Một nụ cười bằng mười thang thuốc bổ.... {^_^}

nhiều wá đọc cũng chán , tốt nhất mỗi ngày đọc một câu thui !!! còn em tại làm biếng quá nên post hít lun
Day la triet li cuoc song vo cung hap dan!Pa` con nen tham khao cho biet heeeee!!!!!!

? Xang ..có thể cạn, lốp ...có thể mòn , nhung số máy, số khung thì không bao giờ thay dổi
? Nhìn thẳng mặt trời mãi không thấy loá.... là hội nguời mù 100%.
? "Thuê bao mà bạn vừa gọi hiện nằm ngoài vùng phủ sóng, nằm trong vùng phủ chan và nằm cạnh một thuê bao khác."
? Nhà sạch thì mát. Bát sạch tốn xà bông.
? 1 nam có 365 ngày , vậy 1 ngày có bao nhiêu nam (dến bây giờ khoa học vẫn chua giải thích duợc)
? Bạn có thể là anh hùng nếu bạn tên là Hùng và bạn có 1 dứa em
? Bạn có thể là bác si mà không cần học nếu bạn tên Si và có 1 dứa cháu
? Con gái đẹp là con gái trong mơ, con gái ngoan là con gái...trong nhà trẻ
? Khi có con mèo den di qua truớc mặt bạn thì diều dó có nghia là nó dang di dâu dó.
? Ba nghìn bát phở gà mà chẳng có miếng thịt chó nào cả!
? Một diều nhịn là chín diều nhục.
? Yêu nhau không phải là nhìn nhau mà là cùng nhau nhìn về... cái xe dựng ở gốc cây kẻo nó chôm chỉa mất.
? Gần mực thì... bia, Gần đèn thì... hút.
? Bọn này dúng là càng lớn càng... nhiều tuổi.
? Hãy sống dể duợc chết một lần.
? Nếu ở gần một nguời mà bạn thấy thời gian trôi thật nhanh còn khi xa nguời đúa ; bạn lại thấy thời gian trôi qua thật chậm thì bạn nên dem dồng hồ di sửa.
? Quân tử nhất ngôn là quân tử dại. Quân tử nhai di nhai lại là quân tử khôn.
? Bầu oi thuong lấy bí cùng , mai sau có lúc... nấu chung một nồi.
? Trèo cao ngã dau. Trèo thấp ngã cung dau.
? Ai bảo chan trâu là khổ, tôi nay chan nàng còn khổ hon chan trâu
? "Em nai vàng ngo ngác
Quần chết bác ngựa san"
? Nuớc mắt em dang roi uớt nhoè dòng chữ ....(thu diện tử cho nguời yêu.)
? Bạn hãy nhớ dừng bao giờ nhìn thẳng vào..... mặt mình mà hãy nhìn qua guong
? Vịt là 1 loài có 2 chân, chạy nhanh hon..rùa, bay cao hon...chuột, tuy nhiên lại boi kém con...cá
? Muốn diệt chuột xin bạn hãy mua 1 khẩu AK47 và 10 bang dạn,lùa
chuột vào nhà rồi dóng cửa lại , sau dó bắn dạn qua cửa sổ cho dến khi nào không nghe thấy tiếng kêu nào nữa thì thôi. Nhớ chọn loại súng tốt và dạn có sức công phá
? Trông bạn quen quen, Hình nhu tớ ...chua gặp bao giờ
? 1 cô gái dứng truớc tôi mà cúi mặt xuống có nghia là cô ấy dang thẹn thùng vì thích tôi, còn nếu tôi mà nhìn xuống truớc mặt 1 cô gái thì don giản là tôi thích...cặp dùi của cô ấy.
? Khi bạn gặp chó dại hay rắn dộc thì bạn hãy dứng yên dể cho nó cắn ,Vì đằng nào chạy thì nó cũng.... cắn
? Bạn có biết ai mà bạn ghét nhất và cam thù nhất không,Ðó chínhlà.....kẻ thù của bạn
? Ðừng hỏi tôi bạn là ai, hãy hỏi mẹ của bạn
? 1 nguời mà 90 tuổi thì chắc chắn là sống lâu hon nguời 60 tuổi rồi ,bạn nhỉ
? Nếu bạn không mua duợc cái gì bằng tiền, bạn hãy tin rằng nó sẽ mua duợc bằng...nhiều tiền hon
? Có những diều mà 1 nguòi không biết, 2 nguời kh ông biết, 3 nguời , 4 nguời... cung không biết thì don giản là họ có biết cái quái gì dâu .
? Ai cung giữ lời hứa nếu họ còn nhớ dã hứa những gì
? Chúng ta dang có tất cả nếu chúng ta dang có 1 vật có tên là "Tất cả"
? Chiến tranh sẽ không xảy ra nếu quân dội Irắc mạnh hon quân Mỹ và Nato (ai nói câu này, Bush chứ ai)
? Hâm mộ mọi phụ nữ thì là hội chứng Ðông Gioang,chỉ hâm mộ 1 phụ nữ thì dó chính là Ðông Ki Sốt
? Em dứng 1 mình em xinh nhất hội
? Bạn có biết Triết học là gì không, tôi xin giải thích "Triết học là
1 hiện tuợng luận về hiện tuợng mà dôi khi chúng ta luận về hiện tuợng dó thì dúng là hiện tuợng luận cho nên nguời ta mới gọi hiện tuợng luận là luận về hiện tuợng dó nhung hiện tuợng dó dôi khi không là hiện tuợng luận nên luận về hiện tuợng dó là hiện tuợng luận" (thấy chua, dễ hiểu quá di, dừng nói triết học khó nữa nhá)
? Muốn thắng trong diền kinh thì tốtt nhất là vừa chạy vừa ....rải dinh
? Bom nguyên tử là phát minh dể ....kết thúc các phát minh khác
? Con oi , 2 giờ sáng rồi dấy, dạy rửa mặt rồi uống thuốc ngủ di con
? Trúc xinh trúc mọc dầu dình em xinh em hút thuốc lào cung xinh.

