SEC diary.

i dont know how today is. but i never can and want to forget the past and think about the future, because future is what i am doing today., past is what i was doing today. and my trouble is that i dont how what today is.

I haven''t been here for long long time...
It were the moments when I could not share with anyone else except for the monstrous silence & the diverse pieces of music...
In moment like this, this is really me with my Achilles'' heel. . Noone has ever been that straightforward & direct in pointing out to me where I have gone so so wrong.
I am training myself to be myself. With no effort purposely put in to change myself. It''s time to come to terms with non- perfection. "To err is human", I heard this many times but yet never understood it. Stop being so critical, not only of yourself but also of others. Who would attain perfection in your eyes? None. Then why so concerned about it when it is impossible?
Cleaning the mess of my room. I told Sarah once. Observe the state of my room & you would guess the state of my mind. The room is perfectly clean & orderly & fragrant right now. . It is tantamount to me having cleared that mess in my mind - all tangled up - left me baffled & confused. It should be more like this!
The cluster is slowly being filled up again. No more personal space - to blast music - to open doors & spray perfume all over the corridor! To leave the kitchen unattended to with unwashed dishes! . Welcome back friends!

I haven''t been here for long long time...
It were the moments when I could not share with anyone else except for the monstrous silence & the diverse pieces of music...
In moment like this, this is really me with my Achilles'' heel. . Noone has ever been that straightforward & direct in pointing out to me where I have gone so so wrong.
I am training myself to be myself. With no effort purposely put in to change myself. It''s time to come to terms with non- perfection. "To err is human", I heard this many times but yet never understood it. Stop being so critical, not only of yourself but also of others. Who would attain perfection in your eyes? None. Then why so concerned about it when it is impossible?
Cleaning the mess of my room. I told Sarah once. Observe the state of my room & you would guess the state of my mind. The room is perfectly clean & orderly & fragrant right now. . It is tantamount to me having cleared that mess in my mind - all tangled up - left me baffled & confused. It should be more like this!
The cluster is slowly being filled up again. No more personal space - to blast music - to open doors & spray perfume all over the corridor! To leave the kitchen unattended to with unwashed dishes! . Welcome back friends!

Hi Sweettaboo,
It has been a long time we didn''t see you, our little friend. Last night, I saw your nickname presented in SEC and I was happy and this morning your postings are back here.
That''s life, Sweet, just relax and have a more open-minded thoughts about everything, you''ll get more happiness and pleasure for your life. Maybe we have somewhat similar state, so I suppose I understand what you expressed.
Have you tried to listen to jazz ? It''s great and it can help you to stay deeply with your thoughts and then release....

Hi Sweettaboo,
It has been a long time we didn''t see you, our little friend. Last night, I saw your nickname presented in SEC and I was happy and this morning your postings are back here.
That''s life, Sweet, just relax and have a more open-minded thoughts about everything, you''ll get more happiness and pleasure for your life. Maybe we have somewhat similar state, so I suppose I understand what you expressed.
Have you tried to listen to jazz ? It''s great and it can help you to stay deeply with your thoughts and then release....

Lately Houston turns cold and sometimes sprinkles us with freezing rain - So depressing . Luckily I get burried in work and did not have the time to reflect on the nasty weather .
Stopped by to day and found SEC''s still full old familiar faces. Welcome back SweetTaboo ! Where are you TaoLao ? Reading and seeing all those pictures taken on those off-line meetings make me a bit jealous ... How come I can have that happiness ! Hic ! hic !
Christmas is at our doorsteps - Wish our SEC members a Merry Christmas and a Happy , happy New Year .

Lately Houston turns cold and sometimes sprinkles us with freezing rain - So depressing . Luckily I get burried in work and did not have the time to reflect on the nasty weather .
Stopped by to day and found SEC''s still full old familiar faces. Welcome back SweetTaboo ! Where are you TaoLao ? Reading and seeing all those pictures taken on those off-line meetings make me a bit jealous ... How come I can have that happiness ! Hic ! hic !
Christmas is at our doorsteps - Wish our SEC members a Merry Christmas and a Happy , happy New Year .

Hi dirosemimi,
Thanks for remembering and showing your concern about me, a little friend of SEC . Perhaps you''''re right. I should have more open-minded thoughts about everything and change the silly habbit of avoidance & elusion as well. You know, sometimes I hate myself for thinking too much, thinking nonsensical & silly . But I am still much amazed at myself for the ability to rejuvenate my spirits even after a fiasco or failure. It requires not much effort. It comes naturally, just as what I told my friend, "inborn in me...".
I did listen to jazz, but not all the songs could be absorbed. At least it could help me release stress and stay deeply with my...sleep (!) since I''''ve never listened to jazz more than 30 mins without falling asleep. If you don''''t mind, could you please suggest me some of your favortie jazz''''s songs?
.
Được sweettaboo sửa chữa / chuyển vào 00:33 ngày 17/12/2004

Hi dirosemimi,
Thanks for remembering and showing your concern about me, a little friend of SEC . Perhaps you''''re right. I should have more open-minded thoughts about everything and change the silly habbit of avoidance & elusion as well. You know, sometimes I hate myself for thinking too much, thinking nonsensical & silly . But I am still much amazed at myself for the ability to rejuvenate my spirits even after a fiasco or failure. It requires not much effort. It comes naturally, just as what I told my friend, "inborn in me...".
I did listen to jazz, but not all the songs could be absorbed. At least it could help me release stress and stay deeply with my...sleep (!) since I''''ve never listened to jazz more than 30 mins without falling asleep. If you don''''t mind, could you please suggest me some of your favortie jazz''''s songs?
.
Được sweettaboo sửa chữa / chuyển vào 00:33 ngày 17/12/2004

I hate you. I really really hate you. You have made it impossible for me to listen to Are You Gonna Be My Girl. To think about Sydney just as Sydney. To continue living as if there had never been three months during which we had been together as close as any couple could have.
Someone told me that it has been 5 months, you have moved on with your life, and I should not try to retrieve what could never be retrieved. That''s good, because I never planned to ask for you to come back, anyway. We are not really suitable for each other, and I really don''t love you anymore. However, it''s just really strange that your image has become a ghost that keeps haunting me. Between study and work, seeing friends and family, I keep having memories of us flashing back in my mind, vividly as if they were reliving in front of my eyes. And I keep asking myself a question whose answer has never been found "If I don''t love you anymore, why the obsession?"
To cut through the denials and lies, it''s probably because of the hurtful truth that you could really bounce back, stand on your feet after our breakup, move on, and more importantly, act as if I had never been in your brilliant life. And right now, I''m just a nobody in your life, to quote exactly what you said. You either ignore my calls, or hang up if ever you pick up the phone at the first place. There''s no more SMS''s or emails asking me to come back, or just to be friends. It makes me wonder if I was just an attention-seeking girl who desperately needs her ex-boyfriend to care about her. Or if you were just simply a loser who harshly cut off all communication with someone you once were so close. This is what lots of arguments between us were about. I strongly believe you can''t just be intimate with someone one day and turn your back to him or her the next, whereas you don''t connect the past and the present, especially when the old days were hurtful. Wasn''t there some good time between us? Didn''t someone say that whatever happened in the future, we would always be special to each other?
I''m confused.