[English] FEAR ME

Fear Me
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“Are you taking me home now?” I asked hesitantly and despite what I just clearly heard. When his shoes were on his feet he stood up and finally glanced at me.

“I have **** to do which means you’re a part of it.”

“I can’t go anywhere with you. My aunt will want me to be home.”

“Your aunt is thousands of miles away on her book tour and won’t be back for six weeks. Besides…she trusts your judgment.” I gaped at his smug face.

“How would you know if she trusts me?”

“I went through your text messages,” he answered as if it were perfectly okay to invade someone’s privacy. I wondered how much he might have gone through and if he’d seen the messages between Willow and me. Willow would check on me often throughout the day to make sure Keiran hadn’t gotten to me. It was a failed attempt being that he always found me no matter where I was but she was the best kind of friend.

“I don’t feel comfortable going anywhere with you.”

“And this is me not giving a ****,” he said. He walked over to where I was sitting and released me from the cuffs. “Let’s go.” He moved toward the door, dismissing me. Anger and frustration like I never felt before flooded my senses. I wanted to argue.

I needed to fight back.

“No.” I ground out the word and sat down on his bed again with my arms crossed. I didn’t get a chance to rethink the danger of that move and the vulnerable state it placed me in, but he did. He froze with his hand above the knob. My heartbeat stuttered then slowed when he turned slowly to face me with a menacing expression plastered on his beautiful face.

“I told you, you didn’t deserve my bed, but since you seem to want it now, I can accommodate you.” Fear and confusion wound its way into my mind when he took threatening steps toward me while reaching for his hoodie and tossing it over his head. When he reached the foot of the bed, I panicked and scrambled for the head, only making it halfway before he grabbed onto my ankle and dragged me, kicking and screaming, back to him. I was relieved when he released me but his next words made the panic come rushing back.

“Take off the dress. You can get ****ed on the floor,” he snarled. His gaze was stormy as he glared down at me. I watched his nostrils flare when I didn't move.

“Why would I do that?” I fought to hold it together when all I wanted to do was run and hide.

“Because I said so.”

“Just take me home!” Frustration rose inside me and I let my tone reflect it.

“Take it off. You have three seconds.”

“But –”

“One…”

“I really don't –”

“Two. Don’t make me get to three.”

“Or what?” I challenged as a last resort.

“I do it for you.” His hands grabbed my dress at the hem and the sound of ripping material had me grabbing his hands to stop him.

“Ok!” I yelled in surrender and stood up. Our bodies were only a breath apart and I could feel the simmering heat from his anger and his body, penetrating my senses. My shaking hands rose to the straps of my dress, slipping them down slowly until my dress dropped to the floor with a whisper of sound. I kept my eyes lowered though I felt the weight of his gaze on my skin. I noticed his hands clench into fists and hold and I wished I had the courage to ask what he was thinking.

“Kill the ****ing act. You don't have anything I won’t see, and feel, and taste. Again…” My knees shook and my shoulders trembled at his harsh words. “…and again…”

“Stop,” I pleaded.

“…and again,” he continued. He looked me up and down before saying, “I’ve seen better. You don’t have anything special.” He then picked up my dress and tossed it at me for it only hit the floor again at my feet.

A sound of distress escaped my throat and I rushed to pick up the pale yellow material and clutch it to my naked chest. With a look of disgust he stormed out of the room, the vibration of the door slamming echoing throughout the room.

* * *

“Turn here. He said he’d be in the quad,” Keenan directed. We’d just driven thirty minutes out to the local college. I wondered what the supply was that we came for. Keiran parked the car but kept the engine running. He watched me through the rearview mirror and held my stare. After he destroyed me emotionally in his bedroom I remained silent, wanting to lick my wounds in peace.

“There he is,” Keenan exclaimed with excitement lacing his voice. He rubbed his hands together before jumping out of the car.

Keiran continued to watch me even after Keenan was gone. When my nervousness began to show through my fidgeting, he smirked. “Stay here,” he ordered and then he was gone, breaking the connection he held me in.

I watched through the backseat car window as the three men slapped hands and pounded each other’s backs in normal manly fashion. The guy who I assumed was Blake carried a small, black duffle bag. He handed the bag over, appearing casual when I was anything but. I stared at the black duffle bag, silently freaking out over the possibilities of its content.

When they turned back to the car, Keiran placed the bag on the backseat floor. I could hear the muffled movements of what sounded like glass knocking around. The temptation to open the bag was strong and he must have known by the glare on his face.

“Don’t touch it,” he warned and I realized Keiran was watching me along with Keenan and Blake.

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“I wasn’t going to,” I lied but instead of leaving like I thought he would, he sat down in the backseat. The space became smaller and suddenly there wasn’t enough air to breath. Why did I always feel the need to catch my breath when I was close to him?

He slid over the seat until he was sitting directly next to me and shut the car door with a resounding thud. He then reached over me to lock the door with a click that was soft but rung loud in my ears. I pressed my back against the car door, my breath releasing fast and uneven. He palmed the back of my head and then his fingers slipped over the strands until he wound my ponytail around his hand lightly.

“Say that again,” he demanded. His voice was calm but his eyes were not as he waited patiently for me to repeat myself. I reluctantly coughed back up the lie.

“That’s what I thought you said,” he whispered just before a sharp pain emerged from my scalp. My head was tilted back far enough to block my view of him. “Lie to me again and I will hurt you, Monroe. I promise I will hurt you. There are worse pains than just the physical and I won’t hesitate to make you feel them. Do we understand each other?”

I nodded as best as I could, with his grip on my hair. Just as fast as it happened it was over. He was out of the car again and walking back over to Blake, who watched me curiously. Keiran must have said something to him because he abruptly turned his head back to him.

