his slow, easy thrusts. She sought his mouth with hers, kissing him deeply. His strokes increased in tempo. He groaned into her mouth. She answered him with a moan. His thrusts grew faster now. He’d completely lost control. She grabbed his hair, fingers digging into his scalp as her excitement began to build. He tore his mouth away from hers.

“Are you close?” he asked. “God, please tel me you’re close.”

“You’re done?” She couldn’t believe it. He typical y lasted, like, forever.

“Mmmm,” he murmured. “Almost. Yeah, yeah. I can’t hold it.” His hands tugged at her suit jacket desperately. “Ah, God.” He thrust into her harder. Harder. Harder and he shuddered against her with a hoarse cry. His hands moved to splay against the back of the bus on either side of her head, as his body trembled with satisfaction. He went limp, crushing her into hard steel.

“Sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to come that fast,” he whispered.

“It’s okay. You did warn me.”

“That’s not a good excuse.”

Sliding out of her body, he dropped to his knees, looping her leg over his shoulder. He probed between her legs until he found what he sought in the darkness. He sucked her clit into his mouth and she shuddered. Two fingers slid inside her, curling forward to stimulate her in that perfect spot he’d discovered that morning. His fingers plunged deep and slowly withdrew, before plunging deep again. She burrowed her fingers into his hair and leaned heavily against the back of the tour bus, mewing in pleasure with each stroke of his fingers, each flick of his tongue.

A bright light hit Myrna in the face. She squinted, blinded by the beam of a flashlight. She lifted her arm to shield her eyes.

“Whoops, sorry,” a masculine voice said. The light switched off.

Myrna’s body tensed. She lost concentration and her excitement waned. Brian didn’t let off her though. He started to build her up again with his mouth and fingers. Before long, she forgot where she was.

From inside the bus came Sed’s animal-like groans and the answering cries of three girls. Three? How could one guy do three girls? Maybe Eric was participating now. Their excitement lent to her own, and soon her body shuddered with release. She cried out as pleasure rippled through her body. Her legs went limp. Brian caught her with his free arm as she slid down the back of the bus. As her shudders subsided, he removed his fingers from her body, cradled her in his arms, and kissed her tenderly.

“We’ve got to stop getting so carried away,” she murmured.

He chuckled. “Where’s the fun in that?”

She snuggled up against him. “They’re going to leave for Des Moines without us.”

“They’l wait. Sed hasn’t even kicked those girls out of his bed yet.” That was obvious. The girls continued to scream Sed’s name as if involved in some World’s Loudest Vocalizer contest. She could hear Sed swearing loudly, and the bus rocked slightly with each curse he shouted.

Myrna frowned, remembering a light shining in her face moments ago. “Someone saw us.”

“One of the roadies, I think. They’re used to seeing things like that, sweetheart. Don’t worry. No one wil say anything.”

She pouted. “They’ve seen you eating out a woman pinned to the back of the bus?”

“Yeah.”

“What do you mean, yeah?” Why was she jealous? He probably did this sort of thing al the time. New experiences for her, but same **** different day for him.

He laughed. “Yeah, just now.”

She slapped his chest half-heartedly. He always made her feel better about herself. Made her feel special, even though she knew she wasn’t. Not real y. “Let’s go get my car now.”

He helped her to her feet. She located her panties around one ankle and put them on before rearranging her clothes. Her legs were stil trembling. Wow! This guy. This guy was so good for her, and oh so very bad. Brian rearranged his clothes as wel , tossing his expended condom on the ground, and then took her hand in his. “Lead the way, pretty lady.”

“You’re not afraid some rabid fan wil pick that up and try to impregnate herself with it?” Myrna asked, nodding toward his litter.

“Myrna, that’s disgusting.”

“And tossing it on the ground isn’t?”

“Nope.”

“Pick it up.”

He sighed loudly. “Fine.” He retrieved the condom and held it out to her. “Here, put it in your pocket.”

“Ewww. No.”

“You’l put it in your body, but not your pocket?”

