Giải trí (vui - nhộn - lạ - hài hước)

Còn 1 đoạn cuối nữa
New Leader of China
Over to the Oval office...
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What´s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That´s what I want to know.
Condi: That´s what I´m telling you.
George: That´s what I´m asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow´s name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya asking me for?
Condi: I´m telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I´m asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That´s the man´s name.
George: That´s who´name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That´s correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don´t want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars.
Condi cầm máy lên, gọi ra ngoài.
Condi: Rice here!
George: Ah! Could you please order some for me? With 2 eggrolls, plz.

Ha ha ha.... vui quá!! Cái này đúng là ám chỉ TT MỸ ngốc đây!

Oh, không ngờ là FW vẫn chưa xem.
Đây là một trong những truyện cười Miao rất khoái, vì nó tếu hết biết (và đọc cảm thấy rất "đã" nữa. Tha hồ cười cái ông đáng ghét ấy!)

Xin lỗi, Angie hơi tò mò. Sao Miao thấy ông ta đáng ghét vậy? Chắc là đâu có any personal contact nhỉ? Vậy sao lại ghét ông ta? Ổng làm gì vậy?
Cóp từ Việt Fun
------------
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management''s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF:
And when the f u c k do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING:
I''m certain that isn''t feasible.
INSTEAD OF:
No f u c king way.
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF:
You''ve got to be s h i tting me!
TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF:
Tell someone who gives a s h i t.
TRY SAYING:
I wasn''t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF:
It''s not my f u c king problem.
TRY SAYING:
That''s interesting.
INSTEAD OF:
What the f u c k?
TRY SAYING:
I''m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF:
This s h i t won''t work.
TRY SAYING:
I''ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF:
Why the heo didn''t you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING:
He''s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF:
He''s got his head up his a s s.
TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF:
Eat s h i t and die.
TRY SAYING:
So you weren''t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF:
Kiss my a s s.
TRY SAYING:
I''m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF:
f u c k it, I''m on salary.
TRY SAYING:
I don''t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF:
Shove it up your a s s.
TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF:
This job sucks.
TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF:
Who the heo died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING:
I see.
INSTEAD OF:
Blow me.
TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF:
You don''t know what the f u c k you''re doing.
Thank You,
Human Resources

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young
man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out
the window and asks the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you
have in your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
peacefully grazing flock and calmly answers, "Sure. Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it
to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls
up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location
which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an
ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it
to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he
receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and
the data stored.
He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel
spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of this data
via an email on his Blackberry and after a few minutes receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the shepherd and says,
"You have exactly 1586 sheep."
"That''s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my sheep," says the
shepherd. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on
amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the
shepherd says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your
business is, will you give me back my sheep?"
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"
"You''re a consultant," says the shepherd.
"Wow! That''s correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answered the shepherd. "You showed up here even
though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew;
to a question I never asked; and you don''t know s-h-i-t about my business.
"...Now give me back my dog."

Đọc truyện cười nghe buồn nè
KỲ THỊ MÀU DA
Gia dinh` kia da dden bi. ky` thi. qua´ nên ho. rât´ tui? thân.
Nghe noi´ o*? chô? rât´ xa co´ môt. giong` sông thân` ai ma` lôi. sang thi` u*o*c´ gi` cung~ dduoc.
Hai vo*. chông` va` ddu*a´ con trai lâp. tu*c´ lên ddu*o*ng`.
Trai~ qua bao gian nan ho. ddên´ bo*` sông, không ngo*` du*o*i´ sông lai. co´ nhiêu` ca´ sâu´.
Suy nghi~ môt. lat´ ông chông` nhay? xuông´ bo*i.
Ông ta bo*i rât´ gioi? nên ca´ sâu´ dduôi? theo không kip.
Leo lên ông ta tro*? thanh` môt. ngu*o*i` da tra(ng´ ddep. trai.
- Nhay? xuông´ bo*i wa ddi em , ông ta bao? vo*. minh`
Ba` ta so*. nhu*ng nha(m´ ma(t´ nhay? xuông´.
Ba` ta bo*i cung~ kha´ nên ca´ sâu´ chi dduôi? gân` kip. thôi.
Leo lên ba` ta cung tro*? tha`nh ngu*o*i` da tra(ng´ va` ddep.
- Xuông´ bo*i ddi con, hai ông ba` goi. tha(ng` con trai minh`.
No´rât´ so*. nhu*ng cuôi´ cung` cung~ nhay? xuông´. Ddên´ giu*a~ sông thi` bi. ca´ sâu´ a(n thit. chêt´.
Ba` vo*. la(n lo´c kho´c : Con o*i, con trai tôi...........
-Thôi minh` ddi em, chi? co´ môt. tha(ng` nhoc´ con da dden thôi ma`....

Things that hallmark card don''t say....
Collections
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat
When I looked down at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don''t fret about it...
She moved in with me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Looking back over the years
that we''ve been together,
I can''t help but wonder...
"What the hell was I thinking?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Congratulations on your wedding day
Too bad no one likes your husband :lol:
------------------------------------------------------------------
How could 2 ppl as beautiful as you
Have such an ugly baby????????
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I must admit, you brought Religion into my life
I never believed in HELL until I met you.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When we were together,
you always said you''d die for me
Now that we''ve broken up,
I think it''s time you kept your promises
---------------------------------------------------------------
I''m so miserable without you
it''s almost like you''re here.

DRILLING HOLES
A gay guy is standing at the gates of heaven when he hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.
He says to St. Peter, "What''s going on?"
St. Peter replies, "That''s the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos."
He says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I''d rather go to hell."
St. Peter says, "In hell, you''ll be constantly raped and sodomized."
He says, "That''s okay. I''ve already got holes for that."

Don''t you mess with the Vee-ese!!!
On a flight from Saigon to Los Angeles, an American sat beside a Vietnamese. American asked Vietnamese, "What kind of "ese" are you?
"Excuse me?"
"What kind of "ese" are you?"
"Excuse me, I don''t understand what you meant."
"Stupid! Are you Vietnamese, Chinese or Japanese?"
"Oh! I am a Vietnamese."
After 2 hours. Vietnamese asked American: "What kind of "kee" are you?
"What? What do you mean by key?"
"Are you monkey, donkey or Yankee."

AN ELDERLY COUPLE
A Florida couple, both well into their 70''s, go to a *** therapist''s office. The doctor asks, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have ***ual intercourse?"
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for ***ual advice that he agrees.
When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There''s absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.
The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the *** therapist to watch again. The *** therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.
This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. Finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "I''m sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?"
The old man says, "We''re not trying to find out anything. She''s married and we can''t go to her house. I''m married and we can''t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.