Tale of a loveless man

O guys, this is this. This is me, a big loser. Why am I saying that ? Well, some might call me crazy. Some will say "Well, he ''s got reason". Whatever. This is this, this is the day that I confess my story, myself.

I met her in the 10th grade. She was a transfer student after the first semester, first year of high school. She was totally stranger for us, who had been with each other for almost 4 months. I still remember the day she came. Long hair, dressed in white shirt with black trousers. To tell the truth, she was not impressive for me at first sight. I just considered her as a normal student. Well, we might be with each other for the next 2.5 year. Who care? Just one person you meet in day life. But that girl, yes, that girl, would be the one who changes my life, forever.

It was nothing until 11th. I was just a teenager, who knows nothing about love and stuff like that. And my pop and mum, always said to me ?oSon, that?Ts none of your concern. Your task is study well, get good grade, and prepare for the collegê?. Not just my parents, any onê?Ts parents would say that when you enter high school. They have got great expectation on their son. I don?Tt blame them for that. After all, they just care about their children. Well, that was when I developed negative thoughts about love. That, would probably the biggest mistake of me.
OK, to me at that time, love is such a bad thing. Things that take away your times, things hat will distract you from the main aim, college. Ok, it?Ts a dream of parents to have their son attends a famous college. It?Ts a hope, an expectation, a mission for their child to accomplish. They will do anything to keep their child from ?odistraction?, and an emotional affair is one of those.


Ok, back to what wê?Tre talking to. That was my 11th grade. Simply say, I fell for her. I fell for her and I don?Tt know why. Up until this day I still don?Tt know why. But that?Ts is. That?Ts love. You don?Tt know when it starts. It just happened. Simple, isn?Tt it ?. I remember we used to call each other ?ohubby? and ?odarling?. Aha, I still remember that one big ape joked with her, pretended like he was going to bully her. That?Ts when she pretended to call for help. It?Ts just a joke, simply a stupid joke. I followed it, I tell her ?oDarlinggggg, needn?Tt worry, I?Tm here, I?Tm here to protect you?. And now, till this day, that?Ts what I want to do, want to so bad, but I just can?Tt. I lost my confidence even from that day.

She was great, was very popular, was adorable. Friends love her, teachers fond of her. It?Ts like no one will ever dislike or hate her. I wondered ?oHow could she do that ? How could she, in such a short time, become popular, become everyone favorite??. That when I started thinking about her. I fancied myself , how nice it would be if shê?Ts mine, how great it would be if she becomes my life time partner. That?Ts where it began.

12th grade, we struggle our self, studied hard, prepared for the high school graduation exam college entrance exam. And our relationship shifted up a little bit. I went to school with her in the morning for a few times. She was in the nerve of pushing it further. She once asked me ?oWho is yours favorite in class?? She named some. I eliminated all. And she knew it was she who I wanted to be with.

But, for all of that, I pushed it all aside. I wouldn?Tt dare to confess my love for her. I thought ?oMan, this is not the right time yet. Forget about it, you have a goal to accomplish. The college is your main aim right now?. So, nothing happened, nothing at all.

College at last. I passed the test, entered a famous college. The test grade was not top-list, but also not bad. I?Tm proud of my self. I have done my mission. It?Ts time for enjoy, it?Ts time for relax; it?Ts time to do what I might not do before. But of all of that, not love. Nah, it?Ts not the time yet. Shê?Ts there, she will be you someday, don?Tt be worried. I let it go. That was another mistake. I neglected her.

What come must come. She found somebody. It was her classmate. Well, some one who care about her. OK, it was a rainy day on the field. He brought her the rain coat. That is, she felt happy, she felt safe. And he took away what I want, what I was longing for. I don?Tt blame him for that. It just he was at the right time, at right place, at the time when I wasn?Tt there for her. And I hadn?Tt confessed with her.

I was down. I felt like a child lost his favorite toy. I was desperate. But, I did nothing to win her back. I though ?oThat is, that?Ts the end. She has another; for sure she doesn?Tt need me. I?Tm nothing to her?. And I don?Tt want to interfere. I afraid that would let her in dilemma. I stayed away from her.

Going abroad

My parents want me to go abroad studying. They already set up everything. I took it. I took the challenge. I?Tm gonna go abroad, to Holland, to do my study there. I hoped time and distance will ease away my pain, will make me forget. It wasn?Tt. Some how being away make me think more and more about her. It?Ts not just a thought about anymore. It became an obsession that stick to my mind, to my heart. But after all, I didn?Tt do anything to get her back. I thought ?oOK, she has a guy. Shê?Ts happy with it. Why do I interfere, why would I put a dilemma to her. NO, that?Ts not an option?. And my life went on.

