Nhật Ký III

Một cảm giác không tốt. Rất không tốt. Temporarily thôi, nhưng không tốt, rất không tốt.
Sức khỏe giảm.
Mấy ngày qua khá nhẹ lòng, may mắn quá kia...Lại những vụ cãi vã lặt vặt, đành chép miệng cho qua thôi...Vài chuyện không hay, thôi, để chỉnh sửa lại...
Một ngày mới, nói theo tiếng Đức thì là ngày của sự làm việc...

Mọi việc đang dần ổn định, stabilized. Kết thúc một giai đoạn bất an. Có mưa, có nắng, có khí lạnh, có những dự định, có mơ ước, có chờ mong, có tính toán sắp xếp, có đắn đo, có những thành tựu bé nhỏ.
Phải cho thứ nào vào guồng được thì vào, vì còn nhiều nhân tố bất ổn định quá...
Đếm thời gian bằng tuần, và bằng tháng, bằng Noel, Năm mới, và Phục Sinh.
Mọi việc đang ổn...cho đến hết 9 tháng nữa. Đừng nghĩ nhiều, phiền nhiều, lo nhiều, buồn nhiều, đắn đo nhiều. Có lẽ...có lẽ mọi việc sẽ ổn thỏa.
Mọi việc.

Có mưa, có nắng.
Có áo khoác cổ cao tránh cái rét, có dù phập phồng che mưa.
Có một vài thứ đang chạy ổn định, có vài dự định nho nhỏ cho sắp tới.
Có một con hươu cao cổ, có mì gói.
Có một người yêu thương mình.
Vậy là đủ, thấy ổn thỏa và bình yên.

Đâu là lần cuối cùng mình hưởng cảm giác thanh bình của hạnh phúc, chứ không phải là sự phấn kích của hạnh phúc? (Hạnh phúc có thật nhiều trạng thái!)
Hay đây là lần đầu tiên?

Thực sự là mình confused. Mình lẫn lộn một đống cảm xúc trong người. Mình muốn nghĩ positive lắm chứ, nhưng cái cynical cứ dâng lên trong người.
Thực ra mình muốn gì đây? Sự quan tâm? Mọi việc ổn thỏa với mọi người? Sự an toàn để đỡ phải chịu shock lúc này lúc khác? Sự hoàn hảo?
Mình muốn làm gì đây, trách móc, chịu đựng, hài lòng, mừng rỡ, an tâm?
Tự nhiên nghe mấy lời hứa vội vàng mà mình chỉ muốn xua tay đi, không nhận lời hứa ấy. Không, mình không ưa như vậy. Thật sự là không cần thiết nữa rồi.
Hai ngày nay, hai điều làm mình càng thêm confused. Mọi thứ rời rạc quá rồi, chính mình không kiểm soát đc nữa.
Gần cuối tuần rồi, cuối tuần này nhiều thứ phải làm quá.

