Joke of the day

Women claim that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
Men concluded that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn''t help noticing how beautiful Ben''s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom''s thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."
About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I''ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don''t suppose she took it, do you?"
Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I''ll write her a letter just to be sure."
So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I''m not saying you ''did'' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I''m not saying you ''did not'' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."
Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:
"Dear Son, I''m not saying that you ''do'' sleep with Allison, and I''m not saying that you ''do not'' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom" .
2. The School Report
Son: "Daddy, I have to write a special report for school, but I don''t know what Politics is."
Father: "Well, let''s take our home as an example. I am the bread-winner, so let''s call me Capitalism. Your Mum is the administrator of money, so we''ll call her Government. We take care of your need, so let''s call you The People. We''ll call the maid the Working Class and your brother we can call The Future. Do you understand son?"
Son: "I''m not really sure, Dad. I''ll have to think about it."
That night awakened by his brother''s crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parents'' room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid''s room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy''s knocking went totally unheeded by his father and the maid, so the boy returned to his room and went back to sleep.
The next morning he reported to his father.
Son: "Dad, now I think I understand what Politics is."
Father: "Good son! Can you explain it to me in your own words?"
Son: "Well Dad, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, Government is sound asleep, the People are being completely ignored and the Future is full of $hit."


size 4 They ca l me Super man
I never let another chich brin me down in relationship
Save u bitc ? Baby shi ,u make me sick.
Super man aint savin shi . /size

Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning. When I confront him, he denies everything. What''s worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating! Also, since he lost his job two years ago, he hasn''t even looked for a new one.
All he does is sit around the living room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the bills. And since our daughter went away to college he doesn''t even pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Dump him. You''re a New York senator now. You don''t need him.
"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"

Why it''s great to be a guy:
- Phone conversations last 30 seconds.
- You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.
- A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
- You can open all your own jars.
- Old friends don''t give you crap if you''ve lost or gained weight.
- When clicking thru the channels you don''t have to stop on every shot of someone crying.
- You don''t have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go.
- You can go to the bathroom alone.
- Your last name stays put.
- You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
- You can kill your own food.
- The garage is all yours.
- You get extra cre*** for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment."
- You never have to clean the toilet.
- You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.
- Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3.
- None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
- You don''t have to shave below your neck.
- You don''t have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.
- If you''re 34 and single, no one notices.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
- Flowers fix everything.
- You never have to worry about other''s feelings.
- Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
- You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
- You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- You don''t give a flip if someone doesn''t notice your new haircut.
- You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking "he must be mad at me."
- One mood, all the time.
- You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.
- Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental 100 bucks.
- You don''t care if someone is talking behind your back.
- You don''t pass on the desert and then mooch off someone else''s.
- If you retain water, it is in a canteen.
- The remote is yours and yours alone.
- You need not pretend you''re "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom.
- If you don''t call your buddy when you said you would, he won''t tell your friends you''ve changed.
- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"

How I''m Going to Show Off my Wife''s ***y Body
Now it''s clear I''m not a writer. But, I''ll tell you this, this
story is not one of those dumb juvenile porno whack-off stories, or
those stupid, really asshole scripts you come across in all the dumb,
really dumb porno movies. That stuff is so jaded, so boring. You
know what gets me? The poor younger generation, the kids in their
twenties and thirties. Those ****ing ripped-off kids think that the
stupid manufactured mass-production plastic standard General Motors
Issue asshole stuff they see in porno crappola has anything to do
with ***. Garter belts and stockings and mechanical dildoes. Oh,
Real, Real ****tola!! That''s nineteenth century whore crap, from
England, yet!! Commercial crap to steal away your own exciting ***
imagination, like TV, and Coke, and drive an Accura Legend. That''s
Accura Legend ***. Garbage!! It''s grubby money horse-**** ***.
That ****ing business of coming off on girl''s backs and ****s, all
that dumb ****. God, I''m glad I didn''t grow up in a time of X-Rated
horse****. Marone a Mia!!! (That''s instead of taking the Mother of
God''s name in vain).

<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times New Roman

Anyway, I''m not a porno writer. I''m not a fantasy **** dreamer.
But, before I get on with the main story I want to talk about this
product I dreamed up, all by my lonesome. I''ve prepared a video that
illustrates what I talk about in these books. These videos are
close-up views I took with the macro lens of a camcorder, focussing
on snapshots, still photos. I''ve over-dubbed a voice script, to go
with the pictures. I figured that these illustrative videos would
make the books very, very real. They show still photographs of my
very young wife, Eileen in her ordinary activities, in daily life.
You can see her the way she worked around the house. See my wife,
for real, as a wife and mother to our kids. Eileen was always a
good, loving mother. But then the "fun" of the video are those
"other" pictures. After you look at those precious family album
pics, you can see, mixed in, my sweetie pie, stuffing her mother-hole
with **** and huge veggies, chomping on dick. How about that?
In these books I''ve also written about my *** adventures with other
women and girls. You can see *** pictures of them, too, in the video
collection. What''s interesting about both of them was that I took
the photos when I was teetering on the edge of 50, and both girls
were under twenty. I took dirty photos of them, and was getting them
*****ck off my dick. Gorgeous little girls, like my wife was when I
first married her, and me a fat ugly Italian

