Một nụ cười bằng mười thang thuốc bổ.... {^_^}

A Farmer & His Rooster
An old farmer went to town to see a movie.
The ticket agent asked, "Sir, what's that on your shoulder?"
The old farmer said, "That's my pet rooster, Chucky. Wherever I go, Chucky goes."
"I'm sorry, sir," said the ticket agent. "We can't allow animals in the theater."
The old farmer went around the corner and stuffed the bird down his pants.
He returned to the booth, bought a ticket and entered the theater.
He sat down next to two old widows named Mildred and Marge.
The movie started and the rooster began to squirm. The old farmer unzipped his pants so Chucky could stick his head out and watch the movie.
"Marge," whispered Mildred.
"What?" said Marge.
"I think the guy next to me is a pervert."
"What makes you think so?" asked Marge.
"He unzipped his pants and he has his thing out," whispered Mildred.
"Well, don't worry about it," said Marge. "At our age, we've seen 'em all."
"I thought so," said Mildred, "but this one's eating my popcorn."
Do Your Homework
A sixth grade science teacher named Mr. Sampson asks his class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Nobody raises a hand, so he calls on the first student that looks his way.
"Mary, can you tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?"
Mary stands up, blushing furiously. "Sir, how dare you ask such a question?" she says. "I'm going to complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal, who will have you fired!"
Mr. Sampson is shocked by Mary's reaction, but undaunted. He asks the class the question
again, and this time Sam raises his hand. "Yes, Sam?" says Mr. Sampson.
"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the human eye."
"Very good, Sam. Thank you."
Mr. Sampson then turns to Mary and says, "Mary, I have three things to tell you: First, it's clear that you have not done your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I fear one day you are going to be sadly disappointed."
Produce Boy
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, only half a head.
The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter.
The boy walked into the back room and said, "There's some a**hole out there who wants to buy only half a head of lettuce."
As he was finishing saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half."
The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager called on the boy and said, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"
The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir."
"Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota?" asked the manager.
The boy replied, "They're all just whores and hockey players up there."
"Really," replied the manager, "My wife is from Minnesota!"
The boy replied, "No kidding! What team did she play for?"
*** Contest
There were two friends, a white guy and a black guy. One evening, they were in a bar arguing over which of them could have *** the most times in one night. They decided to settle the issue by going to the local brothel for the evening.
So they got to the brothel, paired off with a couple of ladies, and went to their respective rooms.
The white guy energetically had *** with his escort and reaching up with a pencil, marked a line on the wall. Then he fell asleep. He woke up in a couple of hours and had *** again, albeit a little less enthusiastically. Again, he reached back and marked a line on the wall. And again, he fell asleep. He woke up again in a couple of hours and lethargically had *** again. He drowsily marked a third line on the wall and fell asleep for the rest of the night.
The next morning, the black guy barged into the white guy's room to see how he did. He took one look at the wall and exclaimed, "A hundred and eleven? Ah man!!! You beat me by three!"
Voices Of Advice
A guy went home from work one night and heard a voice. The voice whispered to him: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
The man was disturbed about what he heard and ignored the voice. The next day when he got home from work, the same thing happened. The voice whispered to him: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
Again the man ignored the voice, though he was very troubled by the event. Every day, the man was tormented by the same voice when he came home from work: "Quit your job, sell your house, take your money, go to Vegas."
Each time the man heard the voice, he became increasingly upset. Finally, after two weeks, he succumbed to the pressure. He quit his job, sold his house, got together all his money and headed to Vegas. The moment the man got off the plane in Vegas, the voice told him, "Go to Harrah's."
So he hopped in a cab and rushed over to Harrah's. As soon as he set foot in the casino, the voice echoed, "Go to the roulette table." The man did as he was told.
When he arrived at the roulette table, the voice firmly told him, "Put all your money on 17." Nervously, the man cashed in his money for chips and put them all on 17. The dealer wished the man good luck and spun the roulette wheel.
Around and around the ball caromed. The man anxiously watched the ball as it slowly lost speed until finally it settled into number... 21.
The voice said, "Damn..."
Airborne Trivia
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game.
The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references -- no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Net and the Library of Congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and co-workers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
And you thought blondes were dumb...
Canadian Tourist
Bob, a middle-aged Canadian tourist on his first visit to Orlando, Florida, finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle and drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away. Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.
They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle and drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear, and she too screams, "No!" and walks away quickly.
The madam is surprised that this ordinary looking man has asked for something so outrageous that her two girls will have nothing to do with him. She decides that only her most experienced lady, Lola, will do. Lola has never said no, and it's not likely that anything would surprise her. So the madam sends her over to Bob. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle and drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "No way, Buddy!" and smacks him as hard as she can and leaves.
The madam is by now absolutely intrigued, having seen nothing like this in all her years of operating a brothel. She hasn't done the bedroom work herself for a long time, but she's sure she has said yes to everything a man could possibly ask for. She just has to find out what this man wants that has made her girls so angry. Besides, she sees it as a chance to teach her employees a lesson.
So she goes over to Bob and says that she's the best in the house and is available. She sits and talks with him. They frolic, giggle, drink, and then she sits in his lap.
Bob leans forward and whispers in her ear, "Can I pay in Canadian currency?"
Mom, Dad, I'm Pregnant
An 18-year-old girl goes to see her mom and tells her that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit. The test results show that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a brand new Ferrari stops at their house, and a mature, distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them:
"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge. If a girl is born I will bequeath her three stores, two townhouses, a beach villa, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories, and a $1,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, I will leave a factory and $500,000 each. However, if there is a miscarriage..."
At this point, the father, who had remained silent all this time, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him:
"You'll sleep with her again!!!"
Được 36tru1 sửa chữa / chuyển vào 22:58 ngày 31/05/2003

