ENGLISH CLUB (Nghĩa Tân-Cầu Giấy-Hà Nội) - Học,học nữa,học mãi..........

mọi người kô nhận thêm bạn mới nữa ah`?sao hum wa tớ nhắn cho mấy bạn mà kô ai reply cho tớ thía, bùn

To Lazy_Pinky: tôi chuẩn bị bài thứ 4 tuần sau nhé.
Nhóm t4 ơi,chúng mình cần phải cố gắng nhiều để có thể theo được nhóm thứ 2 nhỉ! .Thử 4 tuần tới chúng ta dicuss về chủ đề FAMILY RELATIONHIPS nhé, mọi người chuẩn bị nhé, ai có trang web nào hay thì post cho mọi người xem nhé. Bài đọc:
FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
Family structure
The family is the basic instituation in society; it perpetuates society and protects the individual. Generally speaking, Vietnamese family structure is more complex than that of the American family, which is essentially nuclear in nature and which excludes relatives and in-laws. In the Vietnamese family roles are more numerous and more fined than in its American counterpart.
Vietnamese people distinguish between the immediate family and the extended family. The Vietnamese immediate family includes not only the husband, wife, and their unmarried children, but but also the husband''s parents and the sons'' wives and children, The extended family consists of the immediate family and close relatiVes who share the same family name and ancestors and who live in the same community.
The complexity of the Vietnamese concept oF family is reflected in the rather complex terminology designating kinship. Each member of the extended family has a particular designation according to his/her relative position and his/her role in the family structure. People are often referred to by the kinship term rather than by given name.
In Vietnamese society, the father is the head of the family. However, unlike the father in tra***ional Chinese society, who is empowered, at least theoretically, with absolute rights over his children and wife, the Vietnamese father shares with his wife and children collective and bilateral responsibility, legally, morally, and spiritually.
In the relationship between parents and chilren, as well as between husband and wife, the Vietnamese people retain much of their own custom and tra***ion, despite the great influence of Chinese culture and Confucian doctrine. In the eyes of the children, the Vietnamese mother has the same status as the father. She is also the embodiment of love and the spirit of self-denial and sacrifice.
Parent-child relationship
Vietnamese parents consider it a most important responsibility to train their children. By virtue of the principle of collective responsibility, the parents will bear the disgrace brought about by the activities of children who dishonor themselves just as they share the honor and fame of their virtuous and talented children.
At an early age, children are taught by their parents to behave according to the principle of filial piety. The family is the school in which the child learns the respect rules in both behavior and linguistic response. Filial piety consists of loving, respecting, and obeying one''s parents. Talking back or acting contrary to the wishes of one''s parents is evidence of lack of filial piety. For the Vietnamese, the obligation to obey his parents does not end with coming of age or marriage. Filial piety also means solicitude and support to one''s parents, chiefly in their old age. Vietnamese elderly people never live by themselves or in nursing homes but with one of their children, usually their eldest son. This obligation is not discontinued by the parents'' death. It survives in the form of ancestral cult and the maintenance of ancestral tombs. Ancestor worship is practised in most, if not all, Vietnamese homes even in the homes of Viettnamese people living overseas.
The child who lacks filial piety is rejected and ostracized by other members of the family and comnlunity. The worst insult which a Vietnamese can receive and by which he is deeply wounded is the ex- pression "lack filial piety" (con bat hieu).
Sibling relationships
In Vietnamese culture, the relationship between siblings is determined by the principle of seniority, which requires younger siblings to respect and obey older ones. The eldest brother is entrusted with a heavy responsibility that of substituting for the parents in case of emergency. He is considered by his siblings as their leader. Concord and love among siblings is a token of happy and virtuous family.
Attitude towards relatives
As with members of the immediate family, members of the extended family are boud together by a strong sense of collective responsibility and mutual obligation. The notion of blood relalionship is always present in the mind of the Vietnamese. In honor or in disgrace, members of the extended family will share the same fate as if they were members of the immediate family. They are expected to give one another moral and material assistance, especially in time of stress. On the social and political planes, this strong sense of loyalty to the extended family tends to encourage the spirit of sectarianism and nepotism.
The notion of family ties is imprinted in the mind of the Vietnamese because of the importance of filial piety. Respect and love are demanded of young people to members of the parental generation and above. Uncles and aunts must be treated with respect as if they were one''s own parents. In ad***ion to the consciousness of blood relationships and the linguistic ties that reinforce kinship relationships and age seniority, members of the Vietnamese extended family are closely bound by the common veneration of the dead. Ancestor worship is a hyphen between the dead and the living and a strong tie between members sharing the same ancestry. Through such rites as the cleaning of the ancestral tombs and celebration of ancestral death anniversaries, which all members of the extended family are expected to attend, the ties which bind the Vietnamese to other members of his family are reinforced.
