Joke of the Day!

Waiter : How did you find your chop sir?
Diner: I looked under a chop, and there it was.
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Insurance agent: This is a particularly good policy, madam. Under it, we pay up to a thousand pounds for broken arms and legs.
Woman : Good heavens - what do you do with them all?
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Mother : Bobby's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia.
Father: Let him walk to school like I had to !

Nothing Impossible

Dangerous Squirrels
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe's first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob's lead. Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet! After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened. Joe said â?oThere was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed.â?
â?oSo then what did make you scream,â? Bob asked, exasperated. â?oWell,â? Joe continued, â?otwo squirells crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, â?~Should we take them home or eat 'em now?â?Tâ?
...just live to the fullest...

Dangerous Squirrels
A man, Bob, and his friend Joe went out hunting. This was Joe's first time ever hunting, so he was following Bob's lead. Bob saw a small herd of deer and told Joe to stay in the exact spot he was and to be quiet! After a few minutes, Bob heard a loud scream. He ran back and asked Joe what had happened. Joe said â?oThere was this snake and he slittered across my feet, but I never screamed. Then there was this bear that came up to me and snarled, but I never screamed.â??
â?oSo then what did make you scream,â?? Bob asked, exasperated. â?oWell,â?? Joe continued, â?otwo squirells crawled up my pants and I overheard them say, â?~Should we take them home or eat 'em now?â?Tâ??
...just live to the fullest...

Teacher : In what part of the world are people the most ignorant?
Sammy: Tokyo
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Sammy : Well, my geography book says that's where the population is densest.
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Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a goat.
How long have you had this feeling?
Ever since I was a kid !
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English man to Paddy: Have you any idea how many sheep there are in this field?
Paddy: Sure - there's three hundred and eighty-six
English man: Good heavens - you're quite right. How did you know?
Paddy: Well, I just counted the legs and divided them by four !

Nothing Impossible

Teacher : In what part of the world are people the most ignorant?
Sammy: Tokyo
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Sammy : Well, my geography book says that's where the population is densest.
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Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a goat.
How long have you had this feeling?
Ever since I was a kid !
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English man to Paddy: Have you any idea how many sheep there are in this field?
Paddy: Sure - there's three hundred and eighty-six
English man: Good heavens - you're quite right. How did you know?
Paddy: Well, I just counted the legs and divided them by four !

Nothing Impossible

Little Voice
- Doctor ! My wife has lost her voice. What can I do to help her get it back ?
- Try coming home at 3 in the morning.
*** Relatively Speaking
- "Dad," asked son, "What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?"
Dad replied ''That's Grandpa!"
Golfing and Skydiving Mishaps
Whats the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes, whack!..."damn!"
And a skydiver goes, "damn!"... whack!
...just live to the fullest...

Little Voice
- Doctor ! My wife has lost her voice. What can I do to help her get it back ?
- Try coming home at 3 in the morning.
*** Relatively Speaking
- "Dad," asked son, "What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?"
Dad replied ''That's Grandpa!"
Golfing and Skydiving Mishaps
Whats the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes, whack!..."damn!"
And a skydiver goes, "damn!"... whack!
...just live to the fullest...

Mother: There were two doughnuts in the larder this afternoon, Tommy, now there's only one. How's that?
Tommy: I suppose because it's dark in there - I didn't see the other one.
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Safebreaker: I think I need glasses.
Mate: How's that?
Safebreaker: Well, I was twirling the knobs of a safe and an orchestra began to play.
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Once the night watchman received a pound too much in his pay-packet , but didn't mention it to his boss. But his boss found out and deducted it the following payday.
"Hey", said the watchman, "I'm a pound short this week"
"You didn't say anything last week when you were paid a pound too much, I noticed"
"No", replied the watchman. "I can overlook one mistake, but when it appens twice , it's time to speak up!"

Nothing's Impossible

Mother: There were two doughnuts in the larder this afternoon, Tommy, now there's only one. How's that?
Tommy: I suppose because it's dark in there - I didn't see the other one.
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Safebreaker: I think I need glasses.
Mate: How's that?
Safebreaker: Well, I was twirling the knobs of a safe and an orchestra began to play.
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Once the night watchman received a pound too much in his pay-packet , but didn't mention it to his boss. But his boss found out and deducted it the following payday.
"Hey", said the watchman, "I'm a pound short this week"
"You didn't say anything last week when you were paid a pound too much, I noticed"
"No", replied the watchman. "I can overlook one mistake, but when it appens twice , it's time to speak up!"

Nothing's Impossible

A Martian landed at a fun-fair, just as somebody hit the jack-pot and the coins came flooding out. Turning to the machine, the Martian said â?oYou shouldnâ?Tt be out with a cold like that."
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Tommy : Dad, what are four grapes and three grapes ?
Dad: Donâ?Tt you know a simple sum like that - havenâ?Tt you done a problem like that before?
Tommy: No, Dad, we always use bananas at school
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Doctor - I canâ?Tt get to sleep at night.
Donâ?Tt worry - lie on the edge of the bed and youâ?Tll soon drop off

Nothing's Impossible