[English] The Only One

The Only One
The Only One Page 40



I let out a single laugh. “So now you’re going to tell me that you know John better than I do?”

“I’m just saying that I’ve seen the way he is with you. I watched him carry you up the stairs after your surgery. The guy has a serious heart.”

All of that was true, but there was still something that was holding me back. I had my guard up around him. Our relationship started out with me wanting to do nothing but jump his bones and now (while I still thought often about it) there was something that had changed. I was in love with the guy and it was getting harder not to express it. I had this deep fear that I would say it and he wouldn’t feel the same way and would run for the hills. He may have cared about me, but love was a different thing.

“We’ll see.”

***

After what seemed like forever shopping, Valerie finally finished picking out Christmas gifts and we went back to my apartment. I pulled the tags off my new silk, maroon tunic and then put it in the sink with some of my body wash. I didn’t want to go downstairs into the laundry room to wash one thing and it was supposedly delicate anyway.

“If I wake up in the middle of the night hearing you and John doing it, I’m going to be really upset with you.” Valerie leaned against the fridge.

“We’re totally not going to be doing it.”

Valerie crossed her arms over her chest. “You mean to tell me that after a night of bar hopping with that hot piece of man candy you aren’t just going to hump like rabbits and forget that your sister is sleeping on the couch? Because if you are, then I’d appreciate knowing so I can go find a cheap hotel.”

I sighed. “No, Val. We definitely won’t be sleeping together. Well, probably sleeping together, but definitely not ***.”

“Is there something I should know about him?” She raised her eyebrow. “If I had a guy like that I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off of him.”

Harder than she thought. I wanted to, on many occasions, jump his bones, but it was like my body rejected the idea. My broken body.

“Yeah...about that.”

Her eyes widened and she gasped. “Oh my god! He’s not gay is he? Are you just like his beard or something?”

“What?” I dropped my shirt in the sink. “No! Oh god no! Like quite the opposite.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t want to have this conversation with my sister.”

“Ugh, seriously? I share everything with you. You share everything with me. You freaking told me about how you lost your ity and you had mom write you a note to get out of gym class the next day.”

“Valerie! Never speak of that again.”

She held her hands up and pushed off of the fridge. “Okay, okay. I was just making a point.”

I sighed. “Fine. I haven’t actually slept with John and I don’t know if we ever well. We’ve gotten close, but...ugh.”

“Ugh, what?” Her eyes widened as if to say “go on.”

“It’s like there’s something busted and it just won’t happen. My body always betrays me or something. I just worry that maybe I’m not enough for him. Maybe someday he’s going to realize that I’m a fraud and leave me for someone who isn’t damaged. Someone without a disease”

Valerie shook her head. “First off, how many times have I told you to stop with that pity bull****?”

“A lot.”

“And second, any guy who doesn’t want to be with you because you have cancer isn’t a guy that you want to be with anyway. You’re not broken. You may be a little crazy, but have you seen our mother? We’re all a little mad.”

I let out a deep breath and picked up my shirt again, ringing it out and then laying it flat on the counter. “You’re probably right.”

“I’m always right.”

She was right. She usually was. But that didn’t stop me from worrying. It was always in the back of my mind that something terrible was going to happen. Like all of the good that had been built up in our relationship could stop at any moment and I would go back to being alone. John may have been understanding now, but maybe someday he wouldn’t. Then where would I be?

Chapter 24

Most of the college students had left for break, but enough of them were around that it took almost forty-five minutes for a cab to show up at my apartment. That left enough time for my sister and me to get pretty tipsy from pre-gaming.

“Never have I ever threw up in the middle of a cornfield,” Valerie slurred through fits of giggles.

“You bitch!” I laughed and then tipped back the bottle of whipped cream vodka she just had to get when we were at Target.

John was meeting us at Gatsby’s. He said he was having some guy time with his remaining fraternity brothers. Valerie asked me again if I was sure that I wasn’t his beard.

“You know you love me.” Valerie grabbed the bottle from my lips mid-drink and took another glug from it.

“Only because we’re family.”

My phone vibrated on the table and Valerie’s reflexes were quicker so she picked it up before I could even move my hand. “Looks like loverboy might decide to break my no-screwing-while-your-sister-is-on-the-couch rule.”

“What are you talking about?” I reached for the phone, but she pulled it out of my grasp.

She lowered her voice and read the message. “Hey, Red, where you at? You and your sister need to get your fine es to Gatsby’s. Hopefully we can have a repeat of the last time we were here.”

“I’m sure that’s not what he said.”

She tossed the phone on the table and stood up, smoothing out her dress. I thought she was a little too dressed up to be going to a college bar. This wasn’t downtown Chicago and nobody cared that she was in a designer wrap dress and sky high heels. She even spent hours in the bathroom airbrushing makeup and curling her hair. I, on the other hand, just put on my sleeveless maroon tunic, a pair of black leggings, and called it good enough with my curly hair and some light makeup.

“Whatever he said, we’d better see if that cab is finally here. I don’t want your lightweight to pass out on me before we even leave the apartment.” She put her hand out.

“I am not a lightweight.” I took her hand, but wobbled as I stood up. Maybe drinking so much vodka was not a good idea.

“Yeah, and the Pope isn’t Catholic.”

***

This time the bouncer scrutinized my ID and made us pay cover. I never thought we’d get in and I let out a big breath of air once we stepped inside the stuffy bar.

“Ugh, why didn’t you just have John come with us? No one would question him.”

“He had some fraternity thing, so it was just easier to meet us,” I yelled over the music. Some hip hop song blared through the speakers and the place was elbow to elbow with people. I didn’t know how we’d ever find John.

“I hope some of his hot fraternity brothers are here. I could use a sloppy make out session with a random.”

I rolled my eyes. “If you insist.”

She grabbed my hand, yanking me toward the staircase that led to the dance floor. “Come on. Send him a text that we’re here and let’s dance.”

I sent John a quick text and went along with her. Her body moved to the music as we pushed our way down the stairs. I wanted to check my phone again, but before I could reach in my pocket, we were at the bottom of the steps and Valerie was pulling me forward just as another song started.

“God, I haven’t been to Fratsby’s in so long!” she yelled with a giggle.

I moved along with her, but my eyes kept scanning the crowd for John. He was tall enough that I should have seen him easily, but I couldn’t find him in the mess of bodies. It also didn’t help that my vision was a little blurry.

“You’re way too tense! Let’s get you some more to drink!” Valerie yanked me forward and found a smaller bar, just off the dance floor. She ordered us two shots of something called a buttery and she gulped it down as if was nothing more than water. I followed suit and then she ordered another. By the third shot, I didn’t care what was going on anymore and needed to dance.

“I’m so awesome!” I giggled and moved my to the music. “Do you know how awesome I am?”

“You’re awesome!” Valerie laughed and almost knocked some girl over as she hip bumped me and then swung out.

“Where the hell is my man to see how awesome I am?” I slurred.

“I don’t know! Call him! Tell him that you want to use him as a pole.”

“I will!” I pulled out my phone to dial his number and that’s when I saw a familiar blur of long, brown hair out of the corner of my eye.

The Only One
The Only One Page 41



It was Missy. The girl that had given John a lap dance. She was saddling up on some guy, but I couldn’t see his face. Then she moved over, her flowing like liquid. There was another guy next to him and she turned toward him, grinding her against his. His was a face that I recognized. She was grinding on John.

I gasped and tears pulled at my eyes. “That hole!”

Some fraternity function he had. He just wanted some alone time with Missy. All those nights we shared. No wonder he didn’t care if he was sleeping with me or not. Not when he had some slut on the side.

“What?” Valerie blinked and turned toward the direction I was looking.

“Let’s get out of here.” I turned to leave, the tears stinging my eyes and the alcohol still burning my throat, but Valerie grabbed me and pulled me back.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She had to practically yell in my ear.

“I’m not going to watch John get it on with some random girl.”

She shook her head and then forced me to look in his direction. “He’s not even interested in her.”

“What are you talking about?” I watched Missy run her fingers down his biceps.

“Watch and see. He doesn’t even care that the girl is practically dry humping him.”

John kept on his conversation with Brad, oblivious to Missy. Then her hands move lower to his jeans. That was when he finally looked at her. I sucked in a breath, hoping I wasn’t about to watch him do something that would hurt. But he didn’t. Instead he grabbed her wrist and looked right at her. I didn’t know what he was saying, but his facial expression said that he wasn’t pleased and it solidified that it wasn’t a good thing when he dropped her wrist and she stormed off.

“See! I told you,” Valerie yelled. “Now let’s go get your man.”

There is only so much that one can drink and make out before the night becomes nothing but a blur. John was happy to see me, grinning and pulling me against his warm body the minute I ran up to him. He then proceeded to buy me more drinks. The more I drank the more my body was like liquid gelatin. I didn’t care that his lips were all over me right in front of my sister or that Brad may have grabbed Valerie’s . I just wanted John. All of him. Cancer be damned.

