Jokes from Maxim.

A man was walking, dragging his left foot on the street when suddenly another man came walking from the opposite direction, doing the same thing: dragging his left foot.
The two looked at each other in amazement, then the first man started:
- What's up with you man?
- Vietnam. 1969. What about you?
- Dog poop. Two blocks down the street.


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A Canadian and an American sat next to each other during a flight. After a while, the Canadian put off his shoes and started to relax. The American, who sat next to the window, suddenly asked:
- Hey, buddy, our call light is off. Can you do me a favor and get me a beer.
- Sure - replied the Canadian.
As soon as the Canadian disappeared in sight, the American leaned over and spit in his shoes. The Canadian came back later with a beer and the flight went on.
Before the landing, the Canadian put his shoes back on and immediately realized the problem. Turning to the American, he said, sighing:
- Ah, well, why all this nonsense endless fighting between our two countries... the spitting in the shoes and pissing in the beer...
Maxim joke of the month.

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not funny at all,

không thích à? buồn nhỉ. Jokes của bọn Maxim toàn là mấy quả stupid nhưng mà funny. tớ đọc thấy ngộ phết đấy chứ. Tớ có nhận được joke từ Nasty Joke nhưng mà nhiều quả offensive lắm, sợ bị xoá... hìhì, mà post lên chưa chắc mọi người đã hiểu hết. Có điều đọc mấy cái joke này là học tiếng Anh hơi bị tốt đấy. thử post vài cái lên nhé, nếu thấy được thì tớ post tiếp sau:
Joke 1:
Woman: My husband and I have been married for 25 years
and he spends every evening at home.
Friend: That's what I call love.
Woman: No, he's ****ing paralyzed.
Joke 2:
Tom writes the new abuse policy for the Catholic Church can
be summed up as follows:
Three tykes and you're out.
Joke 3:
I saw a great news T-Shirt logo for the Palestinians:
"I went out drinking in Israel last night, and boy did I get
bombed!"
Joke 4: đặc biệt offensive, báo trước đọc xong đừng có kêu:
A girl is about to tie the knot, and is watching her mother
bake biscuits in the kitchen.
"Mom?" she asks. "How do you keep Dad so happy after all
these years of marriage?"
The mother promptly threw a wad of biscuit dough on the
floor, hikes up her dress, and squats down, picking the
dough up with her snatch.
"Practice this and when you can do it, I'll guarantee that your
man will be satisfied for the rest of his life," said her mother.
So the girl practiced and practiced until her wedding night.
While her anxious husband waited for her in the bed, she
emerged wearing a ***y negligee, carrying a can of biscuit
dough. She opened the can, threw the dough on the floor,
lifted her negligee, and squatted over the dough, letting out a
thunderous fart as she did so.
Her husband, startled, jumped from the bed and backed
away.
"What's wrong, honey?" she asked.
He replied, "**** woman!" as he stepped further away. "If
that thing barks like that for a biscuit, I sure as hell don't
want to throw any meat at it!"
Joke 5: Còn đây là 1 chuyện về Little Johnny. Chuyện về Little Johnny làm thành 1 category riêng giống kiểu chuyện về blonde chicks vậy:
One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is.
No one raises their hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?"
Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a zebra. None of the students holds up their hands. "See the stripes on this animal? What animal has stripes?"
Billy holds up his hand and says it is a zebra. "Very good Billy," the teacher replies.
Next she holds up a picture of a deer. None of the students holds up their hand. "See the big antlers on this animal. What animal has horns like this?"
Still no one guesses.
"Let me give you another hint, it's something your mother calls your father."
Johnny shouts out "I know what it is, it's a horny bastard."

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dont understand at all

There was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death
row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
1. to be shot
2. to be hung
3. to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head."
Boom, he was dead instantly.
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me."
Snap! he was dead.
Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."
They gave him the shot, and the redneck fell down
laughing.
The guards looked at each other and wondered what was
wrong with this guy.
Then the Redneck said, "Give me another one of those
shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard,
tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally the warden said, "What's wrong with you?"
The Redneck replied,
"You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom."
Welcome to the real world

The pastor was talking to a group of young children
about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his
talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" Suzy cried out.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the
preacher.
"Dead!" yelled Little Johnny.
Welcome to the real world