Nhật ký hụi chuột ................ Những cảm xúc bất chợt ..........

Hè sắp hết rồi , chẳng biết sao nữa , một mùa hè vô ích , học chẳng ra học , chơi chẳng ra chơi ... Suốt ngày ăn rồi lại luẩn quẩn chẳng biết làm gì ... Bỏ đi chơi thì lo , học thì chán ...Lên mạng cũng chả có quái gì . Hình như chúng nó bỏ đi đâu hết rồi đó .
Nhớ khi xưa cái hang này hình như người ra kẻ vào tấp nập lắm cơ mà ! Bây giờ đếm đi đếm lại cũng chỉ có 4 mạng ... khổ ... ngày tận thế rồi cũng tới thôi . Tiếc cũng chẳng làm gì . Nhưng dù sao mình vẫn tiếc , giá hồi ấy mình tham gia sớm thì hay hơn ... Biết đâu ?
Thôi kệ , lo làm gì , rồi cái gì tới nó sẽ tới thôi ...

Ủa cái nick này unlock hồi nào vậy ta, đúng là thời gian trôi qua nhanh thật, nhanh đến chóng mặt. Nhiều khi nghoảnh lại tưởng như mọi chuyện mới xảy ra hôm qua thôi chứ. Bây giờ chả hiểu mình sao nữa, cứ ngày này trôi qua, tiếp đến ngày khác. Mới hôm qua lên đăng kí học hôm nay thi rồi chán quá Mod nào rảnh lock lại cái nữa đi

mong muốn được đi làm để có tiền thêm trong hè, vừa để giết thời gian để rồi nhận ra rằng mình vẫn cũng như thế, vẫn cứ rảnh đề mà chán nản, khi nghĩ về tương lai mù mịt và xa xăm đang ở đâu đó trước mặt, tại sao lại phải chạy theo cơm áo gạo tiền chứ ? để rồi sau này con cháu cũng thấy và lại tiếp tục theo vết xe đổ này ? tại sao cứ phải học cho thật giỏi, phải có nhiều bằng, điểm thì phải cao, xin vào được chỗ có lương cao chứ ? đồng ý là một phần đền đáp công ơn của papa, mama nhưng như vậy thì sao ?

Có những lúc bạn nhớ 1 người, bạn muốn mang người ấy ra khỏi giấc mơ và ôm chầm lấy họ...

lạy trời cho con qua khỏi con trăng này.......... Mô phật

for Trap and Killer
TREE, LEAF & WIND
If u need more love from someone... do love that someone more first...
Tree
===
The reason I''m called tree is because I''m good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre-U. There''s one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn''t have a pretty face, doesn''t have a good figure, doesn''t have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal.
I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I''m also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I''m also afraid other''s gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she''s my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don''t have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watched me chase after gals, and I have made her heart cry for 3 years.
She wants to be a good actress and I''m a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smiled & said "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes were swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn''t want to think about what causes her to cry but laughed at her the whole day. When everybody went back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn''t know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I have watched her cry for an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn''t like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she''s not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes were filled shocked. I didn''t care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend.
The next day, she still laughed & jokeed with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she''s very hurt but she didn''t know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know who the guy is. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.
I can''t show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reached home, the heart ache was so strong that I couldn''t stand it. It was like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn''t breath. Wanted to shout but can''t. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn''t acknowledge her presence too?
During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven''t read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn''t ask her to stay"
Leaf
===
During Pre-U days, I liked to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can''t be described by using a lemon. It''s like 100 rotten sour lemons. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hid my strong sense of happiness. But after a mth, he got together with another gal.
I like him & I know he likes me. But why won''t he pursue me? Since he loves me why he doesn''t want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin *****spect that this is a one sided love. If he doesn''t like me, why does he treat me so well? It''s beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can''t expect me a gal to ask him right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It''s like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompanies me for 3 years.
Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to went after me. Everyday he pursuited me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I''m willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He''s like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn''t want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smiled & didn''t ask me to stay.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn''t ask her to stay.
Wind
====
Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she''s so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be there alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talked with gals, there was a jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her, there was a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn''t appear. I felt something amissed. I can''t explain the feeling except it''s a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accepted the note. The next day, she appeared & passed me a note and left.
Leaf''s heart is too heavy and wind couldn''t blow her away.
It''s not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never wants to leave tree.
I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accepted my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this perseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can''t remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to be my girlfriend. I didn''t hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "What are you doing? How come you didn''t want to reply?" She said, "I''m nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn''t believe my ears. "I''m nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rushed to her place & pressed her door bell. During the moment when she opened the door. I hugged her tightly.
Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn''t ask her to stay.

viết gì dài ngoằn vậy em

Ngươ?i thi? đông ma? sao trống vắng đến lạ .... mi?nh chă?ng hiê?u giơ? mi?nh muốn gi? nưfa ... một ca?m giác ki? quái , pha?i chăng mi?nh đang tự la?m khô? mi?nh bă?ng nhưfng dă?n vặt chă?ng nên có , nhưfng lo lắng chă?ng thê? na?o gia?i quyết được trong lúc na?y ... Chă?ng lef vi? thế ma? mi?nh đa?nh pha?i rơ?i bo? chính mi?nh ư , pha?i rút va?o cái vo? ốc ư , bo? chạy ư đê? chă?ng co?n ai đụng đến mi?nh ư . Không , không đơ?i na?o , như thế khác na?o chạy trốn số phận , khác na?o he?n nhát ... Mi?nh pha?i sống thôi , đứng lên bă?ng chính đôi chân cu?a mi?nh vậy ..... Mi?nh sef chă?ng bao giơ? đâ?u ha?ng đâu ... Vui lên na?o , lạc quan lên na?o .....

lại thêm một ngày dài và một ngày buồn nữa trôi qua thật chậm, ngày nào cũng vậy vẫn là cái vòng lẩn quẳn này, kô thể nào mà thay đổi đc. cho dù có thay đổi thì cùng lắm là hơn 1 tháng là lại cảm thấy chán nản thêm. chẳng lẽ mình lại là con người luôn cần một sự thay đổi (một cách nhanh chóng, và thường cảm thấy hay chán nản hay sao ) nào đó hay sao ? kô bao giờ là cảm thấy có thể thích hợp với một sự thay đổi thật lâu nào đó sao ? khi đi khỏi nhà, thì cảm thấy buồn ngủ, muốn quay về nhà, về đến nhà thì lại không thể ngủ được, cái máy tính nó cứ quyến rũ, kêu gọi, vừa lại thích ra khỏi nhà, nhưng đi đâu ???

Hic , có 258 người đang vào diễn đàn này , trong đó có 1 thành viên ( akechi ) ......hú hú không biết cái máy đếm của ttvn nó có bị điên không mà sao nhiều thế nhểy !!!