“We should get out of here,” I whispered into his ear before I nibbled on his earlobe.

“What did you have in mind?” His lips trailed from my neck and back up to my ear.

“Back to my place?”

“Sure. I’ll just tell Brad.” He pulled away from me and then leaned toward Brad, who was mid tongue thrusting with Valerie.

John pulled Brad away and then said something to him that I couldn’t understand. Valerie just stared, blinking at him. I think she had more to drink than I did.

John came back over, sliding up next to me. “Me and Brad are going to get a cab, come on.”

“Brad?” I blinked.

“Yeah, he and Valerie are ready to leave too.”

What a block. I thought it might just be us in my apartment, but I couldn’t be so lucky. We piled into a cab and went back to my tiny apartment. The place felt even smaller as Brad stumbled over my coffee table and fumbled around my kitchen, taking whatever alcohol he could find and mixing it together.

I didn’t want to keep drinking. I wanted to find the very close comforts of my bed with John. He barely seemed to notice my advances as my fingers trailed up his inner thigh while we sat on the floor, playing a game of Asshole with Valerie and Brad. I could have pulled his pants down right there and I didn’t even think he’d notice.

Finally the designated driver came and picked Brad up after Valerie fell asleep on the couch. I practically jumped for joy as I watched him stagger out of the house.

“You ready for bed?” I asked John, trying my best to put on a seductive smile.

“Yeah, I’m beat.” He walked the few steps to my bed that was only separated from my couch by a bookshelf.

“I’d like to beat you.” I swerved over to him and put my fingers through his belt loops pulling him against me.

“I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, Red.” He didn’t smile, but he didn’t frown either.

“It means that you need to get in this bed with me, now.” I let go of his belt loops and pushed him back. He barely moved when I pushed him, but then took a few steps back.

“Come on, John, let’s stop with the teasing and get this party started.” I slinked forward, slowly pulling off my tunic and throwing it on the floor so that I was just left in my strapless bra.

I put my hands on the waistband of my leggings, but then John grabbed my wrists, forcing me to look up at him. “Stop it, Red. Your sister is right there on the couch.”

“Psh! She wouldn’t care.” I couldn’t move my wrists and the world felt like it was spinning, so I just leaned forward and put my head on his chest.

“No, Red.” He let go of my wrists and then stepped around me. “I’m not doing this right now.”

“Why not?” I pouted. “Is it because I’m a cancer freak?” I didn’t know where the words came from. There was something about the alcohol that made me say things.

“What the ? Where is this coming from?”

Instead of being horny I felt something else bubble inside me. “You. All you wanted to do was jump my bones before you found out I had cancer. Now you stop before we ever go all the way. It’s like you feel sorry enough for me to kiss me, and let me get you off, but not enough to me.”

He stepped forward, shaking his head and putting his hands on my shoulders. “That’s not it at all. You know I care about you. I care about you so ing much it hurts.”

“Then why won’t you just do me already?”

“Because I care about you too much to just have some mindless *** with you.”

“Pffffft!” I plopped down on the bed. My head was spinning and I wasn’t exactly sure what I was saying.

“Red...” He sat on the bed next to me, putting his hands on the side of my face, meeting my eyes with his. “You know I want you. I’ve done nothing but tell you that. But you just had another procedure done today and you’re **** faced. I’m not going to do something we’ll both regret when you’re sober.”

I shoved his hands down. “So you’d regret me?”

He shook his head, letting out a big sigh. “I didn’t say that.”

“You only think of me as some cancer freak. You’ll make out with me, sure, and take care of me, but when it comes to actually getting down? Oh no. Can’t do that with the cancer girl. Though you’ve probably done it with a million other girls at the Alpha Mu house.”

“That’s bull**** and you know it. You know how much I care about you. As for the ***, is that what you want? For me to just you tonight while you can barely even stand? I’m not going to do that.”

“I can totally stand. You’re just using it as an excuse.” I fell back on the pillow. I could have stood...maybe.

He groaned. “Melanie, this is ridiculous. I’m not going to sit here and argue with you about ***. If you don’t realize how much I care about you by now, then I don’t know what else I can tell you.”

“Tell me that you want to to me and what’s holding you back from doing it.”

“What?”

I didn’t know where the words were coming from, but they all spilled out of me. I met his eyes, looking straight at him. “Tell me what’s holding you back from loving me.”

John mumbled something, but I couldn’t understand him. I wanted to ask, but my head was pounding and my eyes felt so heavy and the bed felt so comfortable.

“Red, are you okay?” He sounded so far away. So far away. I closed my eyes and I couldn’t hear his voice anymore. I couldn’t see his beautiful face and I didn’t have to face his rejection.

Chapter 25

When I woke up the next morning my head was pounding. I moaned and rolled over, hoping to bury my head in John’s chest and sleep a little longer. But John wasn’t there. I opened my eyes and the room was too bright. I blinked and felt along the left side of the bed. Empty.

My eyes finally adjusted to the light and I saw a bright yellow sticky note on the pillow. All it said was “Sorry.” I sat straight up. John’s suitcase that was always in the corner was gone. I stood and looked out the window. His jeep wasn’t parked out front. He really was gone. He didn’t even say goodbye.

I heard a loud groan from the couch and I walked around my bookcase. Valerie was spread out on the couch, squinting and unsquinting her eyes. “Never. Drinking. Again.”

“You can say that again,” I muttered.

She rubbed her eyes, her makeup smearing on her hands. “We didn’t do something stupid like have a foursome, did we?”

The Only One
The Only One Page 42



I let out a breath. “Not unless the foursome involved something that would cause John to leave.”

“What?” She sat up slowly, holding onto her head.

“I don’t remember much, but I think we had a fight and all I have to show for it is a sticky note on my pillow.”

She shook her head. “I’m too hungover to discuss this now, but after breakfast, we will analyze this the whole way home.”

I hadn’t really shopped for groceries since I knew I would be going home, which meant nothing for breakfast, but that was fine with Valerie. Her idea of cooking was picking out a new restaurant anyway. We stopped at a little diner not far from campus. It was open 24 hours and was always crawling with students. But this morning it was empty.

By the time Valerie downed two cups of coffee and ate half her omelet, she finally talked. “Okay, Mel, spill.”

I forked my bacon. I wasn’t really hungry, but Valerie swore that greasy food cured a hangover and my head was pounding. “Spill what?”

She clanked her spoon against her coffee cup, pouring another pound of sugar into it. “What the hell happened with you and John? You two were all over each other on the dance floor and then he just leaves you a sticky note? That does not sound like the same guy.”

“How would you even know what was going on at Gatsby’s? You were all over Brad.”

I looked up as Valerie rolled her eyes. “Oh come on. Don’t put this on me. So I made out with one of John’s random frat brothers. It didn’t hurt anyone and I didn’t care that he left. You actually love this guy.”

I almost choked on my bacon and had to pound my fist against my chest. “I never said that I love John.”

“Yeah, but you do. That’s as plain as day. You need to stop being such a girl about it and get rid of whatever is holding you back and fall in love with full force.”

“Even if I did love him, it takes two people to be in love and by the way he left last night I’m not sure he feels the same way.”

Valerie clanked her spoon on her mug. “Seriously, stop with the pitying. Is this what you did last night to make him leave?”

I could feel the tension building up and I put my hands into tight fists. “No, he left because I did what you said. I wanted to sleep with him and he turned me down.”

She blinked. “Ex squeeze me? Did you just say that the guy that was practically screwing you on the dance floor turned down ***?”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“Could it have been because you just had another procedure done? Or maybe because you were so drunk that you could barely walk and he didn’t want to do that to you?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t feel that bad after the biopsy and I wasn’t that drunk.”

“Puh-lease. You kept telling me that you were white girl wasted and fell into a garbage can outside the bar.”

“No I didn’t.”

Okay, so that might have explained the bruise on my hip. It still didn’t excuse John for just leaving a sticky note. He had stayed with me through a lot worse things than drunken stupi***y.

“Whatever, Mel. It was nice to see you let go, for once, but it was like you still couldn’t get over your insecurities. Just let the boy love you and stop over thinking. I promise that you’ll be much happier.”

“Whatever you say, Val.”

***

Valerie chatted most of the way back to our mom’s in Princeville, but I was busy checking my phone. I wanted to text John, but I didn’t know what to say. If I really was as drunk as Valerie said I was, who knew what else I probably did. Which made the forty five minute ride home seem like it took even longer when I just kept thinking about all of the stupid things I probably did.

My parents bought a ranch home in a wooded subdivision when it was first built. I was just a little kid when we moved there and was so excited to get out of a tiny apartment and into a place with sidewalks and a fenced in back yard with a wooden swing set. Thirteen years later and the place had lost its luster. It also didn’t help that the more my parents fought, the more the house took the brunt of it. Our grass had long been dead and the siding was more of a beige color than white. It was almost embarrassing to pull up to the house.

“Home sweet home,” I muttered.