The campus was still occupied by a few students who were probably leaving a late class or studying in the library. The attention Keiran and Keenan were receiving from the loads of girls, who appeared out of nowhere, didn’t escape my attention. A few even stopped to talk and hand over a little slip of paper that I knew contained their number.

I quelled the disgust I felt and willed myself not to feel anything remotely close to jealousy. That wasn’t possible. Instead I focused on the scenery and the obvious signs that fall was here. I loved when the leaves would turn color. The various browns, golds, and reds painted a beautiful, colorful canvas of the world, shielding the reality that it was as dark as my beautiful tormentor. At least that was what he was intent on teaching me.

After a few minutes of ignoring the nauseous display of shameless girls parade in front of the group with short skirts and low tops, they finally made for the car. I was willing to bet they never even exchanged names. Girls are stupid.

I pretended to pick my nails even after they got in the car and we left the college campus behind. When we got to the highway I still had not looked up from my nails and by this time I had nail polish shavings on my lap from picking at the paint. Full of spite, I cheerfully brushed the shavings all over the clean floor of his car.

You could call it immature. I call it revenge. It was my own little way to say ‘**** you’. I didn’t realize I laughed out loud until Keenan turned his head and looked at me funny. I quickly averted my gaze and stared out window watching the day give way to night.

* * *

When we arrived back in Six Forks, I fully expected to be driven home. Instead I found myself once again at Keiran’s house. I prayed for patience when he exited the car and opened the backdoor for what I assumed was the bag. Instead he pulled me out of the car and Keenan retrieved the bag from the backseat.

With his hand on my arm I wasn’t brave enough to fight off his hold so I let him drag me into his house. Keenan followed behind us to deposit the bag before retreating back out the door. Moments later I could hear the rumble of a bike drive away.

Realization dawned on me that I was now alone with Keiran. He had taken off for parts unknown in the house, leaving me standing in the entryway. I eyed the bag left by the door, tempted to go against his warning. What if he was dealing and he just took me on some kind of drug run? Either way I was screwed as either a witness or a participant. Depends on how the police would see if we had been caught.

“What are you doing?” Keiran asked from behind me. I didn’t hear him approach and jumped before whirling around to face him with a guilty flush spreading over my skin.

“What’s in the bag? Are you selling drugs?” I answered with a question of my own.

When his jaw clenched, I thought he would lash out but when all he said was, “Call your aunt but make it quick and don’t try anything,” I was surprised. It was then that I noticed he was holding my phone in his hand.

“Exactly what am I supposed to try? I love my aunt and I will do anything to protect her. Just because you don’t know the meaning of the word doesn’t mean it isn’t real.”

Silence.

“So, you’d do anything to protect her?” His tone was too calm as he slowly stepped forward. “Is that right?”

“That’s what I said.”

“Give me a blow job.” I felt something quicken inside me and my entire body blush.

“What?”

“You heard me the first time.” My eyes widened when he began unbuckling his belt. The familiar feelings of panic begin to set in as he continued to approach me. “On your knees. I want to feel those pretty pink lips on me.”

“Don’t do this.”

“I’m not. You are. Prove yourself and save your precious aunt.” His hand pushed me down until I was on my knees. My body became numb and my ability to think fled. I could hear his harsh words replaying over and over in my head. Would he really spare my aunt if I did it? Could I even go through with it?

“Decide quickly. My offer won’t last forever.” His offer? Is that really how he saw it? More like coercion and blackmail.

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“I –”

“It doesn’t require you to talk.” He lowered his jeans and boxers until they hung just around his hips. His **** had sprung out of the confines of his jeans and a shiver of apprehension ran through my body, while my eyes widened with shock and trepidation.

His erection was long and thick with angry veins running the length. My attention was drawn to the pulsing head that had a bead of moisture shining on the tip. My belly had butterflies and my mouth and lips suddenly felt to dry. I licked my lips to moisten them and Keiran’s gaze zeroed in on my lips as I did. A low, throaty sound erupted from his lips as he watched me.

He began a stroking motion, up and down while gazing down at me, daring me with his eyes. When I continued to hesitate he grabbed the nape of my neck and brought my lips closer. The tip of his **** touched my lips and he began rubbing it across slowly. I was shaking uncontrollably with an emotion and feeling that I couldn’t explain. But I did recognize shame. Shame that I wanted to taste him even though he only wanted to degrade me.

“Ok, I’ll do it, but please be gent –”

My words were lost when he plunged his **** into my mouth without warning. He continued to push forward with a groan and I immediately felt pressure at the back of my throat, causing me to gag. I instinctively closed my mouth around the intruding length to relieve the pressure but soon realized my mistake. My body heat rose in response to his aggression and I felt both fear and desire battle within me.

Unfortunately, fear had won over and I put all my strength into ripping away from him by pushing against his strong thighs. “I can’t!” I cried out when my mouth was finally able to release him.

He pushed me away and I fell to the floor, landing on my back and causing a loud smack to sound through the air. Rather than lashing out, he laughed. But it was full of anger and disgust as he looked down at me, nostrils flaring. “You can’t because you won’t. You’re no better than the rest. You don’t give a damn about your aunt.”

I panicked at the thought that I may have screwed up my aunt’s chances. “That’s not true. You scared me. I can do it. I’m –”

“Nothing more than a fake. There isn’t anything innocent about you, is there Monroe?” he lips curled as he spit his harsh words at me.

“Please, Keiran.”

“Don’t…say…my…name. Ever.” I never understood why he forbid me to say his name. He was simply a mystery I may never solve. Before I could say anything further the front door opened and I froze.

“What the hell?”

“Dude…”

“****.”

I recognized the sound of Sheldon, Dash and Keenan’s voice behind me, in that order. We were still in the hall when he had forced me on my knees so the door had opened up right on us.

