The English Village for the Nghe - EVN (Làng Anh Ngữ của Người Nghệ)

A, nghe quen quen! sao nhỉ? tớ hơi bị dốt nên chưa nghĩ ra, nhưng hình như câu cuối có vấn đề thì phải, để tớ xem lại đã nhé!

Feel like a woman

A passenger plane on a cross-country trip runs into a terrible storm. The plane gets pounded by wind, hail and lightening. The passengers are screaming. They are sure the plane is going to crash and they''re all going to die.
A woman jumps up and yells "I can''t take this anymore!. I just can''t sit here and die like an animal, strapped into a chair. If I''m going to die, let me die feeling like a woman. Is there anyone here man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
She sees a hand raised in the back and a muscular man, tall and buffed, starts walking up to her seat. As he approaches her, he takes off his shirt.
Even in the plane''s dim lighting, she can see his firm muscles. He stands in front of her, shirt in hand, and says "I can make you feel like a woman. Are you interested?" She nods her head "yes."
He hands her his shirt and says "Here - iron this."

A Women''s Guide To Male English
-- What''s wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
-- I''m hungry = I''m hungry
-- I''m sleepy = I''m sleepy
-- I''m tired = I''m tired
-- What''s wrong? = I don''t see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
-- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
-- Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = $50 and it doesn''t look that much different!
-- I like that one better (while shopping) = Pick any freakin'' dress and let''s go home!

A Man''s Guide To Female English
-- We need to talk = I need to complain
-- Sure... go ahead = I don''t want you to
-- I''m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
-- We need = I want
-- It''s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
-- Do what you want = You''ll pay for this later
-- I''m not upset = Of course I''m upset, you moron!
-- You''re ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot (Sh...)
-- You''re certainly attentive tonight = Is *** all you ever think about?
-- I''m not emotional! And I''m not overreacting! = I''ve got my period
-- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
-- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
-- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
-- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
-- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
-- Do you love me? = I''m going to ask for something expensive
-- How much do you love me? = I did something today you''re really not going to like
-- I''ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV
-- Is my bum fat? = Tell me I''m beautiful
-- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
-- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you''re dead.]
-- Yes = No
-- No = No
-- Maybe = No
-- I''m sorry = You''ll be sorry
-- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
-- Do you like this recipe? = It''s easy to fix, so you''d better get used to it
-- Was that the baby? = Why don''t you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
-- All we''re going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we''re stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

Listen once for all, ...
Nghe đây, lần này là lần cuối nhé, ... !()

Response
Condom talks to Kotex Whilte: "If you work, my business is in loss for 1 week".
Kotex White replies: "If you fail to work once, my business stops tor 9 months".

Italian Spelling
Bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting in front of them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say
the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country
we don''t talk about our *** lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'' abouta ***a? I''m a
justa tellin'' my frienda how to spella ''Mississippi''."

Em đăng kí làm thành viên với ,nhưng mờ có thật sự tin tưởng là giúp đỡ được lẫn nhau không vậy ? Em chỉ sợ toàn những người " mít" với nhau thi "chít " . Thôi ít ra thì cũng phải biết tin tưởng chứ nhỉ !

Hix, I''d like to thank all the people who made contributions to this topic. very nice posts, wonderful assistants... but it is falling into oblivion. Natna đại ca, Sax, brit, beba, beer....???? Where are you now?? . plz return to bring knowledge and improve our English skills
(phù ...Viết tiếng Anh ngu vật, sai thì sửa ... ngủ phát đã)

Em không mít tiếng Anh lắm nhưng xin được tham gia với mọi người cho vui ^_^ Em la cựu học sinh PBC ạ.