Coming back

After 2 years, I came back to spend the summer holiday. And found out that she broke up. I was with her. Somehow I help her to go through the breaking up. I was happy. At least, I help her; I was with her in her hard time. I was proud, ?oOK, I?Tm meant to her somehow, right?? I though I win her heart. I though I could easily make her mine. Everything seems so simple, shê?Ts available, I?Tm available. But I was wrong. Shê?Ts not ready yet. And I just had a short time.

At last, I confess to her. A bad confession. Just tell her I?Tm still in love with her. But I didn?Tt make it believable. Still hesitated, still unsure. Haha, I could laugh at myself now. What an amateur, what a clumsy confession. And after that, I just left. Just left her right after it. It?Ts like I?Tm running away.




6 more months

For 1 month and 1 week I phoned her weekly. I think shê?Ts happy. So was I. But after that, I don?Tt call her frequently anymore. Have smt to do, have another concern. I kill my love again. I was so selfish. I just deceive myself ?oOK, she has work. You have work. Don?Tt interfere. I have no time and simply don?Tt want to do it?. Well, now I hate my self because of that. Called late on her birthday, send the gift to the wrong address and still think you meant smt to her. That?Ts suck! That?Ts unacceptable!

And simply my chance slipped away once more. I just let it drain like a sand clock runs out of sand. It?Ts over. My time is over and I got nothing.

And now, I?Tm 22. 22 years old and have never tasted the sweet of love. I?Tm the one to blame. I didn?Tt let go my emotion. I didn?Tt live with my true feeling; I didn?Tt share with her my thoughts. I?Tm so selfish and such a loser. I?Tm helpless. I?Tm desperate. I lost my balance. I lost my motivation. Who? Who will give it all back to me? For now, only she. Only she can give it to me. Only she can bless me. Only she can grand me the bliss. But how? HOW???? I let her down a lot of time. Some one please tell me? I need nothing but a true love, need nothing but a person who can give me a shoulder to cry on. Someone I can come to when I lose hope, when I?Tm desperate, when I feel down. Yes, only her.

Who will delight my days ?

Dear young man! I read all of your story. And I understand whatõ?Ts your feeling now.
However, I donõ?Tt know exactly where are you now?? Holland or VietNam?? I guess that you are in Holland, You have not finished your couse??
On the other hand, I donõ?Tt know where is yourfriend , too,õ?Ư is she in VietNam??
You sais that She has a work?? I am going to tell you some thing that you will be able to consult.
The First of all, You know, in VietNam, there just is a little women who would wait for someone for a long time. Especially in your situation, you are living in Holand, and she is living in different country to you. Why? Easy to understand, causeõ?T, nothing can be sure to wait for someone lived far from their self.
The Second of all, she is 2 years older than you?? In this case, I think You could misunderstand her. I think that, in her heart, you just are younger brother or young close friend. Even though you and her have a longtime in the past told to each other by sweet word like õ?~honeyõ?T or õ?~darlingõ?T. I think itõ?Ts just joking. The joke between 2 close friend.
Oh, talk about this case, I remember my student life. At that time, I have a beauty close_friend, and both of us called each other like husband and wife ( I called her: my wife, and she called me: my husband ), that was a sweet time , however, we are still close_friend now.
Turn to yours. According to your story, I havenõ?Tt seen any evident to shown that she loved you. You havenõ?Tt said she had special feeling to you, or At least, in some period, she would have fallen in love with you. She likes you, but not love.
Moreover, I know that you are not confident in your feeling too.Evidence that you havenõ?Tt got any behavious of provably that how you love her.?? Although you have ever confessed to her, It was not enough, She needs more. I mean you should prove more. But you couldnõ?Tt.
Furthermore, you have to live far from family and friend, now. You are mature and old enough to think about love Day after day, time after time, the distant of time and place Beside that You are living in the place where you can not find a dream girl.
As a result, these things make you fell alone in your heart. and of couse, the first person who you thought was your close_friend.
For all these thing, I just want to say that: Try your best to pass this time.
õ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ưõ?Ư.
Everything has two face ! õ?Ư...( I want to tell more about the second face, but I''m busy now, ...see you next time.)
Best regard !