1. Tuyển Mod quản lý diễn đàn. Các thành viên xem chi tiết tại đây

Joke of the day

Chủ đề trong 'Anh (English Club)' bởi CXR, 04/03/2003.

  1. 1 người đang xem box này (Thành viên: 0, Khách: 1)
  1. CXR

    CXR Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    03/03/2003
    Bài viết:
    1.073
    Đã được thích:
    24
    In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous haired model.
    She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair.
    Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she asked him what the melody was.
    It was the theme from "Mission Impossible."
    "Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
    Được CXR sửa chữa / chuyển vào 12:50 ngày 11/05/2003
  2. KE_TAM_THUONG_new

    KE_TAM_THUONG_new Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    24/02/2002
    Bài viết:
    21
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Em cũng xin góp vui bằng mấy mẩu chuyện copy được
    Some lessons for you
    A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the
    window:
    "I want to open a damn checking account."
    To which the astonished woman replies:
    "I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did
    you say?"
    "Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account
    right now!"
    "I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language
    in this bank."
    Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the
    bank manager to tell him about her problem customer. They both return
    and the manager asks the old geezer: "What seems to be the problem
    here?"
    "There's no damn problem, sonny," the elderly man says. "I just
    won 50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn
    checking account in this damn bank!"! ; "I see," says the manager
    thoughtfully.
    "And you're saying that this bitch here is giving you a hard time?"
    Lesson I - If you are RICH, you can get away with almost anything
  3. KE_TAM_THUONG_new

    KE_TAM_THUONG_new Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    24/02/2002
    Bài viết:
    21
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Lesson 2
    An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to
    LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind
    of -ese are you?"
    The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what
    you mean."
    The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"
    Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American,
    now irritated, then yelled, " What kind of -ese are you . Are you a
    Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese! , etc......???"
    The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
    A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What
    kind of --'key' was he.
    The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of
    '-key' am I?!"
    The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankey, donkey, or monkey?"
    Lesson II - Never insult anyone.
  4. KE_TAM_THUONG_new

    KE_TAM_THUONG_new Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    24/02/2002
    Bài viết:
    21
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Lesson 3
    **********************************************************
    There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a
    French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the
    bottle, a genie appeared. Thankful that the 4 guys had released
    him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming
    pools,
    I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and
    jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your
    wish will come true."
    The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and
    shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
    The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.
    Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and
    immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
    The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so
    contented with his beer pool.
    The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when
    suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and
    shouted, "****!!!!!!!........."
    Lesson III - Think twice before you say something, because sometimes
    accidents do happen.
  5. britneybritney

    britneybritney Thành viên rất tích cực

    Tham gia ngày:
    08/05/2002
    Bài viết:
    4.404
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Posted by ba_phi
    No01: It tasted much better than a chicken
    Jack was a young sailor. He lived in England, but he was often away with his ship.
    One summer he came back from a long voyage and found new neighbours near his mother's house. They had a pretty daughter and Jack soon loved her very much.
    He said to her, "My next voyage will begin in a few day's time, Gloria. I love you, and I'll marry you when I come back. I'll think about you all the time and I'll write to you and send you a present from every port."
    Jack's first port was Freetown in Africa and he sent Gloria a parrot from there. It spoke five languages.
    When Jack's ship reached Australia, there was a letter from Gloria. It said: "Thank you for the parrot, Jack. It tasted much better than a chicken."
    -------------
    No02: Both of your hands
    Fanny and Ethel worked in the same office, and they were neighbours at home. Fanny was rather a careless girl, and she often lost things. Then she usually went to Ethel to borrow more from her.
    Ethel was a kind girl, but she sometimes got tired of lending things to her friend.
    One Saturday after noon Fanny knocked at Ethel's front door, and when Ethel came to open it, Fanny said to her, "Oh, hullo, Ethel. Please lend me a bag. I've lost mine. I'm going to the shops, and I feel very stupid when I haven't got anything in my hand when I go out in the street."
    Ethel laughed and answered, "Well, Fanny, go down to the end of the garden. You'll find a nice a wheelbarrow in the shed there. Take that when you go down to the shops. Then you'll have something in both of your hands".
    (tôi ko hiểu câu cuối của truyện này lắm. Nó hài hước ở chỗ nào nhỉ?)
    -------------
    No03: Old shirt
    Dave married, and when his new wife saw the clothes in his cupboard, she said: "Dave, you have only got one good shirt. The others are very old, and they've got holes in 'em. I'm goin' to buy you a new one this afternoon."
    Dave likes his old shirts, but he loved his wife too, so he said: "All right, Beryl, but please don't throw any of the old ones away."
    Dave went to work, and when he came back in the evening, Beryl said to him: "Look, Dave, I've bought you a nice shirt. Here it is, put it on."
    Dave put the shirt on, and then he said: "Look at the sleeves, Beryl. They're too long."
    "That's all right", Beryl answered. "They'll get shorter when I wash the shirt,"
    Then Dave said, "But the neck's too small"
    "That's all right", Beryl answered. "They'll get bigger when U wear the shirt, Dave."
    (cả truyện này nữa, bà vợ trả lời như thế là sao nhỉ? Ý cô ta là phải vứt bỏ các cái áo sơmi cũ à?)
    I wrote ur name in the sky, but the wind blew it away
    I wrote ur name in the sand, but the waves washed it away
    So I write ur name in my heart, where noone can take it away and 4ever it will stay...
  6. KE_TAM_THUONG_new