“She really needs to just sell this place and get something with less maintenance,” Valerie said, stepping out of the car and grabbing her bag out of the back.

“Agreed. But she never will.”

After the divorce we tried to get mom to get a condo or even just an apartment but she kept saying she would never move. She fought for the house in the divorce and said that she wasn’t going to get rid of something that was paid for.

Mom was still at work when we got there, but at least the house was clean. Last time we went home, she had boxes stacked in the entry way and dirty dishes all over the kitchen. It looked like she got over whatever funk she was in and the house was actually looking a lot better. The living room was freshly painted a light gray color and where it opened to the kitchen, she had new tile laid down. The beige carpets didn’t look like they needed to be vacuumed badly and the hallway to our bedrooms and bathroom was clear of any laundry or other obstacles.

“Looks like mom cleaned up,” Valerie said.

“Yeah.”

I stared at all that she had accomplished, even in my bedroom. She had always left it just as is after I’d left, even though I basically cleared everything out to move, but this time it looked like she had rearranged. The futon I slept on was made with a clean, white quilt and she had a small book shelf and desk to the side of it with some real estate books sitting next to her ancient laptop. I guess my room was doubling as an office. An office she was using to possibly study for her real estate license.

“Hey Val?” I yelled.

Valerie’s old room was right next to mine so she was over in a few seconds. “Yeah?”

I picked up one of the books on the desk. “Is mom dating a realtor or is she becoming one?”

Val raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t she tell you? She’s been studying her off to take the exam.”

I shook my head. I had been so wrapped up in my own world that I missed out on what my mom was doing. “No. I guess I’ve missed out on a lot.”

I set the book down and Valerie grabbed my hand. “Hey. You’ve had a lot going on. There’s no reason to think you were doing something wrong by not knowing.”

Tears stung my eyes as I looked up at Valerie. “How long have I been so selfish?”

“Honey, you aren’t selfish.”

I shook my head, tears blurring my vision. “No, I am. I may have gone through some **** this year, but that didn’t mean that I had to bury myself in my own pity party. When Mom was going through all that stuff with Dad, I should have been there more for her instead of just running off to school and busying myself with work. I should have called you more when you first moved to Chicago. I should have listened to John instead of just thinking about what I wanted from him.”

“Oh, sis, sometimes it’s okay to be selfish. You’ve had a hard year.” She pulled me into a hug and I let her.

“I know. But I promise that things are going to be better. They need to.”

Valerie rubbed my back. “I don’t expect anything of you, little sis. I just want you to be you and I think that’s all anyone wants. Free yourself of all of those thoughts that everything needs to be a certain way and let go. Enjoy the moment.”

Let go. That’s what John had told me over and over. Maybe if I did let go I would have noticed what was going on around me. It was finally time to let go of my insecurities and move on. Cancer and boys be damned.

Chapter 26

It took some work but I finally trained myself to let loose and forget all the baggage that was weighing me down. I was able to laugh with my mom and sister at dinner. I could forget about finals and all the stress of school. It was nice just to sit, relax, and not have to worry about anything.

Mom talked to me about getting her real estate license. She said that while insurance had been good to her, it was time for a change. The housing market may have crumbled, but with all of her contacts at work she thought she would have a good start. And with her personality I knew she would do great. Even if she didn’t, even if she failed at it, I would be there for her when she needed someone. Just like her and Valerie were there when I needed them.

But of course there was the white elephant that no one addressed. John. I figured Valerie must have let mom know that we had a fight because she didn’t ask about him at dinner that night or the rest of the weekend while she was home from work. I also didn’t get a single text or phone call from John. I thought maybe he might have been busy with his family, but then I saw pictures of him on Facebook that other people posted. I wanted to throw up. If he could go out with friends then he should have had time to text me.

The Only One
The Only One Page 43



Maybe it was more than a drunken night. Maybe I said something that I shouldn’t have. I mulled over what to do and it wasn’t until the night before Christmas Eve that I finally got the courage to call him. It went straight to voicemail and I was afraid to leave a message so I just hung up.

Maybe it was late and he was sleeping. Or out with one of the girls that had tagged him in the pictures. There was one particular girl that always had a big cheesy grin when she was in photos with him. I thought about her stupid, smiling face as I laid on my futon, staring at the ceiling. I needed to fold the futon down and put it in the bed position instead of just letting my imagination run wild. I stood up to unfold the bed and then felt the phone vibrate. It couldn’t be.

When I picked up the phone, I saw a picture of me and John from History class. I told him we shouldn’t take pictures during class, but he insisted. And it was a day when he looked particularly hot with a hint of stubble on his chin and his hair gelled and spiky.

He was calling me back. He broke the silence. My fingers were shaking so badly that I almost didn’t answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” he breathed.

I expected to hear a loud background noise like he was at a club or something, but there was only silence. He wasn’t out. There wasn’t another girl with him. Hopefully.

“I’m sorry, were you busy?”

“Nah. I had a hard work out today and just got out of the shower. Getting ready for bed.”

“Oh, sorry for disturbing you. I...I...I can let you go.”

“Wait. It’s fine. We should talk. I’ve been meaning to call, but every time I get up the nerve, I just...I don’t know...”

I didn’t reply. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever before he finally spoke again.

“You haven’t called or texted me either,” he blurted.

“I didn’t think you wanted me to. You left me, John. I thought you wanted your space. Especially with the sticky note.”

He sighed. “Yeah, that was a move.”

“And I’m wondering what move I pulled that made you do that.”

“It wasn’t you, Red. It was me. I should’ve just talked to you instead of storming out.”

“Then why’d you do it?” I blinked, rolling thoughts through my head about that night. The only thing that was coming to mind was my drunken stupor and me taking my shirt off. “You may have to refresh my memory.”

I knew he was rubbing the back of his neck. “I don’t want to relive all of that. I just know that you wanted me and I wanted you, but I couldn’t do it. I just needed to get out and you started talking about cancer and I just lost it. I left without saying goodbye. I should’ve manned up and talked to you, but I couldn’t.”

I let out a breath of air through my nose. “I wish you didn’t leave.”

“I wish I didn’t either. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” I was being honest. I never missed someone so much in my entire life. “Are we going to be okay? Can we go back to how things were?”

He let out a deep breath. “I don’t know, Red. We’ve been through so much it’s kind of hard to just go back and act like nothing ever happened.”

Tears pricked my eyes and my vision blurred. I sat down on the futon, taking a deep breath and tried to steady myself. “I don’t want to lose you, John.”

“I don’t want to lose you either, baby.” His voice took on a soothing tone and I ached to be near him. I wanted to fall into his arms, have him hold me and never let go. “But I’m hurt, you know? There was a lot of emotional **** that went down last night. I feel like you don’t trust me, no matter how many times I’ve tried to prove it to you.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“I think you said enough last night.”

“John!” I protested. “I was wasted.”

“They say alcohol is like truth serum. People say things they’ve been keeping inside. I knew you were pissed about the whole Missy thing and I’ve been trying to make it up to you ever since. It makes me feel like we’re never going to get past that. That everything is always going to bite us in the .”

“John...”

“Melanie,” he said in a hoarse tone before he cleared his throat. “I care about you so ing much. Cancer and all that **** doesn’t matter to me. I could care less if we never and you just let me hold you forever. I wish I could just get that through to you, but it seems like we just keep walking in circles around the same argument.”

“I don’t want to argue with you anymore. I just want you.”

“I want you too. I want to make this work, but I want both of us to want it. And if we aren’t ready to dive into this full force then maybe it’s not worth it.”

A single tear rolled down my cheek. “I...I.. .have to go.” I didn’t want to cry with him on the phone.

“Okay. I understand. I’ll text you later.”

“Goodbye, John.”

“Goodbye, Red.”

I set the phone down and cried. Let all the tears fall onto my face. Tears for me and John’s relationship. Tears for my stupi***y. I should have known that I could trust him. He’d done more than prove himself to me. And now because of one mistake I could lose the best thing that ever happened to me.

***

The next day was Christmas Eve and Mom had to work. She said it would be better when she wasn’t working in the call center, but until then me and Val were stuck without her. We rented some old black and white Christmas movie and sat underneath blankets on the couch.

I tried to focus on the movie, but all I could think about was John. Valerie wanted me to take the keys to her car and drive up to his house in some romantic gesture. But that wouldn’t work since I didn’t know where he lived and I wasn’t sure if he wanted me there. I didn’t even know if I could make the drive with how much I’d cried the night before. I felt like I was a zombie.

“Why can’t all relationships be like the ones in old movies?” I watched as the guy on the screen put his hand on the girl’s cheek and said something unbelievably romantic to her.

“Because guys don’t actually think about what they do or say. These are actors, they have it all written for them,” Valerie said.

The doorbell rang, knocking me and Val out of our conversation. Mom still had to work until seven and we didn't order anything, so I had no idea who could be at the door.