“That’s different.”

“If you say so.”

She fished her keys out of her jacket. “Just throw it away.”

They walked behind the second bus and into the mostly empty parking lot, complete with a handy garbage can for easy disposal. It was dark enough that no one recognized Brian as they headed for the distinctive pink car in the distance.

“What a beautiful car,” Brian said, peering into the driver’s side window. “Can I drive it?”

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She hesitated. She real y was overprotective of this car. The thought of a roadie driving it over three hundred miles made her quite nervous. Spending extra time with Brian was a powerful motivator though. She handed him the keys. He unlocked the door and opened it. “Wow,” he whispered. “It has been ful y restored. Get in.”

She moved around him and entered on the driver’s side before sliding over the white leather bench seat to the passenger side. He climbed in, closed the door and started the engine. It roared to life with a low-pitched purr. He revved the engine. “She has some kick.”

“You bet your sweet ass she does,” Myrna said.

“V-8 engine?”

“Yeah. A 312 with dual Hol ey carburetors.”

“****in’ sweet.” Brian put the car in gear and peeled out of the parking space. He cranked the wheel to one side and drifted sideways before settling into a straight path toward the buses. He decided to drive around the parking lot several times. Myrna cringed every time the tires barked, but Brian was enjoying himself so much, she couldn’t dampen his spirits. Myrna caught sight of Jake, the roadie with the blond mohawk, waving at them wildly. “I think they’re ready to leave.”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Brian drove up behind the bus and stopped abruptly. “That was fun.”

He drew her across the bench seat and kissed her. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Again?”

“I could use some sleep.”

“Oh, we’re going to sleep.” She smiled, ducking her head.

“For a few minutes, at least. You’ve worn me out today, woman. And I’m not used to getting up early. It’s usual y party al night, sleep al day around here.”

The car door opened. “Ha,” said Jake. He tipped his head into the car. “I get to drive the Thunderbird.”

“Not if you drive like Brian, you don’t,” Myrna said.

“I’l be sweet to her.”

Brian climbed out of the car. “I’m not a bad driver. You can’t put a big engine in a little car and expect me not to see what she’s capable of.”

Brian helped Myrna out of the car.

“Sweet!” Jake said. He climbed into the driver’s seat. “See you in Des Moines.” The door slammed. The tires squealed as the car shot backward.

“Great!” Myrna said. “A maniac is driving my car.”

“He won’t hurt it. If he does, I’l buy you a brand new Porsche.”

“I don’t want a Porsche. I love that car! It belonged to my grandparents.”

“It wil be fine. I promise.”

She watched the round tail ights of the Thunderbird brighten at a stop sign. The tires squealed again as the car shot forward. It fishtailed before gripping the road and speeding into the night.

She stomped her foot in frustration. She grabbed the front of Brian’s T-shirt and pul ed him toward the bus. “Let’s get moving. The faster we get to Des Moines, the faster I can kick that guy’s ass.”

“Ooooo. Can I watch?”

“Oh yes. You can definitely watch. You are going to hold him down for me.”

Myrna started up the bus stairs, but a body hurled from the bus’s interior halted her progress. She caught the young woman and if Brian hadn’t steadied her, she’d have toppled to the asphalt.

“What part of ‘get the f**k out of here’ don’t you understand?” Sed bel owed at the young woman from the top of the stairs. Myrna recognized the girl as the one who Sed had lifted over the barrier about an hour before.

“Sed,” the young woman sobbed, clutching her hands together in front of her chest. “Please let me stay with you. Please!”

“I’m finished with you. Get lost.”

Sed, looking highly annoyed, turned and moved further into the bus. The young woman started up the steps, but Brian grabbed her arm. Enraged, she yanked on her arm and slapped at Brian’s chest repeatedly. Her eyes widened when she recognized who she was beating the hel out of.

“Oh God, I’m sorry, M-Master Sinclair.” She covered her mouth with a trembling hand. Tears poured from her eyes. “Talk to him for me. Please! T-tel him I love him.” Mascara ran down her face in black-tinged rivulets. “Tel him I’l kil myself if he doesn’t love me back.”