Keiran continued to stare at me while righting his jeans and appearing unfazed by the intrusion. Embarrassment flooded my cheeks and I was glued to the spot. Though Keiran was the only one exposed it was apparent what had taken place. I was no longer lying on the floor when they arrived but I was still on my knees.

Everyone had grown quiet. The humiliation of my situation was overwhelming and then I was crying again. I was always crying. When would I fight back?

“That’s enough. Lake, get up.” Sheldon tugged on my arm until I was standing but I kept my gaze lowered. She then turned on Keiran. “What the hell is wrong with you? She may be afraid of you, but I’m not. If I catch you doing some **** like this to her again I will kick your ass. If I find out there was foul play, I will turn you in myself. Got it?”

“Foul play? You mean rape?” he asked in a sarcastic tone. “I don’t rape. But then, Monroe and I both know I wouldn’t have to. She’d give it up and I wouldn’t hesitate to take anything she offered.”

I hugged my waist and listened to him insinuate that I wanted him. I didn’t want him. He was my enemy…or maybe it was just my body that desired him while my mind feared him. I just wished I knew what it was about him that made my body betray me in such a confusing way.

Sheldon hugged my shoulders and walked us away from the guys and I felt a moment of self-loathing. I hated looking like the victim. I wasn’t a victim. Right?

Chapter Nine

Sheldon took me upstairs and locked us in the bathroom where she grilled me endlessly. I couldn’t tell her the truth but I didn’t lie either. I told her that Keiran had just been taunting me as usual. She had a few choices words to say about Keiran but let it go. I was cleaning my face with the warm cloth she’d given me when a hard knock on the door interrupted the silence. Sheldon opened the door to reveal Keiran standing on the other side and immediately moved to shield me from him.

“What do you want?”

“Leave,” he said barely acknowledging her. His gaze was focused on me and I stared back.

I wanted to look away but couldn’t. I’ve never seen him look at me this way before. The memory of his **** in my mouth came rushing back. I blushed and finally looked away, breaking the connection.

“I’m taking her home.” The relief I felt was short-lived at the look on his face. The cold calculation in his eyes told me that she would quickly become another victim of his wrath if I didn’t interfere. I couldn't let her suffer the brunt of his anger. I had years to learn how *****rvive it.

“Sheldon, it’s fine.” She looked at me with surprise etched all over face and I wished I could take her help. “Really, it’s okay.” I had trouble holding her gaze.

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“Sheldon, come here!” Keenan’s voice boomed from somewhere out in the hallway.

She gave me one last look before leaving the bathroom with a terse ‘Fine’. Keiran motioned for me to follow him so I tossed the cloth into the bin and followed him to his bedroom.

“Are you taking me home soon?” He ignored me and picked my phone up from the large black dresser and tossed it to me. I took turns looking from the device to him.

“Your aunt called. Call her back and let her know that everything is fine.”

“Oh…right.” I dialed her number.

“Put it on speaker,” he ordered. I was careful not to show my aggravation and upset him. He could change his mind and my aunt would worry if I didn't call.

Her anxious voice filtered through the phone after the third ring. “Hey, Aunt Carissa.”

“Lake, thank God! How is everything?” She attempted to sound normal but I could hear the stress and fatigue, which was weird because she usually has fun on her tours.

“Everything is great here. How are you?”

“Oh you know, I’ve been signing books all day. Nothing major.”

Her answer only increased my worry. Aunt Carissa was usually full of excitement and everything dealing with her books and readers was major. She loved being a writer. “Are you sure? You sound tired.”

“Yes, I’m fine. Listen, I have to go but how was school?”

“School is school. I guess I will talk to you later,” I stated slowly with a frown and a heavy heart.

“Great. And Lake? I love you, sweetie.” The line went dead before I could respond in kind. I felt sick, despite her reassurance, remembering the last time I saw and spoke to my parents. Would Aunt Carissa leave me too?

“I should go home. Can you take me now?”

“We’re having a party. You should stick around.” He plucked my phone out of my hand and pocketed it. I didn’t like the sound of his invitation. It sounded more like the order I knew it to be.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” I answered sarcastically. I would really rather go home.”

“I wasn’t asking. Do I explain this to you again? I don’t trust you. I’m keeping an eye on you. Simple as that.”

“It isn’t really about keeping an eye on me though, is it?” His body stiffened and I could tell I struck a nerve. Rather than scare me away it gave me the motivation I needed to push him. “What’s the matter? You can’t get it up unless you’re angry?” I circled around him the way he did me that day in the cafeteria over a year ago. I taunted and tested how far I could go. “Is that what you hide? Some sick, twisted fantasy? Tell me…is it special for me or is it all women? Mommy didn’t love you enough so you –”

The punishing hand around my jaw stopped me and once again my words were lost to me. He bent my body backward over his low dresser and leaned close. The coldness in his eyes could not be mistaken for anything but deep hatred.

“It’s only for you, never doubt that. No one else makes me feel this way. No one. It’s always been you. It will always be you.”

The subtle threat in his words sent a cold chill through my body. Up this close I could see the light stubble along his jaw, evidence that he didn’t shave this morning and I couldn’t help to think how incredibly ***y and masculine he looked with it.

“Is that supposed to scare me?” I sounded tougher than I was feeling but he didn’t have to know that.

“It already does.”

“Is that what you want to hear? That I am afraid of you? That I am still afraid of you? Yes, I am afraid but that is all I will ever feel for you. It is the need *****rvive. You can’t control me beyond that. Let me go.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not? I haven’t done anything and don’t plan to whether or not you choose to believe it, but it is the damn truth.” I searched his eyes for even a glimmer of belief but they remained unyielding. My back was beginning to shake from the strain of nearly being bent in half not to mention the effect his being close was having on me.