"I guess I'll get it if you're just going to sit there," Val said, pulling the blanket off of her and crawling off the couch.

"Maybe it's just a delivery and they’ll leave the package at the door," I said.

The doorbell rang again like it was taunting me. Valerie didn't even answer me as she strode from the living room to the front entrance.

A few seconds later she was yelling for me. "Melanie! It’s for you!"

It was probably Monica. She should have been back from the Chapmans’ by now. She was probably coming by to give me all the details of what Christmas Eve day was like with Trey's family.

I tossed aside my blanket and trudged to the front foyer. But it wasn't Monica at all. Standing in his NorthFace jacket with snow atop his brown hair was John and my heart was in my throat.

“I-I-I wasn’t expecting you,” I stuttered. I could barely form any words. I was scared that we wouldn’t talk before we returned to school. I thought I’d have more time to think of what to say. But now he was standing there, looking every bit of ***y as always, but with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

“And I think that’s my cue to leave.” Valerie grabbed her coat from the rack and slid it on. “I’m just going for a drive. A long drive. And I’ll make sure to knock. A lot. Before I come home.” She raised her eyebrows, giving me a sly smile before she walked out the front door, closing it tightly behind her.

“That’s why I’m here, Red.” He took a step closer, rubbing the back of his neck. “After talking to you last night, I couldn’t sleep. I needed to talk to you. See you. I wanted to leave as soon as we got off the phone, but thought better of it. So I waited until this morning.”

How did you find out where I lived?” I arched an eyebrow.

“Monica.”

“Guess that makes sense.” I stared at my feet, tracing a small circle on the entryway tile with my foot.

“So, can we talk?”

I looked up, meeting his eyes. He definitely wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t sleep. The bags under his eyes were evident. “Yeah. We can talk.” I pointed to the closet. “You can hang up your coat in there and come in the living room.”

“Okay.” He unzipped his coat and shrugged it off before hanging it in the closet. He kept his eyes on me the entire time as if he’d blink and I’d be gone.

The Only One
The Only One Page 44



“Living room is this way.” I took small steps backward and he followed behind. I grabbed the remote and paused the movie, right at a scene in which the male lead had the woman in an embrace, their lips only inches apart.

“What are you watching?” He glanced at the screen, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Some old Christmas movie. Valerie loves these things.”

“Oh.” He traced a small circle in the carpet with his foot. I’d never seen John nervous. He had always been so sure of himself. This was a side of him that I’d never seen. His vulnerable side. It made me want to wrap my arms around him, breathe him in and make it better.

“So...what do you want to talk about?”

He took a few steps closer until we were toe-to-toe. “I thought a lot about this on the way over. It probably sounded a lot better in my head, but I’m going to try.”

“Okay...”

He cupped my face in his hands. His eyes were so blue they could have lit up any night sky. “I love you, Melanie Wilder. I love you so ing much that I can’t believe how stupid I’ve been. I should have realized it a long time ago. It’s why I didn’t sleep with you that night. I wanted you to remember it. I wanted to savor every moment with you and not worry about anything but how you feel against me.”

My knees felt like they were about to give out and I was glad he was holding me. He did love me. He loved me just as much as I loved him. The foul-mouthed fraternity guy. The vulnerable man. All of him was mine. I did the only thing there was left to do. “I love you too, John.” I leaned forward, unable to keep the smile off my face. “You’re the most amazing person. I thought I was so broken. That because of my cancer my world was going to fall apart.” I took his hand, lacing our fingers together. “Then you showed me that I wasn’t broken, just bent. You fixed me.”

He shook his head slowly, tracing his thumb along my palm. “You’re the one that fixed me. Before you I was the misunderstood bull. The guy that people thought just wanted to or fight and you saw past that. You showed me that I could be something more.”

He grinned and pulled back slightly, digging through his pocket before he pulled out a small, gray box. “But I hope that you still want this. I didn’t know what I’d do if you wouldn’t have talked to me. If you would have just told me to leave.”

I raised an eyebrow but took the box from his hand and opened it. Inside was a necklace with a bronze heart charm. The words ‘The Only One’ were stamped on it.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “I know. It’s kind of cheesy, but my sister-in-law makes this hand stamped jewelry **** and I saw this heart design and thought it was perfect for you. I even picked out the words and she gave me a hard time about it. If you think it’s stupid, I’ll take it back.”

He wasn’t the bull at all. The guy who I didn’t think of as more than a quick lay when I met him, turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. He thought about me when I wasn’t around and even came up with a very special Christmas gift. I felt the tears welling in my eyes. For once they were happy tears. “I don’t think it’s stupid at all.” I looked up from the necklace to meet his gaze. “I’ll still be your only one if you want me.”

John took the box from me, placing it on the table next to the couch. He grinned, leaning in so that his breath was on my lips. “Red, there is never going to be another one.”

He kissed me with such force that it took my breath away. His tongue found mine and he rolled it against my mouth. His smile was evident with each kiss. His lips trailed to my ear as he whispered, “I love you. I can’t believe I finally said it. God, I love you.”

I raked my fingers through his hair and his hands trailed from my face down to my butt, grasping it tightly. I ran my fingers over the top of his thin t-shirt and could feel the hard contours of his chest.

“Here, lemme help you with that,” he whispered and pulled his lips away long enough to peel his shirt off.

I traced my fingers along his bull tattoo. “Do I get to be the matador? I promise I won’t distract you.”

He leaned in, pressing his forehead to mine. “You’ve always been the matador. You always will be.”

I grinned, grabbing his wrists and walking him backward toward the hallway.

“You don’t have some random *** room that you’re taking me to, do you?”

I kept my face neutral as I pulled him by the belt loops to my bedroom, quickly throwing the door open and pulling him through.

“Ah, the bedroom.” He grinned.

I shut the door behind him and then put my hands back on his chest, running my fingers along his tattoos and down his abs.

“Don’t tease me. I don’t think I can take it.”

A small smile crossed my face as I pushed him forward until he was at the futon. He took my hands and tried to pull me down with him.

I shook my head and stayed in a standing position. I ripped off my shirt, tossing it on the ground before I climbed on top of him, straddling his . I rocked my pelvis up to his groin, feeling the ever growing bulge in his pants. “Just taking charge,” I whispered into his lips before running my tongue along them.

He grinned and then his fingers made tiny circles on my back as his tongue found mine again. “God that’s hot.” He reached one of his hands up and unhooked my bra with such ease I wondered how many times he’d done that. I shrugged it off my shoulders and he broke our kiss, moving his lips down to my neck and then stripping off my bra.

I sucked in a breath as the air hit my s and moaned when he put his hands on them. His fingers drew small circles on my s, building my body up to eruption.

He pulled his lips from mine, smiling. “I think I owe you something.” He flipped me on to my back, hovering over me while his fingers made quick work of unzipping and unbuttoning my jeans, stripping them off of me and throwing them to the floor so I was left in just my panties. Thank God I was wearing a silk pair instead of granny panties.

He moved his lips to the waistband, kissing and nibbling the sensitive skin right above it before lowering my panties down my thighs with his teeth . I sucked in a deep breath, my body warming from his touch.

“You-you-you don’t have to do this,” I stammered, but even as I said the words I didn’t believe them.

John sat up and tugged my panties off, his thumb running along my inner thighs. “I want to do this for you, baby.”

He moved his thumb to my , drawing small circles over it, and I forgot all about trying to protest as a low moan escaped my lips.

“I’m not going to stop here baby, so don’t come yet.” He bent down, his thumb still circling as he kissed a line from my belly button down to my . I thought his tongue might replace his thumb, but instead it went lower, twirling inside of me while his finger ran circles along my . His mouth picked up the pace, his stubble tickling my inner thighs. I gripped his hair to keep my body steady with each mind-blowing flick of his tongue. I felt him groan against me and that was all I needed to erupt, my toes curling and my body shaking in its wake.

He pulled back, shifting his hands to the side of my body as he hovered over me. “I love it when you come undone for me.”

He leaned in and kissed me. I wanted to object to opening my mouth and tasting myself on him, but when his tongue ran along my bottom lip, I couldn’t protest.

“I hope you don’t think we’re done,” I said breathlessly as I moved my hands to the waistband of his jeans.

“You don’t need to return the favor.”

I shook my head and unzipped his pants, grabbing his rock hardness in my hands. “I want you inside of me.”

He sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Are you sure? Because once we start I won’t stop and if after your surgery and all that you’re still sore—”

I cut him off by leaning in and biting his bottom lip. “I want you in me, Jonathan Walden.” I yanked his pants and boxers down until they were at his feet and he kicked them off.

“I love this take charge girl.” He grinned, but then his face fell when he reached into his pocket.

“What’s wrong?” I propped up on my elbows. “Did I do something wrong?”

“No...um...I didn’t exactly think we’d be doing this so I didn’t bring any protection.”

I smiled slowly and reached over to my purse on the nightstand. I fished around for the condoms that I’d grabbed at Student Health Services the day I planned on getting birth control.