In the last decades the Vietnamese family insitution has been attacked on all fronts. The Western doctrine of individualism advocated the liberation of the individual from the encroachment of the family upon his personal freedom. Under the communist regime, the state replaced parents in the filial piety relationship, and children were taught to spy on their own parents and report to the Party any subversive talk or behavior. The war devastated the countryside and brought people to the cities where narrow spaces were not suitable to the pattern of the extended family. Since 1975, with the communist takeover of the whole country and the tragic exodus of the Vietnamese people throughout the world to search for freedom, the Vietnamese family has become increasingly broken and separated by distance. Husbands and wives, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters live thousands and thousands of miles apart. But despite of all this, deep family feelings and ties are still strong and the Vietnamese family concept still survives through time and change.

Mình xin giúp 1 tay về topic FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS vào thứ Tư tới:
Questions:
1.How are your parents now?
2.what do you think they should do, what they should not do?
3.What do you do to make your family relationship better?
5. will you be a good parent?
6..................................(Cac ban dien tiep nhe)
Được lazy_pinky sửa chữa / chuyển vào 17:15 ngày 23/11/2006

Nhận đưọc công văn khẩn của chị Pink, tớ sẽ phụ trách topic thứ 2 tới.
Tên topic và mọi tài liệu liên quan tớ sẽ post vào sáng mai.

Hôm trước bạn nào có đề nghị post bài nghe lên mạng để lỡ có ai đến muộn vì lý do chính đáng thì khỏi bị thiệt thòi.
Mình thấy ý tưởng này rất hay. Mỗi tội mình dốt Tin học lắm. Thế nên, bạn nào biết cách post bài nghe lên mạng thì chỉ cho mình với.
Hoặc các bạn có thể tham gia bài nghe điền từ của bạn nào đó trong forum này nè.
Và đây là đường link:
http://www7.ttvnol.com/forum/english/860093.ttvn

Ai có bài nghe thì send vào mail cho mình: dhthinh0350@yahoo.com hay dohuythinh@gmail.com. Mình sẽ up lên host nào đó cho mọi người down về . Còn nếu muốn up lên free upload trong một thời gian ngắn thì có thể vào một số trang:
http://yousen***.com
http://sendspace.com
Sử dụng rất đơn giản, còn dễ hơn attach mail
Được thriving84 sửa chữa / chuyển vào 17:33 ngày 23/11/2006

Thank you, Meo 2010, for offering an interesting essay.
I copied the essay to find out that it''s about more than 2 A4-size pages long.
In my point of view, the reading script should fit a A4-size page and be followed by a common topic which involves in the given essay. In that case, we practise our reading skill first as a reference and move to discuss about the topic followed.
Therefore, I like to propose 3 reading choices for your consideration.
1.
A. Reading comprehension (quoted frm ur essay)
Family structure
The family is the basic instituation in society; it perpetuates society and protects the individual. Generally speaking, Vietnamese family structure is more complex than that of the American family, which is essentially nuclear in nature and which excludes relatives and in-laws. In the Vietnamese family roles are more numerous and more fined than in its American counterpart.
Vietnamese people distinguish between the immediate family and the extended family. The Vietnamese immediate family includes not only the husband, wife, and their unmarried children, but but also the husband''''s parents and the sons'''' wives and children, The extended family consists of the immediate family and close relatiVes who share the same family name and ancestors and who live in the same community.
The complexity of the Vietnamese concept oF family is reflected in the rather complex terminology designating kinship. Each member of the extended family has a particular designation according to his/her relative position and his/her role in the family structure. People are often referred to by the kinship term rather than by given name.
In Vietnamese society, the father is the head of the family. However, unlike the father in tra***ional Chinese society, who is empowered, at least theoretically, with absolute rights over his children and wife, the Vietnamese father shares with his wife and children collective and bilateral responsibility, legally, morally, and spiritually.
In the relationship between parents and chilren, as well as between husband and wife, the Vietnamese people retain much of their own custom and tra***ion, despite the great influence of Chinese culture and Confucian doctrine. In the eyes of the children, the Vietnamese mother has the same status as the father. She is also the embodiment of love and the spirit of self-denial and sacrifice.
Parent-child relationship
Vietnamese parents consider it a most important responsibility to train their children. By virtue of the principle of collective responsibility, the parents will bear the disgrace brought about by the activities of children who dishonor themselves just as they share the honor and fame of their virtuous and talented children.
