SHOULD WE HAVE ***UAL RELATIONSHIP BEFORE MARRIAGE?

mấy hôm nay thấy bà con buồn quá, đưa chủ đề này lên cho bà con bàn tán cho vui vẻ. Trước tiên, tui có câu hỏi này ?

HOW IMPORTANT THE VIRGINITY WAS ?

When I have raised this question to my Vietnamese friends, many people have laughed me: ?o This is modern time, and ***ual relationship is a personal matter, and we should have freedom to do whatever we want. Moreover, why do the couples not try staying with each other before seriously getting married? Can you accept a wife who does not know how to make love?? . In my opinion, I don?Tt agree with that because it has some bad influences such as being against the culture, deficiency in studying, and harm to the health.

They are right, to some extent. Marriage is an important step of life; thus, they need to take everything, including ***, into consideration. However, to have ***ual relationship freely and carelessly, as several students usually do here is something inconsiderate. Vietnamese, like other Asian countries, value the virginity of women. Virginity symbolizes the virtue and merit of women in most eastern societies. Staying virgin till the day of marriage is the most meaningful gift that a wife can give to her husband, the proof of pure love and devotion. Western societies recently have realized this truth, and there is now tendency to oblige this very simple truth. Eastern men, needless to say, mostly would go for virgin wives. They feel confident and happy when getting married with innocent girls, and feel damaged and uncomfortable if their wives have lost their virginity. And if their families know that the wife has lost her virginity, they will even be more depressed and ashamed. In ad***ion, having ***ual relationship before marriage is against cultural value as well as social ethics.

Let's continue and discuss more about that...

To Fini: I wonder if I can change your old title so that we can discuss this matter in a broader way ? Thanks, Fini .


Được dirosemimi sửa chữa / chuyển vào 00:42 ngày 28/04/2003

It's neccessary for everybody ! hehehehe (kidding)

Nothing Impossible

What a hot and cool topic to discuss !r33)]
I think VNese young generation nowadays has two way of thinking: some of us prefer Western culture to Eastern one, and the rest might be ranged as tra***ional individuals.
VNese people who suppose that Western values have more advantages than Eastern one have a more free life . They love and just love, they never think about marriage although they always say that they are loving by all their heart and those are true love. They're willing to accept ***ual relationship ( I use Fini's word ) before getting marriage. In their opinion, living with each other will bring them more understandings .
However, what a " nice" surprise , when you ask them if they know each other so clearly , and in details like that , maybe they will get bored of their partners. They usually reply that they will say goodbye and they will be good friends . It's so simple ! No problem !
About VNese tra***ional people, they highly appreciate virginity . They love and the girls try to keep their virginity until getting marriage. The girls always wantto give it for their loving husband. With this kind of person , virginity is so important and sacred.
( to be continue...)

Dirosemimi

Yes, Virginity is so important. However, let's concentrate to our topic : "should...?"
Continue...
Virginity is not only required for the wife, but is also expected of the husband. Several of my Indian friends are proud of the fact that they have not had *** with any girls: â?o It is not at all a shame. I want my wife to trust me and respect me, and the foundation for that is the fact that I have saved my virginity for her through yearsâ?? . I totally agree with this. Virginity is almost like the essence of love, the foundation of trust between men and women. For this reason, premarriage ***ual relationship should not be permitted when we students study abroad.
Besides the cultural aspect, ***ual relationship would also seriously effect their study. When a couple has ***ual relationship with each other, it is easier for them to get into the depraved. Since ***ual relationship offers them wonderful feeling, they will forget the major goal, studying. Moreover, itâ?Ts very difficult for students to control themselves to be moderate in ***. Because they are in their youth, the time that their hormones are flooding in their blood, ***ual relationship will control them easily to forget their study; or it will take most of their time, which results in a loss of strength to endure exam periods. As a result, their studying efficiency will diminish considerably.
Last, but not least is the effect of ***ual relationship on health. Most female students do not want to be pregnant when having premarriage ***ual relationship with their partner. Although there are a lot of anti-pregnant medicine such as morning-after pill, condom, and pessary-a device worn in the vagina *****pport the uterus or as a contraceptive - the medicine still has bad influence on the health of female students. For example, the medicine may cause secondary symptoms such as headache, weight loss or gain, and disorder period. They can not be completely safe by using these medicines. This means that they can be pregnant even though they use the medicines. And when something unhappy happens, female students will find every way to have abortion. Furthermore, the medicine can not protect them from ***ually transmitted diseases such as venereal diseases and AIDS, which is also a public concern. This is very harmful to their health, so it is unnecessary for them to have premarriage ***ual relationship.
Moreover, they are only students. They have to live dependently on their family financial sources, not on their own. They are still studying, not working, so they have not enough money to spend on many kind of fees in life. Most of fees such as tuition fees, housing fees, and meals are supported by their family. Furthermore, they have not been immature yet. Their thinking is not developed completely. They have not enough knowledge, abilities, and energy to control their personal desires. They also have not experience and power to bear the consequences.
In brief, I strongly believe that ***ual relationship should be restricted, at least to Vietnamese students who come from such a typical Asian culture where virginity is valued, who are serious in their studies, and who want to stay a healthy life. Love without ***ual relationship may sound weird to many Westerners, but to us, who have been raised up in this culture, it is a great honor, a right and responsibility as well.
hope we will be interested in this topic and try to participate in.

