[English] The Only One

The Only One
The Only One Page 20



“Mel! Seriously, we haven’t even talked to the doctor yet. You don’t know what she’s going to say. You can’t keep getting down on yourself. If you do need chemo then that’s what you’ll have to do. If I have to wheel you to every class and buy you head scarves, I’ll do it. That’s what best friends do. But I’m not going to sit here and let you feel sorry for yourself. You are going *****rvive this.”

I blinked back the tears in my eyes. “But what if I don’t?”

Monica pulled into the hospital parking garage and took the first spot she could, putting the car in park before looked at me. A serious glint in her eyes. “Is that what this is? You don’t think you’re going to make it?”

A single tear streamed down my cheek. “It’s scary. Frightening really. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know what the doctor’s going to say and I don’t know what my future is going to hold. If I even have a future for myself or anyone else.”

Monica took both of my hands in hers. “Listen, I can’t say what the doctor is going to tell you. I can’t say if you’ll need chemo or if John Boy will call you again. But I do know this. No matter what happens. I’ll be here for you.”

“Thanks, Mon. I’m glad I have you around.”

“And you always will. Because there’s no way in hell I’m going anywhere.”

***

Monica took a seat in the waiting area while I checked in. I sat next to her, waiting for my turn, trying not to stare at the pregnant teen making out with her tattooed boyfriend.

“This is a nice place. It doesn’t have that doctor’s office feel,” Monica said.

“Yeah. I guess lady part doctors don’t want you to feel like you’re in a real doctor’s office.”

We sat in silence after that. Well, silence besides the TV showing some sort of soap opera and the slurping of the teen pregnancy couple as they made out next to us.

“Melanie?” A bright-faced nurse opened the door. Finally!

I jumped out of my seat and Monica followed. “I’m coming with you.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “You don’t have to do that.”

“No, but I’m here *****pport you and I’m also tired of listening to Teen Mom makeoutage.”

I nodded. “Okay, then.”

We followed the nurse through the door and to one of the open rooms. This one was painted green with the words “Keep calm and carry on” written on the wall that faced us. But of course it was a gynecologist’s office, so the opposite wall had shelves full of pamphlets about menopause and a poster of the different stages of pregnancy.

The nurse sat on a wheeled stool in front of the brochures, I sat on the exam table, and Monica took the chair in the corner.

“You’re here for a follow up from your colposcopy last week?” The nurse didn’t even look up from her folder as she spoke.

“Yeah. I think that’s what Dr. Rodriguez said.”

The nurse barely made eye contact with me. “Have you had any weird symptoms since? Any irregular bleeding? Burning with urination?”

The heat rose in my cheeks. I was really glad that John didn’t take me this time or insist on sitting in the room. But even with Monica there it was still an embarrassing topic. “Um, I had a little bit of pain after the procedure and some bleeding, but that’s gone away.”

The nurse nodded, taking notes on a Post-it on top of the folder. “That’s all normal, but I will let the doctor know. Is there anything else that you have questions about or any other symptoms to report?”

I shook my head. “No. I just want to know what the results are and what happens next.”

The nurse gave me a small smile, setting her pen down, and standing. “I’m sure Dr. Rodriguez will have all of that for you. I’ll let her know that you’re ready.” With that she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

“I’m glad that wasn’t too weird and she didn’t have to examine you or something. Because if that does happen, I’m running out of here. I don’t need to see your hoo haa,” Monica said.

I turned toward her and couldn’t help but laugh. “Don’t worry. I don’t want you to see my hoo haa either.”

“Was John Boy in here last time? Did he actually watch the procedure?” Her eyes widened.

I waved my hands in front of me. “Oh God no! He waited in the waiting room.”

Monica pretended to wipe some sweat off of her forehead. “Whoo, good! That would have been really awkward.”

“Yeah, like it wasn’t awkward enough that we were in the middle of hooking up when I got the call from Student Health Services.”

“Touché.”

That put an end to our conversation. I didn’t really feel like talking about John or my hoo haa and I think Monica must have read that on my face because she quickly picked up a magazine from the table next to her. Luckily, we didn’t have to wait long before Dr. Rodriguez knocked on the door.

“Come in,” I said, but she was basically walking in at the same time that I said it.

“Hello, Melanie, how are you feeling?” she asked in her heavy accent and took a seat on the stool that the nurse was just previously occupying.

“Anxious. Nervous. All of those feelings.”

She nodded. “Understandable.” She looked at Monica in the corner. “And is this your sister or your partner?”

I had to hold back a laugh. “Neither. This is my friend, Monica.”

Monica put down her magazine and waved.

The doctor smiled at me. “It’s good to see that you have people *****pport you.”

“Yeah.” I didn’t want to small talk. I just wanted to know what was going on. My knees were shaking and I had to constantly wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans.

Dr. Rodriguez opened her folder and scanned through it. “We do have the results of your biopsy.” She closed the folder and looked straight at me, her eyes serious. “We did confirm that you have moderate dysplasia and it’s cancerous, stage 1A1.”

“Is that bad?” My voice squeaked.

“It’s the very beginning stages, so we caught it early. But since it is moderate, we do need to take care of these cells.” She folded her hands on her lap and crossed her ankles. “The least invasive would be for us to use laser therapy, which is an outpatient procedure in which we laser out the cancerous cells and they will be completely destroyed.”

I nodded, unsure of what to say.

“The next is called Diathermy. This is another laser treatment, but we would remove the tissue instead of destroying it so that we can examine it further. It’s another outpatient surgery and you would have some bleeding or discharge for a few weeks after.”

“Okay.” I should have been taking notes or doing something, but instead I just stared at the doctor.

“The next set of options would be chemotherapy or full hysterectomy. Since you’re so young and it’s the early stages, I wouldn’t recommend those since you may still want to have children in the future.”

“Then what would you recommend?” I asked.

She let out a deep breath. “After looking at all your information, I think the best action would be Diathermy. We can set up your appointment when it’s most convenient for you. You will only feel a little bit of pain and would be able to go back to school within a week.”

I nodded and looked back at Monica. “Mon, what do you think?”

“It’s not my body, but I would go with whatever the doctor thinks.”

I couldn’t think straight. There was so much information to take in, so I just turned back to the doctor and said the first thing I could think of. “Okay. Let’s set up the Dia thing.”

The doctor smiled and patted my knee. “I’ll be right back. I’m just going to call the surgical department and get you set up. Do you have a preference of when?”

“Well, Fall break is the week after next, so I’ll have off.”

“Okay. I’ll see if we can get you in for the week of Thanksgiving.”

She stood and walked out of the door, shutting it behind her.

“Whoa. Surgery. Lasers,” Monica said. “Are you okay with all of this?”

I shrugged, glancing back at her. “It’s better than needing you to wheel me around campus while I wear a head scarf.”

It was only a few minutes later when Dr. Rodriguez came back in, holding a few sheets of paper. “We have you all set up for Monday the 20th at eight am.” She handed me the papers. “Your directions on what you’ll need to do beforehand are on this sheet. I’ll need you to go into the emergency room entrance an hour before to check in.” She waited to speak again until I met her eyes. “Do you have any other questions?”

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I had a million questions. Like what would happen afterward? Was there a chance I would still need more treatment? But instead all I did was shake my head. It was too much to process and my head was swimming. “Nope. I’m good.”

***

I walked with Monica back out into the waiting room and texted my mom to call me after work and gave her a quick gist of an outpatient surgery on the 20th. She texted back that she would call as soon as she could. I knew she couldn’t talk while at work, but I didn’t want to make her wait.

And once we stepped out of the office there was someone else waiting for me in the tunnel to the parking garage. John stood there. His hands were in his pockets as he paced back and forth between the walls.

“John Boy?” Monica asked.

“Monica. Melanie. Hey. I was just...” He stopped pacing and walked over to us, letting out a big sigh. “Okay. I can’t come up with a better excuse. I came because I wanted to see how the appointment went and if everything was okay.”

Monica side stepped me and inched her way behind John. “I think that’s my cue to leave. I’ll be waiting for you in the car, Mel.” With that she turned on her heels and walked toward the parking garage.

John cupped my face, forcing my eyes back in his direction. “Is everything okay?”

“I thought you had some fraternity stuff to do today?” I raised an eyebrow, trying to ignore how warm his hand was on my cheek.

He took another step closer. “I do, but this was more important.”

I swallowed hard. “Um, well it’s only stage 1A1 cancer, so I guess that’s a good thing and I’m having surgery the Monday of Thanksgiving break to have it removed.”

His eyes widened. “Is that like a chemotherapy type thing? What kind of surgery?”

“No. It’s just some sort of laser that removes the cancer. The doctor said I should be fine in a few weeks.”

“What time on Monday?”

“Eight, why?”

The lopsided grin that I loved so much made an appearance on his lips. “Because I need to know what time to be there.”

“John, you don’t have to—”

He put his fingers to my lips, stopping me mid sentence. “I know I don’t have to do anything. This is something that I want to do, Red. And you can’t stop me. You can think whatever you want to think about me. About us. But know this. I do care about you. More than I probably would usually admit. And whether we’re just friends or we’ll eventually be something more, doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I’m going to be here for you.”