At an early age, children are taught by their parents to behave according to the principle of filial piety. The family is the school in which the child learns the respect rules in both behavior and linguistic response. Filial piety consists of loving, respecting, and obeying one''''s parents. Talking back or acting contrary to the wishes of one''''s parents is evidence of lack of filial piety. For the Vietnamese, the obligation to obey his parents does not end with coming of age or marriage. Filial piety also means solicitude and support to one''''s parents, chiefly in their old age. Vietnamese elderly people never live by themselves or in nursing homes but with one of their children, usually their eldest son. This obligation is not discontinued by the parents'''' death. It survives in the form of ancestral cult and the maintenance of ancestral tombs. Ancestor worship is practised in most, if not all, Vietnamese homes even in the homes of Viettnamese people living overseas.
The child who lacks filial piety is rejected and ostracized by other members of the family and comnlunity. The worst insult which a Vietnamese can receive and by which he is deeply wounded is the ex- pression "lack filial piety"
B.
Discussion topic
In a Vietnamese family, parents tend to influence their children in decision making. What are advantages and disadvantages of this?
2.
(extracted from saigoninfo)
VIETNAMESE FAMILY
Vietnamese society is family oriented and essentially classless. The Vietnamese family is especially important and close-knit. Held together by the ancestor cult, the family is the first loyalty of the Vietnamese before his allegiance to country. It is his religious, social, economic and political unit. The Westerns have health insurance, unemployment benefits, social security, orphanages, nursing homes and psychiatrists... the Vietnamese have the family. The family must care its own sick, and indigent. Conversely when one member prospers, he is expected to help his family rise with him.
The extended family concept is a strong element. In Viet Nam, it is extended family of three or four generations: grandparents, the senior couple, married sons with wives and children, and unmarried children. Both sons and daughters leave the household when they marry, so the average household is five or six members. There can be a lesser (immediate) family and a greater family including cousins, uncles, aunts, etc... The family consists not only of the living, but of the spirits of the dead, as well as those who have not yet been born. Any thing a man does, he does out of family consideration rather than for himself as an individual. In this tra***ionally patriarchal society, great respect is given to men, especially to older men.
The elder male held nearly absolute power over his familyâ?Ts internal affairs. This power has diminished, but the Vietnamese law still treats the family as a unit in many matters. The women hold a significant role in the family, and are well respected. She is the minister of interior of the family. A tra***ional Vietnamese woman must obey first her father (before marriage), second her husband and third her elder son, if she is widow. Often considered the most graceful and beautiful women in the world, the Vietnamese women are noted for their gentleness and for deferring to men. So, they control their men, the home, and the economic power of their community. But even while retaining tra***ional ways she may be very independent. Vietnam has a history of almost constant war. The women have become accustomed to being alone, perhaps taking over the family business and the household, while the men are in the military. The Vietnamese babies seem to be constantly fondled, cared for, and carried about, if not by the mother, then by some other woman in the family. When the children reach the age of reason, about 5 to 6 years old, his strict upbringing begins. Independence is discouraged and his parents demand obedience. When the child grows up, the responsibility of care is reversed, he must care for his elders. The oldest child, boy or girl, is responsible for his younger brothers and sisters if the parents are dead or ill. The family name is spoken or written first.

3.
Vietnamese family relationships
A lesson in cross-cultural care
The information on Vietnamese family relationships in this essay are taken from S Farrale''s chapter in Culture and Nursing Care
Information about cultural patterns presented in this article and others in this series represents generalizations, which should not be mistaken for stereotypes. Cultural generalizations will not fit every patient, but awareness of broad patterns can give practitioners a starting point from which to provide appropriate care. The information on Vietnamese family relationships in this essay are taken from S Farrale''s chapter in Culture and Nursing Care: A Pocket Guide, e***ed by J G Lipson, S L Dibble, and P A Minarek.
Tran Nyguen, a 65-year old Vietnamese woman, had just been discharged from the hospital and was receiving home health care for lung cancer and tubercular cavitary lesions in her lungs. She was living in a small apartment with 8 members of her extended family, all of whom had arrived in the United States 2 years earlier. Mrs Nyguen did not speak English, so her teenaged granddaughter was enlisted as interpreter. That this was a problem became clear when Martha, the home health nurse, observed that both the patient and the granddaughter would look at the 80-year-old uncle before speaking. Vietnamese culture is both hierarchic and male dominated; the uncle was the patriarch of the family and, thus, responsible for any decision making. Martha cleverly resolved the problem by having the granddaughter tell the uncle what the nurse was saying, and then the uncle passed the information on to the patient. When the patient responded, she spoke directly to the uncle, who passed the information on to the granddaughter, who then translated for the nurse. Although this translation technique was cumbersome, it upheld the tra***ional hierarchic structure in the family.1
In another case, a hospice worker discovered that the grandson acting as interpreter for an elderly Vietnamese man was neglecting to pass her instructions on to the patient after she left. By leaving, she left the grandson in the intolerable position of having to tell his grandfather what to do, something not allowed in the tra***ional hierarchic structure. The hospice worker should have remained in the room so the instructions would have been clearly seen as coming from her. Using an older authority figure, as in the case above, would have been even better.