Hôm nay lại linh tinh, mò mẫm cái trang xem bói tên ngày xưa.
Angie, your Life Path of 1 ...
Your life path number is number 1, and so you are probably also blessed with a great drive and burning desire to be "number one" at whatever you do. Unfortunately, your competitive spirit sometimes gets you into trouble with friends and family, as work and ambition take precedence over emotional relationships.
You have a great faith in yourself that often achieves result despite great odds ... yet at the same time, has you often been accused of having an enormous ego. However, in your defense, it is that enormous ego that gives you the daring and courage to change everybody´s life for the better.
You have probably been born into one of two life paths. Either you have been born into wealth and privilege and coddled by lucky circumstances into becoming "great" in some way or you are thriving despite great challenges such as poverty and war. The number 1 is the number of the hero and this is why you find many disabled as well as super achievers (such as military leaders and business magnates) born under this life path number.
You are also usually blessed with good health, vitality and endless inspiration. Your number is very connected with the divine and you often feel especially connected to God or your subconscious mind. However, as you are such an individualist, this insistence on listening to your hunches often make you appear irrational or even insane to others, that is, until the direction of your gut instincts pays off and all benefit.
Although you are capable of rising to great heights when it comes to career or athletics, you are also capable of great falls. However, as you are also an innovative and resourceful individual you have the uncanny ability to "make lemons out of lemonade" and start again from scratch.
Despite your main personally blessing, you might also feel as if you face more challenges or obstacles in life than others do. Karmically, many number 1´s spend their early years learning not to be dependent on others as fate throws difficult relationships and situations their way. If you feel cursed or that you have a bad luck, that is very characteristic of number ones whose life lessons are usually about "letting go", "releasing control" and "overcoming great odds."
As a number 1 you may also need to watch a tendency towards arrogance or over confidence. Many number ones stumble early in life because they have a habit of biting off more than they can chew. Often you are perceived as odd, controlling or self-centered by others. However often these are traits are forgiven as others also recognize that your talents outshine those of the ordinary mortal.
Of all the numbers, you are the one that values individuality, privacy and ethics more than anything. This is why so many of you become business, political and spiritual leaders. You tend to have faith in yourself, more than you do others, and make a better leader than a team player. You are best suited to occupations that allow you to work on your own or be the big boss.
Being a number 1, you are also likely to achieve some measure of fame in your life. This is because you are destined to be "the one that is loved by all" as opposed to "the one that is loved by one other." It sometimes takes number ones a lifetime to realize that being adored by many is not such a bad thing.
Angie, your Expression of 1 ...
Your Potential Natural Talents and Abilities
You are a doer, not a dreamer. You express yourself through definitive choices and deliberate action. Nothing irritates you more than people who procrastinate, are self-indulgent or spend too much time analyzing a situation before acting.
You are a courageous and natural born leader who is not afraid to makes things happen. The penultimate in self-expression for a number 1 is the outward manifestations of success: rewards, recognition and material abundance! These are the things that define you, not the opinions of other people.
You are naturally aggressive by nature, but a charm and a talent for persuasion temper it. You are an incredible multi-tasker and project manager. For this reason many of you thrive in such positions as producers, leaders, sales executives and administrators.
You retreat from situations where you feel you are not in control and may express resentment of authority or be uncooperative. This is why you need an occupation where you can act on your own without too much restraint from others.
You can be quite blunt in your approach to things to the extent that others can perceive you as being too controlling or heartless. These traits help you make a killing when it comes to business, but your frankness is not often appreciated in personal relationships. One thing that many number ones need to master during their lifetime is the fine art of tact.
You also have a tendency to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about others without fully analyzing the matter first. People are often startled by your tendency to "look before you leap." For this reason, you need a right hand man or woman or some kind of best friend to encourage you to sleep on important matters before you make a split decision.