And at that moment I almost forgot about the girl and the lap dance. I could almost forget about the cancerous cells that were hanging out in my cervix and past cheating boyfriends. Because I knew that I had friends that were there for me. Whether romantically or otherwise, they were there.

Chapter 13

Both my mom and sister made plans to come in for the surgery. My heightened sense of joy that John and Monica would be there was deflated as soon as I thought about my mom and sister meeting John. I could just imagine how many questions they would hound him with. Maybe it was a bad idea for him to come. And that was exactly what I planned to tell him that Monday in class. One week from my surgery.

“Hey, Red, good to see you showed up for class.” He smiled, taking the seat next to me.

“I always come to class. It’s you who I haven’t seen around for awhile.”

“So, you’ve been looking for me?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Kind of hard to miss you. You do have the body of a pro wrestler you know.” I smiled, pulling out my notebook.

“Speaking of body. How are you feeling?”

I rolled my eyes. “That was a horrible segue.”

“Hey, I can’t be smooth every time.” He looked at me with his big, puppy dog eyes. Why did I have to have cancer? Why couldn’t I just be a normal girl that could have hooked up with him and didn’t have to stare at him every day, knowing that I couldn’t have him?

“Well, I guess that leads into what I wanted to talk to you about. You don’t have to come to my surgery. It’s Thanksgiving break and your family will probably want you to come home.”

“It’s fine, Red. Thanksgiving isn’t until Thursday. I can spare a few hours for my favorite Harry Potter fan.”

I opened my mouth and then shut it again, trying to think of another excuse for him not to come. “Well...uh...you know it’s really not necessary. My mom is going to be there and Monica said she would come and it will just be a lot of people sitting in a small waiting room. I probably won’t even see you or will be too doped up afterward to remember that you were there.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Are you embarrassed of me? Do you really not want me to come that bad?”

I shook my head ferociously, my curls bobbing around. “Oh, no, it’s totally not you at all.”

“Then what is it?”

Our professor walked to the front of the room, booting up the computer to start the power point presentation. We only had a few more minutes before he started the lecture.

“It’s nothing. I just don’t want to put you out,” I whispered.

He leaned in closer. I could smell his freshly laundered shirt and the cologne that smelled like heaven. “You aren’t making me do anything that I don’t want to do. I want to make sure you’re okay and to be there for you. If you tell me you don’t want me there, then I won’t go.”

I did want him there. I wanted him everywhere with me. I wanted to sit with him every day and eat cheesecake and watch Harry Potter. I didn’t care that he was with another girl or that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. I wanted to forget about the past and just think about a future with him. If only cancer wasn’t in the way.

“I just...” I sighed. “I don’t know.”

He put his hand on my knee. “I’ll do whatever you want, Red. I’ll stay in town this weekend and we can hang out. If you want me to leave on Sunday before your surgery, I can do that. But either way, we’re hanging out this weekend. You don’t have a choice on that one.”

I couldn’t say no. Especially when his hand was on me. Cancer sure didn’t stop my *** drive. “Fine.”

“Awesome.” He squeezed my knee and then left his hand there for the rest of class.

***

Despite the fact that I had a disease growing inside me, that didn’t excuse me from going to classes or work. It was midterms, which meant everyone was getting extra caffeinated and the coffee shop was always slammed. I kept calling and requesting people to take extra shifts, but Monica was the only one who ever answered. At least it meant I got to hang out with her instead of someone like Betsy.

“One non-fat caramel mocha with an extra shot of espresso,” Monica yelled while writing the order on the cup. I didn’t know if she did this for my benefit or for hers, to keep all of the orders straight. She manned the register while I pumped out the drinks. After doing the job for two years I was pretty quick at it. That was one of the reasons I was promoted to student manager. The other was that no one else wanted the job.

“Skinny caramel mocha, dirty. Got it,” I yelled back.

And speaking of dirty, the owner of the drink happened to be the girl that I saw giving John a lap dance. I didn’t get too good of a look at her face, but I’d recognize her self-satisfying smirk anywhere. Her long brown hair was pulled into a tight ponytail that made her skin look like it was being stretched out and that smirk even wider. She wore a bright pink shirt with the letters KB stitched on it in black. Kappa Beta. The same sorority that Monica was in before she transferred. I’d have to ask if she knew the lap dance skank.

“Make sure you use non-fat milk.”

I looked up to see that lap dance skank had her big brown eyes focused on me as she leaned over the counter.

I smiled, which was the hardest thing ever to make my face to. “I will.” What I really wanted to do was switch the skim milk with half and half and then pee in it, but I couldn’t exactly do that with her standing and watching my every move. Instead I went about my usual business of pouring the milk in the steam pot, but just as I was about ready to heat it, lap dance skank gasped.

I almost dropped the steam pot before looking up at her. “What?”

She blinked her large brown eyes and her mouth went into an O shape before she spoke. “Nothing. You just looked familiar is all.” She pulled out her cell phone and typed furiously on the touch screen.

Even though there was a line of people waiting for their drinks and Monica still kept yelling the orders, I couldn’t just let this girl get away with what she was trying to do. I saw the recognition on her face. She knew exactly who I was and what she was doing.

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“Texting all of your friends, huh? Telling them that you saw the girl who caught you trying to get in John Boy’s pants?”

At first she didn’t say anything and just kept typing. Then it was like a light bulb went off and she looked up, narrowing her eyes. “What did you just say to me?”

“Nothing too important.” I put the steam pot underneath the steamer and started it up. “Just that I recognized you as the girl who was giving John Boy a lap dance at Alpha Mu, but he ran out of the room as soon as he was caught with you. He must have been pretty embarrassed,” I yelled over the hissing of the machine.

“Excuse me?” Her eyes looked like they were about to bug out of her head, which would have been pretty hard considering how tight her skin was pulled from her ponytail.

The milk steamed to 140 degrees. I pulled it out of the steamer, turning it off, only briefly taking my eyes off of the girl. I wasn’t about to back down. “I said that I saw you all over John at the party last weekend and he ran out of the room as soon as he got caught with you. So it seems as if he was pretty embarrassed.” I wasn’t a slut shamer. I wasn’t one of those girls that just started spewing hate at random girls I didn’t know, but there was something about her that really got to me.

She blinked hard and then a small smile returned to her face. “Oh, wait, now I remember you. You’re the freaky little cancer girl that won’t leave John Boy alone.” She leaned in, but kept her voice up.

I couldn’t even answer. My mouth just gaped open. How the hell did she know about my cancer? John must have told her...but why? Is that what he thought of me?

Monica came to my side and looked the girl right in the eye. “Missy, I think you’d better leave. I didn’t think you could sink any lower, but trying to make fun of someone for having cancer is just beyond low.”

“I’ll leave right after I get my drink,” Missy said with a smirk.

“Monica leaned over the machine, lowering her voice. “If you don’t leave here in two seconds I will pour this drink on your bitch face, understood?”

“Ugh!” Missy recoiled back. “Whatever. Your **** is nasty anyway. I’ll just drive to Starbucks.” With that she swayed away like she was some sort of princess and we were just her minions.

My breath felt like it was caught in my throat and I had to grip onto the counter.

“Are you all right?” Monica whispered.

I wasn’t going to cry. I wanted to so bad, but I couldn’t. “Yeah. I’m fine. Take the next orders.”

***

After work I could have gone home. I probably should have gone straight home, but instead I let my emotions guide me and stomped all the way to the Alpha Mu house. I didn’t even know if John was home or what I would have done if he wasn’t.

I pounded on the front door. There was a giant brass knocker that had a lion head on it, but I wasn’t sure if that actually worked and I couldn’t find a doorbell. I may have been little, but I put everything I had into pounding on that door, hoping someone would answer.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, a tall, lanky guy who looked like he was half asleep answered. “Hey? Um there’s no party going on right now...”

I pushed past him. “I’m not here for a party. I’m here to see John Walden. Is he here?” I looked around the common room. Everything was surprisingly empty, not like how I was used to seeing it.

“Yeah. He’s up in his room.” The guy pointed toward the stairwell.

“Good. I hope he doesn’t have some random girl up there with him,” I grumbled and marched up the stairs. Luckily, no one stopped me. I kind of doubted anyone was actually there, and if they were, they weren’t awake even though it was in the afternoon on a week day.

When I got to John’s door I didn’t even knock. I just threw it open. He was sitting in his desk chair, but this time a girl wasn’t on top of him. He was at his computer and lifted his head up with a big grin when he saw me.

“Hey, Red. Long time no see. Are you here for a nooner?”

I shook my head and stepped into the room, shutting the door behind me before I crossed my arms over my chest. “You seriously have some nerve.”

He let out a deep breath. “What now, Melanie? What did I do now? It always seems like I did something to up, so lay it on me.”

“How the hell can you just be so nonchalant about things all the time? I’m dealing with some serious **** right now and you’re always just ‘whatever’ about everything.”

John stood up, his full height looming over me. My eyes trailed from his broad chest to his face as he took another step toward me. “You need to relax.”

I dropped my hands. “Relax? How am I supposed to relax? It seems like everything that deals with you has some sort of drama and it’s getting old. Did you know that chick that was using you as a pole showed up at work today? And you know what else? She somehow knew I had cancer. Who the hell told her that? I know it wasn’t Monica, so it had to be you.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Did Missy really say that?”