“What the hell? Where did you get all of those?” His eyes widened.

“Better safe than sorry. And I plan on being safe. A lot.”

The grin returned to his lips as I ripped open the foil packet and rolled it on him like my life depended on it.

“I love you, Melanie.” He spread my legs, putting his hands on my waist as he slowly inched inside of me. I gasped, feeling his fullness with each ridge sending a new wave of pleasure and pain through me. He stilled inside of me, as if relishing...

The Only One
The Only One Page 45



With each movement, I felt like an invisible wall was being taken down. I was finally able to let go. I didn’t think about cancer or measuring up. He rubbed his thumb in circles on my while he continued rocking inside of me. I came around him over and over, finally letting go. I was glad Valerie wasn’t home because it was hard to keep quiet with the way my body responded to his.

“Baby, you’re gonna make me come if you keep going like that,” he said breathlessly.

I grabbed onto his hair, tugging it forcefully. “I wanna make you let go. Let me drive.”

I put my hands on his shoulders and inched him backward until he was in a sitting position with me on top, facing him. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and pushed him deeper inside of me.

His eyes widened and he moaned into my lips. “Oh, , baby.”

We moved in unison, slowly and then faster. His fingers gripped onto my . “Let go for me, John.”

With that I felt him shudder inside of me, a low groan escaping his lips before he laid his head on my chest, his movements coming to a complete stop.

“That was amazing. You’re amazing,” he said between breaths.

“You are, John.” I kissed his temple. “But as much as I’d love to stay here, with you, we should probably get our clothes on so my sister doesn’t come home and find us like this.”

I climbed off of him, feeling almost as good getting out as he did coming in. I slowly sat up, still feeling the aftershocks of pleasure, but knew I had to get some clothes on. Once we were both dressed and he discarded the condom in the trash, I lead him out into the living room.

John plopped down on the couch and I sat next to him, resting my head on his shoulder as he slid his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. John kissed my forehead and then leaned back to look into my eyes.

“As great as that was, I just wanted you to know that I do love you. So much. I’ve gone too long without being in love and when I finally let go, and let myself love you, it’s been the most amazing thing in the world,” he said with his eyes never leaving mine.

I was about to give into a kiss when my phone vibrated on the table. I glanced over, expecting it to be Valerie asking when she could come home, but it was a different number. Dr. Rodriguez’ number.

“Hold that thought, baby.” I put my hand up and reached over, picking up the phone and sliding it up to my ear. “Hello, this is Melanie.”

John eyed me skeptically so I mouthed ‘doctor.’ He nodded in response, taking my free hand in his again.

“Hi Melanie, this is Dr. Rodriguez. I know this is a holiday, so I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“No, no it’s fine.”

“Okay, good. I just knew you were waiting on these results and they came in early, so I thought I’d give you a Christmas gift. The tests came back and there aren’t any remaining cancer cells on your cervix.”

“What? No cancer? I’m cured?”

She laughed lightly. “We like to call it remission, but yes. Basically. I’d still like to see you in my office next week to go over follow ups, but I thought you’d like the news early.”

The tears flowed freely from my eyes. Not like the tears from the first phone call, but bright happy tears that I couldn’t hold back. “Thank you so much, Dr. Rodriguez.”

“You’re welcome, Melanie. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas to you, too.”

I hung up the phone and then looked at John. There were tears in his eyes as well. “Is it true, Red? No more cancer?”

I nodded and then leapt into his waiting arms as he embraced me in a huge hug. “That’s ing awesome.”

“It is, isn’t it?” I sniffled into his chest.

He pulled back, wiping the tears from under my eyes. “This is turning out to be a better Christmas than I thought.”

“And none of it would have been possible without you.”

He slowly shook his head. “I don’t think you give yourself enough cre***. It was all you.”

“But I wouldn’t have wanted to do any of it without you, John. I love you.”

“I love you too, Melanie. And I always will.”

Epilogue

One Year later

There were many moments I had with Melanie. So many perfect days to celebrate. There was the Halloween party where we first met. Thanksgiving break when I first fell in love with her. But the best was probably Christmas Eve. The day I actually got the balls to tell her that I loved her and we got the call that she was in remission from cancer.

Melanie was taking a long time to get ready as usual. We were supposed to spend Christmas Eve at her mom’s, but I told her I had a detour planned before we went there. I didn’t tell her where we were going because I knew she loved surprises. She told me that she didn’t, but every time I would surprise her with something I loved to watch the way her eyes lit up. Just like they did last Christmas when I showed up at her house. And not to mention it was pretty close to her O face, which was pretty ing hot.

She was holed up in the bathroom, which left me surfing through channels. Her mom wasn’t too happy that I moved in with her, but there was no stopping it. There was no ing way I was moving back into the Alpha Mu house and if I was spending all of my time there anyway, there was no reason not to.

Melanie finally emerged from the bathroom, smelling amazing from her cucumber melon body wash and her hair falling in loose curls around her shoulders. I wanted to peel the sweater off of her right there and take in every inch of her amazing body. But I couldn’t. We had plans that there was no way in hell I was breaking.

“Where are we going?”

I grinned and stood up. “Come on, Red, why would I tell you that?”

She rolled her eyes. “Are we doing this again?”

I took a few steps to her. The apartment was small enough that it didn’t take too long to get to her. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me. I could feel myself getting hard just from her touch. There had been plenty of other girls, but there wasn’t one like Melanie. She was always so focused and I loved getting her flustered. “Always, Red. Always.”

“John, if you don’t let go of me, we may never leave this apartment.” She wrapped her arms around my neck, leaning in on her tiptoes. “Unless that’s the plan?”

“As much as I’d love to spend the night here, making you come over and over again, I have other plans for us.” I stepped back and took her hands in mine. As hard as it was to ignore my , I had to. I wasn’t ing these plans up. “Now come on.”

I drove the familiar stretch of highway that I did over a year ago. The night I realized how much I really did love her. Sure, I knew there was something the night she showed up for Whiskey Wednesday. When I first kissed her I knew that I was a goner for those soft lips and big green eyes. I thought maybe I just wanted to nail the uptight girl with a thing for Harry Potter. Then she got the call from her doctor and I watched the put together girl crumble. I got to see her vulnerable side and it was amazing. But I was too stupid to realize how great she was. It wasn’t until I took her ice skating that I realized how much I loved her vulnerability and watching her out of her element made her all the more ***y.

“This place? Again?” She stared at the old ice skating rink.

“What if someday you want to take up figure skating?”

She smirked. “Yes, so you can re-enact that fantasy you have about me wearing spandex while you wear your hockey uniform.”

“Hmmm. That would be nice, but the ice may be too cold for that. We could try the locker room though, if you’re up for it.”

She scrunched her nose in the adorable way that brought out her dimples. “No thanks.”

“Well then we’d better get our es inside before I bend you over right here in the car.”

“Can you ever say something un***ual?”

“Nope.”

I got out of the car and walked around to the other side, opening the door for her. I was trying to appear calm, but I was a wreck inside. I was afraid that everything would fall apart. I didn’t know if I should have kept her in the car longer and stalled. Maybe a quickie would make sure that we didn’t arrive too early. But she was already out of the car and walking toward the building. I didn’t even have time to grab my ice skates. I ran after her and stopped her before she got to the door.

She blinked as I opened the front door for her. “After you, m’lady.”

“Are you okay?”

“Of course I am.” I smiled, but I could feel the sweat gathering under my armpits. God, this had to work. This had to be right.

She gasped as soon as we stepped through the doors. It was exactly like I wanted it. The lights were dimmed and a slow song was playing. There wasn’t anyone in sight and the only hint that anyone was around was the shadow of someone from the DJ booth who also shone the lights down on the ice.

The Only One
The Only One Page 46



“What is this?” she whispered.

I took her hand and pulled her forward until we were at the rink. She stopped once we were at the ice. “I’m not wearing any skates,” she said, looking down at her heels.

I bent down and then swooped her tiny body into my arms, walking her across the ice.

She squealed, “John! What are you doing?”

This wasn’t the way I planned it, but no turning back now. I sat her down on one of the ledges and then reached into my pocket, pulling out the velvet black box. Monica had gone with me to pick out the perfect ring. It was a princess cut diamond with tiny teal gemstones lining each side of it. The color for the cervical cancer ribbon. I couldn’t have been happier when I got down on one knee and opened the box. Her eyes lit up when she saw the ring sparkling up at her.

“Melanie Wilder. I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you, Hermione costume and all. We’ve been through Hell and back and I would do it all over again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so please tell me that you’ll marry me.”

I watched as the tears filled her eyes. The put together girl hated to cry in public and seeing her come undone was always the best sight. She immediately jumped off of the ledge and into my waiting arms. “Yes! Yes John! Yes I will!”

I slipped the ring on her finger, watching it glow against the lights of the skating rink. She kissed me over and over and I held onto her like if I let go she would leave. “You’re the only one for me, Melanie. I belong with you.”