Brian took her shoulders in his hands and shook her slightly. “Hey. Hey. What’s your name, sweetie?”

She looked up at Brian and Myrna was struck by how vulnerable she appeared. She couldn’t have been much over twenty.

“My name?”

“Yeah.”

“K-K-K-Karen.” She threw herself against Brian, clinging to him desperately.

He spread his arms wide and gave Myrna an “I’m not touching her” look over Karen’s shoulder. Brian spoke in a soothing tone to the girl. “Karen, you have to understand something about Sed. He’s not looking for a relationship with anyone. He just wants to get laid. You know? There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re a beautiful girl. He wouldn’t have picked you if you weren’t.”

Myrna smiled. So sweet of him to try to console her.

“I just thought…” She took a deep, gasping breath. “I thought…” She rubbed her face against his shoulder, smearing tears and makeup over his shirt.

“What did you think?” He patted her shoulder lamely.

“I thought if I showed him how much I loved him, that he’d…” Her voice lowered to a whisper. “…love me back.”

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Brian pul ed her away and looked into her watery eyes. Myrna had never seen him look so serious. “Sed can’t love anyone, Karen. Not since Jessica.”

Jessica?

Karen’s eyes narrowed. “I’d kil that bitch if I could.”

“Not if I got to her first,” Brian murmured. He gave Karen a gentle hug and released her. “Now, walk away with your head high, sweetheart. You survived *** with Sedric Lionheart. I’d wager you even enjoyed it.”

The girl grinned and kissed Brian on the cheek. “Thank you for making me feel better, Master Sinclair.” She glanced at Myrna as she passed, but quickly averted her gaze.

Myrna would love to talk to her to learn more about her psychology. Did she real y think she was in love with Sed? The real Sed?

Or the rock star version who paraded up on stage? And who was the real Sed? Myrna honestly couldn’t say she’d met him. Brian ran up the stairs of the bus. There was a loud crack, fol owed by a thud. Myrna dashed after him. She paused in the stairwel , eyes wide. Sed lay sprawled across the bus’s floor with Brian standing over him, his fist bal ed. Sed rol ed over to lean on his elbow and wiped at the blood at the corner of his mouth with his thumb.

“Can you be any more of an ass?” Brian yel ed. “I’m so f**king sick of being your damage control.”

“Why do you care so much about my whores, Brian?”

They’re just like you, darling, Jeremy’s voice intruded. Myrna’s eyes widened.

“Because they’re not whores,” Brian said. “Whores don’t cry when you tel them to get out of your bed.”

“They sure do act like whores.”

Sed climbed to his feet. He grabbed Brian by the back of the head and Myrna winced thinking her lover was about to get pounded. Brian was much smal er than Sed, who was several inches over six feet and could no doubt bench-press twice his own weight. Sed didn’t hit Brian though. He kissed him on the side of the head.

Sed’s gaze was on Myrna when he said, “I don’t think you realize how lucky you are, my friend.”

He turned, shuffled down the hal way and closed himself in the empty bedroom.

Eric leaned out of one of the curtained bunks along the side of the cabin. “You shouldn’t have hit him, Brian. You know why he’s like that.”

“Yeah, I know.” Brian slid into a leather-upholstered booth surrounding the dining table and rubbed his face with both hands.

“Who’s Jessica?” Myrna asked.

Brian glanced up at her. “The woman who ripped Sed’s heart out and fed it to sharks.”

Myrna lowered her eyes. She could identify. Her heart had been fed to sharks long ago and she’d never retrieve it.

Chapter 9

Myrna rol ed over in the narrow bunk and snuggled up against Brian’s warm body. He sighed in his sleep, his arm tightening around her before relaxing again.

The bus hummed loudly as it climbed a hil , temporarily drowning out Trey’s soft snores coming from the bunk beneath them. They hadn’t reached Des Moines, so what had awoken her?

