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Truyện cười của dân kỹ sư ...

Chủ đề trong 'Câu lạc bộ kỹ sư' bởi thuyenxaxu, 09/02/2005.

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  1. thuyenxaxu

    thuyenxaxu Thành viên rất tích cực

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    18/08/2004
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    hihih Hili biỏt nâ vỏằƠ kỏằf chuyỏằ?n XXX hay ghê hân ! Làm Thuyỏằn hỏằ"i hỏằTp tặỏằYng 'ặỏằÊc 'ỏằc cĂc 'oỏĂn ly kơ dành cho ngặỏằi lỏằ>n chỏằâ !
    to Halle, măn 'ât ặĂi, sao mà cĂi computer cỏằĐa Halle nhơn dỏằ. thặặĂng quĂ vỏưy, còn cĂi cỏằĐa Thuyỏằn nhơn khiỏp vưa quĂ ! hihihi
  2. thuyenxaxu

    thuyenxaxu Thành viên rất tích cực

    Tham gia ngày:
    18/08/2004
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    Sau đây là nguyên văn một bài viết trên báo của sinh viên trường đại học bên Penn. Tác giả là một nữ sinh viên Mỹ học bên Art . Theo tin hành lang, cô ta có khá nhiều bạn trai học bên ngành kỹ sư . Thuyền xin phép được trích ngang đăng nguyên văn tiếng Mỹ lên đây làm bằng chứng (hỏng thui có người nghi oan cho tui là tác giả thì nguy). Sau đó, Thuyền sẽ dịch ra tiếng Việt để cho các bạn hông thích tiếng Anh thì đọc hén ...
    ---------------- O -----------------
    The Girls?T Guide to *** With Engineers
    Although rumour has it that all engineers are sterile, a***ual or otherwise dysfunctional creatures, they do procreate. This has been repeatedly proven by insurgencies of engineers with every generation. Naturally, before you even consider sleeping with someone associated with the engineering profession, be sure not to cancel any pending appointments with your psychiatrist.
    Mechanical Engineers
    For the girl aspiring to achieve maximum ***ual satisfaction with an engineer a MechE is the way to go. This species has the most intricate understanding of the ***ual process when compared to the other engineers. It doesn?Tt take much illustration for the mechanical engineer to identify *** with a thermodynamic engine. The goal of ***, then, becomes the obtaining of maximum energy from minimum work put in, as their highest priority is efficiency.
    The procedure is simple: You, the female member, must use friction or other means to produce energy in the male?Ts piston. When energized by the heat, provided by the female?Ts ?~warmth of love?T, the piston is ready to perform work. The piston moves back and forth within the shaft and the work done is accompanied by a release of energy. Although the energy was initially assumed to be released in the form of heat within the shaft as well as work, this has, with research, been proven false. Several calculations have indicated that if it was merely heat that was released upon the performance of work, the principal of conservation of energy would be violated. Recent research has confirmed that the remaining energy is released in the form of mechanical vibrations in the female?Ts vocal chords. Clearly then, the mechanical engineer gauges his output by the frequency of sound produced by the female. Mechanical engineers, thus, attempt to induce ?~screaming?T rather than ?~moaning?T orgasms. It becomes obvious, however, that foreplay is reduced to a minimum as this dramatically reduces the efficiency of their engine.
    Electrical Engineers
    Contrary to popular opinion, electrical engineers ARE capable of partaking in the ***ual process. The results, however, can be especially frustrating for the female and precious little can be done to remedy the situation.
    The female, to the electrical engineer, represents a circuit board. This makes ECEs have a tendency toward very perplexing behaviour. Upon their primary viewing of the female, they are taken aback and many attempt to consult their schematics. They may then attempt to locate a certain switch to turn ?~on?T the circuit, and aid the female in her transition from the clothed state to the nude state. Once the circuit is on, the poor ECE will be surprised that there are no lights, sounds or other indicator that the circuit is working. Their next step in problem solving would be to determine that there is no electricity flowing in the circuit and so they naturally hasten to put their plug in the socket. Please note that electrical engineers have a tendency to short circuit due to a critical overload.
    Computer Engineers
    These engineers are very diligent about their duties in the bedroom. They follow preset algorithms with no changes, and carry them out in a step-by-step procedure. There is no creativity or surprise in their ***ual process. They are, however, sensitive to feedback and will attempt to debug or rectify their order based on your input. However much rectification happens, though, there will always be bugs in their program. The more hardware-oriented engineers may be a little laborious while searching through your slots to determine their perfect fit.
    Chemical Engineers
    The more romantic and elaborate of the engineers, they have a tendency to use various alcohols to catalyze the ***ual process. Sadly, however, they are vehement upon using assorted lubrication, and this in turn reduces valuable friction that aids in deriving pleasure. Mishaps with various fluids have also been attributed to ***ual encounters with chemical engineers.
    Operations Research Engineers
    The inadequacies of OR majors as engineers carries with them into the bedroom. They exhibit a lack of understanding of females as well as engineering procedures. In several cases, however, the transaction is financially compensated for as these engineers are confused by their business acumen. Therefore, don?Tt be surprised if they use terms such as, call-girl, stripper, prostitute, etc.
    Biological Engineers
    These are the most ***ually successful engineers, however, they are mostly female. No self-respecting male engineer affiliates with Bio. That clause, however, should be taken with a pinch of salt as few engineers have any self-respect.
    Now, bio-engineers are very capable ***ually, and draw their understanding of *** from the ***ual acts of various animals on the discovery channel. Their tendencies can therefore be quite primal. However, high caution must be exercised with this species. Due to their extreme interest in pregnancy, spread of genetics and other biological processes they frown upon protection.
    Environmental Engineers
    These are very similar to biological engineers, except they do have the tendency to regard women as mere objects in their environment. Also, note that most environmental engineers are opposed to deforestation of your fertile delta.
    Civil Engineers
    These are very practical people and prefer the larger types of the female variety. They have realized their versatility from a construction standpoint and appreciate that these female structures can provide shade in the summer and warmth in the winter.
    Concluding Cautionary Note
    I seriously don?Tt recommend ****ing engineers.

