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More and more pupils are choosing subjects as Information Technology instead of subjects such as Art(s), Sport and Music. It?Ts true. But in my opinion, we absolutely should not remove these aptitude subjects.
Your introduction is quite clear but simple
They have a significant role in bringing up the bodies as well as souls.
these subjects (Arts, Sport, Music, ...) play a significant role in children''''s physical and mental development.
Art would help children improve their eyes, deeply feeling the bea(u)ty of colour and shape.
I am not sure but there is something wrong here relating to grammar and the way you express your idea
And Sport will help them have a good health (Uncountable noun). Even though they(children) can not draw, can not sing, play musical (instruments) or can not play any sport game, they(what?)(are) still useful to help people deal with any troubles, relax and find energy after a hardworking day. (too difficult to understand ;D, what do u want to convey?)
Beside that, teaching and learning these subjects require good skills for children especially patience. They have to try hard and practise day by day to understand and play these well. A person can not become a genus only after a day. (other subjects like IT could help children create these characteristics-> not convincing)
I know that not every child will become an artist, a musician, a singer or a sport player. An advantage of keeping these subjects in curriculum and making more efforts (to keep ...) is that we will have more chances discovering ?oseeds? from a very early age to become a future genius.(discover, train, ... reasonable but u should improve the way you express and support your ideas)
We can not deny the important roles of these subjects in life, so we just should try ours best to keep the good things rather than reject them.(my comment is the same for introduction)
I have some above comments, hope they are useful. Good luck
Được ILILIL sửa chữa / chuyển vào 00:00 ngày 19/08/2008