She opened her eyes to darkness. The bed was comfortable enough, but was twin sized, so there wasn’t much room to move. Fine with her. It gave her a good excuse to press up against the wonderful man beside her. She burrowed her nose in his neck and inhaled deeply.

From the nearby dining area, a can clinked against the table. So that’s what had pul ed her from sleep. Who’d be awake at this hour? She crawled over Brian’s body and peeked through the curtain. Sed sat at the dining table with his back to her. He took a sip of his beer, while he gazed down at something in the palm of his hand. She wondered if he’d mind some company. He seemed lonely.

Myrna climbed from the bunk, tugging Brian’s T-shirt down over her panties. Her luggage was stil in her car, so she hadn’t had anything to wear to bed and Brian hadn’t wanted her to sleep nude this close to the guys. When her feet hit the floor, Sed turned his head to look at her. He smiled slightly and slid whatever was in his hand into his pocket. She stood next to the bench across the table from him and waited for him to acknowledge her.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said.

“Can I join you?”

“Yeah, of course. Do you want a beer?”

She shook her head. “I don’t drink. My ex-husband was an alcoholic and I can’t stomach the taste of it.” Or the smell. Sed pushed three empty beer cans aside. “I… didn’t realize you’d been married before.”

She shrugged. “It was a long time ago.” She brushed her hair behind her ears and changed the subject. “I think Brian’s real y sorry he hit you.”

“Yeah, I know. But I deserved it. Sinclair doesn’t clobber someone unless he deserves it. Brian’s a good guy. Not like the rest of us.”

“I think you’re al good guys.”

He grinned at her, his blue eyes sparkling in the low luminosity cabin lamps. “Even Eric?”

She chuckled. “Yeah, even Eric.”

“You’re right. They are good guys. I’m the ass**le of the bunch.”

She reached across the table and took his hand. “That’s not true, Sed. I know something’s bothering you. You can talk to me, you know.”

Sed lowered his gaze. “You shouldn’t touch me, Myrna. Brian wouldn’t take it wel .”

She wanted to ask him something that she’d wondered since meeting them two nights before. “The last girl who dumped him. The one he got drunk over. Did you…?” She tilted her head to one side in question.

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“Yeah, I banged her. And his previous girlfriend, too. I told you I was an ass**le. He should hit me more often.”

Myrna squeezed his hand. “I won’t let you bang me. Okay?”

He glanced up at her and smiled. “You sure?”

Her heart thudded. She blew a breath through her lips. The man was mesmeric. Enigmatic. Virile. She’d never met anyone like him before. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

“You had to think about it though.” He chuckled. “Women are al alike. Whores.”

She stiffened, even though she knew he was just trying to get a rise out of her. That word bothered her. It had been flung at her too many times in her past. “Yeah, we’re al wh-whores. Especial y around the rock stars we admire. Why do you think that is?”

“Huh?”

“Why do you think women are so promiscuous when they’re near you? Or Brian? Or Trey? Any of you?”

“Hel if I know.”

“Yeah, me neither. It would be fascinating to study it though.” Maybe she could get a research grant funded on the topic. Were groupies always loose or did their behavior change when around the band? She knew Sinners’ fame affected her. The excitement of screwing a man whom thousands of women lusted after. A strange psychology. Not that she had time to research something fun like groupie promiscuity. Her current project wasn’t going wel at al . She had to concentrate al her efforts on keeping her grant funding or she might as wel kiss her academic career good-bye.

Sed squeezed her hand, drawing Myrna’s thoughts from her worries. Funny how none of the things that usual y weighed her down had even crossed her mind since she’d met Brian.

“I don’t real y think you’re a whore, Myrna,” he said. “I don’t even want to bang you.”

She chuckled. “Wow, that hurt.”

“You misunderstand. I respect you. You’re the type of woman who I could… who maybe I could…” He shook his head.

“Tel me about Jessica.”

His eyes narrowed dangerously. “Don’t even say her name.”