  3. thuyenxaxu

    thuyenxaxu Thành viên rất tích cực

    Tham gia ngày:
    18/08/2004
    Bài viết:
    4.201
    Đã được thích:
    1

    Sau đây là nguyên văn một bài viết trên báo của sinh viên trường đại học bên Penn. Tác giả là một nữ sinh viên Mỹ học bên Art . Theo tin hành lang, cô ta có khá nhiều bạn trai học bên ngành kỹ sư . Thuyền xin phép được trích ngang đăng nguyên văn tiếng Mỹ lên đây làm bằng chứng (hỏng thui có người nghi oan cho tui là tác giả thì nguy). Sau đó, Thuyền sẽ dịch ra tiếng Việt để cho các bạn hông thích tiếng Anh thì đọc hén ...
    ---------------- O -----------------
    The Girls?T Guide to *** With Engineers
    Although rumour has it that all engineers are sterile, a***ual or otherwise dysfunctional creatures, they do procreate. This has been repeatedly proven by insurgencies of engineers with every generation. Naturally, before you even consider sleeping with someone associated with the engineering profession, be sure not to cancel any pending appointments with your psychiatrist.
    Mechanical Engineers
    For the girl aspiring to achieve maximum ***ual satisfaction with an engineer a MechE is the way to go. This species has the most intricate understanding of the ***ual process when compared to the other engineers. It doesn?Tt take much illustration for the mechanical engineer to identify *** with a thermodynamic engine. The goal of ***, then, becomes the obtaining of maximum energy from minimum work put in, as their highest priority is efficiency.
    The procedure is simple: You, the female member, must use friction or other means to produce energy in the male?Ts piston. When energized by the heat, provided by the female?Ts ?~warmth of love?T, the piston is ready to perform work. The piston moves back and forth within the shaft and the work done is accompanied by a release of energy. Although the energy was initially assumed to be released in the form of heat within the shaft as well as work, this has, with research, been proven false. Several calculations have indicated that if it was merely heat that was released upon the performance of work, the principal of conservation of energy would be violated. Recent research has confirmed that the remaining energy is released in the form of mechanical vibrations in the female?Ts vocal chords. Clearly then, the mechanical engineer gauges his output by the frequency of sound produced by the female. Mechanical engineers, thus, attempt to induce ?~screaming?T rather than ?~moaning?T orgasms. It becomes obvious, however, that foreplay is reduced to a minimum as this dramatically reduces the efficiency of their engine.
    Electrical Engineers
    Contrary to popular opinion, electrical engineers ARE capable of partaking in the ***ual process. The results, however, can be especially frustrating for the female and precious little can be done to remedy the situation.
    The female, to the electrical engineer, represents a circuit board. This makes ECEs have a tendency toward very perplexing behaviour. Upon their primary viewing of the female, they are taken aback and many attempt to consult their schematics. They may then attempt to locate a certain switch to turn ?~on?T the circuit, and aid the female in her transition from the clothed state to the nude state. Once the circuit is on, the poor ECE will be surprised that there are no lights, sounds or other indicator that the circuit is working. Their next step in problem solving would be to determine that there is no electricity flowing in the circuit and so they naturally hasten to put their plug in the socket. Please note that electrical engineers have a tendency to short circuit due to a critical overload.
    Computer Engineers
    These engineers are very diligent about their duties in the bedroom. They follow preset algorithms with no changes, and carry them out in a step-by-step procedure. There is no creativity or surprise in their ***ual process. They are, however, sensitive to feedback and will attempt to debug or rectify their order based on your input. However much rectification happens, though, there will always be bugs in their program. The more hardware-oriented engineers may be a little laborious while searching through your slots to determine their perfect fit.
    Chemical Engineers
    The more romantic and elaborate of the engineers, they have a tendency to use various alcohols to catalyze the ***ual process. Sadly, however, they are vehement upon using assorted lubrication, and this in turn reduces valuable friction that aids in deriving pleasure. Mishaps with various fluids have also been attributed to ***ual encounters with chemical engineers.
    Operations Research Engineers
    The inadequacies of OR majors as engineers carries with them into the bedroom. They exhibit a lack of understanding of females as well as engineering procedures. In several cases, however, the transaction is financially compensated for as these engineers are confused by their business acumen. Therefore, don?Tt be surprised if they use terms such as, call-girl, stripper, prostitute, etc.
    Biological Engineers
    These are the most ***ually successful engineers, however, they are mostly female. No self-respecting male engineer affiliates with Bio. That clause, however, should be taken with a pinch of salt as few engineers have any self-respect.
    Now, bio-engineers are very capable ***ually, and draw their understanding of *** from the ***ual acts of various animals on the discovery channel. Their tendencies can therefore be quite primal. However, high caution must be exercised with this species. Due to their extreme interest in pregnancy, spread of genetics and other biological processes they frown upon protection.
    Environmental Engineers
    These are very similar to biological engineers, except they do have the tendency to regard women as mere objects in their environment. Also, note that most environmental engineers are opposed to deforestation of your fertile delta.
    Civil Engineers
    These are very practical people and prefer the larger types of the female variety. They have realized their versatility from a construction standpoint and appreciate that these female structures can provide shade in the summer and warmth in the winter.
    Concluding Cautionary Note
    I seriously don?Tt recommend ****ing engineers.