She wiped the happy tears from her eyes and looked at me, a big grin on her face. “And I belong with you.”

We stayed there for what seemed like forever, just holding each other. I knew that I would never let her go as long as I lived. She was the only one I wanted to be with and now I would never have to be without her.

Enjoy the book? Leave a review and show the author some love!

GoodReads

Amazon

About The Author

Magan Vernon is a Young Adult and New Adult writer who lives with her family in the insurance capital of the world. When not writing she spends her time fighting over fake boyfriends via social media.

You can find her online at http://www.maganvernon.com

Social media

Twitter

Facebook fan page

GoodReads

Pinterest

Acknowledgements

First off, I have to thank YOU. Yes. You. The reader who picked up this book and gave me a chance…even though I kind of think you just picked it up for the hot cover.

All the amazing bloggers who have done so much for me and my career. I love that you love my characters and find my awkwardness charming.

My publicists, Jessica and Kelly, I love that you’re able to up with my weirdness and still promote me.

Regina Wamba, for my amazeballs cover. You still have the market cornered on these panty dropping covers.

My critique partners and Betas: Kelly Viel, Kate Ashton, Ava with Book Nerds Anonymous, Leigh T. Moore, Christina Lee (My Flover), Chelsea Cameron (Twitter Wife), Karen Hooper (KPoop) and Brenda Rothert.

Special shout out (again) to Brenda Rothert for copye***ing this mother and having long text conversations with me that were borderline inappropriate.

The Indelibles, thank you for dealing with my constant whining.

Donna Dull, Kristina Circelli, and Jennifer Synder thanks for reading my smexy times and not judging me for them.

Dawn Pendleton, for our word sprints that I so desperately needed to get this story done.

Amanda Clark, for discussing male parts with me. We may be inappropriate, but I don’t care. I love it.

Tasha Tomlinson, thanks for putting up with me asking you random questions and being one of the first real readers of this book.

Jeremy Glenn, Nathan Weller, and cousin Vinny Happach for dealing with me constantly asking “IS THIS SOMETHING A COLLEGE BOY WOULD SAY?”

Scott, Yeah you were my college boyfriend and we’ve both gone our separate ways, but thank you for not running for the hills when I got the dreaded “call.” Thank you for letting me cry in your tiny room at the Teke house and thank you for caring. I’ll never forget that as long as I live.

Katie, we found a friendship in a hopeless place. Being sick sucks, but I’m glad that we found each other.

My girls, Claire and Olivia. I write strong heroines for you. I write about these situations that happen to a lot of people and no one writes about for you. I want you to have women to look up to and stories to read that aren’t just a textbook.

Tim, my heart, my soul, my everything. Thank you for encouraging me to follow my dreams. I love you more than words can say.

EXCERPT FROM A PERFECT MESS

BOOK #1

A PERFECT SECRET SERIES

BY ZOE DAWSON

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Aubree

“This solution is incorrect, Miss Walker.”

I looked down at the formula and went back over it carefully. “No, sir. I believe that this is the correct answer. I’m sure I got it right.”

“No. It’s wrong.”

“Could you tell me why?”

“Because a mongoose doesn’t mate with a chicken.”

“What? I’m sorry. I don’t understand what that has to do with math.”

“Exactly. Perhaps you haven’t been working hard enough. Maybe you got too many A’s and not enough F’s. Everyone in this class knows that a mongoose doesn’t mate with a chicken.”

I looked around at the class. All the desks were occupied with…chickens. They all looked at me with beady red eyes and sharp yellow beaks, laughing their fool chicken heads off.

Oh god, I was being mocked by a roomful of chickens who knew how to do math better than I did. “But they’re all chickens. Of course, they would know the answer.”

“That’s right, and you’re not a chicken.”

“But I could be a chicken. I could study more, work harder.”

“I’m afraid not. Do you know what happens to you in this class if you get the problem wrong? If you don’t measure up?”

“No, sir.”

“It’s the stewpot. We don’t tolerate stupid chickens in here.”

“But…but I’m not a chicken.”

“No? Then you’re just plain stupid.”

“No!” I cried. “I’ll try harder. I’ll be as good as I can.”

“I’ll be the perfect chicken,” I murmured, tossing and turning, kicking at the bed sheets. A pillow sailed across the room and struck me right in the head, drawing me out of that fitful dream.

“Aubree. You’re having the chicken dream again. If you don’t shut up, I’m going to yank out all your feathers,” Ashley grumbled. My roommate Ashley Cook and I were opposites. I was an uptight stats major and she was an artsy landscape architecture major. She was wild. I was sedate. But somehow we clicked.

Before I could respond to her half-serious threat, my cell phone chimed. I sat up in bed, now fully awake, my heart pounding. A call at this time of night was never good…wait…two a.m….it was technically morning. I fumbled around for the light and stumbled out of bed.

“Aubree. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” I said rummaging through my Einstein tote in frustration.

“Oh, just turn it upside down.” Ashley huffed. Her golden blonde hair fell forward in a loose braid as she got out of bed, grabbed it out of my hands, and upended my neatly packed bag onto my bed. She snatched my cell from the jumble and handed it to me. “I swear, Aubree, you’d spend all night huntin’for it.”

“I knew exactly where it was, miz pushy. You didn’t have to make a mess out of my bag. Albert hates that.”

An indignant sniff was her reply. “Albert can kiss my along with your chicken professor. Besides, you love putting all your humpty-dumpty stuff back together again. Admit it.” She yawned and settled herself on the edge of the bed once again, legs crossed, her expression wry.

“Hello.” My voice was scratchy from sleep.

“Aubree Walker?” The man’s voice was deep, brushed with a soft Southern drawl.

“Yes,”

“This is Sheriff Mike Dalton.”

I frowned. I knew that name. “From Suttontowne?”

His voice was brusque, but there was regret threaded through it. “Yes. I’m calling to inform you that your aunt has been injured. She’s in the hospital.”

My hand flew to my mouth, my heart jumping into my throat. “Oh, god. What happened?” My Aunt Lottie was my only living relative. The past and the present merged and I was back against the wall, waiting for my mother to wake up from an eternal nap. If it hadn’t been for my Aunt Lottie, who had welcomed me into her home and her life with open arms, I would have been alone.

The Only One
The Only One Page 47



“The best that we can tell, she fell down the stairs.”

I bit my lip until I tasted blood, fighting furiously to hold back the tears that gathered in my eyes and constricted into a solid lump in my throat. “How bad is she?”

“She’s been unconscious since I found her when I was doing my rounds. But the good news is there are no broken bones.”

“That’s a relief. I can be there in two hours. Do you know when visiting hours are?”

“Just a moment.”

I heard muffled voices and then he came back on the line. “Eight a.m.”

“Okay. Thank you, Sheriff.”

“You’re welcome, Miz Walker. Call me when you get to town and we’ll talk.”

“Okay, goodbye.”

“What happened, Aubree?” Ashley rose and put her arm around me.

I looked over at her. “My aunt’s in the hospital. She fell and is still unconscious. I’ve got to go back *****ttontowne.”

“Now, tonight? Can’t you wait until the morning?”

I shook my head. My mother had died when I was at school. I couldn’t take the chance that the same thing would happen to Aunt Lottie. I owed her so much.

I went to the closet and grabbed my suitcases and threw them on the bed. I was relieved that exams were over and all I had to worry about was my research istantship.

“What about your RA with Dr. Wells?”

“I should be able to do the bulk of the work on my computer while I’m in Suttontowne. I’ll email him before I leave.”

“I’m so sorry.”

It took me no more than thirty minutes to pack and dash off an email to Dr. Wells. Ashley helped cart some of my luggage down to the car. Before I slid into the driver’s seat, she hugged me.

“Make sure to keep me posted on how she’s doing. And be a good chicken while you’re gone.”

“Cluck, cluck.” I managed with a weak smile. “I’ll call you. Thanks, Ash.”

As I drove towards Suttontowne in Hope Parish, where I had lived with my aunt for seven years, I struggled to manage my increasing anxiety. I couldn’t lose my aunt. She was the only family I had left, and losing her would leave me totally alone. Even more alone than I had been for the first twelve years of my life.

It had scared me something terrible when my mother went into one of her blue spells—crying all the time, hardly ever getting out of her nightclothes, shutting herself away. I’ve always thought that the last spell she had did her in. She’d been too blue to get out and see a doctor, and she’d died of pneumonia. Two days later my Aunt Lottie found me still pressed against the wall too terrified to move. Too terrified about what would happen when they found out my mother was gone and I had nobody.

I shook the anxious thoughts out of my head and turned on the radio to a lively Cajun station, hoping the cheerful Zydeco music would keep my fears at bay.

Avoiding the rear view mirror, where I couldn’t help seeing the old ghosts that haunted the depths of my green eyes, I let the music take me home.

Someplace I didn’t want to be.

Ever again.

But I couldn’t turn my back on my aunt. You already have, that strident little voice inside me said.