Bodies shifted in the bunks.

“Weren’t you just staring at her picture?” She was guessing. Turned out she was right. He took a deep breath and bit his lip. After a moment, he said, “I should have burned it with the others. I just can’t let her go. Not entirely. It’s like the pain keeps her close to me somehow.”

She squeezed his hand. “That’s pretty twisted, Sed.”

He pul ed his hand out of hers and rubbed it over his buzzed, black hair. “Yeah, I know.” He slid out of the booth. “I’m going to bed. I think I can sleep now.”

She was sorry she’d chased him off with her prying. “Good night, Sed.”

“Good night, Professor.”

Myrna left the table and used the tiny bathroom before climbing back into bed with Brian.

“Did you have a nice talk with Sed?” he asked.

“Oh, you’re awake?”

“Did you have a nice talk with Sed?”

“Yeah. He’s feeling pretty low.”

Brian sighed. “I shouldn’t have hit him. I know why he is the way he is. That’s why I can’t hate him no matter how much heartache he causes. I know he’s hurting ten times more than those he hurts.”

She cupped his face between her hands, wishing she could see his expression in the darkness. “You’re wonderful. Do you know that?”

He kissed her gently. “I’m horny again. I do know that.”

“I’l never walk properly again.” She laughed.

“I figure if you can’t walk, you can’t leave my bed.” He kissed her jaw. The side of her neck. “Not ever.”

The sun rose entirely too early. He’d touched her, kissed her, stroked and suckled her skin, tasted her lips, embraced her, for hours, and he’d yet to take possession of her body. At least not in the way she wanted him to. He did possess her though, in a way she’d never meant to happen.

Chapter 10

Myrna stood next to her stil -in-one-piece car, which had reached Des Moines a ful hour before the buses. Brian stood before her, plucking absently at a button on her blouse. She stared over his shoulder, finding it difficult to look at him. Every time she did, her heart constricted with anguish.

She hated good-byes. Especial y permanent ones.

She slid a hand into her suit pocket and fingered her business card in indecision. She knew continuing this was a mistake. It would just lead to heartache for both of them. They’d both suffered enough in the past, she decided. She pul ed her empty hand from her pocket. No strings. For the best.

They started to speak at the same time. “I—”

“We—”

They laughed. Their eyes met. Brian drew her into his arms and kissed her deeply, his embrace tight. Her throat was also tight. Don’t cry, Myrna. Wait until…

She pul ed away. “I had a great time with you.” She hoped she sounded impersonal, not emotional.

“This doesn’t have to be the end.”

She ducked her head and swal owed her tears. “Yeah. It does.”

“Myrna…”

She kissed his cheek and turned to open the car door. Locked. She struggled with the handle for a moment before realizing the keys were in her hand. Brian stepped closer and took her shoulders in his hands.

“Myrna…”

She unlocked the door with trembling fingers. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

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She got the door open, but Brian didn’t step away. He hugged her from behind, his arms circling her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder. “Stay,” he whispered. “Please.”

“I can’t.”

“Then tel me when I can see you again.”

She shook her head vigorously. “Good-bye, Brian.”

She pul ed away from him and climbed into the car. Its familiarity comforted her. She closed the door and started the engine, forcing herself not to look up at him outside her window. She drove off, making sure her face was out of sight before she let the tears fal in hot trails down her face. From her rearview mirror, she glimpsed Brian, hands crammed into the front pockets of his jeans as he stared down at his feet. He took a deep breath, glanced up at her retreating car, and then returned to the tour bus alone.

Chapter 11

Trey pounded Brian on the back. “You f**king loser, get off the bus. You aren’t doing anyone any good sitting here drinking by yourself again.”

Brian tossed back the rest of his beer. “Shut up.”

“You know what you need? You need to get laid.”

Trey was probably right. It had been two weeks since his weekend of bliss. It was time to forget about the amazing *** professor and move on.

“Yeah,” Brian said. “I guess so.”

“Sed’s getting a circle suck together. Maybe you should join us.”