  4. halle

    halle Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    08/07/2003
    Bài viết:
    44
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Thuyền ơi,
    Rinh cái này về cho Thuyền lận lưng ne`...Ráng dịch ra cho mấy chàng khác nghe luôn
    ----
    Ladies, when Choosing A Mate, Compare These Other Professionals To
    Engineers:
    Here is a plug for all the Engineers out there.
    DOCTORS Supposedly, all women are after a Doctor, so don''t expect your
    relationship to last more than 5 years. Eventually, he''ll run off with some
    nurse from his office, or one of his young women patients that is pretending
    to be sick. He''ll wait until you are stuck with a few kids to do this. This
    is not a problem with your Engineer husband. He had a hard enough time
    meeting you. It is unlikely he''ll ever meet another woman in his profession.
    LAWYER Do You seriously expect an honest, trusting relationship with someone
    who gets paid for lying? Once again, this is not a problem with your
    Engineer spouse. He doesn''t have enough social skills to lie convincingly.
    An ad***ional drawback to marrying a lawyer is when the divorce happens you
    will get nothing.
    SALESMAN See honesty segment under Lawyer. Plus, he will be traveling to
    trade shows, etc. where he will be in the company of other equally
    trustworthy individuals. Don''t be surprised when you get the invitation to
    show up on the Ricki Lake show. The company that your Engineer husband works
    at will keep him in a cage, often called a cubicle, until he is ready to go
    home to you.
    HAZARDOUS PROFESSIONS, I.E. POLICE OFFICER, FIREFIGHTER, CONSTRUCTION
    WORKER, ETC.
    Your husband, if he is not dead by some accident, will likely
    be crippled with a back injury, etc. just about the time you are at your
    ***ual peak. The only hazards that your Engineer husband will face is losing
    his eyesight by staring at the terminal for too long. This hazard actually
    has some benefits. For one, he will not notice that you are getting older,
    since you will be a blur. He will remember you as when he first met you,
    because the memory will still be sharp, and you ask "Honey, were you looking
    at her?", he''ll honestly be able to say that he didn''t even see her.
    TEACHER The only reason he entered this profession is so that he could be
    surrounded by newly post-pubescent girls who idolize him. He''ll be in jail
    soon, and then you''ll have to look for another man.
    ---
    source: www.lug.ro/
  5. halle

