Jokes of the day ...

IN A TRIAL A SMALL TOWN PROSECUTING ATTORNEY CALLED HIS FIRST WITNESS TO THE STAND: A GRANDMOTHER, ELDERLY WOMAN.
HE APPROACHED HER AND ASKED, "MRS. JONES, DO YOU KNOW ME?"
SHE RESPONDED, "WHY, YES I DO KNOW YOU, MR. WILLIAMS. I''''VE KNOWN YOU SINCE YOU WERE A YOUNG BOY. AND FRANKLY, YOU''''VE BEEN A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME. YOU LIE, YOU CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, YOU MANIPULATE PEOPLE AND TALK ABOUT THEM BEHIND THEIR BACKS. YOU THINK YOU''''RE A BIG SHOT WHEN YOU HAVEN''''T THE BRAINS TO REALIZE YOU NEVER WILL AMOUNT TO ANYTHING MORE THAN A TWO-BIT PAPER PUSHER. YES, I KNOW YOU"!
THE LAWYER WAS STUNNED. NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO DO, HE POINTED ACROSS THE ROOM AND ASKED, "MRS. JONES, DO YOU KNOW THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY?"
SHE AGAIN REPLIED, "WHY YES, I DO. I''''VE KNOWN MR. BRADLEY SINCE HE WAS A YOUNGSTER, TOO. HE''''S LAZY, BIGOTED, HE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM. HE CAN''''T BUILD A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE AND HIS LAW PRACTICE IS ONE OF THE WORST IN THE ENTIRE STATE. NOT TO MENTION HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE WITH THREE DIFFERENT WOMEN. YES, I KNOW HIM"
THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY ALMOST DIED! AT THIS POINT, THE JUDGE BROUGHT THE COURTROOM TO SILENCE, CALLED BOTH COUNSELORS TO THE BENCH, AND IN A VERY QUIET VOICE SAID, "IF EITHER OF YOU IDIOTS ASKS HER IF SHE KNOWS ME, YOU''''LL BE JAILED FOR CONTEMPT"!
There are 10 kinds of people in the world:
Those who understand binary, and those who don''t.
Được tdhung sửa chữa / chuyển vào 12:16 ngày 30/07/2003

Translation problems

In a Bangkok temple: "IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A
WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN."
****tail lounge, Norway: "LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO
HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."
At a Budapest zoo: "PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF
YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON
DUTY."
Doctors office, Rome: "SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER
DISEASES.
Hotel, Acapulco: "THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED
ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE."
Dry cleaners, Bangkok: "DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR
THE BEST RESULTS.
In a Nairobi restaurant: "CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR
WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."
On the grounds of a private school: "NO TRESPASSING
WITHOUT PERMISSION."
On an Athi River highway: "TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN
IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."
On a poster at Kencom: "ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT
READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."
In a City restaurant: "OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND
WEEKENDS.
One of the Mathare buildings: "MENTAL HEALTH
PREVENTION CENTRE.
A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: "DO
NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."
In a Pumwani maternity ward: "NO CHILDREN ALLOWED."
In a cemetery: "PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING
FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."
Tokyo hotel''''s rules and regulations: "GUESTS ARE
REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING
BEHAVIOURS IN BED."
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "OUR WINES LEAVE
YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."
In a Tokyo bar: "SPECIAL ****TAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH
NUTS."
Hotel brochure, Italy: "THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS
PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE
WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE."
Hotel lobby, Bucharest: "THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR
THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL
BE UNBEARABLE."
Hotel elevator, Paris: "PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT
THE FRONT DESK."
Hotel, Yugoslavia: "THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH
PLEASURE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID."
Hotel, Japan: "YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF
THE CHAMBERMAID."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian
Orthodox monastery: "YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE
CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS,
ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT
THURSDAY."
Taken from a menu, Poland: "SALAD A FIRM''''S OWN MAKE;
LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM
OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS
BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE''''S FASHION."
Supermarket, Hong Kong: "FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE
RECOMMEND COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE."
>From the "Soviet Weekly": "THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW
EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS
AND SCULPTORS. THESE WERE EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO
YEARS."
In an East African newspaper: "A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS
RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN
IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS."
Hotel, Vienna: "IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO
ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER."
A sign posted in Germany''''s Black Forest: "IT IS
STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE
THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT ***, FOR INSTANCE, MEN AND
WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE
MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE."
Hotel, Zurich: BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF
ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE *** IN THE
BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR
THIS PURPOSE."
An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "TEETH
EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS."
Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia: "TAKE ONE OF OUR
HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO
MISCARRIAGES."
Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand: "WOULD YOU
LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?"
In the window on a Swedish furrier: "FUR COATS MADE
FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN."
The box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
"GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE."
In a Swiss mountain inn: "SPECIAL TODAY - NO
ICE-CREAM."
Airline ticket office, Copenhagen: "WE TAKE YOUR BAGS
AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room: "IF THIS IS YOUR
FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT."
A laundry in Rome: "LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE
AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME."
HoaCoMayDeThuong ... mà hông ai thèm thương
Được hoacomaydethuong sửa chữa / chuyển vào 09:46 ngày 30/07/2003

You''ve got mail
A blond quicky went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.
She did this five more times,and her neighbor that was watching her commented: " You must be expecting a very important letter today, the way you keep
looking into that mail box."
The blond answered,"No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."...!!!
Cảm ơn đời mỗi sớm mai thức dậy (*!*)
Ta thêm được ngày nữa để yêu thương (^.^)

Funnie ^!^
Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached she heard:
"One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two."
"Two and two, the son-of-a-bitch is four."
"Three and three... "
His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing math. Little Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Margo taught him.
His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The next day she stormed into Little Johnny''s classroom and confronted Ms. Margo. Little Johnny''s mother told Ms. Margo about Little Johnny''s different way of doing math, and his claims that Ms. Margo taught it that way to the class.
The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn''t understand why Little Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Margo exclaimed, "Oh, I know, here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which is two."
Cảm ơn đời mỗi sớm mai thức dậy (*!*)
Ta thêm được ngày nữa để yêu thương (^.^)

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I''''ll turn into a beautiful princess."
He went over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess I''''ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I''''ve told you I''''m a beautiful princess, that I''''ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won''''t you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I''''m an engineer. I don''''t have
time for a girlfriend, but a TALKING frog, now that''''s cool!
Lesson: girls, NEVER fall for an engineer!!!!!

ToBeOrNotToBe
Được Thefan sửa chữa / chuyển vào 18:23 ngày 15/09/2003