Một nụ cười bằng mười thang thuốc bổ.... {^_^}

Lời phụ nữ
Một cô gái vào phòng khám của bác sĩ.
- Thưa bác sĩ, em bị bất lực.
- Triệu chứng cụ thể thế nào?
- Em không thể từ chối bất kỳ người đàn ông nào

Con chồn hay cô vợ?
Từ trên ôtô, đôi vợ chồng nọ nhìn thấy một con chồn hôi bị thương nằm bên đường. Họ dừng lại, cô vợ mang nó vào trong xe và nói:
- Anh nhìn này, nó run lẩy bẩy vì lạnh. Em phải làm gì bây giờ?
- Ủ nó vào giữa hai chân ấy.
- Nhưng mà hôi lắm!
- Bịt mũi nó lại!
Moonlight+Blue-Solitary Mountain
http://www.vnntu.com

Friends r like mirrors
they r our reflection

you r damn lucky I look good !!!!


You = cute ( " cute" cho con gái , " cool" cho con trai )
You = hot
You = sweet
You = intelligent
You = amazing
You = perfect

Me = liar


I have a confession to make, ever since I have known u,
Its kinda hard for me to forget u.
Every night u appear in my dreams
And I find my self shouting.....


BHOOT !!! BHOOT !!!


I look at the stars, the stars r beautiful
Then I look at you......
I ......
I .......

I rather look at the stars again.


u r 100% beautiful, u r 100% lucky
u r 100% sweet , u r 100% nice

and u r 100% stupid to believe these words


Good looking people r hard to find.
That's why u don't ......
That's y u don't see me often.






When u feel sad....
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say,
"damn I am really sooo cute" u will overcome ur
sadness.
But don't make this a habit.....

Coz liars go to hell !!!!

(cái nì thì con gái rành hơn là tại sao , heheh có chị nào mừ không nghĩ mình không xinh cơ chứ )


God created ME to b ur friend. He picked ME out
from all the REST
coz
he
knows I am ....well one of the BEST.
AHEM !! don't argue with God now

.................

sau khi đọc thư của bạn YUp gửi, trùi ui YUP cứ cười miết , bi giừ đọc lại vẫn thấy buồn cười wé ,


bé ngoan hông nên ham chơi nữa[/size=14]

Mother had three daughters, and on their wedding day, she would ask each of them to write home and tell her about their xxx lives.
The first wrote back on the second day after she got married. The letter arrived with only a single message, "NESCAFE". The mother was confused at first, but finally noticed a Nescafe ad on a newspaper, and it said: "Satisfaction, to the last drop..." So the mother was happy.
Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home a letter. There was only a message, it read: "DUNHILL". So the mother looked for a Dunhill's ad and it said "EXTRA LONG, KING SIZE". The mother was happy again.
After the third daughter got married, the mother was anxious to receive a message from her daughter. It took 4 weeks for a message to arrive. When it did the message simply said "CATHAY PACIFIC AIRWAYS". The mother was concerned. She frantically looked through all the newspapers at home for a CATHAY PACIFIC Airwayâ?Ts ad. She finally found and fainted. The ad read: "THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK,BOTH WAYS."

Another joke about the Queen, Tony Blair, George Bush and others
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He
asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to
surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're
intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to
demonstrate."
She phones Tony Blair and says, "Prime Minister. Please answer this
question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds ,"It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and
says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
"Yes, ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of
the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to
the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a
question for me."
" Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child
is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about this and get
back to you?"
Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other
senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several
hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation,
Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a
child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb cracker."
Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb sh*t, it's Tony Blair!"
Good looking people r hard to find.
That's why u don't ......
That's y u don't see me often.
hihi
[/size=19]

Tại miền Tây của nước Mỹ có tổ chức một cuộc thi vắt sữa bò "mở rộng", trải qua nhiều cuộc tranh tài gay cấn thì cuối cùng cũng có 3 người lọt vào chung kết. người thứ nhất tất nhiên la một anh chàng của nước chủ nhà rùi, người thứ 2 la một anh chàng người Mehico, va người thứ ba là 1 anh chành người Mông Cổ. Vòng thi chung kết rổi cũng bắt đầu vào 8h sáng khi mọi người đã đến chật chỗ để cổ vũ cho 3 người. Luật thi rất đơn giản, mỗi người sẽ được đưa một chú bò và chỉ cần ai vắt được nhiều sữa sẽ la người thắng cuộc kg kể thời gian bao lâu. thời gian thi đấu bắt đầu, 3 người đi vào 3 phòng đã co sẵn 3 con bò trong đó. Một giờ sau thì chàng trai người Mông cổ bước ra và trên tay là 1 thùng sữa, thêm nửa giờ nữa trôi qua và có một người nữa ra, đó là chàng trai nước chủ nhà đó các bạn, trên tay anh ta là 2 thùng sữa, cơ hột thắng cuộc của anh ta rât lớn các bạn ạ, chỉ chờ anh chàng người Mehico ra thi sẽ biết kết qua thôi. Thời gian trôi qua thật châm, mãi đến 12h trưa rồi ma 2 chẳng thấy anh ta ra, va rồi anh ta cung ra, trên tay anh ta là ......
( đố bạn có bao nhiêu thùng sữa nè!!!) thật ngạc nhiên các bạn ạ, trên tay anh ta la 1/2 thùng sữa, vừa đi anh ta vừa lầm bầm:"mẹ cha nó, tao mà biết thằng nào đưa cho tao con bò đực, tao sẽ giết cả nhà nó"

