Joke of the day

Bathtub Anxieties
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"

"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
Đôi dòng tản mạn về du học.

Birthday Cake
A man wants to celebrate his wife's birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake.
"Well", he thinks for a while and says, "let's put, You are not getting older, you are getting better".
The salesman asks "How do you want me to put it?"
The man says, "Well put You are not getting older, at the top and You are getting better at the bottom".
The real fun didn't start until the cake box was opened and the entire party watched the message decorated on the cake "You are not getting older at the top. You are getting better at the bottom!".
"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
Đôi dòng tản mạn về du học.

CXR's jokes are now less complicated than CXR

Mấy chuyện về Bush của bác hay thật đấy, em thích chủ đề ấy hơn...Mà bác viết cái tản mạn về du học cũng đỉnh thật, đúng là kinh nghiệm xương máu, có khi em phải xin bác cái bản quyền để copy đăng báo mất, bác có đồng ý ko????
[blue]I believe I can fly
I believe I touch the sky
I think abt it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar....[/blue/][/size=4/]

So you wanna have a baby...
Here's a little FAQ to help you out!


Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A: If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's ***?
A: Childbirth.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: 'Cause you're fatter than they are.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: What's the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a model?
A: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).
Q: How long is the average woman in labor?
A: Whatever she says divided by two.
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: What does it mean when a baby is born with teeth?
A: It means that the baby's mother may want to rethink her plans to nurse.
Q: What is the best time to wean the baby from nursing?
A: When you see teeth marks.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.


I want to be in another place.
I hate when you say you don't understand.
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy.
A place for my head.

Blonde Repair Job

A blonde was driving home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a bad hail storm. The hailstones were the size of golf balls. Her car was dented beyond description.
The next day, she took it to a repair shop. Noticing that she was blonde, the technician decided to have some fun. He told her to take the car home and blow real hard into the tailpipe and the dents would pop out.
When she got home, she started blowing into the tailpipe as she was instructed. At that moment, her blonde girlfriend drove by and saw her puffing on the tailpipe.
Thinking the worst, the friend was startled and said, "What are you doing?"
She said that the man at the body shop told her to blow into the tail pipe real hard and the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend said, "Well, duhhhhhh! You need to roll up the windows first!"

I want to be in another place.
I hate when you say you don't understand.
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy.
A place for my head.

Well .. thể theo nguyện vọng của bác mousetrap, hôm nay lại đưa Bush lên "đoạn đầu đài".
Bush's Tragedy
One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''
"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"
The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"
A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"
The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"
A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"
"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"
"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

"Nguyện mỗi người có một niềm vui"
Đôi dòng tản mạn về du học.

Transportation In Heaven

Three men die and go to heaven. At the gate St. Peter tells them, "Before you go into heaven, we are going to give you each a vehicle with which to get around. The way we determine what type of vehicle you will get is by how faithful you were to your wives. Now," he says, turning to the first man, "were you true to your wife?" "Yes, I was, St. Peter," says the first man. "I never strayed. From the day I married her to the day I died, I slept with no woman other than my wife. I loved her very deeply."
"As reward for your complete fidelity," says St. Peter, "I now give you these keys to a beautiful Rolls-Royce" The man happily accepts the keys, and St. Peter turns to the second man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to your wife?"
"Well, St. Peter," says the second man a little shyly, "I must admit that when I was much younger, I did stray once or twice. But I did love my wife very much, and after those minor indiscretions, I was completely faithful until my dying day." St. Peter looks down at the man and says, "As a reward for good marital conduct, I am giving you these keys to a Pontiac."
As the man takes the keys from him St. Peter turns to the third man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to your wife?" "St. Peter," says the man, "I had everything I could, every chance I got. There wasn't a week of my marriage that I didn't sleep with someone other than my wife. But I must admit to you, St. Peter, that it was a problem I had, because I really did love my wife very much."
"Well," says St. Peter, "We do know that you did love your wife and that does count for something, so this is what you get." With that he rolls out a ten-speed bicycle and gives it to the man. The gates of heaven open, and the three men enter.
Sometime later the man on the bicycle is riding along, when he sees that the man with the Rolls-Royce has pulled over and is sitting on the bumper of his car. He is sobbing uncontrollably. The man pulls his bicycle up next to the man and says, "Hey, pal, what's the matter? What could possibly be wrong? You have a beautiful Rolls-Royce to drive around in?"
"I know," says the man through his sobs, "but I just saw my wife on roller skates!"