“Yes, yes she did. She said the only reason you hang out with me is because you feel sorry for me. Is that what you’re telling people? Because if it is, I don’t need you to feel sorry for me. I can take care of myself. You don’t need to waste your time with the broken girl.”

I could feel the tears wanting to fill my eyes. Everything always seemed like it was falling apart. My body was failing me with cancer and I couldn’t keep a guy that would be faithful to me.

“Hey.” He put his fingers under my chin and closed the space between us. “You only think you’re the broken one, but I’m the only one who needs to be fixed.”

He put his other arm around my waist and pulled me closer. “When I ran after you, Missy followed and was asking why I was so concerned what you thought. If you were my girlfriend. I didn’t know how to answer so I just blurted out that you had cancer. I know you don’t want the world to know, but it just came out and I’m sorry.”

I still didn’t know what he meant about being the one who needed to be fixed. Sure he was sort of a manwhore, but everything else about him was perfect. He was good looking, smart, funny, everything I wanted in a guy. Everything that would eventually lead to this moment with me ready to cry and heartbroken.

“You don’t need to be fixed, John. You’re perfect.”

He shook his head. “I’m glad you think that of me, but you’re the first girl that has actually wanted to get to know me. You didn’t want just a quick jump in my bed.” He sighed, dropping his hands.

“I’ll admit that at first I just wanted to you crazy. Take the girl that seemed stuck up and give her the night of her life.”

“Charming.” I smirked.

“I’m not finished.” He pulled me closer, pressing his warm body against me. “Then I got to know you. The girl that actually cared about the meanings of my tattoos. The girl that puts up a brave face for the world and keeps her feelings in.”

He leaned into me. “It made me realize how ed up I was. How much I needed to change my ways. When you caught me with Missy, I felt like ****. I knew I couldn’t mess this up. I knew that I’d ed up big time, but I just can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you. The last thing that I ever wanted to do is hurt you. I’ve been a for far too long and I’m trying to fix that. Starting with patching things up with you. Go out with me and the guys on Friday. I know you don’t want to, but I want to. I need to.”

“Okay. Friday night it is.”

He smiled. “Great.” He then moved closer, his lips just inches from mine and his breath hot on my lips. “And Red? Don’t call yourself broken. There’s nothing about you that needs to be fixed.”

Chapter 14

John texted me that we were going to a bar downtown. He said he had a fake ID for me to use since I was two years shy of legal drinking age. Mostly everyone had left town for Thanksgiving break, so the campus was like a ghost town. Hopefully that would be a good thing for getting me into a bar and not just thrown into jail. My mom was coming in on Saturday and the last thing I wanted was to have to call her to bail me out before then.

I combed through my clothes to see what would be legal aged, bar attire. I didn’t know if I needed to show a bunch of skin or if that would make me look like a slutty freshman. It’s not like I went out that much anyway, so finding anything in my closet was a chore. I also didn’t feel like going shopping. Being short didn’t help my clothing choices at the mall and sometimes I even ended up buying my t-shirts in the little boy’s department so they didn’t drown me. There was no way I was wearing my Batman shirt out to a bar.

Then I found it, in the back of my closet. When me and Robby were dating I bought black lingerie that I planned on surprising him with when I went to visit him at school. That was the same night I caught him cheating. I took down the black,...

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Girls wore stuff that was practically lingerie out all the time and it looked like it could pass of as a top if I wore it with jeans. I knew I had a pair of low rise, dark wash jeans that I accidently bought and thought they were my regular style. I hardly ever wore them. But tonight seemed like the night to wear them. I paired the whole outfit with a set of black pumps and blow dried my hair straight.

At about nine, as I just finished applying my mascara, John texted me to let me know he was at my apartment. When I walked outside I expected him to be sitting in his Jeep, but instead he was in the back seat of a sleek looking Mercedes. He jumped out as soon as he saw me and opened the door to the back seat.

“Hey, Red.” He smelled and looked amazing, as usual. He had on a dark gray henley that hugged every one of his bulging muscles. Instead of his usual baseball cap his brown hair was choppy and styled with some sort of wax product that smelled like green tea. At least I thought it was his hair product. With my heels I was a little bit taller, but not tall enough to actually reach his hair. The hair that I wanted to run my fingers through.

“Hi,” I said, quickly, getting into the car and out of the freezing November air. I didn’t wear more than a light sweater over my top and my chest felt like it was going to get frostbite in the tiny, satin cami. The whole car smelled like it was doused in men’s cologne. Gabe, the guy who had door duty when I went to the stoplight party, was driving and in the passenger seat next to him was another random guy from the fraternity. I couldn’t remember his name for the life of me, but he nodded in my direction.

John hopped in the back seat, getting as close to me as he could before he slinked his arm around my waist. “Melanie, the guy in the passenger seat is Brad aka Longfellow and driving is Gabe or Gonads.”

Gabe turned back in my direction. “Hey, Melanie, you sure you want to hang around with this guy?”

“Um, is this a trick question?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

Gabe smiled. “I’m just saying. If you would rather leave the bar with me tonight, I wouldn’t complain.” His eyes roamed down to my plunging neckline quickly before he turned back to the front and put the car into drive.

I caught the hint of a smile on John’s face. Looked like my outfit was a hit.

Brad pushed an ID in my face. “Here, John Boy said you’d need this.”

“Thanks.” I took the card. The girl sort of looked like me, I guess. She had brown curly hair, my same brownish green eyes, but older. Then I looked at her date of birth.

“Wait, this says the girl in the picture is 32. I’m nowhere close to that. No one is going to believe I’m 32.” My palms were sweating. I got all dressed up just to have some bouncer kick me out into the cold for a bad fake.

John shook his head. “They don’t care if it’s a fake as long as you know the birth date. They aren’t going to look that hard or even do the math. Besides, half the bouncers are Alpha Mus so you shouldn’t have a problem.” He leaned in so close I could feel the heat from his body. “And by how good you look in that top, I’m sure they won’t care about anything but how hot you are.” He kissed my cheek.

“Hey! No ing in my car!” Gabe yelled.

John smiled, slowly turning his head to the front. “Sorry, Gonads. We’ll save it for later.”

***

The streets that would usually be packed with students outside smoking or walking from bar to bar were empty. Gabe parked in a parking garage not far from the row of bars that lined downtown Central. I went to open my door, but John was out and opening it for me before I could. Reluctantly, I climbed out and then John’s arm was wrapped around my waist, moving me forward with him.

I shouldn’t have been thinking about *** with John. But I couldn’t help it. We were still friends. I thought. And friends appreciated each other’s looks, I guess. And I hoped he wasn’t just showing affection to keep Gabe from hitting on me.

“One girl comes with us tonight and you’ve got to lay claim on her?” Gabe asked, walking in step with us. Brad slinked in next to him.

“Yep.” John didn’t say anything more and pulled me closer. I was actually glad for his body heat because I didn’t realize how long we’d be outside and not wearing much for clothes was a bad idea. Goose bumps pricked my skin under the thin fabric of my top.

Luckily, before I could freeze to death, we stood outside of a bar called Gatsby’s. I remembered my sister used to call the place Fratsby’s. She said it was a hangout for all the fraternity and sorority types. I guess that would make sense, since I was walking in with three very attractive fraternity boys.

The bouncer was a large guy with a neck that was thicker than his head. He barely even smiled when he saw us, but bumped fists with each of the guys, not even checking anyone’s ID. Thank God.

Gatsby’s wasn’t as much of a bar as it was a club. The dark room was only lit by strobe lights and some different black lights that blinked off of the dark colored walls. To my left was a long bar with a few half-naked female bartenders behind it. Directly in front of me was a metal railing that looked onto a sunken dance floor. There were bodies melded together dancing to some random dance mix that a DJ played from a booth above.

“Want me to get you a drink and put your jacket behind the bar?” John had to practically yell in my ear.

I nodded, not sure if I could speak loud enough for him to hear me over the music. I shrugged off my sweater, revealing the low, lace back of my cami. I looked over my shoulder and saw that was exactly where John was staring. I winked once he finally caught my eye. Two could play flirty.

John leaned forward, hooking his thumb through my belt loop before he put his lips to my ear. “I see what you’re doing and I like it.” His tongue flicked against my ear lobe before he pulled away and walked over to the bar.

It was like the Red Sea parted. Even though other people were waiting for a drink, they still made room for the hulky John. The Asian bartender stopped what she was doing and gave him a big smile. Jealousy boiled in me, but he didn’t even seem interested. His facial expression didn’t change as he handed her my sweater, nodding in my direction.

The girl’s dark eyes locked on me before her face fell and she looked back at John and put my sweater under the bar. John held up two fingers and yelled something to her that I couldn’t hear. She didn’t even look up at him as she poured some ice in a glass and pulled different bottles from under the counter.

Someone slide up next to me and then smelled his strong cologne. There I was sandwiched between Gabe and Brad. Gabe leaned down to my ear. “Hey, Melanie, can I get you a drink?”

“No that’s fine. John’s bringing me something.” I had to strain my neck and practically yell to be heard.

“Then how about a dance?” His eyes were wide and he had a big grin on his face. I wanted to know what was behind that grin because there was no way that it looked genuine.

