Is Life Easy ?

Is Life Easy ?
"Dĩ nhiên là không" là câu trả lời của bạn ?

Hi vọng những quyển sách mình giới thiệu có thể giúp bạn.
Để thay đổi, hãy hành động ! Và đây là những quyển sách hành động. Read, Think, Understand and Act

BOOK 1: THE BEST-KEPT SECRETS OFGREAT COMMUNICATORS
By Peter Thomson

Introduction

Everyone is in the persuasion business. Sometimes that persuasion is directed to other people. Sometimes it is inwardly directed to your self-talk. Persuasion can occur in a simple conversation with one or a few people, or it can be while speaking to an audience of 500 or more people, as part of your professional world or within your personal activities.
Persuasion is part of everyday reality and greatly determines the quality of your life and the success you achieve.

SKILL I: Active Listening

Think of listening based on the ratio of having two ears and one mouth. Use them in that ratio. Listen twice as much as you speak.
Maintain eye contact. It shows others that you are paying attention.

Make notes. This will reinforce your memory. It is advisable to ask permission first in some situations. That permission is seldom refused. If you wish to take a tape recording, it is vital to ask permission.


Allow people to finish their own sentences no matter
how enthusiastically you want to jump into the conversation. Doing so will indicate respect for what the person is saying.


Get all the information that is available within a conversation so you will not jump to any false conclusions. Wait for the end of the sentence or end of the conversation to be sure this conversation is unique from any other that may sound similar to you.


Respond so the other person knows you are listening. Your response may be ?oYes? or ?oI
see? or merely nodding your head. Any of these will do.


Be accepting rather than judgmental so you can truly hear the message being given. Different accents, catch phrases, speeds of speech, and cultural generalizations can get in the way of hearing the actual message.


Ask questions when you do not understand something that was said. This goes a long way to building strong communication.


Ask core questions. That is typically a series of ?owhy? questions that go deeper into a particular subject to gain the greatest understanding of a situation. Start with broad information and continue seeking more specific responses.


Pause before replying. Pausing will add power to what you say. It indicates you are giving a considered response, that you thought about it, that it is not just some answer you offer every time this question comes up.


Use the Rapid Repeat Method to improve your listening skills and concentration abilities. Do this by simply repeating, silently in your mind, what is being said a fraction of a second later. This holds your concentration and improves your recall of what was said.


TO BE CONTINUED....

SKILL 2: Subconscious Encoding
Consider that as humans we have two minds: the conscious and the subconscious. The conscious mind is the judge of the information that comes through the senses, dealing with one item at a time. The subconscious mind stores memories and does not judge information at all. It simply stores it. When a person is asked a question they respond, whether the response is verbalized or not.
Be enthusiastic! Smile and use pattern interrupting words such as â?osizzling,â? â?ogreat,â?and â?oawesome!â? This will encourage others to be enthusiastic!
Phrase your questions so that â?oYesâ? answers or positive mode answers are given. This will keep the other person in your conversation in a positive mode because the subconscious has accepted the â?oYesâ? as the response.
Insert â?oYes Tagsâ? into your questions. â?oYes Tagsâ? are phrases like â?oIsnâ?Tt it,â? â?oCouldnâ?Tt you,â? â?oArenâ?Tt they,â? â?oWonâ?Tt you.â? They have more impact when they are placed at the end of a question, although they can be at the start, middle, or end. An example would be, â?oYou will be able to stay to finish that report, wonâ?Tt you?â?
Be aware of how often you use â?oYes Tags.â? They can begin to sound mechanical and contrived when used too frequently.
Use positive self-talk. Program yourself by saying what TO DO rather than what NOT TO DO.
Consider what mode your questions create. The way you ask a question sets a tone in the conversation. When asking someone at a customer service desk if they deal with complaints, you establish the mode of â?ocomplaint.â? Asking that same person if they deal with â?ohelpingâ? you, you have created a mode of â?ohelping.â? Think â?osolutionâ? rather than â?oproblemâ? in your communication.
Practice using the following methods to improve the retention of whoever is in communication with you:
First â?" Make an effort to be first or last when giving a presentation to a group.
Last â?" First and last items in any situation are the most likely to be remembered.
Unusual items â?" Use as many creative ideas as possible to make your presentation unusual and therefore more memorable.
Linking â?" Connect information with something the other person already knows.
Repetition â?" Things that are repeated again and again tend to stick in your mind. Do this by summarizing regularly throughout a presentation and then again at the end. Enthusiasm â?" You and your listeners remember information when you are enthusiastic about it.
Learn to use the YARD Technique as a process to reach the result you want. YARD stands for:
Y Yes â?" an agreement to take action.
A Action â?" the action has taken place.
R Result â?" a result has happened.
D Delighted â?" the other party is delighted!
This method requires asking a question that could only be asked after those situations have come to pass. You must imagine a situation where you want to obtain agreement. Then visualize the fact that the action has taken place. You will then have a question to ask that triggers this process.
TO BE CONTINUED...