NEVER EVER LOVE NO ONE B4 U

During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation.
"People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid
những ngày mưa

Lâu quá không ai gửi truyện cười cho đọc , chán ghê ... Nhưng gửi vài truyện thì ít quá .

Mấy hôm trước đọc được một câu truyện cười khá thú vị , hình như trên báo Tuổi Trẻ , Thanh Niên gì đấy ... post lên cùng mọi người đọc cho vui .
Một cô gái hỏi một cậu con trai : "cánh đàn ông các cậu thường tán chuyện gì khi gặp nhau thế ?"
Cậu con trai trả lời : thì cũng toàn chuyện giống như các cô khi tán với nhau thôi .
"Trời , sao các cậu nói bậy thế ?" , cô gái thốt lên ...
Vì người lập ra topic này yêu cầu tiếng Anh , nên xin mạn phép dịch sang tiếng Anh luôn , có dịch sai chỗ nào mong các bác thông cảm vì trình độ em có hạn , và nhờ các bác sửa sai hộ luôn .
A girl asked a boy : What do you and your boyfriends often talk when you meet them ?
The same things as you and your girlfriend do , the boy answeared .
Oh ... Why do you talk about obscene things like that ? The girl shouted .

Lonelymanus

KISS-a-me
A man and his wife were driving their RV across the country and were nearing a town spelled Kissimee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it - KISS-a-me; kis-A-me; kis-a-ME. They grew more perplexed as they
drove into the town.
Since they were hungry, they pulled into a place to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress:
"My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand."
The waitress looked at him and said: "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."
You are all I need, my love, my valentine

Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down.
One day John got yet another one of those calls. "What happened this time?" he asked.
"My brakes went out," Jill said. "Can you come to get me?"
"Where are you?" John asked.
"I'm in the drugstore," Jill responded.
"And where's the car?" John asked.
Jill replied, "Oh, it's in here with me."