“No. I’m just waiting for John.” I was getting a bit of a creeper vibe from Gabe and wasn’t sure what his next move would be. I craned my neck to look over the crowd, hoping to see John.

As if it was on cue John appeared in front of me and handed me a plastic glass with a tiny black straw and some sort of light brown liquid in it. John and Gabe exchanged looks before Gabe nodded in Brad’s direction and they headed over to the bar. Thank God.

“What’s this?” I tipped up on my heels and practically yelled in John’s ear.

“Rusty Nail.”

“What?” My voice was already aching.

“Scotch and Drambuie.” He took a big gulp of his own drink.

Ack that sounded disgusting but would definitely get me drunk. I tried the tiniest sip. It burned like gasoline going down. No way I’d be able to drink it, but I couldn’t be rude. “Thanks!”

He downed the rest of his drink in one gulp. I took a few more sips of mine, even though I thought I would gag. He took the drink from me, downed the rest of it and set it on a nearby table. He took my hand in his and put his lips so close to my ear, I thought he might kiss it. Not very friend-like behavior. “Now let me nail you on the dance floor.”

I didn’t know if he meant that literally or was just trying to make some ***ual innuendo with the drink, but either way I let him lead me down a metal, winding staircase to a pit of human bodies. For not a lot of students in town, it seemed like the ones that were left all gathered at Gatsby’s that night. People were pushed against each other and the scent of sweat and cologne wafted in the air, almost making it hard to breathe.

Instead of dragging me into the middle of the crowd, John guided me toward the edge, slinking his arm around my waist and pulling me against the hard contours of his body.

“I’m not a very good dancer. I’m kind of awkward,” I yelled in his ear.

He laughed, the stubble on his chin tickling my earlobe. “I don’t think you could be bad at anything.”

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“Try me. I’m the awkward girl who loves Harry Potter and you’re the *** God. You’re the one that hasn’t been bad at anything that I’ve seen.”

He shook his head. “You’re too uptight, Red. I wish you would just realize how amazing you are.” His fingertips trailed down my back, resting right above my butt. “Smart. ***y. Funny. Hell, Gabe and Brad couldn’t keep their eyes off of you.”

I snorted. “I’m sure it had more to do with what I’m wearing and the fact that I happen to be the only girl with you guys tonight.”

“You need to learn to let go. Accept things for what they are and have fun with it.”

“Whatever you say, John.”

I moved my arms around his neck, swaying to the music, but with our height difference, it was awkward to try and dance facing him. I didn’t want to make some stupid faces while I danced, so I turned my back to his, pressing my butt against his groin. I may not have been the best dancer, but it didn’t take that much work to grind against someone. His hands quickly snaked around until they were at the front of my jeans, his thumb running along the thin fabric of my cami where it met my waistband.

“Now let’s see if I can get you to let go. For once,” he whispered into my ear.

I closed my eyes, relishing the feel of his warm fingers as he slid them under my top and ran them along my skin. He splayed his fingers, his thumb traveling up to my belly ring and his pinky ran just underneath the waistband of my jeans. My body seized up from his touch and I rolled my back in a circle against his groin. We may have been on the dance floor, but we were far enough away from the crowd, with our backs to them, that no one would probably know what was going on. And if they did I was too turned on to care at that moment.

He let out a moan into my ear before his lips touched the skin of my neck and then trailed down to where my neck met my shoulders. I reached my hand up and pulled at the choppy spikes of his hair. He pressed the ever-growing bulge in his pants against my butt, rocking his against me in response.

With delicate fingers, he rubbed against the lace fabric of my panties. A strong surge of pleasure went straight between my legs. We were in the middle of a crowded club, but my body still responded to him. I rolled my forward to his awaiting fingers.

The song changed to a faster paced dance one, but we didn’t move. I didn’t think I could move. His fingers traced slow circles on the outside of my panties. The combination of the silky material and his warm fingers pulsating through the thin fabric made my whole body tremble below his. I was on the verge of orgasm before he even really touched me.

He inched his fingers underneath the waistband of my panties and then ran them over me. Everything between my legs heated up and I was glad that the loud music hid the moan that escaped my mouth.

“I want to make you come alive,” he whispered into my ear. My body tensed with resistance as his fingers slipped beneath my panty line. A hot sensation flooded me as he hooked a finger inside of me. I couldn’t think about anything else except how much I wanted him. He seemed to know what I wanted as his finger delved deeper and his thumb pressed against my .

I let out a hissed breath, my walls caving in around him and I shivered, about to let go as his fingers worked their magic. Sweat beaded on my stomach and my body heated up with desire. My legs constricted and I gripped tighter onto his hair. He emitted a low groan onto my neck.

“****, Red, I want you so bad right now,” he whispered into my shoulder.

I couldn’t hold it anymore. My consumed me, making my entire body shudder and I had to grip even harder onto John’s hair so I wouldn’t fall over from my release.

John suddenly jolted forward, which plunged his finger deeper into me. I involuntarily gasped as another surge of bliss waved over me, but quickly suppressed it once he pulled his hand out of my pants and put it back on my stomach, warmer and wetter than it was the first time.

John pulled me back against him and turned around, putting me nose-to-chest with Gabe. I figured he either was trying to keep me against him so Gabe wouldn’t hit on me, or he was trying to hide his massive bulge.

“Hey, I was looking for you guys,” Gabe yelled.

“Yeah? What’s up?” John yelled, leaning over me.

“Me and Brad are gonna head on over to Fibs. Too many grenades in this place. You two wanna come?”

John’s lips were at my ear. “What do you say Red, do you want to come?”

I may just have...again. I couldn’t think of a way to verbalize anything. My mouth was completely dry. Luckily John responded for me.

“I think we’re going to stay here for now. We can just cab it home if we don’t meet back up with you.”

A sinister smile crossed Gabe’s face and he bumped fists with John. “All right, man, I see how it is. You’re one lucky dude.”

“I know.” John kissed my neck and Gabe turned around and pushed through the mass of bodies without saying another word.

“Do you want another drink or to keep dancing?” he whispered into my ear.

“Dance. Definitely dance.”

***

We kept dancing. If you could call it dancing. It was more like *** with our clothes on. I tried not to let myself give into him, but he had a way with his hands that made my whole body succumb to his. When the lights turned on in the club I couldn’t believe it was already 2 AM and time to go.

John went up to the bar and got my sweater back from the girl behind it, along with two bottles of water. I swore she gave me an evil glare when she was giving it to him, but it could have been my imagination.

He sauntered back over, a glimmer of sweat on his forehead, but he still looked absolutely able. I wanted him so bad. Over the clothes and third base was one thing, but I had to stop myself from sleeping with him. That was probably frowned upon right before cancer surgery. Especially when *** was the cause of my cancer.

“Ready, Red?” He took my hand and we walked out of the club. The November air was refreshing compared to the stuffy heat of the bar.

“My place or yours?” he asked.

“Well, my mom and sister are coming in early tomorrow.”

“I can be out early. Before they get there.” He grinned.

“Um.” I chewed on my bottom lip. “I don’t know how to say this, but I don’t think we should have *** tonight,” I said in a voice barely above a whisper, hoping that nobody heard me.

He tilted his head back, laughing slightly, which of course caused people to look in our direction. The heat rose up to my cheeks. I shouldn’t have been embarrassed since he just fingered me in a very public place and I was okay with that. But I just didn’t want the whole world to know I was talking about *** out on the street.

“Don’t worry, Red, as much as I’d like to rip that silky thing off of you and see it on my bedroom floor in the morning, I’ll respect what you want.” He said it so nonchalantly. Like it wasn’t a big deal.

“Oh, uh, well. Okay then.”

He squeezed my hand. “But if you don’t mind. I’m kind of a cuddle slut and would prefer your queen sized bed instead of the tiny thing they make me sleep in at the house.”

I raised an eyebrow, unsure of how to answer.

“I promise to be out before your mom and sister are there.”

He was serious. The look in his eyes was pleading. What did this beautiful boy want with me?

“Okay. I guess.” I let out a deep breath.

“Awesome.”

***

John kept his arm around me, my head pressed to his chest the entire cab ride. Between all the dancing and other things that happened on the dance floor, I kept going between an adrenaline surge to feeling like I’d fall asleep at any moment. And I’d be sleeping with John. Not the most friendly thing in the world, but the guy made me forget about my “just friends” rule.

When we got to my apartment John paid the driver and then followed me to my door.

“Damn, now that I can finally see your in those jeans, I’d have to say it’s an awesome view.”

“John!” I put my finger to my lips, briefly looking back at him before I put my key in the door. “You’re going to wake up my neighbors.”

He pressed against my back, sliding his arms around my waist before his lips were at my ear. “I can think of a better way to wake them up.”

Before I could respond, I pushed the door open and we burst into the living room. John moved his arms from around my waist and followed me inside. I whipped around and looked at him, trying to keep my voice stern.“John, I want you. You know that. But can we please not have *** tonight? I just don’t think I can. And it’s probably not the best idea with my surgery on Monday.”

He took a few steps toward me, his eyes locked on mine. “Red, as bad as I want you too, I’m not here to have *** with you. I want to sleep with you. Next to you. I want to lay in that bed with you and wake up to your beautiful face in the morning. Can we do that or is it too much and you need to kick me out?”