My aunt was in a coma. In the hospital. That only added to the mountain of guilt I carried around like a backpack filled with bricks. And it’s always easy for me to add another brick.

I should at least have gathered up the courage to visit. But I wasn’t there. Just like I hadn’t been there for fall break, or Thanksgiving, or Christmas. New Year’s Eve? Nope. Rang in the New Year in the lab so I wouldn’t have to think about it. Spring break? Yup, you got it. I was working. Easter came and went while I did my statistics thing. I hadn’t planned to be there for summer vacation, either. Work, right. A great RA with a fabulous professor analyzing clinical trials.

What Thomas Wolfe said, that you can never go home again, was so close to the truth it was scary. But I hadn’t had any way to truly understand what it meant back when I was sitting in high school English. With maturity comes wisdom? Maybe not in my case.

As I headed towards South Louisiana and the swamp, a storm gathered on the horizon and lightning flashed. That storm also made me think of the boy I had left behind in the worst possible way, under the worst possible circumstances.

I was heading back to the place where Booker Outlaw and I had collided on one of the worst nights of my life. I trembled just thinking about him and what he’d done for me.

Now—as I returned to Hope Parish, *****ttontowne, Louisiana for the first time since I left for Tulane—I began to understand the message of Wolfe’s quote

My experiences changed me. I’d never be the same girl I was before the secrets and the lies. Before the night Damien Langston changed my life forever.

By the time I pulled into my aunt’s driveway, the rain was coming down so hard I couldn’t see anything but silver sheets streaming down my windshield. May in Louisiana was like monsoon season. The downpour trapped me inside my car and left me feeling isolated and cocooned at the same time. And I don’t do well when I’m alone with my thoughts. When there’s no problem to solve or work to accomplish.

My aunt’s white plantation house, generations old, had aged gracefully into a soft patina of yellow. It almost broke my heart to see it again, to think that my aunt might die before I could tell her I was sorry for my neglect…to realize that although I hadn’t planned to come home again, ever, I had missed this house—and even more, my beloved aunt—with a deep, enduring ache.

But abandoning this town had been a necessity that burned inside me like old Mr. Lacroix’s cheap moonshine.

My vision blurred, my nose runny and probably red from the tears that had started when I was about an hour outside Lafayette. I sat trapped by the rain. My stomach had already been in such knots that I hadn’t eaten anything since leaving Tulane.

No, I couldn’t come home again, but I could and would be there for my aunt. It tore me up to think of her falling down that wide, grand staircase, lying there alone for who-knows-how-long in that big, empty house.

I went cold at the thought. Really cold. And scared. It was too early to visit her at the hospital and, even though I wanted to see her desperately, I would never break the hospital rules. They were there for a reason. Sick people needed their rest to get better. And I wanted my aunt back.

Grief clutched at me. My throat went tight with pain. Memories of life with my wonderful aunt flooded me, only adding to my tears. Those memories opened up deep emotions that rocked me. I was a terrible niece. I hadn’t bothered to come home for the holidays, instead making the excuse that I had to work. The guilt made the knot in my throat even more painful.

All because I was a coward.

I was trying to mop up a fresh flood tears when something furtive darted past the back window. It appeared abruptly in my peripheral vision, its figure distorted by rain, mists on the window, and still more tears. I gasped and grabbed the steering wheel in panic, while the hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I stared in the rear view mirror, raising a hand to quickly wipe my eyes clear, searching for the apparition, but just as abruptly, it was gone.

Were my eyes deceiving me? I peered into the rain-soaked darkness, but the silver sheets obscured my view.

The pelting cascade of water struck the roof in a staccato rhythm which had, only moments ago, been soothing. But now I realized the downpour muted any outside sounds that might have given me a clue about what had flitted past the car. The storm had rendered me deaf and blind, and my skin crawled. Was someone out there? I looked around, my senses on full alert, but could see nothing.

Suddenly my back window exploded in a cascade of finely-beaded glass. Something heavy hit the back seat. I screamed as glass fragments and blowing rain struck the back of my head and neck with moisture and stinging pain.

For a moment I was stunned. My car keys slipped from my slack grasp and fell into shadows, landing somewhere on the floorboards. Someone had thrown something through my window. The oddness of the eerie, sneaky figure added to my confusion.

My hand went to the back of my neck and came away red with blood. I twisted around left and right to see if whoever had broken my window was still out there, but saw nothing out of the ordinary. When I reached down to try to find my car keys, my skin crawled with the feeling I was being watched.

My self-control slipped and I had to get into the house as quickly as possible.

I looked around one more time, but couldn’t find anything unusual. To hell with it. I needed to call for help. I reached for my phone and swore under my breath. It was dead.

The rap on my window jolted me. I jerked my head around and saw the unmistakable outline of a broad-shouldered man standing outside the door. He was shouting something at me, but my nerves and the pounding rain drowned out what he was saying. When his fist hit the window again, I dropped my phone and redoubled my efforts to find my car keys, my movements jerky with fear, my breathing quick and uneven. His fist hit the window again. I knew he could easily come through the back window, and then I would be trapped just like...

The Only One
The Only One Page 48



My heart stopped, and then finally self-control made room for the rational part of my brain.

I wasn’t safe here.

But I wasn’t safe outside, either, and without my keys…I couldn’t get in the house.

The sound of the handle scared me. At least I had a chance to hide myself in the bayou.

I flashed back to that night, his hot breath, his groping hands. I bolted across the seat with a cry, pushed the passenger side door open and stumbled from the car. Immediately the deluge soaked me to the bone. I ran. My heart beat frantically, as if it would pound right out of my chest.

Warning: This book is for mature audiences only!

New Adult Contemporary Romance.

A Perfect Mess is part of the Perfect Secret series and is a Hope Parish novel. It can be read as a stand-alone novel or in any order with the series.

The publishing order of the series is as follows:

A Perfect Mess

A Perfect Mistake (coming soon)

A Perfect Dilemma (coming soon)

Other books by this Author-Going to the Dogs series

Leashed

Groomed for Murder

Hounded

Collared (coming soon)

And now a sneak peek at For Real (Rules of Love, Book One) coming November 14 from New York Times Bestselling author, Chelsea M. Cameron!

Two people. One fake relationship. What could go wrong?

When Shannon Travers gets fed up with her friends demanding that she find a boyfriend, she enlists the help of tattooed, mohawk-rocking graphic design student Jett. He’s more than happy to play along with their Fake Relationship, including the Ten Rules of Fake Dating that control-freak Shannon comes up with. Even if he likes to violate them. Repeatedly.

But what happens when Fake Dating starts to feel… not fake anymore? Will Shannon be willing to let go and embrace the first thing in her life that’s ever felt REAL?

One

“I’m sorry to bother you, but can you watch my computer?”

“What?” I pulled by earbuds out and looked up to meet a pair of astonishingly golden-brown eyes set in a chiseled face under a head of black hair that was shaved short on the sides and left long on top and gelled to one side like a wave. From the top of his shirt peeked several tattoos and his arms were covered, but I didn’t have a chance to see what they were, as my eyes were draw back to his eyes and I was left momentarily without words.

I fished for some in my brain and came up with two.

“Yeah, sure.”

He flashed me a quick smile and got out his cell phone and dashed out of the cafe. I’d been so immersed in working on my paper that I hadn’t even seen him come in, but a quick scan around showed me that he was sitting at a table right behind me.

A quick glance toward the front door showed me that he was strolling up and down the sidewalk in front of the cafe, still talking on his phone. I turned in my chair and glanced at his laptop, which was open to Facebook. I was too far away to see anything, but I knew the page layout well enough. He also had a stack of books and a notebook open with some scribbles in it. A cup of what looked like black coffee steamed next to the computer. I turned back around quickly so he wouldn’t catch me being a total creeper. Plus, I needed to get back to work. I couldn’t get distracted now.

I was just starting the second semester of my junior year, and I could almost taste my degree. It tasted like victory and thick paper. In less than two years I would have a bachelor’s of science degree in business and be well on my way to an MBA. It made me shiver inside just thinking about having my own office at the top of a glassy skyscraper, sitting at my mahogany desk and crossing my nylon-clad legs as I signed a corporate merger with a pen that probably cost more than the car I currently drove.

Shut it down, Shannon. Shut it down and focus. I breathed three times, in and out, closing my eyes and emptying my mind. Everything drained out and I locked my eyes back on the document. My paper wasn’t due until next week, but I had never waited until the last minute to do a paper like everyone else. You never got anywhere by procrastinating, as had been proven by both my parents and my older brother, Cole by the dizzying array of semi-failed jobs and careers they’d had. Sometimes I was convinced I was adopted because even though I looked like the rest of my family, with brown hair and blue eyes, I didn’t act like a single one of them. I’d heard my parents wonder more than once if I was possessed. They were joking, of course, but it still stung when they pointed out what I was already painfully aware of. That I didn’t fit in.