Trojan@

http://www.sgbachkhoa.net

Buồn như con gián,
Chán như con Chuồn chuồn!![/br]
​

[/br]

Astronaut Neil Armstrong
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for man kind" statement but followed it by several remarks, usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control. Just before he reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American Space Programs. Over the years many people questioned Mr. Armstrong as to what the "Good Luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Mr. Armstrong always just smiled and would not answer.
Just last year, (On July 5, 1996) in Tampa, Florida while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 29 year old question to Mr. Armstrong again. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.... When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in his backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick up the ball, the then young Neil Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky saying "Or** ***! You want or** ***? You'll get or** *** when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

VỢ ƠI !!
vợ xấu là bất tài
vợ đẹp là bất hạnh
ế vợ là bất trí
có vợ bé là bất nhân
giựt vợ người là bất lương
vợ ly dị là bất cần
còn ly dị vợ là bất lợi
vợ ghen mà làm thinh là bất chấp
vợ chồng bên nhau mãi là bất tử
vợ chồng cãi lộn là bất hòa
vợ giận hông nói là bất hợp tác
vợ chồng đánh nhau là bất phân thắng bại
bị vợ đánh mỗi ngày mà hông sợ là bất khuất [ ]
ý vợ là bất di bất dịch
áo vợ mặc là bất luận
cơm vợ nấu là bất kiến
đồ đạc của vợ là bất động sản
em gái của vợ là bất khả xâm phạm
khen người đẹp trước mặt vợ là bất tiện
vợ được nhiều người khen là bất ổn
léng phéng mà vợ bỏ qua là bất quá tam
vợ bắt quả tang tò tí te dzới ẻm là thiên bất dung tha
lương đưa hết cho vợ là luật bất thành văn
tiền đưa cho vợ và tiền vợ chi luôn là bất đẳng thức
nói chung , lấy vợ là chuyện bất đắc dĩ , nhưng lại là chuyện bất khả kháng
Good looking people r hard to find.
That's why u don't ......
That's y u don't see me often.
hihi
[/size=19]

Góp vui với mọi người .
A Messy Situation...
A group of men sat at a bar, drinking and telling each other some of their past stories of bravery. While the group of men sat there drinking and laughing at each other's stories, a small nerdy-looking character entered the room, sat next to them and ordered a beer. Overhearing the men's stories, he started laughing and caught their attention.
One of the men invited him to join them and give a story of his own. Despite his shyness, he was eventually pressured into telling a story of his own. He finally started, "Well it all took place at the city zoo..." The guys started to laugh.
"My wife and I were taking some pictures of the monkeys, when all of a sudden there was a loud scream. When I looked around there was a crowd of people running toward us with a large roaring sound behind them. So I grabbed my wife and took off, running. Apparently a lion had escaped and was terrorizing the compound. We quickly past by the crowd, but the lion was close behind. All of a sudden, just like in the movies, my wife trips and falls. I don't know what got into me but I actually stopped to help her up with the lion just a few feet away. With the lion right there I knew we could not make it by running, so I pushed my wife aside to safety and I played hero -- I decided to play decoy. I just stood there in the middle of the lion's path. I wanted to run but I just couldn't, and as the lion got closer it sprang at me. As it sprang at me I slid to the left. The lion, being furious that it missed, turned around and sprang at me again. I slid to the right. This went on for some time, until the lion somehow slipped and fell, and got up and headed in the opposite direction."
"Dammmnnn, that's one hell of a story, bartender get this guy another beer," one of the guys yelled, and the others agreed. Through all the commotion one of the guys, said "damn you're brave, personally, if it were me I would have sh*t myself."
The heroic storyteller replied, "Well, ummm, what do you think me and the lion were slipping and sliding on?"[/bigchar]

Tazzan and his friend in jungle.
One day, they come to the river to take a bath.
When Tazzan take of his clothes, all the animals laugh at him.
He is very surrprise and ask them " why"? The animals answer that "His tail is in front of"

Tình cờ em lại quen anh
Tình cờ em lại yêu anh mất rồi
Tình cờ nói tiếng tình cờ
Xa nhau có phải tình cờ không anh?