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CHUYỆN ĐÁNG ĐƯA QUA BOX TRUYỆN CƯỜI
Trích từ bài của VANDA viết lúc 18:51 ngày 04/06/2003 tại box Thảo Luận:
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Mod đầu tiên tôi muốn nhắc đến -lonesome
Được tiếp xúc với lone trên TTVNOL tôi mới ngộ ra rằng ,các mod hầu như là những người đang rất cô đơn ,buồn ,lấy cái căng thẳng và vất vả trên net làm niềm vui của mình .Lone có lòng nhiệt tình hiếm thấy -chăm sóc thành viên theo cách của một con người .Và có lẽ lone là con gái -đó là cảm nhận của tôi - nên những suy nghĩ của lone rất dịu mà sâu sắc ,lone luôn coi mình như các thành viên khác , lone có một tâm hồn nhạy cảm và tinh tế , nhìn nhận cuộc sống bằng con mắt rất phương Đông
nên đôi khi có một chút gì đó không không vừa ý từ các thành viên ,dám làm và trách nhiệm với việc mình làm ,đó là một đức tính quý nhưng '' Nưóc lên thì thuyền lên, nước xuống thì thuyền xuống. Nước có thể chở thuyền thì cũng có thể lật thuyền.'' thì lại rất không tốt cho một người là Mod .
Và đây là những gì Lone nói :"Mạng cũng là 1 dạng XH (dù ảo) nên nó sẽ hội tụ đủ các mặt phải trái, đúng sai, hay dở của 1 XH. Nếu chúng ta hy vọng 100% thành viên của mạng mà giống nhau thì mạng sẽ mất đi sự đa dạng của nó. Mà chắc bạn cũng biết, sự đa dạng cũng là 1 nguồn lực phát triển cho 1 tập thể.''
Có lẽ tôi cũng chỉ nói được về lone như thế ,còn các bạn ..?
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Ặc... ặc... "Và có lẽ lone là con gái -đó là cảm nhận của tôi -
nên những suy nghĩ của lone rất dịu mà sâu sắc"
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BÓ TAY CHỊU CHẾT LUÔN. ẶC ẶC. CHẾT CÒN SƯỚNG HƠN

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Được lonesome sửa chữa / chuyển vào 21:35 ngày 04/06/2003

Hi hi bác ơi... Em đọc cái này mà cười đau bụng. Chắc bác bị nó chơi xỏ rồi!
Ai nhất thì ta thứ nhì
Ai mà hơn nữa ta thì... thứ ba.
Kha` kha`...

Types Of Women
HARD-DISK Woman
She remembers everything, FOREVER.
RAM Woman
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.
WINDOWS Woman
Everyone knows that she can''t do a thing right,
but no one can live without her.
EXCEL Woman
They say she can do a lot of things but you
mostly use her for your four basic needs.
SCREENSAVER Woman
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!
INTERNET Woman
Difficult to access.
SERVER Woman
Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA Woman
She makes horrible things look beautiful.
CD-ROM Woman
She is always faster and faster.
E-MAIL Woman
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.
VIRUS Woman
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting
her, she comes,installs herself and uses all your resources.
If you try to uninstall her you will lose something,
if you don''t try to uninstall her you will lose
everything...

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