Mở đầu - dành cho những Anti-Micro$oft ;-)

Mở đầu - dành cho những Anti-Micro$oft

Một anh chàng mơ ước sau này trở thành một nhà văn vĩ đại. Khi được hỏi vĩ đại là gì, anh ta trả lời: Đó là tỗi sẽ viết tác phẩm mà cả thế giới sẽ đọc, sẽ phải gào thét, khóc lóc trong đau đớn, tuyệt vọng và giận dữ .

Bây giờ anh ta đang làm việc cho Microsoft với nhiệm vụ viết các thông báo lỗi.

Ko thấy hay gì cả. Ý nghĩa gì đây?

Ma_xo viết cái gì vậy , chẳng hiểu gì hết
Moi cac ban ghe tham forum ve tinh ban, tinh yeu, tin hoc
Forum : http://bupbeyeu82.vze.com
Portal : http://bupbeyeu.tk

hay day Ma_xo, tiep di.
moi cac ban doc cai nay:
/*
TOP SECRET Microsoft(c) Code
Project: Chicago(tm)
Projected release-date: Summer 1998
*/

#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#define INSTALL = HARD

char make_prog_look_big[1600000];

void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();
display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation)
{
make_50_megabyte_swapfile();
do_nothing_loop();
totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();
search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();
hang_system();
}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if (still_not_crashed)
{
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
basically_run_windows_3.1();
do_nothing_loop();
do_nothing_loop();
}
}

if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();

if (fast_cpu())
{
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
}

/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 98");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);

while(something)
{
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
}
create_general_protection_fault();
}

Imagine
Read in the rhythm of "Imagine" (Lennon)
Imagine there's no WINDOWS
It's easy if you try
No fatal errors or new bugs
To kill our hard drives
Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
Leaving us in peace!
Imagine neverending hard disks
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to del or wipe off
And no floppy too
Imagine Mr. Bill Gates
Sharing all his world
You may say I'm a hacker
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And our games will fit in RAM
Imagine 1-giga RAM
I wonder if you can
No need for left-shift or setups
And no booting again and again
Imagine all Operating Systems
Working all life-time!
You may say I'm a hacker
But I'm not the only one
Maybe someday I'll become a cracker
Then I'll make my WINDOWS run!

IF RESTAURANTS FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT!
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I'll be your Support. May I have your telephone number, area code first? Your visit may be monitored for purposes of quality control. Now, what seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Exit the restaurant and re-enter, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there. Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day?
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.
[Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.]
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
[Waiter leaves.]
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
The check:
Soup of the Day . . . . . . . . . . . $ 5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . $ 2.50
Access *****pport . . . . . . . . . . $10.00
Note: Bug in the soup included at no extra charge
(will be fixed with Tomorrow's soup of the day)

Source code for MSMarket.
#include <nonsense.h>
#include <lies.h>
#include <spyware.h> // Microsoft Network Connectivity library
#include <process.h> // For the court of law

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main() {
if (latest_window_versionone_month_old) {
if (there_are_still_bugs)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version) {
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); // Standard Call, in lie.h
if (rumours_grow_wilder)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder) {
market_time="ripe";
say("It will be ready in one month);
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware="TRUE";
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress) {
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say("It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing");
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say("Yes it will work");
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say("It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to"
" the 32 bits architecture");
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant"
"'cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say("Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
everyone");
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
}
while (vapourware) {
introduction_date++; // Delay
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say("It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH);
}
release(beta_version)
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware) {
bills_bank_account += 150.megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems)
{
say("that is a hardware problem, not a software problem");
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this
bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_accountskyhigh && marriagetwo_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang)

dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); // in process.h
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
// Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at us
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone, for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}

void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money)
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
say("It is not a bugfix but a new version");
if (still_complaints)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
// We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!
}
}