Fun fun fun

Alright, last one for tonight!
Final Confession
When Nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.
Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.
"And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a *****?"
"Well," says the first Nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger."
"OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
The next Nun admits that "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit."
"OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
"Well now, what''s going on here?" says St. Peter.
"Well, your excellency," says the Nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I''m going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it."

Hi,
Nice to meet you
"Where there''s life, the''s hope"
Do you later.

Leave Your Name At The Beep
Here are actual answering machine greetings recorded and verified by the world-famous International Institute of Answering Machines.
1. My wife and I can''t come to the phone right now, but if you''ll leave your name and number, we''ll get back to you as soon as we''re finished.
2.A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we''re not here. So, leave a message.

3. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn''t lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don''t worry, I have plenty of money.
Hi. Now you say something.

4. Hi, I''m not home right now, but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.
5. Hello. I am David''s answering machine. What are you?
6.Hello! If you leave a message, I''ll call you soon. If you leave a "***y" message, I''ll call sooner!
7.Hi. I''m probably home, I''m just avoiding someone I don''t like. Leave me a message, and if I don''t call back, it''s you.

8. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you''re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.

10. Hi, this is George. I''m sorry I can''t answer the phone right now. Leave a message and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
11. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number and your reason for calling, and I''ll think about returning your call.
12. Hi! John''s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I''ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.
If you are a burglar, then we''re probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can''t come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren''t home and it''s safe to leave a message.
What''s yours?

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1:
What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is:
"I''m sorry if I''ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."
This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:

A. Football.
B. Golf.
C. How fat you are.
D. How much prettier she is than you.
E. How I would spend the insurance money if
you died.
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!")

Question # 2:
Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear." Inappropriate responses include:
A. I suppose so.
B. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
C. That depends on what you mean by love.
D. Does it matter?
E. Who, me?

Question # 3:
Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Among the incorrect answers are:

A. Compared to what?
B. I wouldn''t call you fat, but you''re not exactly
thin.
C. A little extra weight looks good on you.
D. I''ve seen fatter.
E. Could you repeat the question? I was just
thinking about how I would spend the insurance
money if you died.
Question # 4:
Do you think she''s prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!" Incorrect responses include:
A. Yes, but you have a better personality
B. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
C. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
D. Define pretty
E. Could you repeat the question? I was just
thinking about how I would spend the insurance
money if you died.

Question# 5:
What would you do if I died? [/i] [/b]
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Corvette.") No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:

Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
W: Why not, don''t you like being married?
M: Of course I do.
W: Then why wouldn''t you remarry?
M: Okay, I''d get married again.
W: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
M: Yes, I would.
W: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
M: Where else would we sleep?
W: Would you put away my pictures, and replace
them with pictures of her?
M: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
W: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
M: Of course not, Dear. She''s left-handed
DID U PASS???

^_^ KIDs Stories ^_^
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy''s voice, he answered: "I think it''s Adam''s suit!"

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.
Finally, his big sister had enough. "You''re not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who''s going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They''re hushers."

The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?"
A little girl called out, "That''s the flag of our country."
"Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of our country?"
"''Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"

Two little boys were visiting their grandfather, and he took them to a restaurant for lunch. They couldn''t make up their minds about what they wanted to eat.
Finally the grandfather grinned at the server and said, "Just bring them bread and water."
One of the little boys looked up and quavered, "Can I have ketchup on it?"

A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters.
She replied, "No, I''m the lonely child."

A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I''d gotten to know you sooner!"

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"
I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You''re both old," he replied.

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father''s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What''s it about?" he asked.
"I don''t know," she replied. "I can''t read."

I didn''t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"


A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus: the Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor''s wife."
Have U any lovely story to share w us?