I want to be in another place.
I hate when you say you don't understand.
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy.
A place for my head.

Transportation In Heaven

Three men die and go to heaven. At the gate St. Peter tells them, "Before you go into heaven, we are going to give you each a vehicle with which to get around. The way we determine what type of vehicle you will get is by how faithful you were to your wives. Now," he says, turning to the first man, "were you true to your wife?" "Yes, I was, St. Peter," says the first man. "I never strayed. From the day I married her to the day I died, I slept with no woman other than my wife. I loved her very deeply."
"As reward for your complete fidelity," says St. Peter, "I now give you these keys to a beautiful Rolls-Royce" The man happily accepts the keys, and St. Peter turns to the second man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to your wife?"
"Well, St. Peter," says the second man a little shyly, "I must admit that when I was much younger, I did stray once or twice. But I did love my wife very much, and after those minor indiscretions, I was completely faithful until my dying day." St. Peter looks down at the man and says, "As a reward for good marital conduct, I am giving you these keys to a Pontiac."
As the man takes the keys from him St. Peter turns to the third man. "Sir," he says, "were you faithful to your wife?" "St. Peter," says the man, "I had everything I could, every chance I got. There wasn't a week of my marriage that I didn't sleep with someone other than my wife. But I must admit to you, St. Peter, that it was a problem I had, because I really did love my wife very much."
"Well," says St. Peter, "We do know that you did love your wife and that does count for something, so this is what you get." With that he rolls out a ten-speed bicycle and gives it to the man. The gates of heaven open, and the three men enter.
Sometime later the man on the bicycle is riding along, when he sees that the man with the Rolls-Royce has pulled over and is sitting on the bumper of his car. He is sobbing uncontrollably. The man pulls his bicycle up next to the man and says, "Hey, pal, what's the matter? What could possibly be wrong? You have a beautiful Rolls-Royce to drive around in?"
"I know," says the man through his sobs, "but I just saw my wife on roller skates!"

I want to be in another place.
I hate when you say you don't understand.
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy.
A place for my head.

University of marriage
~ TWO-YEAR DEGREE FOR MEN ~
This is for those of you who are married, were married, or are contemplating marriage - under the assumption that men should be trained for marriage. A new two-year degree is being offered at the University of Marriage that many of you should be interested in. That's right, in just six semesters, you too, can be a real man as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR
Spring Schedule:
MEN 101: Combating Stupi***y
MEN 102: You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103: PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104: We Do Not Want Sleazy Under Things for Christmas

Summer Schedule:
MEN 110: Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111: Understanding the Female Response to Getting In at 3am
MEN 112: Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100: Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101: Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A: What's Hers is Hers

Fall Schedule:
MEN 120: How NOT to Act Like a Jerk When You're Wrong
MEN 121: Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122: YOU, the Weaker ***
MEN 123: Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C: What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR
Spring Schedule:
*** 101: You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
*** 102: Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
*** 103: How to Stay Awake After ***
MEN 201: How to Put the Toilet Seat Down (Elective)
(See Electives Below)

Summer Schedule:
MEN 210: The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211: How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212: You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213: Honestly, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important

Fall Schedule:
MEN 221: Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222: Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223: Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B: Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II

COURSE ELECTIVES
EAT 101: Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102: Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103: Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231: Mothers-in-law
MEN 232: Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233: Just Say "Yes, Dear"
ECON 001C: Cheaper to Keep Her

I want to be in another place.
I hate when you say you don't understand.
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I want to be in the energy, not with the enemy.
A place for my head.