TOPIC FOR MEETING ON MONDAY 27TH NOVEMBER 2006
What makes a good leader?
No one can argue that a great leader can boost an organization?Ts growth and performance in much the same way a poor leader can run one into the ground. But what makes a leader effective or ineffective is a more nebulous concept to pin down.
Please find this reference for your information.
According to Jim Kouzes, lecturer and author of seven books on leadership, including the best-seller ?oThe Leadership Challenge,? the qualities that make an effective leader have two distinct perspectives: what followers look for and what research from the past few decades has shown. ?oThere are four things consistently that we have found that people most look for in a leader. Number one, people want a leader whô?Ts honest, trustworthy and has integrity. Second (they want someone) forward-looking, who has a vision of the future, foresight and thinks about the long term. Third, people want a leader who is competent, has expertise, knows what they?Tre doing, and fourth is inspiring, dynamic, energetic, optimistic and positive about the future.?
Research on how leaders execute those qualities or how leaders put those attributes into action, has produced five practices that successfully leaders indulge. ?oFirst, they model the way,? Kouzes said. ?oThey set an example with their own behavior, and they are clear about what their values and beliefs are, as well as the values and beliefs of the organization. Second, they inspire a shared vision. They are forward-looking and envision an uplifting or ennobling future and then enlist others in that. Third, they challenge the process. They search for opportunities to change and innovate, to grow and improve, and then they also experiment and take risks. Fourth, they enable others to act. They support individual development, and they also foster collaboration. Last, the fifth practice, which wê?Tve identified as ?~Encourage the Heart,?T leaders recognize and reward individual achievements, and they also celebrate team accomplishments.?
Kouzes and Posner have been using an instrument called the Leadership Practices Inventory to measure leadership capabilities since 1980. It is a 30-item behavior-based questionnaire that measures the five practices on a scale of one to 10 from both individual leaders and their observers?T or followers?T standpoint in order to identify those worthy of the title leader. Kouzes also said an easy way to identify leaders is by noticing who has followers. Typically, however, the Leadership Practices Inventory helps to identify leaders based on whether or not peoplê?Ts behavior matches specific attributes and practices.
?oLeadership to us is not about a position, so we do not identify it by someone just having a title,? Kouzes said. ?oYou can have the title ?~chief executive officer?T and not be considered a leader. You can be the president of a company or a country and not considered a leader. On the other hand you can be a front line supervisor and have a lot of people following you. People who willingly will go in a direction that you articulate and enlist people in because others believe that you are honest, forward looking, that you have energy and excitement, are competent, know what you?Tre doing and behave in ways that are consistent with the values that you preach.?
One might say that a leader is one who can be trusted to walk his or her talk. ?oThe number-one thing people look for is trustworthiness or honesty,? Kouzes said. ?oCredibility is the foundation of leadership. If you don?Tt believe in the messenger, you won?Tt believe the message. If you don?Tt have credibility it doesn?Tt matter how grand your vision of the future is. So the most important and the most precious of all the qualities of leadership over time is personal credibility. When you lose it, you lose your ability to get anything done.?
Of particular interest to learning and development leaders, Kouzes performed a recent analysis of some 72,000 surveys and found that the lowest-scoring item is on seeking feedback from the observer standpoint. This same item is the second-lowest-scoring one from the leader?Ts standpoint. ?oIn other words, even with all this 360-degree feedback that we have been gathering over the years, leaders don?Tt want it,? Kouzes said. ?oThey don?Tt voluntarily go out and ask people, ?~How am I doing??T They do it because learning officers and HR executives say you really ought to have 360 feedback to improve your behavior. But in fact, on a day-to-day basis, we just don?Tt ask for it. We haven?Tt really created a culture in which making ourselves vulnerable and opening ourselves to really gather information about our behavior is supportive. People fear getting honest feedback. They may get told they?Tre not doing such a good job. People are always concerned when we hand out instruments. Whô?Ts going to see this? Will this affect my performance ratings? It makes it tough for learning to take place when you?Tre not out there asking for feedback. How can you improve if you really don?Tt want that feedback? It?Ts a major issue that wê?Tre going to have to address in the learning and development industry.?
Kouzes also said that same cluster of surveys showed that despite all of the writing on the subject, all the training and development that has been undertaken in learning regarding the importance of organizational vision, being forward-looking, thinking and planning strategically, and enlisting other people in a vision of the future has had almost no impact. ?oWe have done a lousy job, and I would include myself in that, of helping leaders learn how to be forward-looking, stay focused on the long term and not be so short term oriented. If I were a chief learning officer inside an organization, I?Td want to put that at the top of my list for training and development,? Kouzes said.