“Because I still hate you, Monroe. Never forget that.”

* * *

Sheldon and Keenan were already downstairs by the time we finally emerged from his bedroom. His last words were still echoing in my head. While I had accepted long ago that Keiran would always hate me it didn’t make hearing it each time any easier.

We found them in the kitchen pre-gaming and setting up for the party that I was being forced to attend. Who knew my first invite to a party would be by the one person who has kept me from them…even if he was forcing me.

The first thing I noticed entering the kitchen was the mysterious, black duffle bag that Keiran and Keenan was given, now laid open and filled with bottles of alcohol.

Well I'll be damned.

I couldn’t believe that they actually bought alcohol in an illegal, street sale. At least it wasn’t drugs. The thought didn’t make me feel better. Though, I always did wonder how high school kids found their supply of alcohol for parties. I just assumed they pilfered it from their parents, though it would be kind of hard to explain the missing alcohol.

I remember, last year, Michael Hastings parents divorced shortly after a huge party he threw. Apparently his father was an alcoholic and swore to quit drinking and one day his mother found empty bottles of alcohol hidden, not thrown away, in the house. She immediately blamed his father and filed for divorce. He’s been kind of a loner ever since. The guilt must be a bitch to deal with.

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“Say man, they are calling it a good year for snow this winter. I can't wait to hit the slopes this year,” Keenan said, as we entered the kitchen. He was practically bouncing with excitement.

"Why? You aren't tired of sucking back my snow, yet?"

"The only thing getting sucked is my dick tonight – Aargh, damn it, girl! That hurt!"

"Don't look like that's happening either," Keiran snorted. Keenan was now bent over in the seat protecting his crotch. He looked as if he would faint. Sheldon winked at me and I grinned.

"Anyway, Lake, it's really fun. We do it every winter over Christmas break. The slopes overlook Lake Tahoe and it's gorgeous. Just like you, right Keiran?" She grinned at him slyly.

Keiran grunted, but said nothing. He grabbed a shot glass and poured amber liquid into, quickly tossing it back and reaching for more.

"Have you ever been skiing?" Sheldon asked.

"No, I uh…don't know how."

"S'kay, we can teach you," she offered.

The guys had grown silent when Sheldon extended her invitation. Keiran stopped drinking and Keenan was no longer moaning in pain as the awkward silence descended. "Um...no that's okay. I usually just visit my grandmother at the nursing home in Red Rocks."

My maternal grandmother was stricken with Alzheimer's disease five years ago and was unable to stay with us despite my aunt’s protests. “Is that where you are from? I remember you moving here in the second grade.”

“Yeah, actually. It’s about two hours east.”

“Do you miss it?”

“No, I barely remember it,” I lied.

Talking about Red Rocks meant thinking about my parents and how I ended up here in the first place. My grandmother’s health was failing even then and my mother never knew her father so my aunt Carissa took me. I felt eyes on me and looked up to see everyone’s attention on me. Keiran was staring a hole through me and I felt exposed so I quickly averted my gaze.

“I swear if you boneheads make her cry, I’ll castrate you both!”

I chuckled, grateful for Sheldon. We barely knew each other but she was becoming a friend. Her fierce desire to stand up for me was winning me over. I can’t handle Keiran. I was too afraid of him. He’d shown me who he really was on that playground and I knew that boy was still inside – buried deep and waiting to come out.

* * *

The deafening blare of the speakers and Keiran’s gaze seemed to always find me no matter where I hid. The party had been in full blast for over an hour. I watched the swing and sway of half-naked girls in short skirts and the raucous, hormonal males stumble and party, drunkenly from room to room.

Being a teen, I may not have found this so bad if I had a single friend here. I was isolated to a corner of the room and directly across from me I could see Keiran surrounded by other kids though he didn’t seem to be paying much attention to them. Instead his gaze would find its way

back to me. I’m sure if he gave his group much attention he would notice the hot brunette, who I was sure was one of the girls I saw on campus earlier, checking him out.

I looked around for Sheldon but didn’t immediately see sign of her anywhere. Anya had dragged her off somewhere much to Sheldon’s annoyance which she didn’t try to hide. I didn’t understand why she put up with Anya since she clearly didn’t care for her or the rest of the cheerleaders. They all seemed to band together and didn’t like outsiders. Oh, well. It was Sheldon’s issue, not mine.

I began to brainstorm ways to sneak out of the party and go home without Keiran noticing. He didn’t appear to be drinking beyond the two shots he had earlier. He didn’t even look as if he was having fun, which was strange considering he threw the party.

My thoughts must have been transparent when a suspicious look passed over his face before he headed over to my corner. I tried burrowing deeper into the shadows thinking I could miraculously become invisible.

“Why aren’t you partying?” he asked gruffly.

“I told you I wasn’t interested. You are the one who wanted me here.”

“You’re here because I told you to be.”

“Why are you so angry about this? I did not want to be here,” I stressed yet again.

“Get up and follow me,” he ordered.

“I’m fine right here.” I patted the seat. “The view is great you know. I can see everyone make a fool of themselves and trash your uncles’ place. He must be so proud,” I said sarcastically.

I looked at him feeling smug as I watched his jaw clench and his nostrils flare. I was pissing him off and loving it. There were too many witnesses for me to be afraid.

“I can have everyone out of here in three seconds, flat. Don’t think for a second that you are safe, Monroe. You will never be safe from me.”

I slowly rose from my seat not wanting to draw attention to me. The smug look on his face was meant to provoke me further and it was working. He led me over to the counter that was littered with the illegally purchases alcohol. He grabbed the same bottle of amber liquor I saw him drink earlier and poured a shot. I stared at the glass when he handed it to me.

“I don’t drink.”