    halle Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    08/07/2003
    Bài viết:
    44
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Thuyền ơi,
    Rinh cái này về cho Thuyền lận lưng ne`...Ráng dịch ra cho mấy chàng khác nghe luôn
    ----
    Ladies, when Choosing A Mate, Compare These Other Professionals To
    Engineers:
    Here is a plug for all the Engineers out there.
    DOCTORS Supposedly, all women are after a Doctor, so don''t expect your
    relationship to last more than 5 years. Eventually, he''ll run off with some
    nurse from his office, or one of his young women patients that is pretending
    to be sick. He''ll wait until you are stuck with a few kids to do this. This
    is not a problem with your Engineer husband. He had a hard enough time
    meeting you. It is unlikely he''ll ever meet another woman in his profession.
    LAWYER Do You seriously expect an honest, trusting relationship with someone
    who gets paid for lying? Once again, this is not a problem with your
    Engineer spouse. He doesn''t have enough social skills to lie convincingly.
    An ad***ional drawback to marrying a lawyer is when the divorce happens you
    will get nothing.
    SALESMAN See honesty segment under Lawyer. Plus, he will be traveling to
    trade shows, etc. where he will be in the company of other equally
    trustworthy individuals. Don''t be surprised when you get the invitation to
    show up on the Ricki Lake show. The company that your Engineer husband works
    at will keep him in a cage, often called a cubicle, until he is ready to go
    home to you.
    HAZARDOUS PROFESSIONS, I.E. POLICE OFFICER, FIREFIGHTER, CONSTRUCTION
    WORKER, ETC.
    Your husband, if he is not dead by some accident, will likely
    be crippled with a back injury, etc. just about the time you are at your
    ***ual peak. The only hazards that your Engineer husband will face is losing
    his eyesight by staring at the terminal for too long. This hazard actually
    has some benefits. For one, he will not notice that you are getting older,
    since you will be a blur. He will remember you as when he first met you,
    because the memory will still be sharp, and you ask "Honey, were you looking
    at her?", he''ll honestly be able to say that he didn''t even see her.
    TEACHER The only reason he entered this profession is so that he could be
    surrounded by newly post-pubescent girls who idolize him. He''ll be in jail
    soon, and then you''ll have to look for another man.
    ---
    source: www.lug.ro/
  6. phatastic

    phatastic Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    27/03/2004
    Bài viết:
    426
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Cho tớ bon chen nữa nhá.
    Ego
    Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
    How smart they are.
    How many cool devices they own.
    The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it''s solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
    Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than ***--and I''m including the kind of *** where other people are involved. Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill.
    Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer.
    When an engineer says that something can''t be done (a code phrase that means it''s not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I''ll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems." At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
  7. phatastic

    phatastic Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    27/03/2004
    Bài viết:
    426
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Cho tớ bon chen nữa nhá.
    Ego
    Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
    How smart they are.
    How many cool devices they own.
    The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it''s solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.
    Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than ***--and I''m including the kind of *** where other people are involved. Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill.
    Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer.
    When an engineer says that something can''t be done (a code phrase that means it''s not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I''ll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems." At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
  8. thuyenxaxu

    thuyenxaxu Thành viên rất tích cực

    Tham gia ngày:
    18/08/2004
    Bài viết:
    4.201
    Đã được thích:
    1
    hihih quả đúng đó là đặc điểm của dân kỹ sư con trai bên này . Thuyền hông biết bên con gái có vậy hông nữa !
    Trong nhà Thuyền, Thuyền có rất nhiều thứ .. Kool ! Kool từ hàng loạt các tranh và bức tuong nude art cho đến các máy computer từ thửa xa xưa bắt đầu bằng cái VIC20 có 12 Kbyte ram gắn vô TV để choi game á !
  9. thuyenxaxu

    thuyenxaxu Thành viên rất tích cực

    Tham gia ngày:
    18/08/2004
    Bài viết:
    4.201
    Đã được thích:
    1
    hihih quả đúng đó là đặc điểm của dân kỹ sư con trai bên này . Thuyền hông biết bên con gái có vậy hông nữa !
    Trong nhà Thuyền, Thuyền có rất nhiều thứ .. Kool ! Kool từ hàng loạt các tranh và bức tuong nude art cho đến các máy computer từ thửa xa xưa bắt đầu bằng cái VIC20 có 12 Kbyte ram gắn vô TV để choi game á !
  10. phatastic

    phatastic Thành viên mới

    Tham gia ngày:
    27/03/2004
    Bài viết:
    426
    Đã được thích:
    0
    Bác Thuyền vui nhỉ. Mấy cái tranh và tượng nude thì rõ là Kool rồi , nhưng cái đó hình như chả liên quan gì đến dân kỹ sư hay không bác à, mà chỉ là dân ..... con trai thôi.
    Mà kô biết nói vậy chị em phụ nữ có phản đối kô há. Thời buổi bây giờ, nam nữ bình đẳng, mấy chị em nghe thế là phản đối liền àh. Xem nude đâu còn là quyền của một mình dân con trai ha.

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