On a more positive note, the most recent surveys showed that impact has been made over the years in learning leaders?T efforts to enable their workers to act, to treat people with dignity and respect, to listen and to foster collaboration. ?oIn those areas at least, all of the discussions of empowerment of emotional intelligence and teamwork have had some impact because that ends up being the strongest of the five practices,? Kouzes said.
Who will be MC for this meeting?
In my opinion, after discussing in general, we should prepare some situations for groups to practise what we have leant.
Yesterday, I asked guards at my university about a room for us but the time limited is from 6 to 8 o''clock in the evening.
I did try to persuade him but he refused to stay late at 9. I am so sorry.

Mình cũng muốn đóng góp một chút, đề tài leader này rất hay ...
20 WAYS TO BECOME A LEADER
by Ellen Ostrow, Ph.D.
A recent woman law school graduate might be surprised to find so few women among the leaders of the firm she just joined. After all, half of her law school classmates were women. And although this law school statistic is often reported as if it represents some dramatic change, the fact is that roughly 40% of law school students have been women since the mid 1980s.
Although there have been small positive changes, for the most part, legal workplaces continue to be sadly lacking in women leadership.
There are several reasons for this, perhaps chief among them, the fact that a "committed lawyer" is defined so that it excludes the majority of women lawyers. If "commitment" is mutually exclusive with pregnancy and motherhood, then the odds of a woman lawyer advancing to a leadership position are slim.
This definition also excludes male lawyers who want to be more than just financial providers for their families. In fact, any lawyer seriously wanting "a life" is at risk of being deleted from the potential- leaders list.
The best chance of changing this systemic obstacle is to tip the gender scales in leadership balance. As more women become leaders in legal organizations, organizational values and definitions are likely to change. The concept of the "ideal lawyer" [1] will broaden to become equally inclusive of women as well as men whose wives handle family matters. The inclusion of men and woman who understand that work and life are not a zero sum game would benefit the profession as well as the individuals practicing it.
As organizations move from mono-cultural clubs to diversity-welcoming institutions, one might expect that the "ideal lawyer" image would also evolve into one that equally includes lawyers of color and those of non-majority ***ual orientation.
There is another reason to expect that fostering leadership ability among women lawyers will benefit the careers of these and future women attorneys, as well as the organizations in which they work:
Research on leadership indicates that 50-75% of organizations are currently managed by people sorely lacking in leadership competence [2]. They are hired or promoted based on technical competence, business knowledge and politics - not on leadership skill. Such managers often manage by crisis, are poor communicators, are insensitive to moral issues, are mistrustful, over-controlling and micro-managing, fail to follow through on commitments they''''ve made and are easily excitable and explosive. The result is low morale, alienated employees, and costly attrition. Since the best business outcomes are achieved by satisfied employees, the legal profession can only gain by an increasing focus on the development of attorneys'''' leadership competencies.
Women lawyers can take the lead in this endeavor. Here are 20 ways to become a leader:
1. TAKE CHARGE
Become the sculptor of your own career and life ? not the sculpture. Leaders are authentic ? the authors of their own lives. Take responsibility for your professional development. No one has a greater investment in your success and satisfaction than you. Especially as a woman, you cannot depend upon the tra***ional management structure of your organization to put you on the path to achievement. It''''s up to you to direct and protect your career and to develop your own potential. You cannot afford to be passive or to accept roles assigned to you. Know what you want and why and be prepared to take action to make it happen.
2. KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS
Work is most meaningful and satisfying when it gives us an opportunity to use our strengths. Leadership is fundamentally about character. Knowing your character strengths enables you to find ways to select work environments and work assignments that allow you to express and develop them. For example, if one of your greatest strengths is loyalty and teamwork, you''''ll be most effective and satisfied working as a member of a team. If fairness is among your greatest strengths, you''''ll be frustrated and dissatisfied without an opportunity to work on issues of justice. If you''''re someone who loves to learn, you''''ll feel bored and frustrated unless you find ways to master new skills and bodies of knowledge.
It''''s also important to keep track of your own accomplishments. Unfortunately, legal workplaces are notorious for focusing on mistakes and defeats rather than what people have done well. However, good leaders develop talent by matching peoples'''' strengths with work tasks. They recognize contributions and celebrate accomplishments.
Start practicing good leadership by keeping a log of your successes. Record even small wins ? this is essential for building your own confidence as well as developing a crucial leadership competence.
You can assess your strengths by taking the VIA Strengths Survey at http://www.authentichappiness.org. Dr. Martin Seligman, a psychologist known for his research in the areas of helplessness, depression, optimism and positive psychology has developed this website. Since he continues to do research on the instruments on his website, you can take them for free.
The Gallup StrengthsFinder is another way to assess your strengths. You can learn about it at http://www.gallup.com.
3. CREATE YOUR VISION
Leaders are vision directed. A leader creates a compelling vision, is committed to this vision, and inspires others to action by aligning their goals with this vision.
