Joke of the day

Crazy Ass Joke
Two doctors opened an office in a small town.
They put up a sign reading: "Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry (tâm thần học) and Proctology." ( hậu môn)
The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: "Hysterias (chứng icteri, chắc là một kiểu cuồng loạn gì đấy) and Posteriors (situated behind or hinder - đặt ở phía sau gây trở ngại, mông (thông tục)"
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to: "Schizoids (chứng loạn tinh thần) and Hemorrhoids. (bệnh trĩ)"
No go! Next they tried "Catatonics (rối loạn tâm lý) and Colonics (ruột kết)]" Thumbs down (không được tán thành) again.
Then came, "Manic-Depressives (rối loạn thần kinh, chứng hưng trầm cảm) and Anal-Retentives. (???) "
But is was still not good! So they tried:
"Minds and Behinds" (ý nói cái đầu với cả cái... ý mà)
"Analysis and Anal (hậu môn) Cysts (u nang)"
"Nuts (slang: dở hơi) and Butts (trò cười)"
"Freaks (ở đây chắc có nghĩa là đồng bóng?) and Cheeks (tính không biết xấu hổ)"
"Loons (American English: thằng điên cuồng) and Moons" (ko biết nghĩa từ này ở đây là gì)
"Lost Souls and Ass Holes" (2 từ này chắc mọi người đều biết nhỉ )
None worked.
Almost at their wits' (sự hóm hỉnh thông mình) end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be accepted by the council:
"Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Odds and Ends." (những mẫu thừa, lặt vặt)
APPROVED!
Brit thêm nghĩa của các từ vào truyện của shtp cho nó dễ hiểu hơn nhé, toàn từ về y học, có mấy cái Brit định hỏi bố (vì bố Brit làm nghề y) để giải thích cho dễ hiểu hơn nhưng chưa về Đọc truyện này cũng hiểu được ý cười của nó nhưng ko dễ cười lắm.

I want to be in another place.
I hate when you say you don't understand.

Được britneybritney sửa chữa / chuyển vào 01:05 ngày 19/05/2003
Được britneybritney sửa chữa / chuyển vào 01:07 ngày 19/05/2003

Totally agree with you, longhoang ! Yeah, highlight new words and give definition (either in English or Vietnamese). Readers will understand and enjoy the jokes better.
Vote for you 6minus1 *

5* for ya already. That's a perfect idea, longhoang. And I wanna say thank you... why? I checked out your profile this afternoon and there I saw one of your favourite website is f_92. It made me feel our club is not really bad and....
As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
As our lives change, come whatever
We will still be FRIENDS FOREVER

Drunk
Three guys are sitting in a bar, another guy walks in and points
to the guy in the middle and says, "Hey you! I just screwed your
mom and it was soooo great!" By then everyone was expecting a
fight. But the guy didn't do nothing. So the Drunk man goes and
sits in the other side of the bar.
15 minutes later he comes back and points at the same guy and
says, "I just had the *** with your mom, and it was SWEEET.."
Everyone was really expecting a fight this time, but then again
nothing happened and the Drunk man goes back to the other side
of the bar.
Then again another 15 min. pass and the guy comes back and says,
"I saw..." and the other man interuped him, turned to him and
says, "Dad, your drunk! Go Home!"
Cleopatra

The Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
Đại Ca

HOUSECLEANING TIPS FOR INTERNET JUNKIES
Sweeping and Mopping the floors -- Have dog sweep floors with tail and lick up all crumbs.
Vacuuming -- Call for demo from salesman. Have him show you how the vacuum works in all parts of the house. Tips for success: Don't always call same company ... keep a chart and rotate.
Dusting -- Only do what is at eye level or below. And only right before someone is coming over!
Laundry -- First find a good place to hide it! If you have to do it... like you have no underwear... (heck who needs underwear).
Cleaning toilet -- Close the lid.
Cleaning Shower -- Close the shower door or curtain.
Cleaning the rest of the Bathroom -- Close the door.
Taking out the Trash -- If you can't find anyone in your house to take it out... bribe a neighbor ... say you hurt your back or some other sob story... that one might be good for getting at least a few sympathy dinners out of the neighbor as well! Try not to use it too often ... they might get suspicious.
Dishes -- Dishwasher...if it doesn't come off run it again and again if that doesn't work ... throw the dish out and start fresh. Better yet ... paper plates, plastic utensils and plastic cups are far better way to go... (as long as your neighbor is taking out the trash).
We hope you find our list helpful in allowing you more and more online time. As we have all learned frozen dinners and take out foods are a life saver on those days that you just cant seem to get your butt outta the 'puter chair ... good luck... We hope to see more of you online soon!
"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"

Supi***y Has No Limits...
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.
A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
A woman was reporting her car as stolen, and mentioned that there was a car phone in it. The policeman taking the report called the phone and told the guy that answered that he had read the ad in the newspaper and wanted to buy the car. They arranged to meet, and the thief was arrested.
45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.
Oklahoma City - Dennis Newton was on trial for the armed robbery of a convenience store in a district court this week when he fired his lawyer. Assistant district attorney Larry Jones said Newton, 47, was doing a fair job of defending himself until the store manager testified that Newton was the robber. Newton jumped up, accused the woman of lying and then said, "I should have blown your [expletive] head off." The defendant paused, then quickly added, "-- if I'd been the one that was there." The jury took 20 minutes to convict Newton and recommend a 30-year sentence.
R.C. Gaitlin, 21, walked up to two patrol officers who were showing their squad car computer equipment to children in a Detroit neighborhood. When he asked how the system worked, the officers asked him for a piece of identification. Gaitlin gave them his driver's license, they entered it into the computer, and moments later they arrested Gaitlin because information on the screen showed that Gaitlin was wanted for a two-year-old armed robbery in St. Louis, Missouri.
Police in Chicago sent Cubs tickets to people with outstanding arrest warrants. When they arrived at the game, they were promptly arrested.
"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"

Marriage's 4-letter words
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, Mum," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, Mum, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please Mum!"
"Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, Mum," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mum, they were words like dust, wash, iron, cook!"
"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"

Understanding Marketing
You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a fabulous girl/guy. You have one of your friends' approach them, point at you and say, "She's/He's fantastic in bed."
That's Advertising.
You see a fabulous girl/guy at a party. You approach them to get their telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. You get up, straighten your clothes, walk up and pour them a drink. You open the door, pick up their bag after it drops, offer them a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a fabulous girl/guy. They walk up to you and say, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.
Được CXR sửa chữa / chuyển vào 14:18 ngày 28/05/2003

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had ...
(A wonderful joke .. just a little bit long)
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and lively reaction on him.
One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved beans.
Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on the way hame from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he phoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.
On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home.
He went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans. All the way home he farted.
By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on.
Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.
While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and "Rriiipppp!" It sounded like a diesel engine and smelled worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for almost ten minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.
When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contently, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table.
After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled "SURPRISE!"
To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.

"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"