“I didn’t ask.”

After a short staring contest of wills I snatched the shot glass out of his hand, spilling some on my hand. He raised an eyebrow but otherwise said nothing. I sniffed the drink quickly and hated the strong, revolting smell. I fought not to gag as I brought the glass to my lips and took a tentative sip. My face tingled, from the strong taste and I reluctantly took another sip.

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“That’s not how to take a ****ing shot. Toss it back,” he instructed impatiently. I sent him a withering look and then opened my mouth to quickly swallow the liquid. The tingle from before erupted in full flames as my eyes watered and my cheeks flushed. I instantly felt the effects of the liquor to my head. I made a sound of distress and fought to get my bearings.

“Good. Now another.”

“Please, I don’t want to.”

“I don’t care. Drink.” I looked at him in disbelief. It was bad enough that he made me do it the first time. How did people actually have fun drinking this stuff? I’ve had champagne before at one of my aunt’s book functions but never anything this strong and disgusting.

“Do you have anything lighter?”

“Yes, but this is what you’re getting. He poured another shot and this time a second. “I’ll take this one with you.”

Was that supposed to make me feel better?

This time I didn’t wait to be prompted. I tossed the drink back and coughed as it burned down my throat. “Good girl,” he praised. I didn’t feel good at all. I felt sick. Six or seven shots later my body felt loose and heavy at the same time. I was pretty sure my vision was blurry. Either that or I was hallucinating. I didn’t know which because I’d never been drunk before. Or maybe I was just tipsy?

I was staring at the counter top willing my vision to focus and I could feel Keiran watching me from the side. A guy, who I don’t think even goes to our school, had come in during my third shot as I was begging for Keiran to stop making me drink. He was watching me with too with interest in his eyes.

I didn’t bother to beg Keiran to stop this time but surprisingly he did after we had been standing quietly for a few minutes. I found it seriously ****ed up that I was drunk but he was not.

“Hey, man if you really want to get her going, you can have her pop a couple of these.” The guy pulled out a Ziploc bag full of pills and waved them at me with a sly grin. “I’ll even give them to you for free if I can get a turn.”

My alcohol-riddled brain was slow to catch on but when I saw the lust in the stoner’s eyes and Keiran take the bag from him, I looked on in astonishment. He was not seriously considering drugging me, was he?

“Can you walk?” Keiran asked.

“If it’s to your car then I can skip if you like.” There was no way in hell I was letting him drug me.

“Go lay down in the guest room and lock the door.”

“But –”

“Now, Lake” I didn’t bother to argue anymore and headed in that direction but just as I made it to the stairs, Trevor intercepted me. I so did not need this right now.

“Well, well, well. I never thought I’d see little Miss Prim at a party, much less Masters’.”

“Don’t get your hopes up. I’m trying to find the nearest exit out of this cesspool.”

“Looks to me like you were sneaking upstairs.”

“No one would ever accuse you of having bad eyes. Excuse me.” I tried to go around but he linked his arm around my waist and leaned into me. I could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath.

“Have you been you taking care of our little secret? Wouldn’t want to make an enemy out of me too, would you?”

“It’s not my secret, Trevor. It’s yours. The only one afraid of making enemies right now is you.”

“Whether you like to admit it, Lake, you helped me bring Keiran down. You should be grateful. I even let you take the cre*** for all the work.” He grinned and slithered away like the snake he was. As much as I hated Trevor’s treachery, I think I was madder at myself. I should have seen it coming. I should have been more careful…

* * *

“Enemy? I don't have enemies. I’m no one,” I stated, dumfounded.

What or who could Trevor and I possibly have in common? We didn't share the same social status and our circles – or rather my circle of one – were different.

He looked at me impatiently when I stared up at him in confusion. Gosh, was everyone on the basketball team freakishly tall? He dwarfed my five-eight easily.

Trevor was blonde and good looking, but Tiffany and her friends were right – Keiran was better looking…with a hotter body. Trevor was bullish looking as his muscles strained and pulled against his skin while Keiran was lean with the right amount of muscle tone that made him look naturally powerful.

“Keiran Masters,” he stated simply.

I stepped back, anxiety kicking in. It was my usual reaction to hearing his name. I also didn’t understand what he was asking or what he wanted from me. I looked around thinking it was a setup and Keiran was waiting to jump out to screw with me. He hasn't gone a day without a prank, condescending look, or taunt, once in ten years. It was like my pain was an addiction and he needed his fix. Sometimes I think he went out of his way to find me so he could hurt me.

“What about him?” I swallowed deeply wanting to be anywhere but here.

“I know a way we can stop him so he’ll no longer be a problem for either of us,” he stated simply as if he was telling time.

“Why?”

He frowned down at me not expecting that answer I guessed. “Why what?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Why not,” he scoffed. “Keiran thinks he’s untouchable. He runs this school, but he doesn't run me. “Don’t you want the bullying to stop?”

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“Yes.” It was true, I did but how far was I really willing to go for peace?

“Good. I know the perfect way to teach him a lesson.”

“How?”

“We frame him.”

* * *

My run-in with Trevor and remembering the day he propositioned me, sobered me up a little but I still stumbled up the stairs one at a time. When I reached the landing I felt the urge to pee so I stumbled further down the hall to the bathroom. Lucky for me, I found it on the first try and no one was in there. In fact the second floor seemed deserted altogether. I thought people usually occupied the bedroom for…stuff.

After using the bathroom, I made it to one of the bedrooms and pushed the door open. I dropped face down on soft blankets that smelled familiar and quickly passed out. If I weren’t so drunk I would have realized what I’d done. If I wasn’t so drunk I could have prevented what happened next.