Start developing this leadership competence by creating your own personal vision. Your vision statement is a picture of the future to which you can commit. It expresses your values, the contribution you want to make, and the way you want to live your life.
Without a clear vision, it''''s easy to be led by the expectations of others. As a professional coach, I can attest to the unhappiness of lawyers who''''ve allowed the demands and approval of others to become their compass. It is heartbreaking to look back on your life with regret.
Your vision statement is your own personal "why." Knowing what you''''re working toward allows you to plan your professional development as well as to be resilient in the face of obstacles.
If you''''d like a format for a personal vision statement, you can email me at Ellen@lawyerslifecoach.com with "Vision Statement" in the subject line.
4. CHOOSE A WORKPLACE WITH COMPATIBLE VALUES
One of the biggest mistakes many attorneys make is to accept a position in an organization with values contrary to their own. This situation leads to misery at worst, and job change at best.
Furthermore, you are much less likely to achieve a position of leadership in an organization with values at odds with your own ethics than you would in an environment that echoed your principles.
5. ESTABLISH YOUR OWN PERSONAL ADVISORY BOARD
Although the legal profession puts a premium on self-reliance, everyone needs guidance, role models and support. Old-style mentoring rarely exists in the 21st century legal workplace. Even if you have an assigned mentor, such "arranged marriages" rarely meet your most important professional development needs. It''''s especially difficult for women and attorneys of color to find mentors who identify with them or to whom they can look for time-tested strategies that apply to their unique challenges.
Establishing your own personal advisory board enables you to obtain assistance from several people. Each has a unique contribution to make to your career success. This approach also gives you an opportunity to seek needed assistance without over-burdening any one person.
In order to construct an effective personal board of directors you need to assess your learning needs. Identify the skills you need to acquire or improve in order to achieve the career goals you''''ve set for the next year or two. Having identified your knowledge needs, you''''ll be ready to identify potential advisors. You can get recommendations from others. At the same time, observe people you''''d like to emulate or those who have some special expertise in the areas in which you''''re interested. Look both within as well as outside your current work setting.
The people on your board will change as your learning needs change. Here are a few important tips for developing your advisory board:
· Select people whom you trust.
· Keep in mind that the alliances you form with your advisors are substantive, strategically important, and meaningful relationships.
· Clarify each person''''s expectations for the relationship. Negotiate how long you expect the relationship to proceed in this form.
· Understand what you mentor needs in order for the relationship to be mutually rewarding. For some advisors, helping another attorney succeed is sufficient. Others might feel rewarded by your offers to assist them in their own work.
You''''ll need to have advisors who serve different functions. The most important of these are:
A Culture Guide
If you''''re a new attorney, or are new to your current work setting, you''''ll need an advisor who can help you learn about the organizational culture. This mentor can provide tips on who is powerful, who the key players and decision-makers are, whom to seek out and whom not to cross. This mentor may also suggest committees to join and other avenues to pursue so that you will become more visible.
A Legal Skills Mentor
It''''s useful to find a mentor with deep knowledge in your area of the law ? a senior and successful attorney who can provide candid and constructive feedback about your work. You need to have someone you trust to whom you can turn with substantive questions about your work. Ideally, this would not be someone who will be in a position of evaluating you: you can''''t hold back if you want to really learn.
A Role Model
It''''s especially helpful for women attorneys to form alliances with other women lawyers who share their work/life balance values. Ask someone you admire to share her strategies for balancing work and family.
It''''s particularly helpful to identify leadership role models. Think of the most inspiring leaders in your life and list the attributes that elicited your admiration and respect. Find role models who can advise you about how you can become a leader.
A Good "Connector"
Unless you have a well-established network, it''''s helpful to know someone who can introduce you to people you''''d like to know. As a knowledge worker in today''''s economy, you simply cannot know everything. Establishing a knowledge network enables you to identify the fastest route to the information you need and the people who can connect you to that information. Whether you''''re seeking information requested by a client, connections to business development opportunities, or looking for another job, a well-developed network is an essential resource.
6. FIND A CHAMPION
It''''s essential to have someone who will be your champion in the organization. Most likely, this will be someone with whom you practice. The more value you add to the practice of a senior lawyer in your practice group, the more he or she will be invested in retaining you. People who like you, as well as your work, are more likely to be in your corner. It''''s also necessary that this person be in a secure position in the organization; someone in a tenuous spot is unlikely to feel able to go out on a limb for you.
7. WORK TOWARD EXCELLENCE IN YOUR PRACTICE
Excellent work performance is a necessary, although not sufficient con***ion for leadership. Stay on top of your professional development. Don''''t wait for your firm or organization to offer a seminar in the skills you want to learn ? seek out your own training opportunities.