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I exhaled and couldn’t hide the smile that spread across my face. Damn him for making me fall so hard. I kept telling myself I shouldn’t be with him and then he would go and say something like that. “Yeah, that’s fine. But I need to get ready for bed, so you can watch TV or something if you want while I do that.”

I turned around, thinking he would make himself comfortable on the couch, but instead he followed me to the bathroom. I stared at his reflection behind me in the mirror. “Um, do you need to use it first?”

“No…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “But if you have an extra toothbrush, that’d be great.”

“Oh, yeah. Totally.” I opened my medicine cabinet and pulled out an open pack of toothbrushes, handing him the blue one.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.”

I put the other one back in the cabinet and then pulled out the toothpaste, handing it to him when I was done. I was used to sharing a bathroom with my sister, but never a guy. It was amazing how comfortable it felt to brush my teeth alongside him. The guy that was just giving me an orgasm only two hours before. We took turns using the sink and he made silly faces in the mirror at me the entire time.

When he was done he rinsed off his toothbrush and put it in the holder next to mine. “For next time.”

“Next time?” I raised my eyebrows.

“You don’t think this is a onetime thing, do ya, Red?”

“I guess we’ll see if you’re still saying that after tonight.”

“I’m sure I will be.” He kissed the top of my head. “As long as you keep this silky thing on when you come into bed. I kinda like it.” His fingertips brushed against the thin material above my belly button briefly before he stepped out of the bathroom.

***

After I washed my face, I thought about putting on my pajamas. I even hovered my hand over them, but instead I decided to be brave. I sucked in a deep breath and kicked off my heels then slipped off my jeans. I was left only in my thin cami and the matching lace panties. The closest thing I’d been to in front of John.

I stepped out of the bathroom and the only light came from the lamp beside my bed. John was already under the covers, his shirt off and his hands behind his head, which accentuated his muscles.

His grin widened when he saw me. “Damn, Red. Can you ever stop being so gorgeous?”

My cheeks felt hot as I scampered into bed and slipped under the covers. His body was warm, like a furnace and I hoped he wasn’t completely under the blankets because I wasn’t sure how to handle it if he was. Though I was curious about what I’d felt through his jeans, I wasn’t ready to tackle it. Yet. “You’re such a charmer.”

He slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me to his chest. I pressed my stomach against his side and put my arms around him. I was relieved when I felt the fabric of his boxer briefs on my leg. “I speak the truth. I only wish you’d realize how beautiful you are.”

I let out a deep breath and reached over, turning off the lamp. “You’re just saying that because I’m letting you spend the night.”

He lightly kissed my lips. “I’d say it no matter what. You’re stunning. You have everything that any guy could want in a girl and you don’t even realize it.” His eyes met mine and he tucked my hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my cheek.

I didn’t know what to say to the guy that could leave me breathless so instead I just kissed him. This wasn’t our usual urgent, rough kisses, but a sweet, gentle one. His tongue teased mine with a soft caress and his lips barely grazed mine. His hands trailed down my back until he was cupping my in them. The thin material of my panties made it easy to feel the warm touch of his hands on me.

I thought there would be some more hand roaming, maybe round the bases, but that was as far as his hands moved. All his attention was focused on our kiss until he gently pulled his lips from mine, smiling. “As much as I want to do nothing but kiss you, I promised you we wouldn’t have *** tonight and if we keep doing this, I don’t think I can control myself.”

I breathed into his lips. “You have much more restraint than I do.”

He gently pulled my head down to his chest and wrapped his arms around me. “I’m trying. You’re making it hard, but the only thing that’s saving me is thinking how good this feels.”

“How good what feels?”

His heart beat against my cheek, his breath coming in even puffs. “Laying with you. Being with you. Everything about you. If I never had to leave this moment, I’d be happy.”

“Me too, John.”

He kissed the top of my head. “Night, Red. Sweet dreams.”

“Night.”

Chapter 15

I woke up the next morning with an arm around me. I almost forgot that John spent the night until I felt his warm chest pressed against my back

But that wasn’t the surprising part. When I opened my eyes my sister, Valerie, was standing over the bed and looking at me with her eyes wide. “I guess I should’ve called first.”

It took me a minute to register that she was really there, standing with her dyed blonde hair perfectly straightened and wearing heels, dark jeans, and a button down shirt. She looked like she was going to a meeting instead of my apartment. I guess the meeting was with the guy in my bed.

“Oh, no, it’s fine.” I sat up quickly once the full reality hit that my sister was standing there and I had a half-naked guy in my bed.

I glanced over to see that John had rolled over. I elbowed his side and he groaned. “Not now.”

“John, wake up, my sister is here,” I said through clenched teeth.

That woke him up. He turned over, opening one eye and then the other before he sat up on the bed. “Hi, um, I ume you’re Valerie?”

“Hello, strange boy in my sister’s bed,” Valerie said with a small smile on her face. Valerie was three years older than me, so it’s not like she was ancient, but at that moment I felt like the little sister that was about to be reprimanded. She knew I had a friend named John and she umed he was more than a friend. And seeing him in my bed probably didn’t help that umption.

“Val, this is my friend John. We went out last night and he ended up staying here.” I could feel all the heat gather in my face. I didn’t know what to say, so everything just came up like word vomit. “But we just slept in the same bed. Not ***. If that’s what you’re thinking. And he has clothes on.” Boxers counted as clothes. As long as he wasn’t sporting some mad morning wood we’d be okay.

Valerie shook her head. “I’m not here to judge what you do in your own apartment, but I would have liked a little warning. At least it was me that found you and not Mom.” She turned her head toward John. “But it’s nice to meet you. The so-called friend that Melanie has been talking about.” She glanced over at me and widened her eyes as if she was saying “Is this for real?”

“I’m really sorry that we had to meet like this.” He crawled out of the bed; luckily he’d put on his jeans at some point. I had to stop myself from staring at how low they hung on his , his pelvic V dipping into the waistband of his boxers.

Valerie’s eyes kept roaming to the tattoos on his chest, or maybe it was just at how ripped he was. He was a fine specimen that was hard not to stare at, no matter how old you were. “It’s fine. I understand how college life works. I haven’t been out that long.” She stared at me, as if it was my cue to say something.

I got out of bed, straightening my cami and quickly pulling on a pair of shorts that were laying on the floor. I had an obvious nip slip and I was hoping no one noticed before I pulled the thin top back over my boobs. I should have definitely changed into pajamas.

John found his shirt on the ground, pulling it over his head. “I guess I should let you two catch up. Give me a call, later?” He placed a chaste kiss on my forehead and slid on his shoes. “It was nice to meet you Valerie.”

Valerie nodded. “Nice to meet you too, John. Hopefully I’ll see you again in a better situation.”

“I plan on being here for Melanie’s surgery on Monday. If she finally agrees to let me go.” He looked at me, his eyes sparkling. He knew the best way to get me to say yes. I kind of wondered if he planned on staying the night so he’d have to meet my sister the next morning.

I swallowed hard, thinking that I really needed to brush my teeth. “Yeah. Eight sharp.”

“I’ll be there.” He squeezed my hand and walked toward the door. “See you both then.” He waved and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Valerie watched him walk out and then turned her attention to me. “Wow, Mel, he really is hot. Damn you did good.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I may have said the words, but even I doubted them. Truth be told, I didn’t know what we were. Friends for sure, but after his performance on the dance floor, I was wondering how much more we were than friends.

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“Just the guy that sleeps in your bed, takes you to doctor appointments, and that you happen to be wearing lingerie for?” She arched her very thin eyebrows high on her head.

I crossed my arms over my chest, hoping that I didn’t have another nip slip. “It’s a top. I wore it when we went out last night.”

“Out? In that outfit? No wonder he came home with you.”

“Can we just drop it?” I didn’t want to talk about John anymore than I had to. It was confusing enough to me what was going on with us and I didn’t want to dissect it anymore with my sister.

“Fine. Fine. We can drop it. For now. But you know Mom is going to have even more questions than I do.”

I sighed. “Since when did the guy I hang out with overshadow everything else that’s going on? The real reason that you’re here. My surgery.”

She blinked hard, her eyes watering. “I didn’t think that was something you would want to talk about. I thought we could maybe talk about something happier, like possibly how happy Mr. tattooed wonder boy is making you in the sack.”

I shoved her arm. “God, Val! Even if I was sleeping with him I wouldn’t be talking about that with you.”

“Oh come on!” She laughed. “Like any girl wouldn’t want to hear more about that hot piece of man candy that just left here. How did you wind up with a guy like him anyway? I thought you preferred the pretentious, intellectual types?”

I pushed a strand of my now frizzy hair out of my face. “It’s a long story.”

“Give me the shortened version.”

“Fine. Monica dragged me to a party at her boyfriend’s fraternity. John is her boyfriend’s fraternity big brother. We hit it off. The end.” I didn’t need to tell her that he was wearing just a loincloth when we met or any other of the details of that night. The more basic the better.

“Monica’s dating a guy in a fraternity? Wow, you really are going to have to catch me up on things before Mom gets here.”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, but I need to shower so you can sit and talk to me while I do that.”

