Sửa giúp em bài writting này với

Sửa giúp em bài writting này với

Các anh chị/bạn sửa giúp em bài essay task 2 này với, em xin cảm ơn nhiều


Topic: Should Govs force their ppl to live a healthy lifestyle or should ppl have their own right to choose their own lifestyle?

Choosing a personal lifestyle is among many rights of people in democracy. It is said that governments today are trying to interfere in so many aspects of life while may people want to have their own rights to decide how to live their lives. In my opinion, governments should force their people to live healthier lifestyles on account of these following reasons:
The most obvious reason is that policy makers have right to prevent people from doing harm to the environment when living in unhealthy lifestyle. For instance , many farmers have been overusing or wrongly using chemicals namely chemical fertilizers, pestcides, auxin,.ect, in agriculture production. That results in infertile soil or land and underwater pollution and even bad effect on people''s health. Governments in turn have to take action to solve all the problems caused by bad lifestyle of those farmers, so why do not governments have power to intervene to farmers'' lifestyle?.
Secondly, there is now highly decreasing number of diseases produced by unhealthy lifestyles in the community. In particular, cigarette smokers are now facing the disaster of lung cancer or many other kinds of diseases related as well. Moreover, the smoke can be harmful to second-hand smokers who are faultless victims of unhealthy living environment. Besides, people do want to eat and drink whatever they like, leading to high rate of obesity, heart diseases and alcohol addict which also likely make the society unsafe.
It sometimes argued that many people want to choose by themselves what to eat or what to medicines to use, for example, many of them refuse compulsory vaccinations for their children. Too many vaccines are said to cause health problems due to the combination of multiple chemicals being injected. However, why do not they consider of later bad consequences for the children without vaccinations?. Thanks to governments'' policy of mandatory vaccinations, many children have been out of polio, measles, .ect, which cause worse results in both physical and mental health.
In conclusion, forcing people to live in better lifestyles also means bringing better lives to them. The only question should be opened is that how governments can apply all the policies for the sake of satisfying the Masses and making them live in healthier lifestyles.
( Word count: 370)

Bài dài quá người ta lười giúp lắm

cũng đang tập viết writing, có gì sai sửa luôn hộ nhé
1. Vốn từ của bạn khá tốt, mình học được thêm một số ;D
2. Mình không chắc nhưng phần linking word hay signpost của bạn ...
2. Bài viết quá dài, bạn viết ở nhà thì ok, nhưng khi đi thì ...
3. Hơi thắc mắc về dạng câu hỏi này, chỉ họn 1 và phân tích hay phải nói cả hai, sau đó nêu quan điểm của mình
Được soft_to_hard sửa chữa / chuyển vào 23:51 ngày 27/04/2008

Em cảm ơn mọi ngưòi nhé
To Chappi2007 & Soft_to_hard: Em cảm ơn nhiều ạ, đúng là bài này hơi wordy thật
To Soft_to_hard: đây là dạng argumentative mà

Cho mình hỏi tí. Tại sao mí bạn ở trên highlight từ namely vậy. Mình thấy dùg từ đó đúng mà, có gì sai đâu. ví dụ:
There are two ways to slide easily through life: namely, to believe everything, or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking. ?" Alfred Korzybski
có lẽ cái sai chỉ là thiếu dấu : và , thôi.