ok, you guys have excellent take on this topic. I'd like to pose some questions to you Fini.
" Virginity is almost like the essence of love, the foundation of trust between men and women. For this reason, premarriage ***ual relationship should not be permitted when we students study abroad.".
---> What's wrong if other people think both ***ual and non***ual relationship are the foundation of trust bt men and women???? If two individuals are deeply in love, having a ***ual relationship can be deemed "acceptable" in their own world. If chastity is priortized over a pure love, should everyone remain chaste for a marriage? Think about it!!! Won't all the people who had a ***ual relationship before be allowed to venture in another relationship?
"Besides the cultural aspect, ***ual relationship would also seriously effect their study. When a couple has ***ual relationship with each other, it is easier for them to get into the depraved. Since ***ual relationship offers them wonderful feeling, they will forget the major goal, studying. Moreover, itâ?Ts very difficult for students to control themselves to be moderate in ***. Because they are in their youth, the time that their hormones are flooding in their blood, ***ual relationship will control them easily to forget their study; or it will take most of their time, which results in a loss of strength to endure exam periods. As a result, their studying efficiency will diminish considerably."
--->Not quite true. I don't see anyone having *** 24 hr a day and obviously these students won't conduct any ***ual intercourse when they're in school. As you might not know, legitimate studies show that a consistent ***ual relationship (or course not 24hr ha ha ha) will boost morales, energy and blood circulation of the two partners. So your saying that their strength will be reduced due to ***ual intercouse is not a valid point to me. How come you know that it's very difficult for them to be moderate in ***, have you had any experience before ? . I guess it is just your assumption and therefore it's another irrelevant point.!
You are quite positive saying that ***ual relationship will adversely affect student's study. Let me raise a question to you. When i was in university, my parents always warned me not to be in love with anyone as they were afraid it would distract me from my studying. Being a young man in his prime, I certainly couldn't live up to my promising to my parents. After all, a girl swept me off my feet. Did I fail the B.A degree because the time I dedicated to this love relationship too much? Absolutely not!
I hope you understand my point. Boycotting a pre-marriage ***ual relationship based on reasons like time-consuming as you aforementioned is not convincing to me. Could I stop people from smoking by claiming that smoking takes too much time (considering that smoking addicts can even consume more time on their cigarretts than in their beds!)?
Another counter-point to your take. You imposed that young people not to involve in a ***ual relationship because you thought these people were inmature and not financially independant. How young did you mean by "young"? Have you taken into consideration the changes in societal structure? Talk to a 20 year old boy about everything in life and see how he expresses his thoughts and compare his behaviors to yours(or your father's if you are not "old" enough). By and large, young people nowadays can be more mature than their precedessors due to myriad complex influences in a modern society. Ask your father if he had a problem with your mom 20 years ago, to whom would he turn other than his parents? Were there any professional counselling service in the old time?
Can't wait to hear your ideas

It's not wealth one asks for, but just enough to preserve one's dignity, to work unhampered,to be generous, to be independent

just wanna add something to this discussion.
Long-lasting relationships should not be based on virginity alone. It's not really the foundation of trust. What if a woman loses her virginity by accident? nowadays, any woman can become a virgin again with a small surgery.
However, ***ual relationship before marriage dramatically increases divorce rate. If a couple (bf and gf) really love each other and *** comes out of their mutual affection, then it's fine. Don't have *** for its pleasure alone.

sorry to the topic inventor, it isn't a new problem now, but a chance to practise E. only. It must b a personal problem as said b4!!!!!!!

Well, in my opinion, ***ual relationship is only for improving love. It's not affect in the marriage problem. The most important thing is they know exactly about a real love, about ***ual and the status of them. Maybe I'm wrong, if anybody has has more experience please show me more to improve my knowledge.

Nothing's Impossible

(continued) :
As you may know, Vietnamese society nowadays is facing with many serious problems : drug addiction, prostitution, criminality, smuggling etc., And one of the most serious concerns is the extremely high percentage of minors' abortion.
I remember an article in Tuoi Tre newspaper used to alert about this : Vietnamese minors' abortion percentage is ranked as one of the highest one in the world . Oh, so " great " , so " surprised " ! Frankly to say, it gradually undermines Vietnamese morals, Vietnamese values and Vietnamese culture . We are an oriental country, why don't we preserve our beauty of culture? Why do we follow Western values and conception ? I suppose we, the young generation , should realize our duty of keeping our national cultural characteristics.
I don't suppose that whenever we're involve in ***ual intercourse , we lose our will , our effort to study to become a successful person in the future. However, preserving virginity of girls is one of the most beautiful values of Vietnam, and we Vietnamese should keep that .
I myself know that Western young generation have their own thinking and lifestyle . And it's very suitable for them. They can do everything , they can love, make love, and study , and research so well. It's their lifestyle and it's appropriate for them.
One of the humankind's instinct is ***ual intercourse. It is indeed an invisible power draw us terribly. Poor us ! We usually lose like our ancestors Adam and Eva. But I think we are human-being, the most intelligent creature , we can't act like other normal creatures. We must win ourselves by our effort. That is the most wonderful trophy.
Yeah, we can lose everything but don't lose ourselves.
( to be continued if you want )

Dirosemimi

Được dirosemimi sửa chữa / chuyển vào 17:52 ngày 31/07/2002

Wowww, it's cool ! It's great, I like this the best ! Your idea was quite good, Di ! It's a surprise to me about your thinking ! huh ... huh....

Nothing's Impossible