Jokes of the day ...

Dad: How were your exam quetions, Ben?
Ben: Fine - But I had difficulty with the answer.

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Mother: Bobby, have you given the goldfish fresh water today?
Bobby : No, they haven't finished what I gave them yesterday.

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A little boy saw a grass snake for the first time.
"Mother", he cried, " here's a tail without body !"


Thương nhất trên đời chỉ có Rubi thôi

ops.. sorry guys if you wasn't happy with the post above... I didn't imply anything to post that funny replies.

Dentist: Please stop screaming. I haven't even touched your tooth yet !
Patient: I know, but you' re treading on my foot.
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Teacher: Polly, how can you prove the world is round?
Polly: I never said it was, miss
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Captain: Why didn't you stop the ball?
Goalie: t thought that's what the nets were for

Nothing's Imposible !!!

Nurse: Can I take your pulse?
Patient: Why? Haven't you got one of your own?
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Customer: I'd like to try that dress in the window.
Assistant: I'm sorry madam, I'm afraid you'll have to use the fitting room, like everybody else
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Teacher: Jimmy, how do you spell elephant?
Jimmy: E-l-e-f-a-n-t
Teacher: The dictionary spells it "e-l-e-p-h-a-n-t"
Jimmy: You didn't ask me how the dictionary spelt it !

Nothing's Imposible !!!

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
He couldn't control his pupils...
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Mother: Shall I put the kettle on??
father : No, dear, I don't think it would suit you
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Girl (standing in the middle of a busy road): Officer, can you tell me how to get to the hospital?
Policeman: Just stay right where you are !

Nothing's Impossible !!!

Richard: Would you punish a boy for something he didn't do?
Teacher: Ofcourse not
Richard: That's good. I haven't done my homework.
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Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup !!!
Yes sir, I know - it's the heat that kills them.
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Teacher: Sidney, can you tell me how fast light travels?
Sidney: I don't know, but it always gets here too early in the morning.

Nothing's Impossible !!!

T R A N S L A T I N G W O M E N ' S E N G L I S H :
Y e s = N o N o = Y e s

M a y b e = N o

W e n e e d = I w a n t

I ' m s o r r y = Y o u ' l l b e s o r r y

W e n e e d t o t a l k = I n e e d t o c o m p l a i n

S u r e . . . g o a h e a d = I d o n ' t w a n t y o u t o

I s m y b u t t f a t ? = T e l l m e I ' m b e a u t i f u l

D o w h a t y o u w a n t = Y o u ' l l p a y f o r t h i s l a t e r

I ' m n o t u p s e t = O f c o u r s e I ' m u p s e t , y o u m o r o n !

A r e y o u l i s t e n i n g t o m e ? ? = T o o l a t e , y o u ' r e d e a d

Y o u h a v e t o l e a r n t o c o m m u n i c a t e = J u s t a g r e e w i t h m e

B e r o m a n t i c , t u r n o u t t h e l i g h t s = I h a v e f l a b b y t h i g h s

Y o u ' r e s o . . m a n l y = Y o u n e e d a s h a v e a n d y o u s w e a t a l o t

D o y o u l o v e m e ? = I ' m g o i n g t o a s k f o r s o m e t h i n g e x p e n s i v e

I t ' s y o u r d e c i s i o n = T h e c o r r e c t d e c i s i o n s h o u l d b e o b v i o u s b y n o w

Y o u ' r e c e r t a i n l y a t t e n t i v e t o n i g h t = I s s e x a l l y o u e v e r t h i n k a b o u t ? ?