Brian rol ed his eyes at Trey. “Is that why you came over here?”

“Wel , you always beat him. And he bet Eric that if he didn’t win, he’d give up *** for a month.”

Brian laughed. Sed didn’t even bother denying his *** addiction. A month? The man would spontaneously combust. “Yeah, I’d like to see that.”

“We’d al like to see that. He figured since you weren’t participating, he’d win for sure.”

“I’m in.” Brian climbed to his feet, staggering slightly.

Trey wrapped Brian’s arm around his shoulders to help him walk. “You’ve got to quit drinking so much.”

“I know.” But it dul ed the pain so nicely.

His alcohol-induced buzz had started to dissipate by the time they entered the other bus.

“Brian’s in,” Trey announced.

Eric leapt from his chair and hugged both guitarists. “Yes!” He glanced over his shoulder at their vocalist. “You’re going down, Sed.”

“I thought we were going down,” one of six women murmured, looking confused.

“No one invited Brian,” Sed protested.

A bombshel blonde in red lipstick shot her hand into the air. “I cal Master Sinclair.”

“Are you chicken, Sed?” Brian asked. “Afraid you’l lose?”

Sed grabbed the nearest girl and urged her to her knees in front of his chair. She reached for his belt buckle. “I’m ready. Are you?”

Brian sat in the captain’s chair next to Sed. The eager blonde knelt before him. She reached for his fly, but he caught her hand.

“Who else is in?” Brian asked.

Eric, Trey and Jace sat next to each other on the leather sofa across from the two captain’s chairs. Two girls got in a scuffle over the privilege *****ck off Trey. He put his hand on top of the winner’s head and gave the loser his sucker. She went *****lk in the corner, licking her consolation prize.

“I’l f**k you later, babe. Okay?” Trey cal ed to her.

Beaming, she nodded.

“The first girl to make her guy come gets a backstage pass,” Sed said. “And the last guy to spend his load gets bragging rights.”

“And you can’t have *** for a month,” Eric reminded him.

“That’s only if I lose.”

Zippers released, hard ****s revealed, flavored condoms rol ed in place.

The blonde kneeling before Brian pul ed her hand free of his and opened his pants. She soon discovered that he wasn’t hard at al . His band mates were waiting for him so they could get started. Just the idea of a suck circle usual y had him busting the zipper out of his pants, but the thought of this blonde chick with her candy-red lips around his dick held no appeal. Maybe a different girl? He glanced around the interior of the bus, but none of the congregated women was Myrna. His heart constricted.

“I guess I’m too drunk,” he said. He zipped his pants and shoved the stunned blonde out his way before leaving the bus.

“Brian?” Trey cal ed after him.

“Brian’s out,” Sed said as Brian stepped off the bottom step. “Start.”

Brian walked between the buses and leaned against the back bumper. He didn’t know how long he stood there just breathing. Ten minutes, maybe. He knew the guys would rib him for not being able to get it up, but that wasn’t what was real y bothering him. That woman. Myrna. He couldn’t get her out of his head.

Trey wandered out of the bus a few minutes later. He walked past where Brian was standing, turned around and came to lean against the bus bumper beside him.

“I guess you lost,” Brian said.

“I don’t even try to win. The real prize is having a girl working her damnedest to make you come. Who am I to deny her a backstage pass?”

Brian grinned. “My poor girl didn’t even get the chance to try.”

“You’ve got to cal her,” Trey said.

“Huh?”

Trey punched him in the arm. “Myrna, you retard. Cal her.”

“I don’t have her number. Besides, she doesn’t want to see me.” He ducked his head to stare at his boots.

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“I don’t believe that for a second,” Trey said. “And you could get her number if you real y wanted to.”

He laughed. “I don’t even know her last name.”

“Where is she from?”

“Kansas City,” he said automatical y, but Trey already knew that. Brian couldn’t stop talking about her, so Trey knew more about Myrna than he could possibly want to know.

