Giải trí chút nghe (English can be FUN)

A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer''s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I''m going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don''t let me get that duck, I''ll sue you and take everything!
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don''t know how we do things here in North Carolina. We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The Yankee attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer''s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man''s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer''s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The Yankee lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it''s my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
Yankee : A native or inhabitant of New England/United States/A native or inhabitant of a northern U.S. state, especially a Union soldier during the Civil War (cái này có ba cách hiểu, H. post cả ba cho mọi người tham khảo. Trong trường hợp này thì H. cũng chịu, ko biết dịch thế nào cho hay, ai biết thì giúp nhé)
retrieve: To get back
you are not coming over here: tại sao lại dùng thì (tense) này nhỉ
indignant: angry
sue : kiện
back and forth: lặp đi lặp lại
he could easily take the old southerner: take chắc là defeat nhỉ, thấy nó dùng là lạ
abide: tuân theo
groin: háng
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the Yankee lawyer''s groin and dropped him to his knees:tối nghĩa quá
summon: tập trung, dồn sức lại

A man went to the theatre for the concert. At the ticket office, he said to the ticket seller:
- Please sell me a half of ticket!
-I don''t understand what you said. Why is a half of ticket? - asked the ticket seller.
- Because my left ear has been deaf from last year. I can hear with only one ear.
Một nửa vé
Một người đàn ông đi đến nhà hát để nghe hòa nhạc.
Tại phòng vé, ông ta nói với người bán vé:
- Xin vui lòng bán cho tôi một nửa vé!
- Tôi hiểu ông nói gì. Tại sao lại là một nửa vé?
Người bán vé hỏi.
- Vì tai trái của tôi bị điếc từ năm ngoái. Tôi chỉ có thể nghe bằng một tai thôi.

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to stand up again but only fell over again. He thought if only he could get outside and get some fresh air he''d be grand. So he crawled outside then tried to stand up and fell over again. In the end after falling over lots more he decided to crawl home. When he got back to his house he pulled himself up using the door handle but as soon as he let go he fell over again. He had to crawl up the stairs and managed to fall over onto the bed and fell asleep. When he finally woke up the next morning his wife asked him what he was doing at the pub last night. He denied it but she said, "I know you were there..." he maintained his innocence until "...the barman rang to say you forgot your wheelchair again...."
(wheelchair: A chair mounted on large wheels for the use of a sick or disabled person)

Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t think of anything I need. $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad

Over and over

 I never dare to reach for the moonI never thought I''d know heaven so soonI couldn''t hope to say how I feelThe joy in my heart no words can revealREFRAINOver and over I whisper your nameOver and over I kiss you againI see the light of love in your eyesLove is forever,no more good-byesNow just a memory the tears that I criedNow just a memory the sighs that I sighedDreams that I cherished all have come trueAll my tomorrows I give to youLife''s summer leaves may turn into goldThe love that we share will never grow oldHere in your arms no words far awayHer in your arms forever I''ll stayRefrain twiceLai...la...la...lai

Bài hát hay quá

On a flight from Saigon to Los Angeles, an American sat beside a Vietnamese. The American asked the Vietnamese: -What kind of "ese" are you? -Excuse me? -What kind of "ese" are you? -Excuse me, I don''t understand what you meant. -Stupid! Are you Vietnamese, Chinese or Japanese? -Oh! I am a Vietnamese.
After 2 hours. The Vietnamese asked the American: -What kind of "kee" are you? -What? What do you mean by key? -Are you monkey, donkey or Yankee!!?

Q: What is the height of stupi***y?
A: 2 men sitting on a motorcycle & fighting for a window seat

This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they''ll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn''t so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He''s terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up or we''ll BOTH lose our jobs!"

*** is like NOKIA (CONNECTING PEOPLE) ..like NIKE (JUST DO IT) ...like PEPSI (ASK FOR MORE) ...like SAMSUNG ( EVERYONE IS INVITED) ...like TRIUMPH (FASHION AND SO MUCH MORE) ..and...like ELECTROLUX (40 YEARS, STILL WORKS WELL) " "Friends are like underwear (always near you) Good friends are like condoms (always protecting you) Best friends are like Viagra (lift you up when u are down)