SKILL 3: Reaching Home Base
Within any particular native language, each person has their own home base of language, according to the ideas put forth by the two founding scientists of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP). The home bases are built on the five senses of visual (seeing), au***ory (hearing), kinesthetic (feeling/action/touch), olfactory (smelling), and gustatory (tasting). The first three are the main ones.
TO BE CONTINUEDõ?Ư
Listen carefully to the kinds of words spoken by others. Words like õ?osee,õ? õ?olook,õ?and õ?owatchõ? are strong indicators their home base is likely visual. Words such as õ?ohear,õ? õ?olisten,õ? and õ?orings a bellõ? means au***ory is probably the home base. A kinesthetic home base is indicated by words like õ?otouch,õ? õ?ofeel,õ? and õ?oexplore.õ? Once you are aware of the home base, your communication will be more effective when you match with the same home base.
Be aware of the pace at which people are speaking. That is another indicator of language home base. Visual people tend to speak quickly. Kinesthetic people often speak more slowly than visual people. Au***ory people often speak more slowly than kinesthetic people.
Notice peopleõ?Ts body shapes as yet another indicator of their language home base. A person with a compact and muscular body is often visual. Someone with a soft, round body and high proportion of body fat sometimes uses tastes and smell words in their language. The person with a lean, delicate build is often kinesthetic in language.

SKILL 4: The Eyes Have It
Eye movements are among the clearest indicators of someonê?Ts thought processes. Research indicates there are two halves to the brain, each half dealing with different types of data. The right brain deals with intangibles and the creative elements. The left brain deals with logic and academic thought. As people use their brains their eyes also move. Each part of the eye movement adds to the information about their thought process.
Watch the direction of a person?Ts eye movements to know more of their thought process. This will enhance your ability to communicate more clearly with them. The following diagram is a map to further guide your under-standing, based on where they look. This applies to a right- handed person. Some left-handed people access in exactly the reverse way.

Notice the position of the upper eyelids as another indicator of a person?Ts thought process. The level of the upper eyelid indicates someonê?Ts interest in the situation in which they find themselves. The higher the position of the eyelid, the higher their interest level. Careful watching of the upper eyelids will tell you everything you need to know about their interest level.