“And she’s a professor, so she has to work at a col ege around there.”

“So?”

“And there are only so many human ***uality professors at those col eges. Maybe one or two at each, right?”

He shrugged. “I guess.”

“Myrna isn’t a very common name. And even if every human ***uality professor in the Kansas City area were named Myrna, you could stil cal them al until you found her.”

“She’l be majorly pissed if I cal her,” Brian said, though hope fluttered through his aching heart.

“So what? If she tel s you off, then maybe you’l get her out of your system, and if she doesn’t, then we’l get to see you happy again. ****, the whole band is suffering because of this funk you’re in. We need you, you know. You’re our glue.”

Brian sighed loudly. “Al right, I get it. I’l try to find her.”

Trey rubbed his hand vigorously over Brian’s hair until Brian leaned away, his scalp tingling.

“No need. I already have.” Trey handed Brian a piece of paper with a phone number scrawled on it. Lefties and their scarcely legible handwriting. “Here’s her work number. Her home phone is apparently unlisted.”

“How’d you get this?”

“Internet. Her last name is Evans, by the way. Her picture was in the faculty directory.”

Picture? He’d have to check it out later. See if she was as beautiful as he remembered. “When did you do this?”

“About a week ago.”

Brian scowled. “And you wait until now?”

“I thought maybe you’d get over her.”

Brian stared down at the slip of paper. “Now I just have to get up the nerve to have my heart shredded again.”

“Don’t take too long,” Trey said. “I mean seriously. I’ve never seen you like this. Not for this long.”

“Myrna’s different.”

Trey snorted and laughed as if they were back in the fifth grade. “You’ve got it bad, Sinclair.”

Chapter 12

Myrna answered her office phone on its second ring. “Doctor Myrna Evans, Psychology Department.”

“Myrna. Ah. It’s real y you.”

Al the blood drained from her face. “Brian?”

“It’s so good to hear your voice.”

“How did you find me?”

“Trey looked you up on the Internet by checking the faculty lists of the universities around Kansas City. You aren’t hard to find.” He fel silent for a moment. “Are you mad that I cal ed?”

She couldn’t lie and pretend she was anything but delighted to hear from him. She was disturbed that she was so easy to find. She wasn’t hiding from Brian, but there was another man she didn’t want to find her. Ever.

“No,” she said. “I’m not mad.”

“Wil you meet me somewhere?”

“What? Now? Are you in Kansas City?”

He chuckled. Her breath caught and her ni**les tightened. How could the simple sound of his laugh turn her on?

“No, I’m in Oregon for the entire weekend. More tour dates. I’l send you a plane ticket.”

“I can’t just drop everything and get on a plane to Oregon.”

“Why not?”

“I’m busy. I have this job, you see.” This job that was quickly going down the tubes. She reached for the letter from the National Science Foundation and slid it into her top desk drawer. She didn’t want to be bothered with thoughts of losing her grant funding. Not when she had Brian Sinclair’s deep voice in her ear.

“You don’t get weekends off?”

“Most of the time.”

“Are you working this weekend?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

She hesitated. Eh, why not? She could real y use a short break from this place. Maybe a couple of days away would clear her head and she could figure out what to do about her current predicament. “You haven’t sent me a ticket yet.”

“****,” he murmured.

Disappointment made her heart drop to her toes. “What’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing. I’m just standing outside the stadium to get better phone reception and have been recognized by a group of fans. Bad timing. I have a raging hard-on, thanks to you, and can’t run very fast.”

“As long as it’s thanks to me,” she said, laughing.

Some chick squealed in the background, “Oh my God! Oh my God! It’s Master Sinclair!”

Myrna laughed.

“Could you hold on just a minute? I’m on the phone,” he said to someone.

“Oh my God! Wil you sign my tits? Please. Please. You’re soooo hot! Where’s Sed?”

“They always want Sed,” Brian said to Myrna. “Let me get away from these girls and I’l cal you back with your flight information.”

“Okay.”

“Great.”

“And Brian?”