I got this from a website and I thought it is fun...
LAYER ONE: On The Outside
Name: Hiep
***: Male Too much testosterone in me
Birth date: July 21
Location: Nha Trang City
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: Black
Height: 5''7"
Righty or Lefty: Lefty
Zodiac Sign: One of the animal in the Zodiac..
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage: Vietnamese
Shoes you wore today: Black shoes
Your weakness: being stupid when facing beautiful girls..
Your fears: snakes, home alone, losing job
Your perfect pizza: meat lover
Goal you''d like to achieve: be happy and successful in anyway
LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase on AIM: Thanks
Your thoughts first waking up: ***
Your best physical feature: tell me how bad sharp I am inõ?Ư.
Your bedtime: varies
Your most missed memory: high school times
LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke
McDonald''s or Burger King: McDonald
Single or group dates: Single
Adidas or Nike: Nike
Lipton Iced Tea or Nestea: Lipton
Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla
Cappuccino or coffee: none of the above
LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: no
Cuss: sometimes
Sing: yea õ?" in the bathroom õ?Ư. yuck
Have a crush(es): so many couldnõ?Tt recall
Like(d) high school: yah
Want to get married: yea
Believe in yourself: yes
Get motion sickness: nope
Think you''re attractive: no one ever told me thatõ?Ư
Think you''re a health freak: oh hell no
Get along with your parents: yes sometimes
Like thunderstorms: no
Play an instrument: like watching people playing an instrument
LAYER SIX: In the past few months have you...
Drank alcohol: yes
Smoked: Nah.. tried one and didnõ?Tt like itõ?Ư
Done a drug: nope
Gone to the mall: When I got nothing to wearõ?Ư
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No Way..
Eaten sushi: My favorite, eat until my stomach may explode
Been on stage: nahõ?Ư
Been dumped: no
Gone skating: When I was in high schoolõ?Ư
Gone skinny dipping: couple times in winter
Dyed your hair: May be
Stolen anything: canõ?Tt remember
Lied: damn yes
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Smoked: Donõ?Tt plan to smoke, still loving my lung
Drank: Of course on occasions
Played a game that required removal of clothing: No.. People will run away when I take off my clothes
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Hang-over one time.. My first year in college..
Been caught "doing something": Nahõ?Ư
Been called a tease: yes
Gotten beaten up: Nahõ?Ư
Shoplifted: Nahõ?Ư..I mom would kill my ass up..
LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: 30
Numbers and Names of Children: 2-3õ?Ư canõ?Tt afford to have more than thatõ?Ư
Describe your dream wedding: Hollywoodõ?Ts weddingsõ?Ư except where do I find money.. robbing the bank of courseõ?Ư
How do you want to die: in my sleepõ?Ư.
What do you want to be when you grow up: already grew up..
What country would you most like to visit: Europeõ?Ư. Plan to go next year..
LAYER NINE: In a girl/guy?
Best eye color?: brown.. asian chicks..
Best hair color?: Blackõ?Ư.no salty hairsõ?Ư
Short or long hair: long hairs
Height: tall, long legs õ?ƯùS
Best first date location: intimated placesõ?Ư
LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of people I could trust with my life: myselfõ?Ưõ?Ư
Number of CDs that I own: many but not from music stores õ?Ư you know what I meantõ?Ư..
Number of piercings: None
Number of tattoos: 0õ?Ư I want to have oneõ?Ư
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper: One time in High School poetry contestõ?Ư
Number of scars on my body: Many due to my own faults
Number of things in my past that I regret: Not many..
Please share your LAYERS with us... Have a great day everyone....

