Laughing is the best medicine.

How to handle a speeding ticket :


A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the
owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box ?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed
the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK ?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The
car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. (It was valid)
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.
(The driver owned the car )
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
(Sure enough, there wasn't a gun in the glove box )
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you
said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. (Trunk is opened; no body)
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you
said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box , and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying s.o.b. told you I was speeding, too.