Your natural physical grace and beauty often has you excelling at dancing and athletics. As you are a very proud number, you are always meticulously groomed and putting your best foot forward in life. People are often very impressed by the consistency of your habits and routines. However sometimes an over preoccupation with fashion or your looks can make you seem shallow to others.
You are very clear and concise with your speech and body language. For this reason you often come across as being very forthright and honest, even if you are not!
In love you tend to be the one to take the lead as you are usually eager to express your feelings so that the matter is taken care of in the future. This is sometimes too pushy to loved ones who may process their feelings at a slower rate than you. You may also have a bad habit of deciding how someone feels before asking them.
When it comes to fashion and style you prefer the simplicity of classic tailoring and tra***ional styles. However you also love anything that can bear your initials or a signature so many of your items may bear a monogram. You may also express your individuality by adding a personal unique touch to a classic piece of clothing.
Your fondness for things that are one of a kind may also extend to your furniture and heart. You express how proud you are of your achievements by taking good care of your possessions. You also take care of number one by paying careful attention to your physical body and for this reason tend to enjoy good health well into your later years.
Angie, your Soul Urge of 8 ...
What You Desire To Be, To Have, and To Do In Your Life
You are one of the most spiritual complex and misunderstood numbers. Your ability to create wealth often fills your life with difficult relationships. Others may try to take advantage of you or try to make you feel guilty for your success. You are probably used to being described as greedy or shallow but usually the opposite is true. Often your devotion to keeping the free exchange of money flowing costs you dearly personally either through overwork or thanklessness from others.
In essence your number is about exchange - the exchange of things for profit. Although you are materially oriented you are not spiritually bereft. In fact, one of your most sophisticated spiritual qualities is your belief that all should wealthy and that all should benefit from your endeavors.
The highest expression of your soul urge number is when you are at the top of the food chain and dispensing goodies down to those who work for you or love you. You are a very trustworthy individual who is entrusted often with the task of caring completely for other people''s livelihoods. This is a huge responsibility and many simply don''t understand the challenge.
You are blessed with the tools that come in hand with being a great leader - foresight, analytical abilities and a great understanding of human nature. Your ability to sell ice to an Eskimo comes from a truly grounded and practical understanding of the wants and needs of humans. You are very astute when it comes to choosing partners and employees. You always assign people to roles that best suit their talents and resources and so that all benefit from your grand plans.
Usually it is an eight that facilitates the building of a church, day care center or opera house. Art and the theater truly do appeal to your brilliant mind. Many of you are excellent when it comes to choosing talent and putting it to work in your organization. You may also privately support an artist that you believe is adding beauty, meaning and order to the world.
Another soul energy that drives you is your need to demonstrate the circulation of love and prosperity in your life. If you are not making money, it seems to you like you are not being favored by the Gods or that you are on the wrong path. Like feng shui masters, you see the circulation of wealth in your life as evidence that love is blossoming in your life as well. This is because you are as equally concerned with attaining spiritual riches as you are material riches.
Many of you are natural born feng shui masters and have innate understanding of the use of space. For you beauty is a matter of form following function, so if it is useful it is beautiful to you. This is why many eights end up funding the design of grand buildings or malls or creating large corporations or organizations. In Biblical terms, you are the one who knows how to divide up a single fish to feed thousands.
You are also an extraordinarily kind person and one of your challenges may be about deciding who is a good risk to lend money to or not. For this reason, you can always expect some losses in your life due to the lending of money. If you are stolen from, your highest spiritual calling is to forgive the debt and realize that others simply don´t have the same natural knack for creating wealth that you do.

