Joke of the day!!!

According to the year 2000 statistic " The Comparison between computer and your girlfriend"..astonishingly, there is more than 70 % prefer a computer rather than their girlfriend....Some of their reasons are described below :
1. A computer can wait forever for you.
2. A computer doesn't compare you with it's past users.
3. A computer doesn't get calls from it's past users while you're logged in.
4. A computer doesn't mind how excited you get.
5. A computer doesn't tell you how completely teriffic it's past users have been.
6. A computer is big in all the right places.
7. A computer never forgets your birthday.
8. A computer won't ask, "Are you in?"
9. A computer won't ask, "Is there another computer?"
10. A computer won't even talk about marriage.
11. A computer won't fall in love with you just because you have ***.
12. A computer won't get bitchy if you're slow to respond.
13. A computer won't grade you on how much you send it.
14. A computer won't look through your checkbook.
15. A computer won't mind how many other accounts you have, or if you keep getting new ones.
16. A computer won't say, "Let's just be friends."
17. A computer won't shave with your razor.
18. A computer's maintainance personel don't cross-examine you every time you log in.
19. Computers are easy to turn on.
20. Computers are ready when you are.
21. Computers are very responsive.
22. Computers aren't into finding out how far you'll go to keep your account.
23. Computers do everything you tell them to.
24. Computers don't care about age differences.
25. Computers don't care if you're married.
26. Computers don't get pregnant.
27. Computers don't get upset if you use other computers.
28. Computers don't insist on foreplay.
29. Computers don't make you meet their parents.
30. Computers don't mind if you share them with a friend.
31. Computers don't mind spending hours on the phone with you.
32. Computers don't play head games unless you ask them to.
33. Computers never ask you to call them in the morning.
34. Computers never have headaches, or take rainchecks, or have a curfew, or have that time of the month.
35. Computers won't mind if you don't like their friends.
36. If you don't like the feel of one terminal you can easily switch to another in less than a min.
37. Size doesn't count to a computer.
38. The average computer session lasts four hours.
39. With a computer, you never have to say you're sorry.
40. You can log into several computers at once.
41. You can turn off a computer.
42. You can visit a computer any time you like, and it'll be up and ready for you.
43. You don't have to tell computers you love them.

Enjoy it!!
Cheer

MeoHoang

Được sửa chữa bởi - meohoang vào 16/04/2002 17:10

THE SECRETS OF WOMEN'S LANGUAGE
KEYWORDS AND THEIR MEANING.
FINE: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use "fine" to describe how woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually use to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (WITH RAISE EYEBROWS): This is a dare, One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".
GO AHEAD (NORMAL EYEBROWS): This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".
SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sigh" are one of the few things that some ment actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
OH: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example; "Oh, let me get that". Or, "Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night". If she says "Oh" before a statement, run, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows "Go Ahead"
followed by acts so unspeakable that I can't bring myself to write about them.
THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she want's to think long and hard before paying you retributions for what ever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raise eyebrow "Go Ahead". At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is and offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".
THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint, just say "You're Welcome".
THANKS A LOT: This is much different than "Thanks". A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh", as she will only tell you "Nothing".
Life is a song-sing it.
Life is a game-play it.
Life is a challenge-meet it.
Life is a dream-realize it.
Life is a sacrifice-offer it.
Life is love-enjoy it.

MeoHoang

A woman was walking along pushing her new born baby in its pram when she was approached by an old friend. The woman leaned over, peered into the pram and said, "What a beautiful baby boy! Little Jesse looks just like his father."
"I know," replied the woman, "I just wish he looked more like my husband

Bad Day at Work
---------------
A Man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee.
On his first day he dialed the pantry and shouted into the
phone, "Get me a coffee quickly!"
The voice from the other side responded,"You fool you've
dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to, dumbo?"
"No", replied the trainee.
"It's the Managing Director of the company, you fool!"
The man shouted back, "And do you know who YOU are
talking to, you fool?"
"No.", replied the Managing Director.
"Good!", replied the trainee and put down the phone!

MeoHoang

The following ad is reported to have gotten numerous calls...
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE...
Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy."
Callers found themselves talking to the local Humane Society about an eight-week-old black Lab

10 Reasons Women Date Jerks Instead of Nice Guys
======================================
10) More fun to complain about them to their friends.
9) Guys who actually like you just aren't challenging or exciting.
8) When you do date nice guys, they turn into jerks anyway, so why not save time and go for the jerk in the first place?
7) You won't get as emotionally attached to a jerk, so you'll be more in control.
6) All the other women want them, so they must be worth having.
5) Affection means more when it comes from a guy who doesn't normally give it.
4) Guaranteed to cheat on you so someone else can endure his lack of lovemaking skills most of the time.
3) No need to feel guilty for abusing or deceiving them.
2) Jerks will actually tell you when they don't like what you're doing instead of getting mad about it six months later.
1) Looking for someone you can't trust, and won't care about too much, who will abuse you mentally and financially, but you don't know any lawyers.

MeoHoang

Did You Know...
---------------
- At one time in Holland it took four years to train to be a hatmaker but only three years to train to be a surgeon.
- Despite the many rat invested slums in New York City, only 311 people are bitten by rats in an average year. But 1,519 residents are bitten annually by other New Yorkers.
- No one knows why, but 90 percent of women who walk into a department store immediately turn to the right.
- The term skyscraper was first used way back in 1888 to describe an 11 story building.
- Adults average only one nightmare a year, but typically have seven ***ual fantasies a day.
- There are twice as many kangaroos in Australia as there are people. The kangaroo population is estimated at about 40 million.
- During his entire lifetime, Herman Melville's timeless classic of the sea, 'Moby Dick', only sold 50 copies.
- The liver, not the heart, is the sign of romance in northern Morocco. When a Moroccan girl falls in love she says, "Darling, you have stolen my liver."
- Drivers tend to drive faster when other cars are around. It doesn't matter whether they are in front, behind or beside them.
- A small tribe named the Todas in southern India don't greet each other with a handshake, they thumb their noses.
- The host team in an NFL football game must have 26 footballs inflated and ready to play.
- The world's greatest lover was King Mongut of Siam. He had 9,000 wives. Before dying of syphilis he was quoted in saying he only loved the first 700.

MeoHoang

Accountants vs. Engineers
=========================
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers only buy one ticket.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.
They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a rest room and close the door behind them.
Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Tickets, please!" The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants see this and agree it is a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.
"Watch and you'll see," answered an engineer.
When they board the train all three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Tickets, please!"

MeoHoang

A MAN WAS DRIVING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD WHEN HE
NOTICED A FARMER STANDING IN A LARGE FIELD...THE
FARMER WASN'T DOING ANYTHING..HE WAS JUST
STANDING THERE..CURIOUS, THE MAN STOPPED HIS
CAR AND TOOK THE WALK OVER TO THE FARMER
AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE WAS DOING..THE FARMER
REPLIED "I'M TRYING TO WIN A NOBEL PRIZE" "HOW
DO YOU EXPECT TO DO THAT" THE MAN ASKED..THE
FARMER REPLIED "I HEARD THEY ONLY GIVE IT TO
PEOPLE WHO ARE OUT STANDING IN THEIR FIELD"
Tao_lao

Engineer In Hell
================
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air con***ioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air con***ioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

MeoHoang