“It’s like middle school all over again.” She beamed.

Strange, but true. We had to share a bathroom when we lived at home, so one of us would always be showering while the other one was doing their hair or makeup or whatever else we had to do in the bathroom. We both got used to having most of our talks while the other one was in the shower. Some people found it weird, but I’d had some of the best conversations with my sister while I was putting on mascara or shaving my legs.

***

“So tell me what is this surgery all about? Mom didn’t seem to understand it,” Val yelled from the other side of the shower curtain.

“They’re basically lasering the cancer out.”

“That seems way too simple. Are you sure you heard the doctor right?” I heard the clanking of metal and figured she was either going through my medicine cabinet or my makeup. Valerie didn’t do privacy.

“Yeah. I’m sure they keep the sample they take out and make sure they have all of it and then the doctor will do another biopsy to see if all of the cancer is removed.”

“And what if it’s not?”

I let the water run over my body. I didn’t want to think about what would happen if they didn’t get all of the cancer. It was something I kept putting into the back of my mind. I tried to focus on the feeling of the warm water on my skin instead of thinking about that. “Then the doctor will tell me what to do, I guess.”

“If you don’t want to talk about this, we could just talk about the cute babies you and John would make.”

I laughed, spitting some water out that got into my mouth as I washed my face. “There will be no Melanie and John babies.”

“I’d make his babies. Lord, I don’t know how you keep your hands off those abs. He had like a freaking eight pack.”

Truth was, I’d thought more about babies than a nineteen-year-old without an actual steady boyfriend should think about. I wondered if there was even a chance for children in my future. Up until last night I didn’t even think I’d want to have any ***ual contact with someone again. Even if it was only his hand. John was everything I wanted physically in a guy and he made my *** drive run wild, but that wasn’t what I needed. I had to stop kidding myself. Fooling around with the hot guy wasn’t going to fix me.

“When’s Mom coming in?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“I don’t know. I guess she was working this morning or something.”

I finished washing my hair and then turned off the water, pulling my towel from the shower rod. “Isn’t she always working?”

“Well, yeah, you know Dad left her with ****. What else is she supposed to do?”

I dried my hair and body and wrapped the towel around me before I opened the shower curtain. As I suspected, Valerie was staring at herself in the mirror, putting on one of my lip glosses.

“Is this why we have such ed up relationships with men?”

Valerie blinked at her reflection in the mirror and then put the lip gloss down. She turned toward me, her eyes serious. “Your relationships are what you make of them, Mel. We can’t just blame everything on our parents’ mistakes. Mom and Dad may be ed up, but that doesn’t mean we have to be.” She leaned on the sink behind her. “I mean, look at you. You have your own apartment, a job, and you’re practically paying for college on your own. You’re the exact opposite of Mom. You don’t need to depend on a guy to save you. When Robby left you didn’t just fall apart. You moved on. Mom cried for weeks when Dad left and she almost lost her job. It took everything she had to finally go back to work.”

I shook my head. “That can’t be true.”

Valerie rolled her eyes. “I don’t know if you just didn’t notice because you were too busy doing your own thing, but Mom was a freaking wreck. She called me every single day while you were at school and I wasn’t in class. I told her that it was your last year of high school and she needed to buck up for you, and eventually she did, but I really thought you would have seen it since you were living with her.”

I didn’t. I was so self-absorbed that I didn’t want to be anywhere that wasn’t with Robby or work. The only good thing that came out of that was that I saved up enough to help with college expenses. But now I just felt like the most insensitive daughter in the world.

“I really didn’t know,” I whispered.

Valerie took a step closer and put her hand on my wet shoulder. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. You weren’t supposed to be the one to save her. It was her cross to bear and she survived.”

Mom was broken and was able to be saved. Hopefully I would be able to do the same. And then it was as if she heard us talking about her, because a knock came at the door.

“I’ll get it.” Valerie turned and walked out of the bathroom, of course still leaving the door wide open while I was standing there in my towel. Luckily it really was my mom at the door and not some maintenance dude.

“Good morning.” Mom was carrying a drink tray with three iced coffees and another small brown bag, while dragging her suitcase behind her. Mom had to go back to work after my surgery so she wanted to come in a few days early to help out with anything. Then she’d be back for Thanksgiving. Valerie took the week off of work. I guess she had plenty of vacation time and not enough money to take a real vacation.

“Morning, Mom.” Val leaned in and kissed Mom on the cheek before Mom closed the door behind her. There were only a few feet between the front door and the bathroom, so I could actually get a really good look at my mom. She had dark circles under her eyes and her roots definitely needed a touch up. But she still had a smile on her face. She never stopped smiling, even when her life was falling apart.

“Hey, Val. Hey, Melanie.” Mom stopped at the bathroom door. “Ready for breakfast?”

Chapter 16

It was the longest weekend of my entire life. Not to mention that I had my sister sleeping on my couch and my Mom sleeping on an air mattress on the floor, so my apartment felt even smaller than it already was.

But it was better to have people there instead of being alone. Well, I might not have been alone if John had anything to do with it, but cuddling with John was not an option.

I stared out the window of my mom’s car as we pulled into the emergency room entrance. I was too shocked to even ask the doctor what might happen afterward. If there was any risk that I wouldn’t survive the procedure.

A bored looking nurse sat behind the desk and barely glanced up as we entered. I expected to see more bloodied and beat up people waiting around, but the room was surprisingly empty.

“Hi, I’m Melanie Wilder, I’m here to check in for surgery.”

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“Do you have your ID and insurance card?” The woman didn’t even look up from her computer.

I pulled the cards from my wallet and handed them to her. She made a copy of both items and sat back down at the computer. “Okay, it looks like we have you set up with Dr. Rodriguez. A nurse will be with you shortly to get you prepped for surgery.”

“Okay.” I nodded.

I took a seat with Mom and Valerie in one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs in the waiting area. There wasn’t a single magazine that was newer than six months old and some boring infomercial on the TV. So I sat and let my mind wander. John wasn’t there. I told myself that he would probably show up later, but part of me thought he wouldn’t come at all. That he finally realized this was all a mistake. I knew I couldn’t worry about John, but he was still on my mind. It was easier to worry about a guy ***ching me than to think about what would happen if this procedure wasn’t successful.

When the doors swung open in the lobby, I thought maybe it was John coming in, but instead it was a limping guy on the arm of his wife. I let out a deep breath after they walked to the desk.

“Looking for someone?” Valerie leaned over.

“No. Well, Monica said she’d come by, but she may have meant to my apartment afterward.” Monica did say that she wanted to be there for my surgery, but I didn’t expect her to be.

“Uh huh, and is Monica over six feet tall and looks like she just walked off a body building set?” Valerie raised her eyebrows.

Mom looked over Valerie’s shoulder. “Is everything all right over here? Are we waiting for someone else?”

“Melanie’s boyfriend,” Valerie blurted.

“You have a boyfriend? And he’s coming here?” Mom blinked hard. She had at least three cups of coffee, but still looked exhausted.

“He’s not my boyfriend.” I elbowed Valerie in the side. Of course she had to bring him up when Mom was around. She’d probably eventually meet him, if he did show up, but I didn’t want him introduced as my boyfriend.

“What is he then?” Valerie had a small smile on her face that Mom couldn’t see. Of course she would pin me in the corner. My stupid big sister was always trying to rat me out. She’d been doing that since we were kids.

“He’s a friend. Who I sort of like...” I stammered, trying to think of a word to describe John. I liked him, yeah. He was funny and charming and unbelievably good looking. Yet he also had other girls that were always clamoring for his attention. I guess friends for now would still work. That was what we said. Before last night. Before he made me orgasm in a very public place. “Can we just talk about something else?”

“Like what? The weather?” Valerie blinked.

She had a point. There was that unspoken subject hanging over our heads: why we were here. That I was going in for surgery to remove my cancer. That this might not work. That my body may still be broken beyond repair.

When the door opened again, I didn’t even look up, expecting it to be another set of hobbling people. But then Valerie sat up straighter, puffing out her chest. “Hey, Monica. Hey, John.”

What? I blinked hard before I glanced in the direction my sister was looking. There stood Monica, Trey, and John. Monica smiled at Valerie and Trey introduced himself, but John just stood there with his hands in his pockets, looking like a little kid who was about to be reprimanded.

Mom stood and hugged Monica and then examined a button on Monica’s coat. “Monica, I knew you were dating the governor’s son, but have you switched parties as well?”

Monica rolled her eyes and held out the button that read “Chapman for Governor.” “No, I lost a bet on who would win Dancing with the Stars and I have to wear this for the rest of the holiday.”

Mom turned and shook hands with Trey. “Well, I’m glad that you’re keeping her in line. Someone has to.”

He briskly shook her hand. “The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Wilder.”

Then Mom’s eyes flitted over to John. Mom was petite like me so he towered over her. He was in his usual backwards hat and an AM hoodie. Not that I expected him to dress up to meet my mom, but it didn’t look like he was trying to impress her in any way. Maybe he didn’t think he needed to make a good impression if we weren’t dating.

“You must be the boy that Valerie was just telling me about.” She stepped in front of him.