“Thanks.” The laptop guy was back. He put his hands on my table and leaned down so his face was close to mine. Dude, invade my personal bubble much? “I don’t normally trust strangers with my stuff, but you look…” his eyes skimmed their way up and down my body, and I shifted under his scrutiny. “Trustworthy,” he finally said.

Well, I probably did. I had to go to work in the operations department of a local bank later, so I had a black pencil skirt with a white blouse tucked into it and my cute-but-comfortable tan pumps on. In contrast, his shirt had some sort of video game robot or something splashed across the front and his jeans were skinny, but not to the point of being way too tight. It would be clear to anyone looking at us side-by-side that we had next to nothing in common.

“I think that’s a compliment,” I said as he stood up and started moving back toward his table.

“That’s up to you,” he said, walking backwards and finally sitting back down. I turned back around, shaking my head. Whatever.

I started putting my earbuds in, but stopped when someone tapped me on the shoulder.

“For your trouble,” he said, as I slowly turned around to see him standing right behind my chair, holding a plate out to me with a scone on it. “Raspberry scone?”

“Uh, no. Thank you. I’m good.” I’d just polished off a blueberry muffin and was on my second cup of black tea.

“You sure? This is a really good scone. You could do what my mom does and wrap it up and take it home with you. I swear, she put a steak in her bag once.” He waved the plate in front of me, as if that was supposed to entice me.

“No, thanks.” I turned around again and hoped he would go away.

“Fine, then I guess I’ll just owe you one.”

I turned my music back on and ignored him. Saint-Sens filled my ears and drowned out the rest of the noise in the cafe as I pulled my focus back to my paper.

An hour later, I typed the finishing touches on my paper and started packing my things up. The guy was gone, but I’d been to absorbed to notice when he’d left. My chances of seeing him ever again were slim, since Central Maine University had nearly ten thousand students, and most of them were commuters.

I said a quick prayer before I turned the key on my Crown Victoria, hoping it would start. Thankfully, the engine engaged with a minimum of sputtering and I drove from downtown Hartford to the next town over, Deermont, where my job was. I parked near the back of the building and swiped my card in the door. I had just enough time to get to my desk, turn my computer on and clock in. Barring a death or dismemberment, I had never been late.

My cubicle was near the back of the building, in the “farm” as everyone called it. I said hello to a few of my coworkers, most of whom were fellow students. My favorite coworker, Amelia, wasn’t working today, which was a bummer. Nearly everyone else’s cubicles just had a few papers or photographs, but hers was covered in her drawings and positive notes and pictures of butterflies. Amelia was literally the sunniest person I’d ever met. Sometimes she was too much, but during those dark times when you got down, she always was a breath of fresh air and things never seemed too bad when she was around.

I had a stack of loan files that needed to be scanned, so I started with removing the staples from all the pages. Yes, it was as boring as it sounded, but at least I could listen to my music. I put my earbuds back in and got to work. This was what I needed to do to get where I wanted to be. Everyone had to start somewhere. I had to pay my dues, even if that meant removing staples from a two hundred page appraisal.

***

Three hours later I was ready to go back to my apartment and get back to work on my homework. I was fishing in my purse for my keys when my hand closed on something. It was a paper crane folded out of notebook paper. What the heck? I didn’t know where it had come from, but the only explanation I could think of was that the laptop guy had dropped it in there, either by accident or on purpose. It was a weird thing to do, so I hoped it was by accident. He was Asian, so maybe it was just a thing that he did to celebrate his culture. God, was that racist?

Maybe he did it all the time without thinking about it.

I turned it over in my hand as I walked to my car. They were supposed to be good luck or something, so I set it on my dashboard. I didn’t really believe in superstition, but you could never be too careful. I didn’t want to risk any bad mojo.

The Only One
The Only One Page 49



“I’m back,” I said as I unlocked the front door to my craptastic apartment. I shucked off my heels and sighed in relief. There was nothing quite as nice as taking your heels off at the end of a long day. Men could just never understand that.

“How was work?” My roommate, Hazel was hovering over a pot of something in our microscopic kitchen. This could be bad.

“Fine. What are you making?” I said, setting my bag down and trying to avoid going into the kitchen, in case this turned out to be one of her experiments.

“Relax, it’s from a box.” She held up an empty box of mac and cheese. I didn’t breathe easier, because she’d definitely messed that up more than once. “And I bought a pre-made salad and there is ice cream. So we’re good.” Only then did I let out a breath. She held the spoon out and I took a bite. Phew.

“I swear, every time I cook you act like I’m feeding you poison.” Hazel and I had become friends two years ago when we’d lived next door to each other in the dorms. She’d had issues with her roommate, I’d had issues with mine and we ended up moving in together halfway through the year and we’d been living together ever since. We were both poor as all get out, but we’d managed to find an apartment in Deermont and it hadn’t fallen apart yet, although it was held together with duct tape and staples.

As much as we got along, Hazel and I were visual opposites. Her skin was gorgeous and dark and she got a tan within twenty seconds of standing in the sun. Her hair was long and curled in perfect rings, unlike mine that tended to do it’s own thing and be curly on some days and not so curly on other days. She was tall and had the kind of figure that made guys eyes pop when she danced. I would hate her for it, but she was always saying how jealous she was of my body and my “cute and perky” boobs. She had some delusion that her butt was flat, but at least hers was in proportion to the rest of her body. There was a reason I wore a lot of black on my bottom half.

“You going to work?” Hazel had gotten herself a job as a bartender a few nights a week at the campus bar. It was a little bit classier than some of the college establishments, but the tips sucked, so it was a trade off.

“Yeah, in an hour. Remind me why I didn’t sell my organs online to pay for my education?” I grabbed a fork and started stealing bites of mac and cheese from the pot. I was starving.

“Because it’s illegal?”

“Right. That. They might frown upon that at law school, yes?”

I nodded and she got a fork too. We often ate dinner like this. Less dishes to wash.

“Usually.”

We finished off the pot and then shared the salad from the plastic container as we sat on the couch and worked on our various never-ending homework ignments.

“So it’s going to happen tonight,” Hazel said as she put on the tight shirt she always wore to work. It showed a lot more than she was comfortable with, but she got better tips that way. I didn’t hate the player, I hated the game in that instance.

“What’s going to happen?” I already knew the answer.

“I am going to find a nice young man to pop that cherry of yours.” She jabbed her fork at me and I backed up so she didn’t stab me with it. There it was again. The reminder that I was a card-carrying member of the Virginity Club. I wish I had some good reason, that I was like, saving myself for Jesus, or my parents had put the fear in me, or told me that if I with a boy that my ears would fall off and I’d gain forty pounds, but I had no such excuse.

The truth was, boys were gross. Part of me was still semi-convinced they had cooties. I’d sort of dated, but every time I thought about getting physical, or close to a guy, he smelled weird, or had hair on his knuckles, or burped or did something else to completely turn me off.

I’d been on a few dates here and there, but usually I’d have to send out an emergency call to one of my friends. Sooner or later, rumors went around my high school that I was a lesbian, and I went ahead and let them spread. Of course, then girls started hitting on me, but they were easier to fend off.

I thought that in college, I would have the chance to maybe meet someone. Someone who wore a tie every day and expensive cologne and had a 401K. Yum. But, here I was, well into my junior year and that fellow hadn’t shown up yet. Sure, there were plenty of guys on campus, but a lot of them were taken. Or gay. Or taken and gay. Or total and complete douchebags. Or budding alcoholics. Or gay, taken douchebag alcoholics.

Since my friends had always struck out when it came to setting me up with a boy in order to make him my boyfriend, they’d lowered their expectations to just getting me laid. I didn’t exactly advertise my ity, but it always seemed to come up when people were drinking and swapping stories and I got red-faced and ran away to the bathroom when everyone started talking about their first times.

“How many times have I told you, I’m set. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.”

“Don’t give me that fairy godmother, dreams come true ****. We don’t need to find your prince charming. Just a non-skeezy guy to do you a service. Think of him as… a plumber. For your vagina.” She scraped the bottom of the container for the last few croutons.

“A plumber? Have you ever seen a ***y plumber? Outside of a o?” One of the other things my friends had done to try and make me want to have *** was make me watch it. I’d only lasted about five minutes when I had to run away and beg them to shut it off. Seeing other people… doing things like that? I didn’t understand how anyone could find that ***y. Plus, the girls were like, unbelievably flexible. No way I could contort myself like that.

I’d been branded as a prude from then on.

“Why are you so hung up about it? I know you have a little battery friend.”

“Yeah, so? Just because I’m a , I’m supposed to not know about my own body?” Hazel had also surprised me a time or two when I thought I was alone. “I have a *** drive, Haze. Being a doesn’t stop me from ual feelings.”

In fact, I probably had more than the average girl, just because they were so… pent up.

“We just need to take those ***ual feelings and transfer them to something with a *****. A real life *****. With a boy attached to it.”

I shook my head and went to take a shower.