Nói gì thì nói, chúng ta cũng cần nhìn thẳng vào sự thật để nói thẳng nói thật vào mặt nhau là giữa chúng ta ... không còn gì để nói!

Japanese, Indonesian, and Malaysian
Once upon a time three people were stranded out at sea - A Japanese, a Malaysian and an Indonesian. The boat started leaking and if they do not act fast they would all die.
The Japanese (as usual) was the first to take the initiative. He threw all his Japanese gizmo - CD player, hi-fi, radio etc. off the boat. The Malaysian and the Indonesian looked at him in disbelief.
The Japanese said, "Don't worry.. still got a lot more in my country.. BANZAIIIEE!"
But the boat was still sinking. The Indonesian without hesitation started throwing aboard all his baju batik, kain batik, keretek, etc., etc. He comforted the other two, "Don't worry.. still have a lot more in my country, paknya".
But still the boat was sinking. The Japanese and the Indonesian looked at the Malaysian. Suddenly, without any hesitation and with stride, the Malaysian threw the Indonesian overboard. The poor guy couldn't swim and drowned. The Japanese was shocked. Said the Malaysian, "Don't worry... still got a lot more in MY country!!!".
-----------------
You know you're in Korea too long if...
1/ You are immune to the smell of "the kimchi breath."
2/ You no longer come to a complete stop at the stop sign and you never yield the right-of-way.
3/ You can pick up a single strand of noodles with chopsticks.
4/ You ask for more "ko-chu" because the kimchi-chige soup is not hot enough.
5/ You enjoy slurping your noodles as loudly as you can.
6/ Your back is sore from bowing.
7/ You walk down the street holding hands with your buddy.
8/ You ask your wife to stand outside with a baseball bat to protect your public parking space in front of the house.
9/ You can eat barefooted in a restaurant with a foot in your lap.
10/ You can cut in at the front of the line of waiting people with the best of them.
11/ You look forward to winter in your off post housing so you can store beer and frozen foods in your bedroom or bathroom.
12/ You can fall asleep on the city bus and wake up at your stop.
13/ You can shovel in an entire bowl of rice and half a course of Bulkogi into your mouth before you swallow.
14/ You rather watch local TV than AFKN.
15/ You can make a left turn looking only to the right.
16/ You can convert any US unit measurements into metric measurements in your head.
17/ You look forward to Chusok and the Lunar New Year each year.
18/ You think that Korea's greatest natural resource is good looking young women.
19/ You only lock your door if there are lots of "Mi-gooks" around.
20/ People ask if you want to go by car and you respond, "No, I'm in a hurry."
21/ Someone says, "Bed," and you think "Yol."
22/ You realize that it is safer to "J" walk than use a pedestrian crosswalk.
23/ You wear white socks with a dark suit.
24/ You can use a public bathroom for both genders and think nothing of it.
25/ You know every interchange on the Seoul-Pusan Expressway by heart.
26/ You know all the words to the Korean National Anthem and you enjoy singing it.
27/ You don't need a restroom to relieve yourself.
28/ You crawl back into your house to get your coat, rather than take your shoes back off and walk on the floor with shoes on.
29/ You bow at inanimate objects.
30/ You walk around humming the tune the crosswalk signal lights play.
31/ You enjoy shopping at a local open market place more than Main PX or Commissary.
32/ Someone says breakfast, you think of "fish, soup and seaweed."
33/ You'd rather sit on the floor than in a chair.
34/ You start believing that you can blend into a large crowd of Koreans.
35/ All your shoes are bent flat in the back.
36/ You let your eyes be drawn towards any female whose hair isn't black.
37/ You answer the phone by saying "yoboseyo," and sometimes even at the office.
38/ Someone says "mansion" and you think of a two bedroom flat in a 400-unit apartment building.
39/ You mutter "Aigu" when lifting a heavy objects.
40/ You suck in air through your teeth before saying "no" to anything.
41/ You start growling and spitting inside your mouth to add emphasis to what you are about to say.
42/ You can convert Hangul into English without repeating it to yourself first.
43/ You always wave your left hand to signal you are going to cut in front of another driver without looking first.
44/ You select shoes based on how easily you can get them on and off.
45/ You answer "Nhe" even when speaking English to non-Korean friends.
46/ You carry chopsticks in your back pocket.
47/ You enjoy putting lots of red pepper sauce on your salads or French-fries.
48/ You don't freak out when the salad arrives with octopus legs still wiggling on top of it.
49/ You are not embarrassed when old ladies are standing in a bus while you are sitting down.
50/ You like OB or Crown better than Bud or Miller.
To Be Continued