The sound of the door opening and closing, followed by heavy footsteps across the carpeted floor jerked me out my sleep some time later. It was dark and I couldn’t make out much in my room but I could feel eyes watching me while I remained as still as possible and tried not to panic.

It was the scent of the bed sheets beneath me that gave the first clue. The scent was familiar and undoubtedly masculine and the sheets didn’t feel like mine. This isn’t my room.

“I know you’re awake.”

Keiran. Relief flooded my mind that it wasn’t some creep from the party and I released the breath I was holding…Oh, God. It was Keiran.

Panic returned full force and stronger than before when I remembered exactly where I was and exactly why I was there. I shot up from the bed and hovered by the headboard, pulling the blanket around me for protection.

His eyes flickered to the blanket and back up to meet my gaze as a mocking grin spread his lips. “What is that?”

I clutched the blankets—his blankets, tighter and closed my eyes, squeezing them tight. My knees were knocking together under the blanket and I prayed he couldn’t hear it.

“Is that supposed to protect you from me?” I could hear the sarcasm in his low voice coming from across the room but still I remained silent. “Should I come over there and make you talk?”

“How did you get in here? I locked the door like you said.” I thought I was safe from him with the door locked…at least for tonight.

“I have a key…and you didn’t lock the door.” I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. My heart pounded too fast and my breathing became short spurts of air. “Did you think you would be safe from me?”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel safe now?” His voice sounded closer and I realized he must have been standing next to me now so my eyes popped back open.

“No.”

“No, what?” he asked unnecessarily. I knew he wanted to taunt me. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice.

“No, I don’t feel safe.”

“Yet you parked your ass in my bed anyway.”

“I didn’t mean to come in here,” I said through clenched teeth. He leaned over his nightstand and cut on the lamp, creating a dim glow.

“I don’t believe you,” he said in a low voice.

“Look, why don’t I just leave?” I offered even though the look in his eyes told me he wasn’t going to let me go anywhere.

“Uncover yourself,” he said, confirming my fears. I clutched the blanket tighter to my chest, fighting the urge to obey him and let the blankets go. When he looked at me with angry lust all I wanted to do was obey. The question being, “is it because of fear or desire?”

His deep breath, cut in to my inner turmoil, and was my only warning before his fist was closing around my right wrist. He pried my hand away from the blanket until it was pressed hard against the unyielding headboard. The corner of the blanket that I held fell to my waist and I felt the heat of his breath and the smell of alcohol against my cheek when he leaned down. He’s drunk.

“I gave you the chance to make this easy. Playtime is over.” He yanked me down by my ankle until I was flat on my back and then he ripped away the rest of the blanket. It was the only thing separating us. He stood up straight and slowly lifted his shirt until it was discarded in a heap on the floor. “I want that dress off.”

It was becoming harder and harder to breathe. The force of his commands shook me to my core but somehow I managed to plead with him. He was the only one who held enough control to not let this happen. I couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to. “Not like this, please.”

“Why not?” he asked in bored tone.

“Because you’re drunk,” I cried. My voice sounded desperate even to my own ears.

“Are you saying no?”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Then I don’t care. I’m done waiting.” He reached for me so I scooted away from his reach and he laughed. “You’re a walking contradiction, Monroe. Your eyes have been screaming ‘**** me’ long before I told you I would but yet you resist temptation.”

“Is that what you call it? Temptation? It’s blackmail!”

He raised an eyebrow and ****ed his head. “Which only means you have a choice, and you chose my dick because you want it.”

“That’s not true. You just confuse me,” I said as I continued to scoot away.

“No more than you confuse me. The only difference is that I’m angry enough to make you pay for it.” The look in his eyes held me captive as I watched him. I guess that’s why I didn’t notice when he made it to the other side of the bed just as I did. He didn’t touch me when he stopped beside me. He just continued to stare down at me curiously.

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“Please, you’re scaring me.”

“You should be scared because when I’m done with you there will be nothing left for you to hold on to. I’ll make sure of that. Now take off…the ****ing…dress.”

“Isn’t there another way?” I asked even as the last of resistance slipped away.

“No, Monroe, there isn’t.”

I took a deep breath, nodded, and then slipped the straps over my shoulders. As I did, I wondered if he would be gentle or care that it was my first time. As I rose from the bed in front of him to remove my dress, my eyes involuntarily wandered to his chest and for the first time I noticed what looked like a scar just under his heart. It was faint which meant it must have been really old. I wanted to ask him about it but the voice in my head called common sense told me it was a bad idea.

I quickly looked down before he could notice where my attention was held. His boots were touching the tips of my toes and I felt small compared to his large body.

He never even kissed me. The thought was unexpected and I wondered if I wanted him to kiss me. I peeked up at his lips that looked kissable and perfect. I was so caught in a fantasy involving his lips and mine that I didn’t notice when my dress slipped from my body and pooled around my feet.

His eyes perused my body and just like downstairs there was no emotion or reaction. He barely acknowledged my near naked state before he said, “On your knees.”

“Don’t you want me to finish?” The blush that stole over my cheeks hid my surprise though I didn’t know what I was more surprised over – my question or the fact that he didn’t order me to continue. Then again Keiran was never one to be considered predictable and I already figured out that my brain was pretty much useless when I’m around him.

“Did I tell you to?” The arrogance in his voice and his distant demeanor was increasing my nervousness.

“Th—this is my first time.”

“So?”

“Shouldn’t you kiss me?” ****. My blush was blushing.

“Who said this is your first time?”

“Well you said –

“I said I wanted you on your knees.”

“Yes, but –”

“So why aren’t you on your knees?”

“Maybe because you didn’t ask me nicely,” I snapped. I had to admit, his mind games were getting to me.

“Nice or not, the result will be the same.” At the look in his eyes, I finally sunk to the floor and felt the plush carpet under my knees.