Watch for the showing or hiding of a red triangular part in the corner of the eye at the side of the nose. This is called the inner canthus. When the inner canthus is visible, the person is showing a degree of interest. When the inner canthus is covered, the person is showing concern or even disagreement. When the person?Ts inner canthus is visible, it is time
to ask for ?oYes.?
Look at the dark center of the eye that is called the pupil. The pupil is dilated when the person is showing a degree of interest or excitement in what they are hearing, seeing, or feeling. The pupil contracts when the person is indicating a concern or lack of interest. Light can change the size of the pupil as well. Be sure you are reading the indications accurately.
Make direct eye contact with people for about five seconds at a time. Do this directly when you are speaking to one other person, or do it in groups when you are speaking to large audiences. If making direct eye contact is difficult for you, look at a spot between the eyes of the other person
SKILL 5: Questioning Skills
Questions are very powerful because they are always answered, even if those answers are not verbalized (spoken aloud). You will be able to create a number of different situations and reactions by the types of questions you use.
Use information questions to both give and to receive information. A question that includes implied information would be, ?oDo you want me to send 20 bags of cement
to ABC builders? They normally have 10 bags.? (the implication of the standard order of the customer) Another question that states information is. ?oThis job will involve us in about six hours of overtime (the statement). Do you think the team would prefer to do it this week or next??
Consider a focusing question to focus people on a potential outcome. An example of that is, ?oWhere do you want to be in a year?Ts time??
Fill an embarrassing silence with a good question. In an interview, the interviewer could ask the interviewee, ?oWhat questions would you like to ask me??
Ask a question as a way to bring people together when there are difficulties in a relationship. In a sales role, a suitable question might be, ?oWhat ad***ional information can I give you that would enable you to make a decision??
Show that you are listening actively by asking questions. Such a question would be,
?oAm I right in thinking that what you are saying is...??
Diffuse a difficult situation by asking a question that serves to calm things. Since questions have to be answered, this will distract someone when they are upset or angry. In customer service, an example would be, ?oOn behalf of the store, I Apologize for the mistake. What do you wish me to do to correct the problem??
Build rapport by asking questions. Rapport can be defined as a harmonious and useful relationship with another. A question such as ?oHow may I help you?? can do just that.
Use an appropriate tone of voice when asking a question so you get the results you are seeking. An inappropriate tone of voice can be counter-productive to your intentions.
Listen to the answer when asking a question. Use the Rapid Repeat Method to listen actively, as mentioned earlier.
Be mindful of your intent when asking a question. There is a fine line between manipulation and motivation.
Keep your question to a question rather than expanding it into a monologue. You are more likely to hold the attention of your listener in this way.
Ask pertinent questions in a conversation. This comes from listening actively so you are aware of what has already been asked and what has already been said.
Communicate a question instead of a statement as a more effective starter, continuer,or finisher of a conversation. Be clear in what you intend to say and how you can best say it.
Use leading questions only after giving great thought to the effect the question will have on the listener. A leading question is where the answer is given in the question.
If the listener believes you are using a leading question on purpose, you will instantly lose credibility and break rapport. Politicians are great users of the leading question. ?oWouldn?Tt you agree that our policy on housing is producing results??
Phrase your question based on the likely response you will get. Asking a priest if you can smoke while you pray will illicit a different response than asking if you can pray while you smoke.
Rather than asking leading questions, design questions for interview and appraisal meetings to start at the end and work backwards. Decide on the information you
require and build a series of questions that will enable you to uncover that information. It will take time, and it is time well spent.
Use soft expressions sparingly. ?oI?Tm sorry to bother you,? ?oif you like,? ?omaybe,? ?osort of,? and ?oI may be wrong but...? are all ways of detracting from the strength and effectiveness of your communication.
Pose a question to a superior or co-worker to gain clarity about the priority of numerous work tasks. A question is far better than a statement to keep the flow of things moving well. A cooperative tone of voice when asking that question is also vital.
Give careful thought to your way of dealing with a team member when you are in a leadership role. ?oWê? language rather than ?oyou and I? will create a better effect and result. An example is, ?oWhat suggestions can we come up with to improve our performance??
Choose appropriate motivational awards for team members you are leading by asking them what they really want as a reward. Selecting something they want will go much further in motivating your team.
Find out what went wrong, not who was wrong when results are different from what you wanted them to be. Ask ?oWhat happened?? instead of ?oWho did this?? Criticize the action, not the person
TO BE CONTINUED...