Nói gì thì nói, chúng ta cũng cần nhìn thẳng vào sự thật để nói thẳng nói thật vào mặt nhau là giữa chúng ta ... không còn gì để nói!

Ways to tell you from Hong Kong
1. You are a British Dependent Territory Citizen.
2. You have AMZY or AFZY on your HK Permanent ID card if you are over 18.
3. You go to Chinese restaurants to yum cha every day.
4. You have a nicely equipped Pentium 2 with at least 64MB of RAM but no modem.
5. You use "mail" instead of "PINE."
6. You don't use email as much as Americans even though you have an email account.
7. You go to concerts more that going to church.
8. Your backpack weighed more than 40 pounds since primary school.
9. You love to put stickers with Chinese phrases on your car.
10. Your regular slang includes: pk and dnlm.
11. You love the number "8" (bak).
12. You have a pager.
13. You wear a pair of oval-shaped glasses even though you don't need one.
14. You call your secondary male teachers AH-SIR.
15. You call your secondary female teachers MISSE.
16. You wear designer clothes.
17. You wished to join RHKPD when you were young.
18. You had at least one nick name throughout your primary and secondary school.
19. You are proud of your nationality - BDTC/BNO.
20. You could drink alcoholic beverages LEGALLY when you are 18.
21. You have "***" on your permanent ID card if you are born in Hong Kong and over age 18.
22. You like to drive Japanese/European cars but not American.
23. You know what "Form One Jai" means.
24. You don't call lottery as "lotto." You call it "Mark Six" instead.
25. You are so "inch" (tsoon).
26. You pretend you know Mandarin even though you DON'T.
27. You only use the word "toilet," you never use the words "bathroom," or "restroom."
28. You started singing karaoke when you were five.
29. You are an honor student in school (especially in America).
30. You drive an Integra.
31. You are an expert in MJ.
32. You tip only 10% in Hong Kong.
32. You prefer Sony or Aiwa.
33. You have more than 30 cousins.
34. You know what this means: hem ga chan.
35. Ancient HKers call police as "Green Clothes."
36. You don't know much about the "Basic Law."
37. You can't tell the difference between "Welcome" and "Wellcome."
38. You have many many cre*** cards.
39. You usually have more than two VCRs at home.
40. You think CDs are an essential thing to your life.
41. You love to wear famous brand clothes: DKNY, Versace, Chanel, Polo, etc.
42. You love to wear oval shaped eye-glasses of either brand: Giorgio Armani or Calvin Klein.
43. You watch LDs or VCD more than you sleep.
44. You love to gossip about HK entertainment.
45. You like discos.
46. You always go to "Karaoke" during Happy Hours.
47. You watch both "Chinese" or "American" movies more than any other nationalities in the world.
48. You have a cellular phone.
49. You hate the "Big Circles."
50. You use Mini discs.
51. You drive Honda Accords.
52. When you say "how are you" in Mandarin, you are actually saying some bad words.
53. You never "french kiss" in the public.
54. You speak Cantonese loudly although there are many Americans around.
55. You only carry the latest cellular phone.
56. You drive your Honda with body kits.
57. You only browse "next magazine," "Ming Pao," and "Sing Tao" in WWW.
58. 12am is too early for you to sleep.
59. 12pm is too early for you to wake up.
60. You never study until the day before the quiz.
61. You have many tips that other people do not know.
62. You like to skate.
63. You play badminton.
64. You are a great liar.
65. You can act.
66. You have "3 minutes heat" to anything.
67. You drink vita soy drink.
68. You are greedy.
69. You are the one who takes more food than you can eat in buffet.
70. You recycle.
71. You pay your utility bills at the last minute.
72. You have pets.
73. You either smoke a lot or you've never smoked.
74. You can easily integrate into any environment and society.
75. You sleep at 4:00 in the morning.
76. You wake up 12:00 noon.
77. You wear Seiko and Citizen.
78. You eat instant noodles too much.
79. You hate to walk.
80. You like to read "tin ha."
81. You like to sleep.
82. You don't sing any national athem.
83. You hate nerds, even if you are one.
84. You rush through your homework and study at the last minute.
85. You say, "when are you going back to Hong Kong?" instead of, "when are you going to Hong Kong?" (in Cantonese).
86. You like snacks.
87. You are discriminating against gays and lesbians.