“I’m on my knees now so what do you want?”

“I want you to finish what you started.”

I knew what he meant without having to be told. My eyes immediately lowered and I eyed the thick leather belt with silver skull heads wrapped around his dark jeans. The way his jeans fits him was meant to tease. They always seemed to hang just around his hips bringing attention to the deep v carving into his waistline and disappearing into his jeans. His erection was straining against the rough material, waiting for me to let it out.

I can do this…should I do this?

“You're thinking too much...” Keiran barked interrupting my private thoughts, “...and I don't trust your thoughts.”

I don't know what came over me when I asked, “Why?” I turned to look directly into his eyes. “Are you afraid of me?” I mocked him, grabbing on to what little fight I had inside. He was going to destroy me anyway. Why not give him a reason?

His stare, however, was overpowering in its intensity. His gaze pierced through my newfound resolve until I lowered my eyes in submission. I was soon kicking my own ass, realizing he just dominated me with a look. I also noticed that his gaze was clear and the realization that came to me had my heart pounding painfully against my chest.

He isn’t drunk. He knows exactly what he is doing.

“The seconds are ticking away in my head and if I get to one, you will regret it,” he said menacingly. Without being told I quickly began undressing him. I reached for the black strap and unbuckled it but in my haste I mistakenly slipped his belt completely off where it nestled in my hands. I looked up at him for reassurance but only found that his control was already gone.

The belt was snatched out of my hands and I was flipped, face down on the floor. The thick carpet muffled any sounds I made. I could see in my peripheral, his booted feet planted on either side of me. My hands were then placed behind me and then something was being wrapped around my wrists.

The belt.

The material of the makeshift restraint was tight and a cry of fear escaped my lips before I could stop it but I didn’t fight back. I didn’t tell him no. He would stop, if I told him no, but he would go after my aunt. He would kill her because he was cruel and knew she was all I had left. I saw my parents again and I cried for them. If they hadn’t left me, I wouldn’t be here and I hated them for it.

I also hated Keiran’s demons that constantly chased him. He lifted me by my hands until I was on my knees again in front of him. “I’m sorry,” I cried, the words catching in my throat. I didn’t realize that he had been walking out the door until I’d already blurted the words out. He was leaving?

“For what?” He stopped and asked a second later. I could hear the suspicion in his voice.

“That someone hurt you and made you this way.” I instantly regretted the words once they were out but it was too late. His heavy footsteps were loud and hard against the floor as he walked back over to me. I knew he was angry before he even spoke but I didn’t know how much until he spoke.

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“That’s where you got it wrong,” he gritted and slowly unzipped his jeans. He gripped my hair in his hands and tilted my head back, slightly so he could look into my eyes. “I was the one doing the hurting.”

My lips opened on their own accord, enveloping his hard **** and I found myself once again gagging around him as he grabbed the back of my head and thrust slowly in and out of my mouth. His reluctant groan was animalistic as he gritted his teeth and tilted his head back. He seemed to catch himself quickly and lifted his head to peer down at me. I struggled to take all of him when the tip of him breached my throat.

“Don’t pretend for a ****ing second that you know anything about me.” Thrust. “Or what I’ve done.” Thrust. “Or who I am.” Thrust. “The only thing you need to know is that I will destroy you.”

When he finally drew back, I sucked in the much-needed air but as soon as I managed to catch my breath, my lips greedily latched onto his **** again. I watched his eyes widen slightly in surprise before he narrowed them.

I kept my eyes on his and tried to take as much of him as I could and then I pulled back until my lips were wrapped around only the head. I stared at the incredibly long length of his **** in amazement while I suckled on the tip and ran my tongue up and down his length. I had no clue what I was doing; I just knew I had to calm him somehow. His hand was still in my hair but his grip wasn’t as tight as few seconds ago.

For a moment, I thought I had succeeded. For a moment, I thought I had won. It was the growl that erupted from his throat should have warned me but I was too caught in my own pleasure. I liked forcing a reaction from him, just as he’d done to me for ten years. It made me feel like I was the one in control. But that control, as imaginary as it was, was short-lived.

“If you’re going *****ck me then suck me. Don’t tease my dick, Monroe. You won’t like the consequences.”

It was amazing how he could make me feel shame from an act that he initiated. I started to remove my mouth from his **** and save some of my dignity while I still could but he gripped the back of my head tight and pressed forward. I felt the tip of his **** touch the back of my throat once more so I opened up more for him but when he started to slide down my throat, I gagged and sputtered.

“I want you to remember this moment,” he said in a controlled tone while I struggled against him for air. “How I am now, how you are now.” He took his **** out of my mouth and shoved me back. “I want you to remember that there is nothing good about me and there never will be.”

I believed him. God help me, I believed him.

“You really enjoyed that didn’t you?” he snickered. “You thought you were pleasing me? Controlling me even?”

He was playing me the whole time. “Why are you doing this?” I could hear the bitterness in my own voice. He ignored my question and fixed his jeans. I swallowed nervously and tasted the remnants of him and felt a moment of disgust, keeping my gaze rooted to the floor. “You wanted this so why are you so angry?” I asked again.

“I’m not angry. That would mean I cared.” He moved for the door, intending to leave me tied apparently, but he turned back and asked, “Did you really think you could manipulate me?”

“No.”

“No?”

“That’s not why you’re angry.” My gaze lifted to meet his dead-on. “You’re angry because it was working and I did please you.”

“Well then that would be stupid of you.”

“Why?” I asked curiously.

“Because then I would be forced to keep you. And you don’t want that,” he replied, ominously. A loud crash and the sound of running footsteps and screams filtered through the door and then a guy’s voice could be heard on the other side.

“Keiran man, get out here. Dash and Keenan are fighting some guys who crashed the party. **** is trashed.”