Keep in mind the difference between excellence and perfection. Maintaining high standards for your work reflects positive striving. On the other hand, being harshly self-critical for the smallest error will undermine your success. Perfectionism easily leads to micro-management and harsh criticism of others, neither of which are effective leadership behaviors.
It''''s difficult to strive for excellence unless you''''re doing what you love. People who are committed to what they do ? who are strongly interested in their work ? are resilient in the face of challenges. Enthusiasm and passion motivate hard work. Genuine interest sustains focused attention.
It''''s important to know what skills you should be developing as you progress in your career. The ABCNY Report of the Task Force on Lawyers Quality of Life delineates specific training goals for corporate and litigation associates. You can find these at: http://www.abcny.org/taskforce.html
Look for Attachment C. For a list of skills against which to assess your progress, you can send an email to me at Ellen@lawyerslifecoach.com with "Skills" in the subject line.
The more knowledgeable you are and the better your skills, the more you''''ll be a resource to others. Expertise builds your reputation as a credible and trusted resource, which is essential for attaining leadership roles.
8. TAKE INITIATIVE
Whatever you''''re trying to accomplish, you need to take control of your own destiny and act on your own convictions. To become a leader, you must first learn to lead yourself. Initiative is a fundamental leadership competence. Choose your work ? don''''t let it choose you. Seek out work you like or from which you can learn. If the work you really want isn''''t coming your way, make a plan to find it. Forge alliances with people both within and outside your organization who can help you work with the kinds of matters and clients you prefer.
Avoid the "tyranny of the in-basket." [3] You need to actively work on your career, not just on your work. Develop a career plan. Identify specific, measurable goals and routes for accomplishing them. Go beyond adapting to whatever comes your way. Proactively select and influence the situation in which you work rather than merely reacting to situations created by others. Work to change yourself and your circumstances for the better.
Leaders create a vision, set goals that embody the vision, inspire action to accomplish the vision, and develop strategic plans which lead to their goals. Start on your path to leadership by leading yourself.
9. TAKE RISKS
Developing leadership skill requires getting out of your comfort zone. Set "stretch" goals that enable you to develop new skills. Join committees and take a leadership role. This is an opportunity to develop leadership competencies as well as increase your visibility. Many women lawyers have told me that they do their best to fly under the radar. They believe that this demonstrates that they are team players. I disagree. You stand to lose far more by being invisible than you do by taking risks. In order to break through the stereotypes that keep women from achieving positions of leadership, you''''ll need to appear confident. That means being willing to learn on the job instead of waiting until you know everything before you take on challenges. Ask your advisory board and network to help you fill in knowledge gaps. Present your ideas. Be decisive and to the point. Speak in a convincing manner and make your statements strong and powerful. Claim authorship of your ideas. Don''''t qualify your statements or apologize for speaking. Be assertive, not aggressive. Manage your emotions when you set limits and make requests. Avoid harsh criticism and always respect the dignity of others. Depersonalize your mistakes. Just because you failed at one thing doesn''''t make you a failure. View mistakes as learning opportunities. If you become so worried about how you''''re perceived after you make an error that you never try again, others will conclude that you always make mistakes. But if you attribute your error to insufficient information, you''''ll learn more and try again. Your track record of successes will outweigh the memory of your small errors. Taking risks builds resilience and self-confidence. The more you stretch yourself and succeed, the more confident you''''ll feel. This will empower you to strive toward a leadership position.
10. BE OPTIMISTIC
As "purveyors of hope," [4] leaders must be optimistic. Realistic optimists take control where they can and stop investing energy in things beyond their control. When faced with a setback, optimists don''''t succumb to feelings of helplessness. They maintain their focus on the larger purpose, finding ways to bounce back and pursue alternative routes to their goal. Optimists see mistakes as learning opportunities, not as catastrophes from which they''''ll never recover. This enables them to take the kinds of risks necessary for becoming a leader. Optimism is especially difficult for lawyers, since so much of legal work is about anticipating and preventing disaster. But even though pessimism may help you be more effective in practicing law, it will be an obstacle if you think this way about career planning or the rest of your life. You''''re probably used to thinking that optimism is just a personality characteristic and you either have it or you don''''t. But, the fact is that research has demonstrated that people can learn to think more optimistically and that these changes are enduring. If you want to learn to be more optimistic, I''''d encourage you to read "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman, Ph.D. [5].
( to be continute.....)
Được aobstudent sửa chữa / chuyển vào 14:51 ngày 25/11/2006

( tiếp nữa nè.......

11. BECOME "UN-FUNGIBLE"
Find a niche which your organization values and about which you can be passionate. Develop your expertise in this area. If you are the only expert, or one of a few experts in this area, you''''ll be of considerable value to your firm. This increases your power to lobby for flexibility in your scheduling and opportunities to take on leadership roles.