88. You live in the Sunset or Richmond district in San Francisco.
89. You have more remote controls than you actually need.
90. You have a compact walkman the size of a tape.
91. You have a Discman.
92. You don't buy duplicated tapes or CDs.
93. You are majoring in engineering or business management.
94. You read "tsing tao" instead of "world journal" or "china press."
95. You are not selfish.
96. You have had at least one girlfriend or boyfriend.
97. You use "lead pencil" instead of regular pencil.
98. You use pencil boxes with cartoon characters on it.
99. You are the most talkative person among your friends.
100. You are the nosiest person in public.
101. You don't spill.
102. You buy 10000000 VCDs whenever you go back to Hong Kong.
103. You like to use Chinese slang.
104. You like to abbreviate everything, you read "reg" instead of "registration," you read "sem" instead of "semester."
105. You like to call your friend by nickname.
106. You immigrant to other parts of the world because of "Big Green."
107. You wear designer clothes even though you can't afford them.
108. You can't bear to have ANYONE driving in front of your Honda.
109. You think Claude Van Damme is the best Western actor because he did a John Woo film.
110. You don't wear shorts in summers.
111. You used to call Adidas, "Add-Dee" or "Ah-B."
112. You use the word "toilet."
113. You had at least one pair of Doc Mar.
114. You had at least one Puma shirt.
115. You had at least one Chrysanthemum underwear.
116. You never order appetizers at a restaurant.
117. You wear long sleeves in summer.
118. You rub your toes in front of a TV.
119. You have a computer.
120. You have a walkman, a Discman, and a Gameboy as well as an MD Walkman.
121. You've played all the computer games that have ever come out.
122. You play ... err ... you ARE the Street Fighter Champion.
123. Your Chinese handwriting really sucks.
124. You show off your portable Minidisc player that you got in Hong Kong "for cheap."
125. You even wear sweaters in summer.
126. Your luggage is empty when you arrive at HK; it's full (or even overloaded) when you leave.
127. Your luggage is stuffed with Chinese Mushroom, Heoi May, etc.
128. Your keep instant noodle (Kung jai Mean) handy in your kitchen.
129. You have instant noodles at least once a week... or even everyday.
130. Your call Mercedes-Benz cars as "Benz."
131. Your first trainers are the faithful "Pak Fan Yu."
132. If your are male you are keen in military stuff (guns, aircrafts, tanks), but you don't want to be a solider.
133. You nick a lot of McDonalds' napkins.
134. You ask for extra coffee in McDonalds.
135. You build a mountain of salad when you eat in Pizza Hut.
136. Your stationeries are full of your favorite cartoon character.
137. Your school bag cost well over $1000 dollars and is made of real leather.
138. Your favorite food is Wan Tan Meen after years in the foreigncountries.
139. You are known by your foreign friends as somebody who knew martial arts since birth.
140. You like your foreign friends to think that you know martial arts without really telling them.
141. Your shameful past spreads at the speed of light among your relatives.
142. You wish you knew Mandarin.
143. You pretend to know Mandarin.
144. Your younger brother inherits your clothes.
145. You inherit your elder brother's clothes.
146. You once had a fleet of small 4wd model cars, plus load of their accessories.
147. Your 4wd model cars have enhanced motor (30,000 rpm?), enhanced tires, and a big bumper.
148. You have a collection of military models, built or yet to be built.
149. You also have a collection of robot models, built or yet to be built.
150. In Karaoke, you often sing what the next room is singing.
151. You also have PC engine, GameGear, SNES, PlayStation, and you will get Dreamcast soon.
152. You clap when someone says something funny. If you're a girl, you giggle and act like a school girl.
153. You call Lexus cars "Luss-us" instead or "Lex-us."
154. If someone buys ANYTHING, you brag about how its cheaper in Hong Kong.
155. You've bragged about the Hong Kong airport at least once.
156. You call bus "bah see."
157. You call cheese "chee see."
158. You call Mercedes Benz cars "Benz- see."
159. You like Fei Mao movies.
160. You have a pair of nerdy black thick plastic frame glasses.
161. You have at least one shirt that says "Hong Kong" on the front.
162. When you see everyone around you with SARS protection mask!