    KE_TAM_THUONG_new Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    24/02/2002
    Bài viết:
    21
    Đã được thích:
    0
    A NEW PRIEST
    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
    1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
    2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
    4. Jesus was consercrated, not constipated.
    5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
    6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
    7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
    8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
    9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
    10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
    11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
    12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
    13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
    14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
  7. KE_TAM_THUONG_new

    KE_TAM_THUONG_new Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    24/02/2002
    Bài viết:
    21
    Đã được thích:
    0
    A wealthy interloper decided to bring a group of friends to the wilds for a deer hunt. So he called an old guide who had been recommended to him.
    On hearing what he wanted, the man explained, "Sorry, I don't guide hunters any more. These days, I just take out fishing parties."
    "Why's that?" mocked the wealthy easterner. "Getting a little too old for the trails?"
    "Nope," replied the guide. "I've never had a fisherman mistake me for a fish."
  8. CXR

    CXR Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    03/03/2003
    Bài viết:
    1.073
    Đã được thích:
    24
    Posted by iswear:
    Dead Politicians
    A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmerâ?Ts field.
    The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
    The old farmer said he had buried them.
    The sheriff asked the old farmer, â?o Were they all dead ? â?o
    The old farmer replied, â?o Well, some of them said they werenâ?Tt, but you know how the politicians lie. â?o
  9. longhoang

    longhoang Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    21/01/2002
    Bài viết:
    25
    Đã được thích:
    0
    By Any Other Name
    An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
    The two elderly gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant, and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."
    The other man said, "What's the name of the restaurant?"
    The first man knits his brow (cau mày) in obvious concentration, and finally says to his companion, "Aahh, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
    His friend replies, "A Carnation (hoa cam chuong)?"
    "No. No. The other one" the man says.
    His friend offers another suggestion, "The Poppy (cay anh tuc)?"
    "Nahhhh," growls (càu nhàu) the man, "You know the one that is red and has thorns (gai)."
    His friend says, "Do you mean a rose ?"
    "Yes, Yes that's it. Thank you!" the first man says.
    He then turns toward the kitchen and yells, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?


    What You See Is What You Can Get...
  10. longhoang

    longhoang Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    21/01/2002
    Bài viết:
    25
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Tại hạ xin có chút xíu ý kiến thế này, chút xíu thôi để các chư vị nào chưa nghe thi cũng nghe mà chư vị nào biết rồi thì chú ý hơn:
    -Khi post bài bằng Tiếng Anh (truyện, câu đố, ngữ pháp...) các hạ nên mở ngoặc chú thích những từ khó hay các cụm từ chưa biết rồi đánh dấu chúng, làm như thế thì người đọc sẽ không nhàm chán và nhớ từ lâu hơn, dễ hiểu nữa và còn gây hứng thú cho người đọc, chứ quý vị nghĩ xem, khi vào topic thấy ngay một đoạn văn dài ngoằng ngoẵng bằng tiếng Anh thì có mấy ai mà chịu đọc đâu. Tại hạ nói vậy có đúng không, nếu đúng thì vote cho vài seo nhé.
    Xin cém ơn. Hẹn ngày tái ngộ.

    What You See Is What You Can Get...

Chia sẻ trang này