Hôm qua là một ngày dễ thương...
Hôm nay là một ngày...mình childish...nhưng đến bây giờ thì dễ chịu rồi...
Hai hôm nay ăn khá nhiều đồ ngọt...thích ơi là thích...
Hôm qua suýt nữa cảm lạnh - mà cảm lạnh kiểu đó là nằm cả tuần, vì mấy tháng rồi mình không bệnh mà...
Hy vọng mọi việc sẽ dần dần ổn định...
Plan kia dời đến 15-12, nhưng mà người ta có vẻ nghiêm túc lắm, nghĩa là mình cũng phải cố gắng - thời điểm đó là bận lắm lắm rồi, phải ráng lên.
Hai tiếng đồng hồ liên tục nghe Bằng Kiều và Quang Dũng vì tự nhiên thèm nghe nhạc VN đến khổ sở...

Hôm nay lại mò mẫm ID cũ, add nick skype của James vào. 3 năm rồi...Tìm ra cái bài bói tên năm ngoái.
Ngày xưa ngoài tên tự, còn có tên hiệu. Tên tự là tình cờ một ng nhận đc, nhưng tên hiệu là do một ng chọn. Chọn, sau khi mình đã hiểu hơn về mình.
Tình cờ, Soul Urge number của mình giống y chang profile kia. (Life path là ngày sinh, giống cũng không tính.)
Angie, your Life Path of 1 ...
Angie, your Expression of 4 ...
Your Potential Natural Talents and Abilities
The height of self-expression for you is when you are caught up on all of your work, the house is clean, the bills are paid and everything is in perfect order. You are the number that covets civilization and all of its contents the most. If life could be defined as a machine you are the nuts and bolts that holds everything together.
You believe that action speaks volumes more than words and express your respect and love for others by using a practical down-to-earth approach. You believe the greatest path to your own personal truth is to live by your personal convictions. For this reason, you are often very concerned with taking care of yourself, maintaining your belongings and property and making sure that your family and children are well cared for.
You are a diligent, hard worker who is always willing to lend a helping hand but only if it is for the good of all concerned. You don''t have much patience with arrogant people and you openly express your dislike of people you consider to be controlling or pushy. Sometimes this resistance expresses itself as an outright defiance of authority. You are very courageous and almost always right but often your willingness to fall on your own sword for the sake of principle also makes you "dead right."
You love nature and especially gardening and landscaping. You may express your love for the earth by participating in ecological and animal preservation causes. Number 4''s often also own many pets and many relate to their pets better than they relate to people.
As you can be quite rigid in your opinions, you often end up in many arguments. One of your challenges may be to learn to express yourself in a way that does not seem autocratic or bossy to others. You also have very strong likes and dislikes that can seem prejudiced or overly biased to others. This can hold you back both professionally and personally.
When it comes to love you is a very attentive and loyal partner. Sometimes to get attention you may play with a lover''s insecurities. Among your negative tendencies is creating jealousy or suspicion on purpose or being obsessive or possessive.
Your role in society is to create structures that bring fulfillment to the highest of human aspirations. You are a wonderful planner and administrator and you know how to facilitate organizations and services that meet people''s needs. Many fours are skilled at carpentry, sewing, horticulture, and interior decoration. Many of you are good with your hands, which make you excellent sculptors and surgeons.
You are creative, intelligent and have an attentiveness to detail that can border on obsession. Your self-discipline and willingness to practice until something is perfect also leads fours to careers in performance, especially athletics and music.
Your personal style is casual yet tasteful. Your budget often also determines what you wear, as you don''t believe in spending money foolishly. You judge people by their inner beauty and not their outer appearance. The people you judge most favorably, however are those that agree with your opinions.
Your insistence on financial security, charity and the stewardship of the young often makes you a pillar of the community at a very young age. The passing down of wisdom is often how a number four can best express their love of their community.
Angie, your Soul Urge of 8 ...
What You Desire To Be, To Have, and To Do In Your Life

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Sững sờ khi vừa nhận ra mấy phút trước là đôi khi chẳng cần phải yêu ai để được nhấm nháp cảm giác walking on air cả.
Chỉ cần một ly nước ngọt pha tí rhum là đã hưởng được cảm giác ấy suốt mấy mươi phút.
Nghĩ ra được đến đấy thì cảm xúc tụt mất, rượu cũng đã tan, má còn nóng hổi nhưng chắc không còn đỏ nữa.
Declan nhìn xinh ơi là xinh, chẳng biết già thì sẽ thế nào.
Tự dưng thấy mình ngô nghê vô kể với cái phát hiện ở trên kia. Mà hôm nay cũng lạ, không có mấy tí hụt hẫng cả. Unconsciously mình đã nhận ra điều ấy rồi àh?
Cố gắng lên nhé, sắp sửa xong rồi đây. Nói là sắp sửa, chứ cũng phải vài ba tháng, nhưng mà rồi thì sẽ qua hết, sẽ qua hết. Sẽ qua hết mà.

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Cũng có thứ Milan Kundera không có lý lắm: Dù là con người sống hết thời niên thiếu mà chưa từng biết thế nào là tuổi thiếu niên, đi hết tuổi trưởng thành mà chưa từng có kinh nghiệm về tuổi trưởng thành, rồi đến tuổi già mà cũng chưa từng sống qua giai đoạn này - tóm lại là toàn là không có kinh nghiệm, thì đôi khi cũng có những việc khá là...manageable.
Cái chính là mọi sự ổn. Từng tình tiết nhỏ thì có thể trúc trắc, trục trặc, nhưng nói chung là ổn. Chỉnh tiểu tiết bao giờ cũng dễ khi mà người ta kiểm soát được cái sườn.
Hóa ra là như vậy. ^^