“Um, I don’t know what boy she was talking about, but I’m John. Melanie’s friend.” He shook her hand, his eyes jerking around nervously before they landed on mine and he offered a small smile.

“Friend? You must be a very good friend to come here for her surgery. I’m sure she appreciates it very much.”

He nodded, letting go of my mom’s hand with his eyes locked on mine. “I’d like to think so.”

Luckily the awkwardness was broken up when the nurse came in with a wheelchair to take me *****rgery prep. “Um, I don’t think I need this. I’m not an invalid or actually sick or anything.”

The peppy nurse smiled, bobbing her head. “Sorry, it’s hospital policy.”

“Fine.” I reluctantly sat in the wheelchair.

“And are you all family?” She looked at the entourage I had gathered.

“Yes,” Mom said, not letting anyone else speak.

“Okay, then, follow us and I’ll point you to the waiting area.”

As I was wheeled down hallway after hallway, I thought about all of the steps that led me to this point. The mistake of being too trusting with my ex—and here I was facing a disease. And, ironically, it was my quest for bedding John that led me to getting checked out by a doctor in the first place. If I’d never met John or decided that I liked him, would I be where I was right now? Or would my con***ion have gotten worse?

The nurse wheeled me to a curtained off area with a small bed and different machines surrounding it. She pulled a gown from a drawer and set it on the bed. “You’re going to need to get completely undressed and put on this gown. Another nurse and tech will be with you shortly to get you prepped. Have a great day and good luck.”

The rest of my entourage was standing around the bed. I didn’t exactly want to get undressed in front of everyone, so I was glad when Monica spoke up. “Um, I think I’m going to head over to that waiting room she talked about. Is that cool?”

“Yeah, that’s fine.” I nodded.

Monica leaned over and gave me a big hug. “Good luck in there. We’ll be waiting.”

“Yes, good luck, Melanie,” Trey said, before he took Monica’s hand and they walked out of the room.

“Are they engaged yet?” Mom asked.

“Mom, they just started dating. Not everyone gets married right away,” I said. At least the scrutiny was off of me.

“They will,” John said in a low voice.

Valerie turned and looked at John. “Do you know something that we don’t?”

He shrugged. “It’s just obvious. That’s all. When you care a lot about someone, it happens.” His eyes nervously searched the room, briefly falling on mine before he looked down.

The room stayed silent for what seemed like forever until my mom broke the silence. “Okay, we’ll step outside the curtain here and let you get ready.”

“Sounds good.” Mom, Valerie, and John stepped outside of the curtain. I thought John would follow Monica and Trey to the waiting room, but when the nurses opened the curtain, he was still there.

He stayed while the nurses hooked me up to IVs and asked me medical questions. He leaned against the wall, not saying a word, as they told me what would happen in the procedure. Mom sat in the chair next to me, holding my hand and Valerie stood on the other side of the bed. I felt like I was being wheeled to my death, like this was the last time they’d see me. Mom didn’t cry, but I could see that she wanted to. I was trying to be the strong one. To not think about what was going to happen to me.

“Mom, it’s going to be okay. I’m going to be okay,” I said to her in almost a whisper. Whatever medication they gave me was starting to kick in and I started to drift off to sleep.

“Yes you are, Mel.” She patted my hand.

“People survive this all the time. I’m going *****rvive. We’re survivors. You and me.”

“I hope so, baby. I just wish I could have been here for you. Took you to your doctor’s appointments. Asked them questions. The only thing I know about any of this is what you told me and what I found online.” I could see the tears welling in her eyes, which didn’t help the ones I was trying to hold back.

“You’ve always done what’s best for me, Mom. Even when you didn’t think you did. I’m glad that I had friends to take me to those appointments and there’s nothing more you could have done.”

“But I could have been here. I could have held your hand. I could have...” her voice caught in her throat as tears streamed her cheeks.

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I squeezed her hand. “You did everything just fine, Mom. I’m going to make it through this. We’re going to make it through this.”

When Dr. Rodriguez came in, dressed in blue scrubs, everyone stood up. My mom and Valerie wiped the tears from their eyes and put on a brave face, even though I knew both of them were just as scared as I was. Maybe even more.

“Good morning, Melanie,” she said in her thick accent.

“Morning,” I said, groggily. The medication was really kicking in now and I could barely form sentences.

“We’re going to get you wheeled in*****rgery now, so I’m just going to ask your family to head over to the waiting room.”

“Okay Dokay,” I mumbled.

“How long will it take? What should we expect next? What if this doesn’t work?” My mom fired off question after question.

Dr. Rodriguez turned toward my mom. “I ume you’re Mrs. Wilder? Yes?”

Mom nodded.

Dr. Rodriguez offered her a warm smile. “The surgery should be less than an hour, but then she’ll be in recovery for a few hours after. We’ll alert you when we have wheeled her into recovery. I’ll do a biopsy after we remove the cancerous cells and then another one in a few weeks after she’s healed. If there aren’t any more cancerous cells, nothing further needs to be done.

“And if the surgery doesn’t work? If she still has cancer?” Mom raised her eyebrow, her voice getting farther and farther away, but I fought my drifting, waiting to hear the doctor’s answer.

“Then we’ll talk about other options such as radiation and chemotherapy. But since we detected it early, I have no doubts that she should be in remission soon.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Mom and Valerie both squeezed my hand and kissed my forehead before walking out of the room, leaving me, John, and the doctor.

He walked over to the bed and leaned over, placing a light kiss on my lips before whispering, “I’ll see you when you’re out, Red.”

***

The thing about being put to sleep for surgery is that you lose complete track of time. I could have been out for years and not known it. I wonder if that’s what it’s like to be put in a coma. I didn’t dream. I didn’t even remember falling asleep. But when I woke up, I was in a recovery room and had no idea how I got there. And by looking at the clock, half the day had gone by, and I slept through it.

“How are you feeling, honey?” A gray haired nurse stood over me.

“Super duper.” Obviously the drugs hadn’t worn off because I couldn’t feel much and my brain was in a fog. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep, but instead the lady kept asking me questions.

Luckily, my mom and sister came in and the nurse handed them papers and gave them information. They sounded like Charlie Brown’s teacher and all I heard was ‘wah wah wah.’ But there was a voice that I was able to make out loud and clear. It was ***y and flowed like caramel.

“I’ll ride home with Melanie’s mom and sister and just walk back to the house. Don’t worry.”

John was still there? And he was in my room? Maybe I had imagined it.

“Okay, sweetie, we need you to get dressed and then we’ll get you discharged before a volunteer comes in to wheel you out.”

I didn’t know if the gray haired lady was talking to me or somebody else so I just stared at Mom. She nodded for me and then the nurse left the room, closing the curtain behind her.

“Do you think you can dress yourself, Mel?” Mom was right at the edge of the bed, staring at me with her brows furrowed. I blinked a few times. God was I tired. If I slept so long, why was I so tired?

“I guess this means we’re helping her,” Valerie said.

I wondered if John really was still in the room. If he was, he would get to see a whole lot more of me than he bargained for.

I barely remembered my mom helping me to get dressed or the giant ice diaper that I wore home. The only thing I remembered about leaving the hospital was being wheeled out into the cold air and then leaning on a warm body in the car. A warm, great smelling body.

“Is she awake?” A faint voice asked.

The great smelling guy gently caressed my cheek. “She seems out of it.” It was John’s voice. It really was him that stayed.

I fluttered my eyes open slightly and looked up at his gorgeous, smiling face.

“Do you think you can walk to your apartment?” he asked.

“Sleeping sounds better,” I mumbled and nuzzled against his rock hard chest.

“This is going to be fun,” Valerie said from the front seat.

“I’ve got this.” John’s smooth voice carried over me and before I knew it I was being lifted in the air. Was I dying? Was this all really just a dream sequence that was leading me to death?

I was floating. Floating and cold. Sweatpants are not meant for November weather. I shivered, but then I was pulled tighter to the warm body and I buried my head against it. It smelled so good, like fresh laundry and sandalwood.

Then as quickly as I was floating, I was brought back to earth. My back pressed against a soft surface and my warm bodied angel wasn’t against me. I moaned and turned to my side, the weight of my ice diaper shifting and causing a trickle of water to run down my leg. “Cold, freezing, cold.” I couldn’t speak in coherent sentences. My tongue was numb.

“Are you okay?” John’s warm breath was on my face. I opened my eyes, slowly. It felt like pulling them through wet cement, but the sight I saw when I opened them was worth it. He was crouched down next to me, his eyes brimming with concern.

“You’re here. You’re really here,” I whispered.

“Of course I’m here, Red.” He ran his fingers along my jawline. “Now tell me what you need.”

“Sleep. And ice on my hoo haa.” I closed my eyes and buried my face in the pillow. My pillow to be exact. I knew that because it didn’t smell sterile like the hospital pillows or like John, so it had to be mine.

His laugh tickled my cheek. “Valerie, I think you can handle the ice part.”

“Will do,” Valerie said. “Can you just help me get her up? I know it’s weird, but you can go after I get her to the bathroom and Mom can help me.”

“Are you sure? I can stay as long as you need me to.”

All I wanted to do was sleep, but I couldn’t stop listening to their conversation. My eyes wouldn’t open, but I tried to keep my ears open and fight the sleep that was overcoming me.