He stalked toward the door, shirtless and left as quietly as he came. To someone who didn’t recognize the signs he seemed calm but I glimpsed the rage simmering in his eyes. I was left on the floor still bound by his belt and helpless. Moments later the loud noise and screaming ended and the house grew eerily quiet and then all at once I could hear the sound of running footsteps again followed by screeching tires and cars departing.

I pushed myself up until I was standing. My legs were sleep from being stuck in one position. I licked my lips and immediately recognized the taste of him lingering on my lips and curious, I licked them again, before I realized what I was doing.

Some sick part of me liked the taste of him despite being manipulated. I tried to tell myself that I had no choice, that I didn’t enjoy being violated by him. But I didn’t fight him either. If I fought Keiran, I would lose one way or the other.

Chapter Ten

I thought about my journal. I needed my journal. It was where I kept all my pain and told all my secrets and it spoke of only two things—my parents and him.

I haven’t thought about that journal since last year when he went away and I no longer had anything to write about. The journal was old and something I kept to deal with the pain of losing my parents. I started it a year after they disappeared and Keiran’s bullying got worse.

The first entry about him was in the fourth grade after he got some girls to stick used gum in my hair and had everyone call me spit head at lunch. I locked myself inside the bathroom and immediately pulled out my journal to write. It was mistake but it soon became my salvation and way of coping.

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Starting out, whenever a memory of my parents surfaced I would write that memory down and how I felt about them. It was something my aunt suggested I do when she couldn’t get me to talk about it. She said she would rather I tell a piece a paper than no one at all. I think that was the writer in her speaking.

Keiran had given me a new pain to focus on. So when I begin to write only about Keiran, the journal became a vessel and now holds every thought and emotion that I ever had for Keiran inside of it. It even expressed the confusion I often would feel from being attracted to him as we got older. I finally admitted to my journal of having a crush on him a couple of days before I turned sixteen.

The school year had just begun and I saw him for the first time in three months. He’d gone to some basketball camp that was sponsored by the NBA and NCAA for the best talent. The look he gave me as he swaggered down the hallway toward me was hot. I remember his grey eyes trailing slowly up and down my body as we grew closer from opposite ends of the hallway. Our gazes were locked the entire time and I couldn’t help but to admire the light stubble he’d grown. It made him look older and ***ier, if that was even possible and just as I was passing by him, thinking he would spare me his normal dose of public humiliation, he knocked my books out of my hand and sent them flying along with the few sheets of paper I had laying on top. I didn’t react. I never did. I picked up my books and continued to my first class with my head held high and the anguish my heart felt buried in secret.

Keiran’s torments came more frequently and grew crueler that year. For whatever reason he seemed to despise me even more. I remember always being confused about the strange looks he would give me followed by a vicious, verbal attack. But we were on an entirely different playing field now. Keiran was menacing enough when unprovoked but now he actually has a reason to hate me.

I tried to look at it from his point of view. He lost a year of his life to the system. It was a year he would never get back, while the drug conviction threatened his future because nothing stayed completely buried. Add in the humiliation of a public arrest it would be enough to piss off a nun. I understood why he wanted revenge, but threatening the life of my aunt was unforgivable. She was innocent in all this.

When his car stopped, it snapped me out of my thoughts and I realized that we were in my driveway. He didn’t shut off the engine and I was relieved. I couldn’t handle anymore of Keiran today. After his party came to a screeching, violent halt, he had come back upstairs and untied me. He then ordered me to “get the **** out” and I would have went running for the door but I had to remind him that he drove me here and I couldn’t call Willow because he sabotaged our friendship. So here we were.

I touched the door handle to get out but stopped and stared out the windshield instead. I took a deep breath and made a decision.

“It was wrong,” I began. He turned to face me, with his eyebrows raised. “You had a good thing going. You just made captain of the basketball team – rumor was that scouts were already looking at you pretty heavy. It was the end of junior year, and you were supposed to graduate last year. You should be in college now surrounded by an endless supply of hot girls. You wanted a future. You hoped for a future.”

I looked at him finally – he looked like he was contemplating something as he rubbed his bottom lip with his finger. I couldn’t help but to track the motion, watching his finger sweep across. His lips were plump and kissable and I was suddenly jealous of his finger.

“You were innocent. I know that but not because you believe I framed you, but because if you had done it, then this –,” I gestured between the two of us, “wouldn't be happening. You would have accepted the consequences even if someone did tip the police.”

I felt the weight of his stare as silence filled the air in the close confines of the car. It became almost unbearable after a few minutes of waiting for him to say something so I gave up and reached for the door handle again, having said my piece.

“What makes you so sure?”

I turned back to him confused. “Sure about what?” Was he trying to say he was guilty?

“That we wouldn't have happened.”

His question immediately pissed me off. I knew it was just another tactic to get into my head. “Are you suggesting otherwise, because the past ten years says different.”

“You aren't as blind as you pretend to be, Monroe so cut the bull****. You come apart when I touch you without hesitation…naturally…as if the past ten years says different.” He emphasized the last part and I flushed thinking about the classroom and the memory of his mouth devouring me.

“Exactly. Naturally. It’s pure biology.”

“You mean biology made you like me ****ing your mouth like that?”

“No, but desire has nothing to do with hate.”

“Doesn't it? You forget – I was there that day in the hallway when that limp dick kissed you.” I remembered that day. Keiran had effectively ruined my first kiss and chance at a love interest.

“What does that have to do with anything? How do you know I didn't kiss him?”

“You didn't kiss him back.”

I didn’t say anything because he was right. I hated that. I didn’t kiss Peter back. I consented to it but lost the desire to once his lips were on mine. I even remember counting the seconds until it was over and even feeling grateful that Keiran had found us and ran him off.

“So?”