12. MAKE YOUR CAREER MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR JOB [6] Focusing on your long-term career goals enables you to minimize the power of any given employer. If your goals are incompatible with those of your organization, or if you can''''t get the support you need to make your vision a reality, look elsewhere.
13. DEVELOP YOUR SOCIAL INTELLIGENCE
Leadership is interpersonal. Effective leadership is fundamentally about how you relate to people. Social intelligence consists of several components:
· Self-management People who cannot manage the expression of their own emotions are unlikely to effectively manage others. It''''s important to develop an awareness of your own feelings and make deliberate choices about how best to use them in any given situation. Managing your emotions keeps them from clouding your perceptions and judgments. Being able to influence how others perceive you and coming across to others in the way you intend require self-awareness and self-regulation. It''''s essential to have a deep understanding of your own values, motives, strengths and limitations. Though it''''s not always easy to be honest with yourself, you need to develop this kind of honesty if you want to be interpersonally effective. Realistically appraise yourself without being overly self-critical. Ask others for feedback. The knowledge of how others perceive you is a powerful tool. Monitor yourself; pay attention to your feelings, actions and intentions. Observe the impact of your actions on others. Self-awareness is also critical for empathy since we tend to perceive others through the filter of our own needs, fears, expectations and hopes. When we are aware of what we expect to hear or are afraid of hearing, we can get past the filter and hear what''''s really being communicated.
· Social radar Effective leaders can read emotional signals and assess other''''s emotional states. Your ability to influence others depends upon your skill at sensing their reactions and adjusting your approach accordingly. Practice "active" listening ? listening not only to the other person''''s words but also their nonverbal expressions. Leaders are more persuasive when they can attune their message to their listeners.
· Seek Win-Win Solutions to Problems Leaders elicit far more cooperation when they work toward equitable solutions, which all participants can embrace. Be flexibly open to others'''' points of view and demonstrate your understand of their perspectives. Always try to preserve the dignity of everyone involved in a problem or project. Leadership is about building and empowering teams. Practice creating an atmosphere of collaboration and openness.
14. BE YOUR OWN ADVOCATE
Many women attorneys who are excellent advocates for their clients are fearful of advocating for themselves. In our culture, women are socialized to believe that self-promotion is not only unbecoming and aggressive but will also damage their careers. But failing to advocate for yourself can have far-reaching consequences. In the short run, too much modesty feeds into the gender stereotype that women aren''''t "tough enough." Keep in mind that other people see only a small percentage of our actions. The missing information has to come from the actor herself. Share your knowledge by offering to help others. Broadcast your wins through in-house newsletters. Express your convictions. Self-advocacy is necessary for reaching positions of leadership. At the same time, make sure that you acknowledge and appreciate everyone who contributed to the group effort. Leaders are able to make their employees feel proud of their contributions. They don''''t need to steel the cre*** for themselves.
15. BREAK THROUGH EXPECTATIONS
Gender role stereotypes are an obstacle to women achieving leadership in the legal profession. But believing you''''ll never break the "glass ceiling" is sure to hold you back. Sometimes the only way to get past these stereotypes is to address them directly. Shining a light on unspoken assumptions can enable your listeners to hear and see beyond their expectations. By identifying these assumptions, you''''re conveying power and insight, which inspire trust.
16. BECOME AN EXCELLENT COMMUNICATOR
A leader must communicate her vision in a way that energizes people and galvanizes them toward action. The ability to gain the cooperation and support of others ? through negotiation, persuasion and influence - depends upon communication skill, which in turn is essential for leadership. Be aware of gender differences in communication style. (For details, see Issue # 27 of "Beyond the Billable Hour at http://lawyerslifecoach.com/newsletters/issue27.html.) Essentially, you must take your listener''''s expectations into account in tailoring your communications. For women, it''''s especially important to give the other person a reason to listen by addressing a goal your listener wants to achieve. When people feel heard, they''''re more likely to hear you. When you understand their goals, you can articulate how their aspirations can be aligned with your vision. Although implicit gender role stereotypes foster the belief that mothers cannot be good leaders, the fact is that parenting is excellent training ground for leadership skills. As a parent you learn to plan strategically, negotiate, enlist cooperation and persuade ? all of which you can transfer to the workplace.
17. SHOW CONCERN FOR OTHERS
Research [7] indicates that among the most important characteristics of effective leaders are compassion, nurturance, generosity, altruism and empathy. "Agreeableness" is a social trait and leadership takes place in a social context, so it''''s not surprising that these characteristics are so important for effective leadership. Women lawyers need to keep this in mind. All too often women are urged to "act like men" in working toward leadership positions. Be encouraged to learn that the most effective leaders demonstrate traits most often attributed to women.
(to be continute.....hix...(hơi dài nhỉ...??)
Được aobstudent sửa chữa / chuyển vào 14:57 ngày 25/11/2006