“No, you probably need to get home to your family.” My body was lifted off of the bed, and then I was on my feet.

“I’ll stay here as long as she needs me to.”

Valerie’s laugh tickled my hair. “For a guy that’s not her boyfriend, you’re doing a damn good job of taking care of her.”

“Sometimes you don’t need a title to show that you care about someone.”

I tried to listen, but the longer I stood the more I drifted.

“I think she fell back asleep,” Valerie’s voice traveled over me.

“I’ll put her back in bed.”

My body was lifted in the air and then back onto my bed as if the movements were effortless. I could have dreamed the whole encounter, but it was a dream that I never wanted to wake up from.

Chapter 17

My eyes opened to darkness and the sound of my mother snoring in the living room. I moaned and tried to get up, but all I managed to do was turn to my side and then groan when a shooting pain between my legs made me see stars. I closed my eyes hard and bit down on my lip so I wouldn’t scream.

“Hey, are you okay? Do you need a pain pill?” Valerie was at my side, turning on the lamp on my nightstand, with a glass of water and a giant white pill in her hand.

I nodded and slowly, very slowly sat up. My body felt like it had been stuffed in a suitcase all day and it was hard to even stretch out. “Thanks,” I said before downing the pill and the water.

“Here, you better eat something with that. These are pretty potent pills.” Valerie handed me some graham crackers. I didn’t eaten all day and didn’t have much of an appetite so I just stared at them.

“I’m going to sit here until you eat these. So you’re either going to eat them or it’s going to be a long night,” she said, no nonsense written all over her face.

“Fine. Fine.” I rolled my eyes and took a small bite of the cracker.

“How are you feeling? You’ve been pretty out of it.”

“Like someone took a laser to my lady bits.” I said it without any humor and took another bite of graham cracker.

“Ha, well they kind of did.”

“I didn’t say anything too stupid while I was loopy, did I?”

“You did keep telling your hot, non-boyfriend that he smelled really good.”

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I blinked. “So he really did stick around?”

“Uh, yeah,” Valerie spoke in a valley girl-like voice. “For not being your boyfriend, the guy seems really into you. He even carried you into your apartment and to the bathroom a few times for me to change that giant ice diaper.”

“Seriously?” I widened my eyes. I thought he’d seen me at my worst, but now the guy was carrying me around when I was out of it and had to take me to the bathroom. There was no way he was ever going to think of me as more than the broken girl.

“I wouldn’t lie to you about something like that. Even Mom was impressed with him. You should probably try to not things up with this one.”

I rolled my eyes. “Val, I’m not going to things up more than they already are. We aren’t together. He just feels sorry for me.”

“Will you cut that out?” Val’s words stopped me. Her normally perky voice turned sharp and got my attention. “You’re always getting down on yourself. Just because that loser, Robby, cheated on you and Dad was a jerk, doesn’t mean that every guy is going to be like them.”

I shook my head. “Valerie, you don’t understand. This guy is a walking one night stand. He’s been with a lot of girls and I even caught another girl giving him a lap dance in his room.”

“Seriously? Maybe you don’t know what you saw. Maybe the girl wanted him and he was trying to get away,” she said, half shocked and half defending.

I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t defend him. You weren’t there.”

Valerie raised her hands. “Hey, you’re the one that said you two weren’t dating. I’m just trying to get the facts straight.”

I sighed. “Val, I’m just trying to get through this cancer stuff right now. I don’t want to keep thinking about what me and John are or what we aren’t. I’ve got enough complications.”

“Okay.” Val nodded and then kissed my forehead. “I was just trying to keep your mind off of things. But I’ll let you get back to sleep.”

***

The rest of the week I was stuck in the same routine. I’d wake up, take a pain pill, and then go back to bed. I felt like I was in some sort of old folks’ home and had to be taken care of 24/7. John texted me quite a bit from home and Monica was sporadic with her texts, mainly because she was staying with the Chapmans for Thanksgiving and was nervous as hell around Trey’s family. She promised that she’d be back after Thanksgiving to tell me all about it.

My family was never really big on holidays. My dad was an only child whose parents spent a lot of time in Florida and my mom’s family didn’t really do much. Thus, I didn’t feel like I was missing out by not having a big Thanksgiving. It was one day that Mom didn’t actually have to work, so she came to my apartment, carrying an already prepared Thanksgiving meal from the grocery store that she set up on my coffee table.

“It’s nothing fancy, but it’s not like we’re fancy people,” Mom said, jokingly, but there was a hint of sadness to it. This wasn’t our first Thanksgiving without dad, but it still felt like there was something missing but none of us wanted to say it. I didn’t think Mom even talked to him anymore. He probably had no idea about my cancer and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell him. I didn’t know if I wanted to open that can of worms.

“So, how have you been feeling, Mel? Do you think you’re going to be able to go back to school on Monday?”

I spooned some turkey onto my plate. My appetite didn’t really come back, but Valerie was always making sure I was eating so I didn’t throw up my pain pills. “I think so. I have to go back to work as well, so I’d better be.”

“Geez, you just had some major surgery here, can’t they give you a break?” Valerie asked.

“Sorry, not all of us got a scholarship for college,” I muttered.

Valerie dropped her fork on the table, which would have made a bigger impact if it wasn’t plastic. “Seriously, Melanie, get over yourself.”

“Excuse me?” I looked at my sister, who had her fists clenched on the table.

“Valerie, stop. Let’s just have a nice dinner,” Mom said, putting her hand on Valerie’s arm.

Valerie shrugged off Mom’s hand. “No. I’m tired of this. I’ve been here taking care of you all week, Mel, and listening to you bitch.” She let out a deep breath. “Yes, it sucks that you have cancer, but look at all the awesome things you have. You have a mother and sister who love you and one of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen cares about you so much. I don’t know if you’re too blind to see it or you just think you’re going to get hurt, but you have to get out of this rut, Mel or you’re going to bury yourself.”

I blinked hard. I didn’t even know what I could say to that. She was right, of course. But I would never let her know that. “Will you excuse me?” I put my fork and napkin down and went into the bathroom, my only room with a door. I turned the water on in the sink and slid down to the floor, finally letting the tears fall from my eyes. So what if I was having a pity party and I needed to cry? I couldn’t do it in front of Mom and Valerie anymore. My life was a mess and maybe I was burying myself, but I didn’t know what else to do.

A knock came at the door. “Mel? I know you aren’t just letting the water run in there for no reason, so you’d better let me in before your bill skyrockets.” Val’s voice carried through the door.

“No.” I sniffled. “I’m fine. Just go back to eating.”

She opened the door anyway. I should have locked it, but I wasn’t thinking, dammit. I didn’t look up at her, but I heard her shut the door and then slump down on the floor next to me. The bathroom wasn’t that big so we were literally squished between the shower and the toilet like two sardines.

She let out a heavy breath. “I’m sorry about that, Mel. I just got really pissed off. I shouldn’t have blown up on you like that. You’ve been under enough stress and you don’t need to deal with more of it.”

I shook my head slowly. “No. I’m sorry for being a brat.”

She leaned her head against mine. “Look at us, hanging out in the bathroom while Mom sits out there with dinner. I feel like we’re both trying to get ready to go out to a football game or something like when we lived at home.”

I sniffled. “Yeah, that sucked having only one bathroom.”

“It really wasn’t that bad, and I got to spend more time with you. If we didn’t have to share that bathroom we probably wouldn’t have talked half as much as we did.”

I sighed. “Then you got the scholarship here and you left me with Mom and Dad.”

“Hey, I wasn’t going to stick around with that train wreck, and I knew you were strong. You’re a survivor, Mel. You always have been. You’ve been through more **** than any other girl I know and you’ve lived through it: our parents’ divorce, Robby’s cheating, and getting through college without any financial help. You’re going to live through this cancer, too.” She squeezed my hand. “And if nothing really does happen with you and John, you’re going *****rvive that as well. You’ve never needed a guy to define you. You’re your own person and Melanie Wilder you have done a damn good job taking care of yourself the past nineteen years.”

“Thanks, Val. You haven’t done so bad either.”

“We should probably get out of here before Mom thinks you either died or have massive diarrhea or something.”

I wrinkled my nose as I got to my feet. “Gross.”

“Hey, just stating what she’s probably thinking.”

We both left the bathroom, a lot better off than when we went in. I finally sat down and had Thanksgiving dinner with my family and didn’t complain anymore about cancer or boys and just enjoyed the two amazing women in my life.

Chapter 18

Mom left early the next morning and Val struggled with whether or not to leave.

“Are you sure you don’t need me? You feel well enough?”

“I swear, Val. I’m fine.” I’d told her over and over that I was feeling better. I had gone awhile without ice and even weaned myself off of the pain pills. I’d be ready to go back to school and work on Monday.

“Are you fine or is it because that fine boy of yours is coming back to school and you want to be alone?”

I rolled my eyes. It was true that John was coming back in town, but it’s not like there would be anything that we would be doing that would require alone time. My discharge sheet was very clear that I shouldn’t have *** until four weeks after the procedure. Not that I thought I would be with John, but at least the option was there.

“He’s coming over when he gets back in and settled. But that doesn’t mean you have to leave. I’m sure we could all hang out.”