Hehe, this is my turn. It won''t take much of your time ppl, let''s join and tell us sth about you!
LAYER ONE: On The OutsideName: Nguyệt Minh***: FemaleBirth date: October 18Location: HanoiEye Color: BlackHair Color: oh damn, everybody is asking me if I dye my hair, of course I didn''t do it but I have to say it''s Brown, not black.Height: I''m not quite sure, about 1m55Righty or Lefty: RightyZodiac Sign: I don''t catch this.LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage: VietnameseShoes you wore today: Sport shoesYour weakness: Math, Physics and Chemistry, shame on me Your fears: mouse, snake, deceptionYour perfect pizza: Pizza with ham, tomato and mushroom, uhm that one is Italy is soooo delicious Goal you''d like to achieve: Have a successful career and a happy family, very simple one actually LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase on AIM: cya Your thoughts first waking up: who''s calling? hihi I''m often wakened up by the phone ring Your best physical feature: Your bedtime: well, usually very late at night, about 12 or 1 A.MYour most missed memory: when I was still at kindergartenLAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: CokeMcDonald''s or Burger King: McDonald''s <~~~ definitely my favourite fast foodSingle or group dates: SingleAdidas or Nike: AdidasLipton Iced Tea or Nestea: NesteaChocolate or vanilla: Chocolate Gosh, I can eat it instead of rice Cappuccino or coffee: Cappuccino, I can say without thinking. I love it LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: Never. Cigarette smoke makes me sickCuss: Never, too.Sing: sure, even though my voice in incredible hehe Have a crush(es): once, can''t believe that relationship lasts for 4 years, even longer than lovers now Like(d) high school: yeah, I love my classmates a lot, they''re so fun!!! Want to get married: sureBelieve in yourself: yesGet motion sickness: nopeThink you''re attractive: yes, to those who know me really wellThink you''re a health freak: absolutely notGet along with your parents: yeah, but I don''t enjoy talking to them much, we''ll sooner or later come into an argument .Like thunderstorms: no, I''m scared of it.Play an instrument: I used to play the piano, so bad I gave it up.LAYER SIX: In the past few months have you...
Drank alcohol: NahSmoked: I said I would never try itDone a drug: Oh gosh, stupid question, I even don''t smokeGone to the mall: yesEaten an entire box of Oreos: yeah, just last weekEaten sushi: I haven''t tried it beforeBeen on stage: nopeBeen dumped: nopeGone skating: Nah, still remember how painful I was when I tried to skateGone skinny dipping: a couple of timesDyed your hair: No, I like my hair color, it''s naturally brown but everybody thinks I dyed it.Stolen anything: If I want anything, I''d rather buy than steal it.Lied: hihi yes, but it wasn''t serious LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Smoked: Do I have to answer this question again? Never Never NeverDrank: Nope, I''m only 17Played a game that required removal of clothing: Are you kidding me?Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: No wayBeen caught "doing something": what the hell is this? Absolutely not.Been called a tease: nah..Gotten beaten up: Nah?Shoplifted: I''m not that stupid LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: 26Numbers and Names of Children: 2, hihi a boy and a girl if I''m lucky.Describe your dream wedding: Uhmmm, hard to say, at a splendid castle, haha I''m just kiddingHow do you want to die: yeah, in my sleep, no pain.What do you want to be when you grow up: a diplomat??!! What country would you most like to visit: America, always.LAYER NINE: In a girl/guy?
Best eye color?: blackBest hair color?: Black or brown is okShort or long hair: shortHeight: tall, about 1m70Best first date location: somewhere romantic... it doesn''t really matter to meLAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of people I could trust with my life: I''ve got 3 best friendsNumber of CDs that I own: I''ve never counted... but not much appx. 70Number of piercings: NoneNumber of tattoos: 0Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper: three or 4 times in online newspaperNumber of scars on my body: NoneNumber of things in my past that I regret: Not many..
Please share your LAYERS with us... Have a great day everyone....

Được mazzie sửa chữa / chuyển vào 10:50 ngày 19/06/2004

LAYER ONE: On The Outside
Name: Slim
***: Male.Proud to be Male
Birth date: Mar?T 7th
Location: Italy - Hanoi
Eye Color: Brown
Hair Color: Black n uhmz actually there are 2 colors but dont know how to difine them...
Height: Tall eh? 1.74 cm
Righty or Lefty: Right hand , left foot
Zodiac Sign: Pisce
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage: Vietnamese
Shoes you wore today: Brown shoes
Your weakness: My face used turn into red when i spread word to ppl...
Your fears: Fear nothing but fear urself
Your perfect pizza: Lunar Autum, Bolognâ?Ts.
Goal you''d like to achieve: Ah, uncountable... But one of them is being wid Katt forever, fer sure.
LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your most overused phrase on AIM: Should all the zoos be banded??!!!
Your thoughts first waking up: Gotta get ready in only 7 mins..
Your best physical feature: Not really a big deal.
Your bedtime: Depends on the phone.
Your most missed memory: Was when i waz a kid...
LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Coke and Milk. Hate alc'', no Beer.
McDonald''s or Burger King: McDonald.
Single or group dates: Wrapped....
Adidas or Nike: Adidas is not too bad . But Nike ,yeah, Air Jordan.
Lipton Iced Tea or Nestea: Non
Chocolate or vanilla: Trokerlit
Cappuccino or coffee: I love sleeping
LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: Hehehe, going to quit...
Cuss: Uh oh.... I guess everyone does.
Sing: Yeah , cussing songs
Have a crush(es): Sure... You dont? Bull****.
Like(d) high school: Not mooch.Scared to dead? Almost die when I waz in high skool.
Want to get married: Uhmz, dont need to think twice
Believe in yourself: Yes, I do
Get motion sickness: Okay, maybe...
Think you''re attractive: Damn, stop pampering me...
Think you''re a health freak: They call me Super Man.
Get along with your parents: I miss you Mum..
Like thunderstorms: Not a bit..Mind tell me who incharge ? I will kick his ass..
Play an instrument: Nope... But want to try .
LAYER SIX: In the past few months have you...
Drank alcohol: Yes, 1 time. Geezz,damn it, will neva do it again.
Smoked: Yes , quite often.
Done a drug: You bad, Fattie!!
Gone to the mall: Sure..Oh malls?Clothes makes man, and woman too. Is that rite, ppl?
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: cookies eh? Non
Eaten sushi: o la la, like it ...
Been on stage: Gosh, get me outta here...
Been dumped: No , i guess so.NO
Gone skating: Yep
Gone skinny dipping:
Dyed your hair: Love it...
Stolen anything: Yeah, my niece''s candy
Lied: Sometime, we gotta treat ppl unfair as for their own good.Who dares say Non? Bull****.
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
Smoked: Again???
Drank: Not much.
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes, hahha, it makes me laugh all da time.
Been caught "doing something": I know how to manage things well
Been called a tease: Loads
Gotten beaten up: Non
Shoplifted: No fk way...
LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: As soon as i can but okay 28( oh mum, c?Tmon)
Numbers and Names of Children: 2 to be exact
Describe your dream wedding: My secret
How do you want to die: Neva think about it. Holy **** !!!
What do you want to be when you grow up: Greedy is good.
What country would you most like to visit: Ho Chu Tich Museum.Im serious.
LAYER NINE: In a girl/guy?
Best eye color?: Katt''''s eyes
Best hair color?: Woteva that suits her ...
Short or long hair: Look simply ( japanese ''''''''s style..Yeah )
Height: ...........
Best first date location: Robinson''''s Bay
LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of people I could trust with my life: Prefer 13 but ppl love me, I know.
Number of CDs that I own: Loads, all about Rap n Hiphop stuff, Trance, Djs and Italian?Ts musiq.
Number of piercings: Dont like da idea.
Number of tattoos: Thinking about it. One on my leg..
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper: I dont have that honor, atleast sofar.
One time in High School poetry contest; Non
Number of scars on my body: Loads
Number of things in my past that I regret: I am so sorry if i did something wrong ppl.
Please share your LAYERS with us... Have a great day everyone....
Được mazzie sửa chữa / chuyển vào 12:39 ngày 19/06/2004

