Fun fun fun

What A Woman/Man Really Means
What a woman says, what she really means...
I need = I want
We need = I want
It''s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don''t want you to
I''m not upset = Of course I''m upset, you moron!
You''re so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You''re certainly attentive tonight = Is *** all you ever think about?
I''m not emotional! And I''m not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I''m going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you''re really going to hate
I''ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I''m beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you''re dead
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I''m sorry = You''ll be sorry
I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
Do you like this recipe? = It''s easy to fix, so you''d better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don''t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I''m not yelling! = Of course I''m yelling, this is important!
What a man says, what he really means...
I''m hungry = I''m hungry
I''m tired = I''m tired
============== Happy Day =========================

Why don''t they play poker in the jungle?
A: Too many cheetahs.
Q: What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A: One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
Q: Where do dogs go when they lose their tails?
A: To the retail store.
Q: What kind of dog tells time?
A: A watch dog.
Q: What has four legs and an arm?
A: A happy pit bull.
Q: Why is a tree like a dog?
A: Because they both lose their bark when they die.
Q: Did you hear about the cowboy who got himself a dachshund?
A: Everyone kept telling him to get a long, little doggie.
Q: What is the difference between a rottweiler and a social worker?
A: It is easier to get your kids back from a rotweiler!
Q: Did you hear about the new breed in pet shops?
A: They crossed a pit bull with a collie; it bites your leg off and goes for help.
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Holes all over Australia.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken''s day off.
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is getting ready to charge?
A: He pull out his Diners'' Club card.
Q: What do you get when two giraffes collide?
A: A giraffic jam.

Q&A about ANT:
Q: What kind of ant is good at adding up?
A: An account-ANT.
Q: What do you call ant space travellers?
A: Cosmo-ANTS.
Q: What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
A: ANT-ten-eye.
Q: What''s worse than ants in your pants?
A: A bat in your bra.
Q: What do you get if you cross an ant with one leg of an overall?
A: Pant.
Q: What do you call an ant that likes to be alone?
A: Independ-ANT.
Q: What do you call an ant with frog''s legs?
A: An ANT-phibian.
Q: If ants are such busy insects, how come they find the time to turn up at all picnics?
A: !!!
Q: What do you call an eighty-year-old ant?
A: an ANT-ique.
Q: Why don''t anteaters get sick?
A: Because they''re full of anty-bodies.
Q: What''s the biggest ant in the world?
A: An eleph-ANT.
Q: What''s even bigger than that?
A: A gi-ANT.
Q: What do you call an an who lives with your great-uncle?
A: A great-ANT.
Q: What is smaller than an ant''s dinner?
A: An ant''s mouth.
Q: How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
A: Ten-ANTS.
Q: Where do ants eat?
A: In a restaur-ANT.
Q: What do you call a small ant?
A: Eleg-ANT.
Q: What''s kind of ants are very learned?
A: Ped-ANTS.
Q: What do you call foreign ant.
A: Import-ANT.
Q: Where do ants go for their holidays?
A: Fr-ANTS.
Q: What do you call a greedy ant?
A: An anteater.
Q: What do you call a scruffy, lazy ant?
A: Decad-ANT.
Q: What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
A: All sorts of antics.
Q: What do you call an ant who honestly hates school?
A: A tru-ANT.

Language Problem
****o0o****
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country we don''t talk about our *** lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talking abouta ***a? Imma justa tellun my frienda how to spella "Mississippi"!