I ' l l b e r e a d y i n a m i n u t e = K i c k o f f y o u r s h o e s a n d f i n d a g o o d g a m e o n T V

H o w m u c h d o y o u l o v e m e ? = I d i d s o m e t h i n g t o d a y t h a t y o u ' r e r e a l l y n o t g o i n g t o l i k e


Cảm ơn đời mỗi sớm mai thức dậy (*!*)
Ta thêm được ngày nữa để yêu thương (^.^)

POLITICS
SON : Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a
question?
DAD : Sure Son, What's the question?
SON : What's POLITICS?
DAD : Well Son, let's take our home as an example: I make all the final
decisions on important matters - So let's call me MANAGEMENT. Your mother
spends most of the money, so let her be the GOVERNMENT. We take care of you
and your needs - So let's call you the PEOPLE. We shall call our maid
Clara, the WORKERS. And we call your Baby Brother, the FUTURE. Do you
understand what POLITICS means now?
SON : I'm really not sure. Dad I'll have to think about it.
That night awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what
was wrong. Discovering the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy
went to his parent's room and found his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to
disturb his mother, he then went to the maid's room. He peeked through the
keyhole, and saw his father in bed with the maid. The boy's knocking went
unheard by his father and the maid. So he finally returned to his room and
went back to sleep.
The next morning at the breakfast table?
SON : Dad, I now think I understand POLITICS.
DAD : That's great Son! Please explain to me in your own words.
SON : Well Dad! While MANAGEMENT is screwing the WORKERS, The GOVERNMENT
is sound asleep. The PEOPLE are being ignored and the FUTURE is full of
****.
CKA = AndyCoollove..

Stupid or What
**************
Two rich men were talking over coffee one day and
one of them said to the other one. "Hey I tell you my
driver is really stupid. If you don't believe me i'll show
you."
He called his driver Ah Beng over and said, "Ah Beng, here
is a $10 note, go to the car showroom and buy me a Mercedes".
To which Ah Beng replied, "Yes Sir! Right away,Sir!" and
rushed off to the Showroom.
The rich man then turned to his friend and said, "See, I
told you he was stupid."
The other rich man said, "That's nothing, you want to see
stupid, I will show you stupid." And he called his driver,
Ali.
"Ali, go home now and check to see if I'm at home. "
To which Ali said, "Yes Sir! Right away, Sir!" and ran
home. "See what I told you? He doesn't even have enough
brains to know that I cannot be at home if I am here."
Later on, the two drivers met on the road. Ah Beng said to
Ali,"Eh, you know my boss is sooooooo stupid. He gave me
$10 and asked me to go to the car showroom and buy him a
Mercedes..... Doesn't he know that today is Sunday lah, the
showroom is closed!"
Ali replied, "You think your boss is stupid? My boss lagi
worse, he asked me to go home to check if he is at home...
He got handphone what, can just call up to check lah,bodoh
CKA = AndyCoollove..

Remembered all boys at once I was reading this story...In spite of my kindness, I dont think I would help you, guys...What then my gals? What do you think about this...?

MALE FRIEND NEEDS TECHNICAL SUPPORT...​

Can you please advise me? I'm having some problems. I'm currently running the latest version of Girlfriend and I've been having some problems lately.
* I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 all along as my primary application, and all the Girlfriend releases have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if you run Girlfriend in background mode with the sound turned off. But I'm embarrassedto say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay.
* Girlfriend also seems to have a problem coexisting with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility. I probably should have stayed with Girlfriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance with Girlfriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with Girlfriend 2.0. He said that I probably didn't have enough cache to run Girlfriend 2.0, and that eventually it would require a Token ring to run properly. He was right --- as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself.
* Shortly after that, I installed Girlfriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it gave me a virus. I had to clean out my whole system and shut down for a while.
* I very cautiously upgraded to Girlfriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that Girlfriend 1.0 was still in my system! Then I tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 again with Girlfriend 4.0 still installed, but Girlfriend 4.0 has a feature that I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of Girlfriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions!
* The version I have right now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of Girlfriend, it is written in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly, I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how Girlfriend is totally "object-oriented".
* A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of Girlfriend to GirlfriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of Girlfriend. He discovered that GirlfriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0. So he did.
* But soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a "huge resource hog". It has taken up all of his space, so he can't load anything else. Although -he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw 1.0 which has an automatic pop-up feature that he can't turn off.
* I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said that he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself, Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway due to insufficient resources.
Can you help???
Tieu Tinh