I can be your hero baby...I will stand by you forever...I will kiss away the pain-Tweety forever!

Within a period of time, few months, a month, or maybe a
week, my emotion would once be challenged and fall into a mild depression.
Today is a day like that. It came suddenly without reasons. Just waking up and feel like I am not myself anymore, don't even care to brush my hair. In such a moment I feel weak than ever, feel like every single moment of loneliness and dissapointment all comes back. I am scared of a day like this, when my body, hands and legs are too tired to move on.
"I need a rest" maybe, "or I am sick?"
Hungry, hurry to the cafeteria but can not eat anything,
the food is too bad today, or it's just the same, but my sense of tatse is getting tired of eating the same pasta and burgers everyday. And today it does not take in anymore. Sitting at the same table with the people who look so cheerful? What are they happy about?
"What's wrong with you?"
"No, I am fine"
Yes, she's fine so we will continue eating and cheering, don't care about her anymore. That's the way they are. They will never understand or want to find out what I really feel. I told them I want to go the beach, tomorrow, after finals are over.
"For what? It's cold out there"
"To scream"
Yes, I want to scream. My house in HN was not far from a lake, not a popular one where couples gather to kiss and ... So it was a pretty cool place to sit down alone, all by my self, and scream when my emotions were pressed so hard that they needed to find a way out. It's a habit. It's weird, but even I can't understant myself sometimes.
Today is a day like that. When I need to go to a place where no one sees me, knows me. I don't care if it's cold or windy, it does not matter.
Lake Michigan is big as an ocean; waves after waves lap on the beach, especially in a windy day like today... Stand on one bank, I can't see the other. I wonder why it's even called a lake. I am getting lost. But it's Ok, standing here and get really lost better than sitting among people and still get lost.
It is today that my solitary more than ever becomes so real. Real that I can feel it while walking outside building, no one is around, wind blows in my eyes, cold, rough and apathetic.
I wish someone were here, put the arms around me and says "Don't be scared, I am here. I am always here. I am listening to whatever you have to say. I care about you no matterwhat."
I am not so emotional that feeling can be easily beat. But however strong you are or pretend to be, there would come a day, when you are to tired to lie to yourself, when you realize that solitary is real and no one is here for you.
I feel so weak.

Dẫu biết phải bám vào những điều positive trong cuộc sống này để mà bước tiếp. Nhưng rồi có một ngày, tất cả những điều lạc quan đã nuôi dưỡng và chờ mong đều biến mất. Chẳng còn gì ngoài sự chán chường và thất vọng. Phải chăng đó là quy luật của cuộc sống này. Khóc rồi lại cười. Có ai cười mãi được. Mong rằng ngày mai ta sẽ lại cười.
Chắc chắn rồi. Vì đã quá quen với những lúc rơi vào sự bế tắc, depression của cảm xúc, chẳng có ai ở cạnh để giúp ta vượt qua. Nếu không tự giúp mình thì ai sẽ giúp?

I feel like throwing, breaking, swearing, screaming...I am trapped in my own emotions. But tomorrow is coming when I wake up, I believe. One brand new day, I will smile again, I believe so...Tweety forever...





I believe I can fly


I believe I can touch the sky





Được tweetybird sửa chữa / chuyển vào 17/12/2002 ngày 03:13

Được tweetybird sửa chữa / chuyển vào 17/12/2002 ngày 03:14

That's lìe. Dont worry. You need to to feel sad so you can treasure happy moments. Cheer up my friend.