Nói gì thì nói, chúng ta cũng cần nhìn thẳng vào sự thật để nói thẳng nói thật vào mặt nhau là giữa chúng ta ... không còn gì để nói!

Praying for Money
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush.
The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Bush thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to God, which read:
Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those crooks deducted $95.00.

MAKE A LEE

How to be a cool Asian
Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white.
Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine.
Own a cellular phone.
Have only Asian friends.
Speak only in Asian languages.
Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to class.
If you're a girl, BE SURE TO STUFF YOUR BRA.
If you're a guy, BE SURE TO SOUP UP YOUR ACURA INTEGRA.
Smoke even if you don't know how to, especially if you're with friends.
Travel only in droves of 10 and above to parties.
Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties"!
Refuse to dance to anything but techno music.
Whenever in droves of 10 or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other Asians.
Dance in circles at all parties and clubs.
If you're a guy, BE SURE TO COP CHEAP FEELS OFF GIRLS YOU LIKE!
If you're a girl, BE SURE TO RUN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR EACH TIME YOU SEE A HOT GUY!
Wear only designer labels.
Make sure designer labels are extremely visible. Better yet, make sure that the make is emblazoned on the front of the apparel.
Own a pair of Doc Martens.
Be very good at pool. Own a cue stick if you can, even if you know nothing about it.
Make sure your parents are doctors, or better yet, grocery store owners.
BELIEVE IN BARN JACKETS, J. CREW, AND TOMMY HILFIGER.
Make sure you install every possible option you can in your car.
Own a sports car.
Date only someone that a friend of yours has already dated.
Be an officer in the KSA/CSA of your respective school.
Be a Christian pretending to actually care about the religion.
Use church as a social ground to meet potential dates.
If you're a guy, make sure your hair looks like the head of a circumcised *****.
If you're a girl, make sure your hair is colored with tinges of brown or red for optimal "coolness."
Two words: Manhattan Portage.
If you're a guy, don't be embarrassed that your ***** is small. Instead, simply make sure that its size is inversely related to the loudness of your car's engine.
If you're a girl, don't be embarrassed about your small chest. Instead, make sure that its size is inversely related to the amount of make up on your face.
If you're a girl, weigh no more than 75 lbs.
If you're Korean girl, have eye surgery done so you can look like a goldfish.
Date only the people from your own clique, or even "a cooler one!"
If you're in a group of 10 or more friends, stare menacingly at all
interracial couples you see.
If you're a guy, start having insecurities and complain about the "theft" of your women.
If you're a girl... well, Asian men never date interracially anyway.

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