Joke of the day

Bush, Einstein and Picasso
When Einstein died and arrived at the gates of heaven, St. Peter wouldn't let him in until he proved his identity.
Einstein scribbled out a couple of his equations, and was admitted into paradise.
And when Picasso died, St. Peter asked, "How do I know you're Picasso?"
Picasso sketched out a couple of his masterpieces. St. Peter was convinced and let him in.
When George W. Bush died, he went to heaven and met the man at the gates. "How can you prove to me you're George W. Bush?" Saint Peter said.
Bush replied, "Well heck, I dont know."
St. Peter says, "Well, Albert Einstein showed me his equations and Picasso drew his famous pictures. What can you do to prove you're George W. Bush?"
Bush replies, "Who are Albert Einstein and Picasso?"
St. Peter says, "It must be you, George, c'mon on in."

"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
Cuộc thi viết về lứa tuổi học trò www.suutap.com/nusinh/

Dubya Quotes
"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98
"One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is 'to be prepared'."
...Governor George W. Bush, 12/6/93
"Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
...Governor George W. Bush, 11/30/96
"I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
...Governor George W. Bush
"The future will be better tomorrow."
...Governor George W. Bush
"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/21/97
"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have a tremendous impact on history."
...Governor George W. Bush
"I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."
...Governor George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson, 8/17/93
"We have a firm commitment to NATO, we are a part of NATO. We have a firm commitment to Europe. We are a part of Europe."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Public speaking is very easy."
...Governor George W. Bush to reporters
"I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican."
...Governor George W. Bush
"A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls."
...Governor George W. Bush
"When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in LA, my answer has been direct & simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame."
...George W. Bush
"Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
...Governor George W. Bush 5/20/96
"We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
...Governor George W. Bush 9/22/97
"For NASA, space is still a high priority."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/5/93
"Quite frankly, teachers are the only profession that teach our children."
...Governor George W. Bush , 9/18/95
"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that George Bush may or may not make."
...Governor George W. Bush
"We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made."
...Governor George W. Bush
"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
...Governor George W. Bush
"[It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system."
...Governor George W. Bush

"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
Cuộc thi viết về lứa tuổi học trò www.suutap.com/nusinh/

Little Johnny's jokes:
1) A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses . She started her class by saying , " Everyone who thinks they are stupid , please stand up " After a few seconds , Little Johnny was the only one to stand up . The teacher said . " Do you think you are stupid , Johnny ? "
" No Ma'am , " he said , " but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself . "
2) A Sunday - School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that her students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season's emphasis on His birth . She wants to be sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago , that he grew up , etc .... So she asked the class , " Where is Jesus today ? "
Steven raised his hand and said , " He's in Heaven . " Mary was called on and she said , " He's in my heart . " Little Johnny waved his hand furiously and blurted out , " I know ! I know ! He's in the bathroom ! " The whole class got very quiet , looked at the teacher and waited for a response . The teacher was at a complete loss for a few seconds . Finally , she gathered her wits and asked Johnny how he knew this . Little Johnny said , " well ... every morning , my father gets up , bangs on the bathroom door , and yells " Jesus Christ are you still in there ? ! " .
"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
Cuộc thi viết về lứa tuổi học trò www.suutap.com/nusinh/
Được CXR sửa chữa / chuyển vào 11:02 ngày 27/03/2003

Bush's Advisors
G. W. Bush was very depressed that people were saying he is stupid. So he calls his good friend Queen Elizabeth, who says, "Now George, what you need to do is *****rround yourself with smart people. Let me show you."
She conference calls Tony Blair in and asks, "Tony, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
Tony Blair replies, "It's me!" and hangs up.
G.W. Bush then calls Dick Cheney and says, "Dick, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Cheney says, "Wow, that's a tough one. Let me get back to you."
So Cheney calls Colin Powell and says, "Colin, your parents had a baby. It isn't your sister and it isn't your brother. Who is it?"
And Colin Powell says, "It's me!"
So Cheney calls Bush and says, "It's Colin Powell."
And Bush says, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
Cuộc thi viết về lứa tuổi học trò www.suutap.com/nusinh/

New Employee's Hand Book
SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
SURGERY
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitute a breach of employment.
PERSONAL DAYS
Each employê will receive 104 personal days each year. They are called "Saturday" and "Sunday."
VACATION DAYS
All employees will take their vacations the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: January 1st, July & December 25th.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
Bereavement is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for your dead friends, relatives or workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involment is necessary, the funeral should be schedule in the late afternoon.
We ưill be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provide your share of the work is done.
ABSENCE DUE TO YOUR OWN DEATH
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.
RESTROOM USE
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will allow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with "A" will go from 8:00 to 8:20; employees whose names begin "B" will go from 8:20 to 8:40; and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it ưill be neccessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies, employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors must approve this exchange in writting. In ad***ion, there is now a strict, 3-minuté time limit inside the stalls. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
LUNCH BREAK
a) Skinny People: Skinny people get 1 hour for lunch, as they need to eat more so they can look healthy.
b) Middleweight People: Middleweight people get 30 minutes for lunch so they can get a balanced meal to maintain their average figures.
c) Fat People: Fat people get 5 minutes for lunche, because that's all the time they need to drink a Slim Fast & take a diet pill.
DRESS CODE
It is advise that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing a pair ò $350.00 Prada running shoes & carrying a $600.00 Gucci bag, we will assume that you are doing well financially & do not need a raise.
THANK YOU
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaínt, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice week.
Management
"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
Đôi dòng tản mạn về du học của riêng tôi.

Bác CXR cậy mình là mod mới chọn Avatar phạm luật nhá, thế mà chả bác nào có ý kiến gì sất.....
[blue]I believe I can fly
I believe I touch the sky
I think abt it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar....[/blue/][/size=4/]

ặ cĂi bĂc này .. hihi .. avatar cỏằĐa tỏằ> theo 'úng 'iỏằu lỏằ? còn gơ .. Này nhâ, kưch cỏằĂ không quĂ 150 x 150, hơnh ỏÊnh không khiêu khưch, không dưnh dĂng tỏằ>i cĂc vỏƠn 'ỏằ "nhỏĂy cỏÊm" .. hihi .. LỏĂi còn mang tưnh hài hặỏằ>c tỏĂo niỏằm vui cho 'ỏằTc giỏÊ cỏằĐa TTVN nỏằa cặĂ mà ..
"Nguyỏằ?n mỏằ-i ngặỏằi có mỏằTt niỏằm vui"
Đôi dòng tỏÊn mỏĂn vỏằ du hỏằc.

Không "nhạy cảm" với bác, mà lại..........."nhạy cảm" với em mới chết chứ

Hahaha .. cô Sáu cứ phá anh ..
Doctor's Orders
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"
?oHe said you're going to die," she replied.

"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
Đôi dòng tản mạn về du học.

What a.............wife !
If I were her, I would at least try to do.............. the last thing on the list for my beloved husband before letting him rest in heaven.