I like this, but what is it all for?
LAYER ONE: On The Outside
Name: Hannah
***: Female
Location: Hrock cafe, Zon''s office
Eye Color: Black
Hair Color: as black as possible
Height: I''''m not quite sure, about 1 58 or 59, thank god i''m still getting taller
Righty or Lefty: Righty
Zodiac Sign: Scorpion, said to be "born leader"
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
Your heritage: Vietnamese
Shoes you wore today: Sandals
Your weakness: Xgames, Death Rock and Electronica Songs or anything like that
Your fears: roach or any kind of insects
Your perfect pizza: no idea
Goal you''''d like to achieve: Die before getting old
LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your bedtime: midnight
LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: Tea
Lipton Iced Tea or Nestea: both are suck, I''d like sth originally
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate is ofcourse better
Cappuccino or coffee: What''s the diffenrence?
LAYER FIVE: Do You?
Smoke: Nein
Sing: not veey bad, my pride - my illusion
Have a crush(es):
Like(d) high school: To some extent
Want to get married: sure
Believe in yourself: Ofcourse, my teacher says that I''m over confident
Get motion sickness: nope
Think you''''re attractive: may be, depends on others
Think you''''re a health freak: absolutely not
Get along with your parents: I''m a big friend of dad, a sister of mum and a mother of my younga sister
Like thunderstorms: ?
Play an instrument: keyboard and classical guitar, but I''m not a good guitarist, hoping that I''d get enough time to learn more
LAYER SIX: In the past few months have you...
Drank alcohol: May be
Smoked: Nein, my partner either
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: ---> what is this?
Eaten sushi: good choice, try it if you get chance
Been on stage: for severals time, perhaps so
Been dumped:
Stolen anything: NO
Lied: Every body tells lies, me either, am I rite?
LAYER SEVEN: Ever...
SAy No for the answers of these quizs
Drank:
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Are you kidding me?
Been caught "doing something":
Been called a tease:
Gotten beaten up:
Shoplifted:
LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
Age you hope to be married: secret!
Numbers and Names of Children:
Describe your dream wedding: dreamind, dreaming
How do you want to die: by a shock?
What country would you most like to visit: Italy
LAYER NINE: In a girl/guy?
LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
Number of people I could trust with my life: I trust all except some one that I don''t like at the first sight!
Number of CDs that I own: could be over 200, but my buddies got it all when they borrowed
Number of times my name has appeared in the Newspaper:appx 10
Number of things in my past that I regret: So many