Eileen and Our Stag Party Routines
Now for some realistic background on Eileen. My wife performed her
first, and what I expected to be her only stag party at a packed
veteran''s club in 1966 when she was only 24. And the mother of two
little kids. I looked old enough to be her ****ing father, at 39.
Fat and hairy and balding. Pretty little Eileen didn''t even look old
enough to have two kids. She looked like a ****ing bobby-soxer, a
high school girl, or a college freshman cheerleader. We were totally
off the wall, as far as any stag audience was concerned.
At the time Eileen was spreading her ***** so guys could get a look
up her hole, that same ***** had given birth to two small kids, our 6
year old boy and our pretty 4 1/2 year old daughter (not mine,
actually, as I later found out). I wanted to have that scene happen
once in my life, to see it for real, and I couldn''t stop pinching
myself, I''d actually pulled it off. Crazzy me!!
<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times New Roman

Whore''s did stag shows. Doped up, crazy "nymphos", hopped up,
anything goes soon-to-die, who-gives-a-**** nymphos did stag shows.
A married straight suburban housewife, with kids? Nobody, but no
married woman ever, ever, ever did that, as far as these Clubs were
concerned. Well, they didn''t know everything, there were a few
others. But nothing, virtually nothing compared to the regular stag
show activity.
This is a knowledgeable guess, based on my own personal
solicitations of Clubs, practically all of which I turned down as
being too raunchy or wrong for what Eileen and I wanted. Just some
statistical estimates. Averaged out over all the year, there are
maybe 150 marriages a week in Massachusetts. Stag bachelor parties
back then, in the sixties, were held most often by industrial
workers, a lot of second-generation Italians or even more working
class Irish. The only others who would have bachelor parties were
the scum of the colleges, the drunken fraternities, and they usually
had a party using a more feeble-minded or compliant girl-friend of
one of the members. So the occasional lowlifes in the general
pupulation would have a stag party. That would be the smallest
percent of all the couples, not the average middle class
church-goesrs, because the general run of the populations are too
straight, or it doesn''t go with their lifestyle in this religious
uptight conservative New England. But concentrating on Massachusetts
alone I''d guess, even back then, for bachelor parties, or parties
held for salesmen, or visiting firemen, or fraternities, of which
there was a ****load at the Boston colleges, in any week it would
have only been a few, like two or maybe even three or four parties
like that going on in any week. I admit, looked at cumulatively, it
may look like a lot, as much as a hundred to two hundred bachelor and
stag parties in any year. These would be anything from a hired stud
and some hooker or hookers ****ing for an audience, to sometimes,
maybe once a year somewhere in the State, the real adventurers would
have a real *** circus, animals and all, or combination stag shows
and drunken gang ****s. But if you think about this happening among
about five million people, that''s not a lot.

<SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana; mso-fareast-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Times New Roman

George Bush Anthem
The G. W. Bush Political Song (to the tune of "What a Wonderful World" by Sam Cooke)
Don''t know much about history Don''t know much foreign policy Don''t remember how I got through school I''m sure I didn''t break the rules But what''s it matter ''cause my granny says "Boy, if you want to you can be the prez And what a wonderful world this will be"
Don''t know much about the women''s vote Don''t know much about the bill I wrote Don''t know much about the foreign vets I''ve never voted for ''em yet But I do know if your dad tries hard He can get you in the National Guard And what a wonderful place that can be
Now I never claimed to be an A student But what''s wrong with C''s? And maybe by knowing the names of my cabinet I can win their love for me
Don''t know much about air pollution Don''t know much about the constitution Don''t know much about th''economy It never much affected me But there''s one thing that I know for sure If the rich stay rich and the poor stay poor What a wonderful world this will be
Don''t know much about the national debt I''ve never had to pay one yet If we need to we can sell the States To the Japanese at discount rates But I do know if things get bad Dick and I can always call my dad And what a wonderful world this will be
the die is cast

Hey guy, try to read this carefully and find the tricks here.
Punning around with Mark & Mike...

"I''ll have to dig another ***ch around that castle,"
Mark sighed, remotely.

"I''ll have to send that telegram again," Mike said,
remorsefully.

"That''s the last time I''ll ever pet a lion," Mark said,
offhandedly.

"I''ll never sleep on the railroad tracks again!" Mark
said, beside himself.

"I''m never anywhere on time," Mike related.

"I''ve been on a diet," Mark expounded.

"That''s the third electric shock I''ve gotten this week!"
Mike said, revolted.

"I''ve lived through a lot of windstorms," Mike regaled.

"I can''t believe I ate that whole pineapple!" Mark said, dolefully.

"I haven''t caught a fish all day!" Mike said, without debate.

"That''s the third time my teacher changed my grade," Mark remarked.

"I keep banging my head on things," Mark said, bashfully.

"I remember the midwest being flatter than this," Mike explained.

"I won''t let a flat tire get me down," Mark said, without despair.

"Look at that jailbird climb down that wall," Mike observed with
condescension.

"That car you sold me has defective steering!" Mike said,
straightforwardly.
(www.arcamax.com)
&nbsp;